Where to begin...
Well, a while ago I came across a very interesting article regarding numerology. The numerology part was not what caught my attention, but rather a part about love, duality and unity. Most people spend their lives making a career, finding a partner and creating their offspring. This is necessary to make the world develop and keeping humanity alive.
As an INFP emneagram 4, I was caught between the desire to be free and independent, and to be loved, hopelessly and romantically. Watching romantic movies, creating love stories in my head, being among couples, all this causes a four to feel even more lonely, envious and depressed.
This was a while ago, while I was a very unhealthy individual. for the past year only I have developed to be a much more healthy individual. Its hard for me to tell exactly which type I am since I have many different personality traits from different types. After spending much time alone, charging my batteries and avoiding all romantic crap, I realized I no longer thought about romantic love. I was solitary, but I wasn't lonely. I felt free and independent. I realized then, that what I was searching for was unity. Within myself, to be as complete as possible. Without another person, without religion, just by myself.
We spend our whole lives stealing energy from eachother. That is why we fall in love, because our energy corresponds with somebody elses. Two different energies meet and create unity. As these energies develop, they will need other energies to continue on their path to unity, and to get rid of the old one. Some may never find what they are looking for, perhaps they are looking in the wrong place. They feel incomplete and desperately try everything to fill the emptiness within themselves.
I realized almost all of my friends who have or have had relationships tend to hold on to them even though they are unhealthy, or they tend to jump from relationship to relationship. It becomes so obvious that what they need is to search within themselves, but unfortunetly many of them are unable to deal with solitude, which I think is necessary to find your true self.
What the article then said, was that these energies, these relationships are only a help on the way to unity within yourself.
I must admit I enjoyed this idea, as I am a person of solitude and I have chosen to stay there. I have so much love to give to the world instead of spending all my energy on one person. I have never been in love. I love, but I've never been in love. I always manage to rationalize the feelings and then "overcome" nature, and then I go back to solitude. But of course, the world wouldn't exist without reproduction and partnerships.
What do you think of this?
Are you addicted to relationships or other people?
Or are you addicted to solitude and freedom?
Why do you feel that way, what is the reason behind your feelings/choice?
This became rather messy, but thoughts, questions and comments are highly appreciated, from any type!