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If I achieve any success all appreciation earned through it is appreciation of what I can do, not of me. I don't want that, I want to be appreciated for what I am not what I've done. Yet without achieving something there's nothing to appreciate, so I hide behind a nonchelant facade and a web of pointless lies to ensure I'll forever be less than average. When someone can accept me at my worst perhaps I'll truly engage life but it's not going to happen because they'll still be liking what they see, which isn't me :frustrating: