I didn't write this but I found this here. I wanted to share this for anyone who cares to read this very long but beautifully written post.
And at some point in the future when I am asked again to describe this experience, its right here.
When someone doesn't seem typical; the quality of being easy to size up -paired- with the quality of being just like every other generic person of that particular flavor, my curiosity is piqued. ~Yaaayyy someone whos -actually- interesting for once.~ ..Begin sequence for potential mental attraction building. If they turn out to be intelligent, it builds more.. If they seem to share some of my very important values on top of all that.. then I'm done for. Infatuation grips me and finally I -see- them physically. Suddenly all these otherwise meaningless shapes begin to have meaning. Before this, its just meaningless parts of faces and bodies.
Something that most would consider extremely ugly is merely something that goes against the norm. Something that most would consider very beautiful is just extreme generic qualities or in some cases freakish oddities that make people actually look like the strange images in magazines. If you put any conventionally attractive person in the world in front of me, I have no reaction. I see a person who looks very plain, and my mind is searching for some clue about their personality. What does this person's appearance -mean- to me? What does it symbolize? The conventionally attractive often work to be attractive and I can see evidence of that. For example, a guy who goes to the gym and uses product on his skin and in his hair looks like a guy who cares about those things. It will register as non-interesting and my mind probably won't continue searching for more clues into his personality.
Sometimes someone in a crowd of people stands out as odd in some way. I will observe them. I feel no actual attraction but I am interested to discover more. I may be compelled to approach.
There was a man in grand central station a few months back when I was in NY, and when he saw me, he completely lit up. He didn't force a smile at me, but it just beamed out of him. I was walking and talking, I vaguely remember some snark coming out of my mouth and my mannerisms and facial expression followed suit. I could tell that he didn't merely think I was a pretty girl, or have a thang for my body type.. I could tell that in the moment, he saw something about who I am, and it brought him joy. We took a moment to acknowledge/appreciate each other.
Sometimes I have found the appearance of a person attractive if they remind me of someone I have had feelings for or have feelings for. Its an emotional memory and it only lingers for a moment.
The person I form the deepest physical attraction to once conditions fall in place and allow for it, are those who are in some way unique looking. I have frequently been told that the people I find attractive are 'ugly' and I cannot see it. I become completely enchanted by the details of their appearance.. perhaps to the point it gets annoying or creepy. I am not an aesthete initially, however my appreciation becomes as intense as those who classically identify as such. Sometimes the look of the person I have feelings for makes me feel dizzy.. or just looking at some random innocuous body part like a forearm can make me feel butterflies in my stomach, or perhaps even arousal. Because its his. Because of what it means finally. All that he is.. and it has given bloom to this exact form somehow.
That said, I cannot sexually commodify people, and I detest the commodification of people sexually, because even the act of thinking it has robbed them of their real identity. It deceives the heart and mind of the attractor, and attractee, because its a lie. It is not real. The body and the mind, emotions, inner-essence -- all connected. To feel intense pleasure in the appearance of a person who is not my romantic interest would be breaking that person into segments and allowing myself to be bewitched by meaningless parts. It could potentially even lead to me wanting to revel in that emotion or approach them, in my opinion. It doesn't get to that point of course because that it not how I operate.
I do not find anyone attractive often obviously, but when I do, they will probably never again experience anything like it. Loving someones soul and mind, and seeing a connection to their appearance in those things becomes a celebration not just of their personality, but the physical form. I think this is an appropriate thing, because for whatever reason, or perhaps for no reason, this is the physical vessel we inhabit and communicate through/with. Physically interacting, we find pleasurable. Its another way to communicate love/desire.
Some people enjoy allowing the self-deception of superficial attraction to create an illusion of infatuation/desire, in order to spend a few hours with a person who means nothing to them. Some are so alienated from their true selves, true desires, higher forms of happiness, that they can do this without feeling the least bit remorseful afterward. I don't think its conducive to self-fulfillment because its a lie to the self. There are many so detached from this that they cannot even catch a glimpse of the damage it can cause. Its very common in our westernized culture that people do not see their real nature, and have self-respect. Chasing a carrot on a stick and being shamed and damned if you don't is the western way -- money, and pussy.
I believe there is no inherent truth in whats physically best in appearances. Different cultures and time periods will tell us what to think is best looking. I was never much one for conformity.
Scientists say babies smile more at symmetrical faces which in my opinion means exactly nothing other than babies for whatever baby reason find it pleasurable to see a symmetrical face. I don't understand or appreciate the logical leaps that science makes in these instances, and less so those who fail to acknowledge that its only a theory in the first place. Evopsych has an underlying flaw that I cannot reconcile: I would call it the glorification of what exists. The fact of the matter is that you simply cannot examine a large portion of a modern human civilization, and claim that everything they do must have a biological reason dictating it. It does not take into account, the socialization that happens in human populations. It assumes that everything in human beings is inherent in human nature, which is impossible.
A little something in Jung's theories thats widely ignored: part of our purpose (and this is something that parallels some beliefs in kabbalah too in a serendipitous twist) is to complete the self by nurturing the areas in which we are deficient. This will mean many things, but one of them for the 'thinkers' specifically is accepting the full range of emotions available to all human beings, and understanding them. Just because a thinker doesn't tap into those processes with a magnifying glass in hand does not mean those processes are not there below the surface. This is why I come off like a feeler sometimes, a thinker other times, and I don't buy any of that 'border of t/f crap.' I made a decision for my experience as a human being to become more fulfilled through the acceptance, understanding, and expression of my emotions. I only started this a few years ago. Looking at my old blogs, I would have typed myself as a very cold, emotionally stunted, immature asshole istp or something.. maybe entp. I digress..
Anyway, I used to have a theory that Fe was more likely to have conventional attractions than Fi, but some socionics folks chased me out of that theory with pitchforks and torches. In hindsight it was silly. Attraction is just an individual experience. Feelers think, thinkers feel.. and the way one feels emotions or the fact that they even have strong emotions doesn't indicate feeler. It does not indicate their cognitive lenses at all. Stereotypes run rampant in mbti communities and people think they can prescribe a type or function to explain away everything in humanity.. however I find that it explains so very little.