[Resolution]

I always yearned to find someone who could look into my soul.

Normally, I hid my soul behind a vacant mask... with an expression of mixed loneliness, sadness, and hope...

What I saw of the world... was superficial. Superficial people obsessed with material things, make-up, and designer clothes. I found out pretty quickly that the world doesn't really want me to be myself, didn't really care about my passions or convictions. So I built a wall around my soul... my passions... my beliefs... my conflicts. On the outside... I just made friends... and went to school.

I took to writing because it was the one place where I could pour my heart and soul out and I was amazed and flattered that there was anyone willing to read it. Because what I wrote wasn't 300 pages of fiction... it was 300 pages of me.

And... I've tried... and failed... to show that same story... that same snapshot of my passions and convictions... to any woman who I've ever been attracted to.

Does anyone relate?

 

[curious0610]

I always yearned to find someone who could look into my soul.

Normally, I hid my soul behind a vacant mask... with an expression of mixed loneliness, sadness, and hope...

What I saw of the world... was superficial. Superficial people obsessed with material things, make-up, and designer clothes. I found out pretty quickly that the world doesn't really want me to be myself, didn't really care about my passions or convictions. So I built a wall around my soul... my passions... my beliefs... my conflicts. On the outside... I just made friends... and went to school.

I took to writing because it was the one place where I could pour my heart and soul out and I was amazed and flattered that there was anyone willing to read it. Because what I wrote wasn't 300 pages of fiction... it was 300 pages of me.

And... I've tried... and failed... to show that same story... that same snapshot of my passions and convictions... to any woman who I've ever been attracted to.

Does anyone relate?

I felt like this post could've been written by me, but yes.... I relate to this... There was one point where I wanted to show that story, MY story, a snapshot of who I am - my convictions, my passions, ME, to someone that really got me.. I tried once... he was another INFJ and yeah... it was the only time I felt someone really GOT who I was all about. Unfortunately, i realized that he was only interested in that 300 pages of me that i had already wrote, but not the 3,000 pages i was looking to fill in... not sure if that makes sense. anyway we were young.

But yeah, these days... I feel that i have a wall around my soul because "the world doesn't really want me to be myself." I've learned how to act the part the world wants me, too. and sometimes i feel that i am merely existing to experience things, but my life feels UNlived sometimes.

I'm.... feeling a bit melancholic right now.

 

[vel]

At times I become sad because going through life I get this sense that I can understand other people better than they can understand me, or at least spend a lot of time trying to understand them but see much less reciprocal effort.

However I have also met some other intuition dominant types in my life and it does seem like they come the closest to understanding what is going on inside my head. So have hope - one day you will meet someone who will just click with you with both their heart and mind. It is just that N-dominants are so rare that I really haven't gotten to know another one on a deep meaningful level until I was 19-20. Before that I felt utterly misunderstood and puzzled with people around me. I have now also mostly made peace with the fact that me spending time trying to understand where other people are coming from is a result of a particular wiring of my mind and it is unrealistic of me to expect others to extensively engage in same type of thinking.

 

[Nitou]

I built a wall around a place where even I won't go.

Vel, when you say N-dominant does that mean just Ni or does it include Ne?

 

[vel]

Vel, when you say N-dominant does that mean just Ni or does it include Ne?

Ne as well as it is same function just turned in different orientation.

However I suspect that there is a contributing factor coming from other functions here. ENTPs are TiFe users just like INFJs and I find that I have more understanding and less miscommunication between myself and people who use same judging functions as I do. We just tend to agree on same things, may be to different extents though. I'd even extend it further to say that we tend to react to same types of humor even. In this sense I usually feel more of complementarity with other FeTi intuitives - INTPs, ENFJs, ENTPs, and other INFJs. INTJs may share our Ni, but they are use TeFi in making judgements. I frankly find Te to not be very exciting unlike Ti (xNFPs though seem to not be able to get enough of it) and Fi in tertiary or inferior position can be repulsive to me. Hence with INTJs I typically feel like 50/50 when it comes to understanding. I can 'get' half of them and the other half remains foreign to me, plus an occasional cold breeze coming from tertiary Fi that makes the hairs in the back of my neck raise up a little.

 

[The Proof]

Does anyone relate?

yeah but I don't really need the world to do anything in my favour, I'm doing well enough on my own:wink:

 

[Nitou]

About what I said above, "I built a wall around a place where even I won't go." I get the impression that the INFJ has a fuzzy outer layer above an exoskeleton above ??. Btmangan you describe a little of the layer below. I've put my "self" outside of that wall for my own preservation. To go down there is destabilizing, and living above it I am more superficial but more stable. I feel that INFJ inhabits the territory where I fear to go. Just wondering, do you feel homesick for some lost and unknown place?

I don't feel the need for someone to fully understand me. I have difficulty even forming coherent thoughts on some things, let alone expressing them. Nevertheless, I feel the isolation too. To kind of repeat what Vel said, I compare it to a psychic vibration: if you meet someone whose psyche hums at the same frequency as yours, or a melodic frequency, then you can bond deeply with them. But it is unusual to meet someone like that. I have friends with whom I cannot feel a deep bond even though I wish I could.

 

[Dalien]

I always yearned to find someone who could look into my soul.

Normally, I hid my soul behind a vacant mask... with an expression of mixed loneliness, sadness, and hope...

Yes, I can most definitly relate to this. I still yearn to find someone who can look into my soul. I no longer hide behind a lonely sad mask full of hope.

