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The road to unity; through duality or solitude?

1375 Views 14 Replies 10 Participants Last post by  Crimson Ash
Where to begin...

Well, a while ago I came across a very interesting article regarding numerology. The numerology part was not what caught my attention, but rather a part about love, duality and unity. Most people spend their lives making a career, finding a partner and creating their offspring. This is necessary to make the world develop and keeping humanity alive.

As an INFP emneagram 4, I was caught between the desire to be free and independent, and to be loved, hopelessly and romantically. Watching romantic movies, creating love stories in my head, being among couples, all this causes a four to feel even more lonely, envious and depressed.

This was a while ago, while I was a very unhealthy individual. for the past year only I have developed to be a much more healthy individual. Its hard for me to tell exactly which type I am since I have many different personality traits from different types. After spending much time alone, charging my batteries and avoiding all romantic crap, I realized I no longer thought about romantic love. I was solitary, but I wasn't lonely. I felt free and independent. I realized then, that what I was searching for was unity. Within myself, to be as complete as possible. Without another person, without religion, just by myself.

We spend our whole lives stealing energy from eachother. That is why we fall in love, because our energy corresponds with somebody elses. Two different energies meet and create unity. As these energies develop, they will need other energies to continue on their path to unity, and to get rid of the old one. Some may never find what they are looking for, perhaps they are looking in the wrong place. They feel incomplete and desperately try everything to fill the emptiness within themselves.

I realized almost all of my friends who have or have had relationships tend to hold on to them even though they are unhealthy, or they tend to jump from relationship to relationship. It becomes so obvious that what they need is to search within themselves, but unfortunetly many of them are unable to deal with solitude, which I think is necessary to find your true self.

What the article then said, was that these energies, these relationships are only a help on the way to unity within yourself.

I must admit I enjoyed this idea, as I am a person of solitude and I have chosen to stay there. I have so much love to give to the world instead of spending all my energy on one person. I have never been in love. I love, but I've never been in love. I always manage to rationalize the feelings and then "overcome" nature, and then I go back to solitude. But of course, the world wouldn't exist without reproduction and partnerships.


What do you think of this?
Are you addicted to relationships or other people?
Or are you addicted to solitude and freedom?
Why do you feel that way, what is the reason behind your feelings/choice?



This became rather messy, but thoughts, questions and comments are highly appreciated, from any type!
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Exactly! I started wondering about it myself, is it possible to find a partner when you have become "whole?" Of course, it will only be better then. As you said, two healthy individuals of any type can create a beautiful partnership. The most important thing is to not tie your happiness to objects or people, as someone once said. Happy to know I'm not the only one :proud:
This is very interesting and really resonates with me. For a while I was addicted to relationships and the idea of true love with another person. Then I realized that I did not need another person to be happy. I realized that my addiction to love from another was actually harming myself by not allowing me to become full within myself. I don't think that we can find true wholeness by being with another person, but I think that if two "whole" people come together in a relationship, it can be a beautiful thing. Unfortunately, many people seeking relationships are not healthy and are looking for validation and fulfillment through a relationship, but if two people can master being fulfilled on their own, they can create even more beauty in their lives. I've moved on from being obsessed with finding love to being obsessed with being solitary to finally being able to accept that a healthy relationship may happen with someone else in which we don't need to depend on one another for happiness. We just need to remember not to let it completely control our lives and our happiness.
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Well, you can't try to love; you just do, I believe. Its time to spoil yourself, do whatever you want and start being comfortable with who you are! You will never find love and happiness if you're not happy with yourself. The road to happiness is you, and you only.
I tried loving a girl, but failed miserably. This was back in 2008. I recently found out that I've been in complicated grief and depression since 2006. Now it makes sense when the girl (my ex) asked me how could I have loved her when I don't even love myself?! sigh..
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I really agree with this one. As I've developed to become healthier, I've gone from "please love me" to "let me love you!" Its not so important for me to get it in return, because I always have myself and simply the love for myself. I always longed for understanding but I know that if I let them, anyone can understand. Its only about me letting someone in. Usually, at least. So, having someone by your side would be nice. Not someone to dedicate your life to, just a little help and support along the way and that you could be the same in return.
Personally I know I need both. I would put primary importance on solitude because this in my opinion is the primary means to become whole as a person. You gotta come to terms with yourself first, get "whole" as in healthy, develop a love and appreciation for yourself. So it's good to stay single because the independence can help you unfold. I see how this has taken place over the last years in my life. I can honestly say I love myself the way I am, even my weaknesses I find kinda "cute" (that sounds cheesier than I intended... :frustrating: but I hope you get the point). I could probably even stay single for the rest of my life although I don't want to be.

And that's where we get to the second part. INFPs are often romantics, I definitely am (the intense, hopeless kind). And over the years there has also grown a desire within me to give love. I really have a desire to share the love, emotions, passion and intimacy that I cultivate within my heart. It's not so much that I feel like I need someone to be complete, but that I really want an output for the good emotions that accumulate within me. It's not so much that I want to get my cheek stroked, but I want to stroke hers, not so much being told "I love you" than being able to whisper it in her ear, not so much having a shoulder to rest my head upon on a tough day but being there for her when she needs mine (of course I do like both sides).

It's nice being whole by yourself (not that I am there yet) but within me there is also desire to express it, to give it away. And that has a depth to it that can only really be expressed and lived out in an intimate relationship, a depth that cannot fully be satisfied by redirecting it towards friends or family members.
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I'm definetly not religious, and I still get to fulfill my sexual needs, believe me. You don't have to choose, its 2013! The only question is whether I choose to take someone into my life, which I don't desire right now. I'm pretty sure I will later in life, but right now it feels good to be alone. I don't have to compromise my freedom. Honestly I've never felt better. There is a time for everything. Right now my goal see and experience the world, so I can learn more and find ways to change. That has always been my goal. I want to give love to the world, I want to change it in my way. So I have to begin somewhere, and I begin with myself.
Well, I think you should rethink what your goals are. Are you trying to be a nun? Because solitude and the overcoming of nature is what religious people do in order to comprehend God. If that is not the case, you are denying your natural desire to fullfil your sexual needs. Perhaps because of fear. Union can be found within yourself, but not anytime-anywhere. It takes time and experience, experiences are out-there, not in-there.
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