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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have known several ENFPs in my life. Overall, I tend to get along with them very well but one thing has always puzzled me.

In all ENFPs, I have seen two sides: one, someone who tends to act years younger than who they are and the other is someone with high levels of maturity.

Overall, I have noticed that for the most part, I see the younger person. Almost, like they have to do anything to get attention. However, around me and others like me, I see the person with high levels of maturity and a nonconformist.

As an INFJ, this behavior baffles my mind. INFJs for the most part present the same person to everyone: the quiet, mysterious, nonconforming individual.

I guess my question is: who is the real ENFP? Is the real ENFP someone who acts years younger than who you are and does whatever to get attention or do you do that out of insecurity because you feel you need to act that way to get and keep friends? Is the real ENFP someone who has high levels of maturity and is a nonconformist or do you just act that way around me to impress me so I will be your friend? Or is the ENFP just a split personality who just confuses the hell out of us INFJs? :)

Sorry, for all the questions. INFJs tend to love to analyze :)
 

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It's me. I'm the real ENFP. Hi.




Okay, serious response if you must have one: What makes you think one is more "real" than the other, or that the two are contradictory to the point where a split personality is the only explanation? Surely you interact in different ways with different people in different circumstances.
 

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In all ENFPs, I have seen two sides: one, someone who tends to act years younger than who they are and the other is someone with high levels of maturity.
This is accurate. We have a silly switch and I think we prefer to have it on, but it is impossible to function like that in the real world.
We want to be taken seriously, but we also like fun.

Overall, I have noticed that for the most part, I see the younger person. Almost, like they have to do anything to get attention. However, around me and others like me, I see the person with high levels of maturity and a nonconformist.
The having to do anything to get attention is probably a less mature ENFP.

I guess my question is: who is the real ENFP? Is the real ENFP someone who acts years younger than who you are and does whatever to get attention or do you do that out of insecurity because you feel you need to act that way to get and keep friends? Is the real ENFP someone who has high levels of maturity and is a nonconformist or do you just act that way around me to impress me so I will be your friend? Or is the ENFP just a split personality who just confuses the hell out of us INFJs? :)

Sorry, for all the questions. INFJs tend to love to analyze :)
The real ENFP in a mature ENFP is still all of these things but it is not attention-seeking and not acting and not motivated by insecurity. We have a bit of a push-pull between our top two function of the silly, joking, ADD Ne and the somber, reserved, thoughtful Fi. In a healthy ENFP, both are genuine. We are social chameleons, but for the people we feel we cannot be genuine around we won't stay around for long, if at all. It could be viewed as a "split personality" I guess, but why should that not be okay? People should be allowed to have all sorts of sides to them. You are probably talking about a young ENFP, as we get older these sides become closer together and less extreme
 

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Yeah, I don't understand why both parts can't be the same person. There are some situations in which it's appropriate to be goofy, joking, and maybe do some things for laughs. There are other situations in which it's much more appropriate to very seriously discuss philosophy or theology or why the world is the way it is. It's not that the person is being fake in either situation, just that they are reading the room and acting accordingly. Just because someone cracks a bunch of jokes one day doesn't mean they don't also love to discuss Voltaire (or whatever). Just because someone is reading some Russian novel doesn't mean that they don't also like to dance like mad to pop songs on the radio. People are multi-faceted. It's what makes us beautiful in many ways, I think.
 

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That IS the real ENFP. It's not about getting a bunch of attention for me; it's about enjoying myself. There are just some environments where I am a ball of fun, but even when I am dancing around, being fun goofy me, I am not a conformist, and I am mature inside; it's all the same person. Even when being goofy, we've still got it all going on upstairs...no matter what.
 

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What side of a coin is the true face? Heads or tails?

Which of these labels best represents the woman who gave birth to me:
- My mother
- My father's wife
- My grandparents' daughter
- My uncle's sister etc etc etc??

Simple, they're all true. Like all people; ENFPs are multi faceted creatures :).
 

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I prefer people with what appear to be superficially contradictory dimensions. Maybe because I am that kind of person.

It implies a more complicated person that one with complete behavioral consistency. I have always found that when you have two seemingly opposed observations, that the truth is always in the tension between them. In this way, I love finding the truth about people by plotting their opposed behaviors. It makes it more interesting.

So the truth is not point 1 or point 2, but the hidden point 3. The best stuff is in the details.
 

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I have known several ENFPs in my life. Overall, I tend to get along with them very well but one thing has always puzzled me.

In all ENFPs, I have seen two sides: one, someone who tends to act years younger than who they are and the other is someone with high levels of maturity.

Overall, I have noticed that for the most part, I see the younger person. Almost, like they have to do anything to get attention. However, around me and others like me, I see the person with high levels of maturity and a nonconformist.

As an INFJ, this behavior baffles my mind. INFJs for the most part present the same person to everyone: the quiet, mysterious, nonconforming individual.

