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Discussion Starter #1
Have you found yourself having a "pygmalion project" in your relationships? I know I have...

Here's the link to explain:
Mating based on personality types

It says on the website that NFs tend to do this mostly when dating SJs or SPs.
 

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God No. The reason I find a girl attractive is because she's different from me. She should put up a fight to be herself. The only time I was guilty of this in any fashion was with my last ex. She was an ISFJ, with a high S. The only thing I wished was that she would try to see things in the bigger picture so that way I didn't have to explain every little detail and thought whenever we would talk.
 

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I have a different problem. I observe people until I get a pretty good sense of them, then I ask myself "Is there anything I would change about this woman?". If the answer is yes, then I split before the show even starts.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
God No. The reason I find a girl attractive is because she's different from me. She should put up a fight to be herself. The only time I was guilty of this in any fashion was with my last ex. She was an ISFJ, with a high S. The only thing I wished was that she would try to see things in the bigger picture so that way I didn't have to explain every little detail and thought whenever we would talk.
I find guys attractive because they are more different from me as well -- more logical, more adventurous, more outgoing, jokes more, more spontaneous, etc. etc. etc. But I am guilty in making them want to see things with a more open mind too.

I dated both an ISFP and ESTJ and I found myself doing this each time. It was glad to see this, because I thought maybe I was just nuts for feeling this way twice!! :crazy:
 

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I'm sure I used to do this, but after an incident where I almost made a girl cry, I realized that if I try to make them into someone else, then that's not who I would be with most of the time and that every idiosyncrasy that they carry makes them unique and that's how I think it should be.
 

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I'm sure I used to do this, but after an incident where I almost made a girl cry, I realized that if I try to make them into someone else, then that's not who I would be with most of the time and that every idiosyncrasy that they carry makes them unique and that's how I think it should be.
That's how I learned too. My girlfriend was opening a soda can with a spoon because she bites her nails. I was laughing at her and she looked at me like "This is how I have to open it though?" and started tearing up. I was like, oops...
 

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Everyone does this to some extent bc people become hard to deal with when you can't relate to them. You attempt to synchronise wavelengths a little more. Depending on how you introduce your own pov, it can contribute to conceited ignorance or complimentary growth.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
That's how I learned too. My girlfriend was opening a soda can with a spoon because she bites her nails. I was laughing at her and she looked at me like "This is how I have to open it though?" and started tearing up. I was like, oops...
See, I've never commented or cared on little stuff like that. I have had my ex's do that to me though.

The stuff I try to help them "improve" on is to be more open-minded in their thinking and to not fall into this no-progress cycle of sitting in a rut or whatever.

Then I find myself being their counselor.... ha.

Anybody else have that too? I don't know how many guys I've had this happen with, but it seems that at times I'll have these guys trying to "pursue" me and as a result all I end up doing is having them vent their life story of insecurities and failures to where I'm suddenly being their psychologist.

Eventually had that in my relationships too.... go figure. :mellow:
 
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I haven't been in any serious romantic relationships.

However friends can do this too. Some people like birthday presents, so they buy you a present, some people think it's childish and just like to be treated to dinner on their birthday so they don't want any presents from you.

If I see a missed call from a friend, I'll call them back. But one of my friends, if she sees only 1 missed call from you, she won't call back and she'll be pissed off at you, she expects you to keep trying to call her serveral times to show how you really do want to talk to her.

But I expect something different, I expect you to call back when you are free (because that's what I would do). If I see several missed calls, I think you have something very important to talk about. But now I know that when I am calling her, I have to try serveral times. (But I don't do this for other people).
 

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I find myself in a kind of reverse Pygmalion scenario from time to time. In my life in general I can't think of how many times people have told me to not be so "serious". (Of course alternately when I'm engaging my SP Wannabe they may not think me serious at all.) A big challenge is having people understand that I don't think about things through the same process they do.

I've tried to diplomatically explain in some situations - Hey different people use different processes for arriving at conclusions and so forth. Sometimes people understand and sometimes they don't my skin is a little thicker than it was say 10 years ago so I don't think it bothers me as much now.

The biggest place I can think of this coming up is domestically. My wife is an SP so we obviously approach problems from very different perspectives. It took a lot of growing up for me to stop trying to change her - and it took her time to understand that I'm not criticising her when I am trying to think through a problem. She used to interpret that as me picking her apart or shutting her down when I'm trying to sort through the various elements of a situation. Given enough time to observe me I think she understands that I have to just sort through my thoughts and feelings. I can't pop off an answer without a little deliberation. When you wonder how long it takes to get used to each other and stop trying to change each other - figure it will take you about a 5th of a century. 20 years for us this year.