I guess my question is: who is the real ENFP? Is the real ENFP someone who acts years younger than who you are and does whatever to get attention or do you do that out of insecurity because you feel you need to act that way to get and keep friends? Is the real ENFP someone who has high levels of maturity and is a nonconformist or do you just act that way around me to impress me so I will be your friend? Or is the ENFP just a split personality who just confuses the hell out of us INFJs? :)

Sorry, for all the questions. INFJs tend to love to analyze :)
In my case, its because, basically, I can talk the talk, but I can't walk the walk. As I get older, I get more in line with my ideals, but its a struggle to actually put ACTION to my words.

Also, hello female INFJ. I already love you as you are. O.O
 

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What side of a coin is the true face? Heads or tails?

Which of these labels best represents the woman who gave birth to me:
- My mother
- My father's wife
- My grandparents' daughter
- My uncle's sister etc etc etc??

Simple, they're all true. Like all people; ENFPs are multi faceted creatures :).
That's the BEST example I heard all night!
 

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I don't think there is really a real side to an ENFP (or just me if other ENFP's disagree), I see the different strands and parts of my personality like a jigsaw piece that makes up me, none of it is fake and isn't the real me, it all is me, some parts make up more of the puzzle, but without any of them I wouldn't be complete and wouldn't be me. <3
 

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What side of a coin is the true face? Heads or tails?

Which of these labels best represents the woman who gave birth to me:
- My mother
- My father's wife
- My grandparents' daughter
- My uncle's sister etc etc etc??

Simple, they're all true. Like all people; ENFPs are multi faceted creatures :).
Perfect example :) The only other thing i would add for me personally is that i'm fully aware of how i present myself with different people. I intentionally put the mask on and off to fit my surroundings. I believe that only a selected few see the core of an ENFP. I can count on one hard how many people here have seen my core, and unfortunately, it's not people in the ENFP family. ENFP are diverse, we can be anything we want, whenever we want, it just comes naturally.
 

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@uniquegirl:

Another INFJ here. I'm not always quiet, mysterious, and serious. INFJs are known to be chameleons since their second function is Fe. Theyr'e the most extroverted of the introverts, apparently. And, I must disagree when it comes to showing the same persona to everyone I know. I show different facets of myself. I can seem bubbly and ditzy or quiet and mysterious. Though, I'm most comfortable with being quiet.

Anyway, since this is an ENFP forum I won't talk much about INFJs. I am fascinated by you ENFPs. You guys are such lovely people. Your forum is refreshing! :)
 
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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Sorry if I offended anyone with this post. Let me give you a few examples to explain why I posted this.

Example 1: This involves an ENFP female coworker my ISFJ mother used to work with. This woman at the time was probably around 50. At this time, I was a sophomore in college. I had just befriended another girl who I thought was another INFJ. We were in the same class in college and because we were sitting next to each other in class we decided to work on a project together. Through the project, we became friends. One day before class we were sitting out in the hallway. She apologized to me for not being more involved in the project. I looked at her very puzzled because she almost seemed more ambitious than I was. She mentioned that her mother had died last year and that it hadn't really impacted her until now. I explained to her about my dad to show that I understood what it was like to lose someone. I quickly realized that I might have cut her off when I went in to talk about my dad, so I asked about her mom. I could tell she was somewhat uncomfortable sharing how her mom died which made me feel awful. She whispered in my ear that she committed suicide. All I could do was sit with my mouth open. I didn't know what to say. I mean I'm sorry doesn't seem to cut it. I'm sorry this is what you say when someone's pet died. It just didn't seem to fit. When I got home later that day, I sent her a heartfelt email once I got my words together.

Anyway, how this involves the ENFP. I stopped in after work one day to see my mom at her job. Her office where she worked was about ready to close so many of the coworkers were standing around talking. I mentioned to mom in front of the ENFP about the girl whose mom committed suicide. The ENFP made a very immature comment about people committing suicide right in front of the other coworkers. Personally, I wanted to smack her because I thought it was rude. I mean my friend's mom committed suicide you could be more sympathetic. Anyway, like the next day, the ENFP forwards me this deep thinking, thought provocking email about life related to the incident. This email was only forwarded on to me. It didn't make sense. You act extremely immature about the situation in front of your coworkers but then to me personally you send something mature and sympathetic!! Weird.

Example 2: This involves a former ENFP female boss of mine. She was probably around 50 at the time. After only knowing me for a short period of time, she asked me who was the most popular people and who made the most money in our community. I thought "wow, this is a question middle school/junior high kids would ask. Most adults wouldn't care. That's pretty shallow if you only want to associate with the "cool" people" Then after she got to know me more she mentioned how she taught her children to not do things just to be popular. She even told me if it wasn't for her husband she wouldn't have pushed her kids to join sports. At this time, she realized I didn't care about popularity and most of my friends and people I associated with were people that others thought were weird or something was wrong with them. So, do you really care about popularity or don't you?

Example 3: This involves a former ENFP male friend of mine. He was 19 at the time. I happened to think of him one day so I checked his profile on facebook. He wrote a paragraph introducing himself. The first like three sentences were really mature and thought provoking. The last couple of sentences were about his relationship with his girlfriend. The first sentence mentioned how he thought she was really bringing out the best of him. The very next sentence was a really immature comment about their relationship. I mean how can you write one deep meaningful sentence and then the very next sentence very immature? The funniest thing is the last sentence reflected the immature pictures on his facebook page. The comment about his girlfriend bringing out the best in him didn't reflect his profile. He was doing accounting which we all know is the worst career for an ENFP. He dropped out of college which in my opinion every ENFP should have at least an associate's degree. It is really frustrating when you see someone with so much potential not utilizing it. Out of all the guys I went to college with, this ENFP male would have been the first person I would hire. However, because he doesn't have a degree, he will get overlooked by many employers. Whether you feel it is right or not to judge someone whether they have a degree or not for a job, that is reality. So, what is real.

Example 4: This involves a former ENFP male coworker. He is about 30. Many times we would eat lunch together at work just because we happened to have the same work schedule. Every time he came to eat lunch with me, he would pray before he ate. I didn't think anything of it because he was Catholic. However, I noticed if he happened to sit down at a table with others and I followed him in (which he didn't know I was behind him), he wouldn't pray. I thought this was interesting. Also, when he was around other coworkers, he would generally engage in some immature conversations. When he was around me, he would talk about going to an art museum and looking at famous paintings by famous painters for example. He didn't have those conversations around the other coworkers. However, when it was just him and me, he would. Puzzling.

Alright, I gave you all enough to read. Just thought I would give you an idea of why I posted this topic.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
@uniquegirl :

Another INFJ here. I'm not always quiet, mysterious, and serious. INFJs are known to be chameleons since their second function is Fe. Theyr'e the most extroverted of the introverts, apparently. And, I must disagree when it comes to showing the same persona to everyone I know. I show different facets of myself. I can seem bubbly and ditzy or quiet and mysterious. Though, I'm most comfortable with being quiet.

Anyway, since this is an ENFP forum I won't talk much about INFJs. I am fascinated by you ENFPs. You guys are such lovely people. Your forum is refreshing! :)
I happen to disagree. A chameleon is the last word to describe me. A girl I went to high school wrote in my year book "You're a great person. You never change for anyone." Only two people really see my more outgoing and sillier side: my mom and grandma. This is because they are the closest people to me. Everyone else it takes years if at all to see my more outgoing side. I have had friends for like 15 years who don't know basically anything about me. Everyone always describes me as quiet, serious, and ambitious. No one has ever described me as outgoing and silly even my mom and grandma who have seen that side.
 

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I have known several ENFPs in my life. Overall, I tend to get along with them very well but one thing has always puzzled me.

In all ENFPs, I have seen two sides: one, someone who tends to act years younger than who they are and the other is someone with high levels of maturity.

Overall, I have noticed that for the most part, I see the younger person. Almost, like they have to do anything to get attention. However, around me and others like me, I see the person with high levels of maturity and a nonconformist.

As an INFJ, this behavior baffles my mind. INFJs for the most part present the same person to everyone: the quiet, mysterious, nonconforming individual.

I guess my question is: who is the real ENFP? Is the real ENFP someone who acts years younger than who you are and does whatever to get attention or do you do that out of insecurity because you feel you need to act that way to get and keep friends? Is the real ENFP someone who has high levels of maturity and is a nonconformist or do you just act that way around me to impress me so I will be your friend? Or is the ENFP just a split personality who just confuses the hell out of us INFJs? :)

Sorry, for all the questions. INFJs tend to love to analyze :)
I'm sure someone has already said this, but both are real. Plus an ENFP cuttin up doesn't necessarily mean they are whoring for attention. They may just be having fun. There are also other "sides" as well. I guess it depends on our mood and stimuli, if you are in a conversation about something deep they'll probably seem very mature and have great insight, at least into their own view. If they with friends and are comfortable they just act silly. I don't think they change who they are so much, but act according to environment and mood.
ENFPs auxilary function is Fi so at times they just don't care what people think. As an INFJ you are using Fe so what you do may have more do with what the people around you expect of you. (Not always) ENFPs are unaware of that at times so they way we act for the most part is a genuine expression of who we are. Maturity is knowing when to do what.
 

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@uniquegirl - A lot of what you listed in your posts through examples was simply maturity versus immaturity. That has nothing to do with type. ^^ However, I do have a loud side and a quiet side. I have a thoughtful side and a more outgoing funny side. Both are me. :) I also know how I should act around different people groups to make myself more approachable.
 
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