It's worth noting that the idea of Pygmalion as a cautionary tale against trying to change others is a recent literary development. Originally the story was a morality tale. The Cyriot sculptor carved Galatea from ivory because all the women in his area were immoral and were living a bad lifestyle. He wanted a virtuous partner so he created this sculpture. Venus had mercy on Pygmalion and turned Galatea into a real woman for him. Happy ending for him I guess.
 

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It's worth noting that the idea of Pygmalion as a cautionary tale against trying to change others is a recent literary development. Originally the story was a morality tale. The Cyriot sculptor carved Galatea from ivory because all the women in his area were immoral and were living a bad lifestyle. He wanted a virtuous partner so he created this sculpture. Venus had mercy on Pygmalion and turned Galatea into a real woman for him. Happy ending for him I guess.
Well of course the story conveniently ends on a happy note. No one knows what really happened the next 20 years, but those who are married can easily imagine haha! :tongue:
 
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Well of course the story conveniently ends on a happy note. No one knows what really happened the next 20 years, but those who are married can easily imagine haha! :tongue:
Their daughter became a goddess. I can tell you what happens when a man lives in a house full of goddesses. LOL
 

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I sorta do what balderdash says -- if I see something that I don't like in someone (after observing them to get a sense of them), my first instinct is to run from that person. Not minor things, but major things that I would do otherwise. Hard to think of examples, but it goes for both friendships and relationships. For example... if I see someone playing "games," being purposely deceitful, or someone constantly pointing out other people's flaws/mistakes, etc... I don't try to change them, I just stay away. Those are just major things I can't tolerate; however, if there are differences in personality that I can tolerate, I don't mind and I rarely try to "change" people. However, I find myself spending a LOT of time trying to understand where people are coming from, why they do certain things... wayyy too much. The other INFJs I've known in person also don't try and change their friends/s.o.s
 

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Fillet - I have a question for you.

If I see a missed call from a friend, I'll call them back. But one of my friends, if she sees only 1 missed call from you, she won't call back and she'll be pissed off at you, she expects you to keep trying to call her serveral times to show how you really do want to talk to her.
I think I know someone like this, too.... do you know what type this friend is by any chance?

This is an interesting topic -- personally, I dislike it when someone calls me consecutively: 1030, 1031, 1032, unless it is something very urgent. My preferred form of communication is calling once, leaving a voice message or text message, and getting back to missed calls when I have free time. There's something that really annoys and irks me about someone that calls me consecutively. I find it annoying, selfish and pointless, really. I mean if I were in the restroom.... or in class.... or in a meeting... I obviously won't answer a minute later... I'm not going to put my life on hold for your call... This doesn't apply to emergencies or urgent situations, but yeah, I just get frustrated by this. I knew someone who would call me consecutively (like 5:45,5:46,5:47,5:47, 5:47) when I was at a dinner-meeting. And then when I got a chance to get back at them via text message/email, they were pissed off and gave me the cold shoulder.

Sorry, my little OT vent.
 

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Fillet - I have a question for you.



I think I know someone like this, too.... do you know what type this friend is by any chance?

This is an interesting topic -- personally, I dislike it when someone calls me consecutively: 1030, 1031, 1032, unless it is something very urgent. My preferred form of communication is calling once, leaving a voice message or text message, and getting back to missed calls when I have free time. There's something that really annoys and irks me about someone that calls me consecutively. I find it annoying, selfish and pointless, really. I mean if I were in the restroom.... or in class.... or in a meeting... I obviously won't answer a minute later... I'm not going to put my life on hold for your call... This doesn't apply to emergencies or urgent situations, but yeah, I just get frustrated by this. I knew someone who would call me consecutively (like 5:45,5:46,5:47,5:47, 5:47) when I was at a dinner-meeting. And then when I got a chance to get back at them via text message/email, they were pissed off and gave me the cold shoulder.

Sorry, my little OT vent.
I think she is ESFP. She has been hard for me to type. She did the test once, but didn't like it because she's indecisive, and she got ENFP, she has a lot of N preferences, but I think we would relate a bit more if she was N (and I know other ENFPs). I know another ESFP male from work, and he seems more laid-back than her, I can't imagine him getting pissed off that easily. But she's also pretty laid-back at times.

It could be an introvert thing. I don't like to bother people when they're busy. :unsure: But then again I don't see why extroverts would get pissed off.
 
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