I took to writing because it was the one place where I could pour my heart and soul out and I was amazed and flattered that there was anyone willing to read it. Because what I wrote wasn't 300 pages of fiction... it was 300 pages of me.

Exactly as I was and still am. I write. It amazes me what one learns through writing. I do not let people read my journals, but I do let them read my poetry...I write me.

And... I've tried... and failed... to show that same story... that same snapshot of my passions and convictions... to any woman who I've ever been attracted to.

Does anyone relate?

The snapshot was written at a different time. When you wrote that snapshot, you were learning about who you are. One is ever evolving. The only reason that I can see why one could feel that they have failed in showing a past snapshot is: Now one is stronger for having written those many pages. One has changed for the better through their writing. One is basically the same person but has grown. This stronger person is the one that should be shown to another.

I am forever evolving. Sometimes I take two steps forward and sometimes two steps back. Sounds like a dance doesn't it!

Yes, I strongly relate! Oh yeah, I want a man that will look into my soul! LOL But I don't rightly know if someone really can.

 

[Dalien]

Unfortunately, i realized that he was only interested in that 300 pages of me that i had already wrote, but not the 3,000 pages i was looking to fill in... not sure if that makes sense. anyway we were young.

Makes perfect sense to me.:happy:

But yeah, these days... I feel that i have a wall around my soul because "the world doesn't really want me to be myself." I've learned how to act the part the world wants me, too. and sometimes i feel that i am merely existing to experience things, but my life feels UNlived sometimes.

I'm.... feeling a bit melancholic right now.

I know these feelings all too well, sadly to say. Now days, I tend to buck the social expectations...wait! Did I always do that to some extent? Yeppers! Yet, truly I am still a nice person. I just speak my mind. Many layers I am, as all people are. Which is actually a good thing indeed!:happy: But none the less, the feeling is always there in the back of my mind.

 

[MissNobody]

I've never been good at having friends. As a child I used to sit on my own drawing most of the time.

I long to have someone I can share my interests with and who will feel as enthusiastic about them as I do. My mum says that sometimes they feel that I try to force my ideas and interests on them. And I suppose I do. I don't have anyone to share my interests with so I try to get my family to think the way I do. I don’t know why I bother because they just get fed up of hearing me talk about the same thing over and over. And then I get upset when I realise that they would rather I shut up.

People can be very fickle. I’ve had many fickle friends. I long to find someone who will stick with me through the good and the bad. My family do this but sometimes I feel restricted at home, that even there I can’t fully be myself.

The annoying thing is that my family often tell me that they don't really know what I’m thinking or how I’m feeling because I don't talk to them. My brother (he's and INTP) says that I have no opinions of my own. They said that sometimes they think I expect them to be mind readers. To some extent I agree with them, but it’s not exactly that I expect them to be mind readers. I expect them to know me well enough when something is wrong. Or that when they ask me "are you all right?" they need to actually sound like they really want me to answer truthfully and not just say "yes" or "I'm fine". I’m the sort of person that needs ‘probing’. I think Extroverts are good at this…my family are all introverts.

When they say that I don’t talk to them I do talk to them. It’s just they don’t listen. My mum will start getting distracted by something else in the room so I can see she isn’t listening and my brother just criticises every opinion that I have so I think why bother sharing anything at all?

Sorry for the long post...I just had to get that out of my system!

 

[MissNobody]

About what I said above, "I built a wall around a place where even I won't go." I get the impression that the INFJ has a fuzzy outer layer above an exoskeleton above ??. Btmangan you describe a little of the layer below. I've put my "self" outside of that wall for my own preservation. To go down there is destabilizing, and living above it I am more superficial but more stable. I feel that INFJ inhabits the territory where I fear to go. Just wondering, do you feel homesick for some lost and unknown place?

I don't feel the need for someone to fully understand me. I have difficulty even forming coherent thoughts on some things, let alone expressing them. Nevertheless, I feel the isolation too. To kind of repeat what Vel said, I compare it to a psychic vibration: if you meet someone whose psyche hums at the same frequency as yours, or a melodic frequency, then you can bond deeply with them. But it is unusual to meet someone like that. I have friends with whom I cannot feel a deep bond even though I wish I could.

Just wondering, do you feel homesick for some lost and unknown place?

Yes. I have moved house a few times so i don't know if this is the cause of it, but I do long for that place that I can call 'home'. I don't know if this is a physical place, a place internally, mentally or if it is another person? I say another person in that finding someone who completely understands me and accepts me and ecourages me. Someone who I can feel connected with with all of my being.

Am I expecting too much? Haha.

 

[soul searcher]

long to have someone I can share my interests with and who will feel as enthusiastic about them as I do. My mum says that sometimes they feel that I try to force my ideas and interests on them. And I suppose I do. I don't have anyone to share my interests with so I try to get my family to think the way I do. I don’t know why I bother because they just get fed up of hearing me talk about the same thing over and over. And then I get upset when I realise that they would rather I shut up.

That's exactly how life has been for me. In my family of origin and my marriage as well. It's been a hard lesson to learn that people really don't care, and really don't want to hear it. I suppose that's why I came to PerC in the first place. I was curious to find out if anyone could really understand me or appreciate the things that interest me. I just wish there were more of them IRL!

 

[dazednconfused1]

I always yearned to find someone who could look into my soul.

Normally, I hid my soul behind a vacant mask... with an expression of mixed loneliness, sadness, and hope...

What I saw of the world... was superficial. Superficial people obsessed with material things, make-up, and designer clothes. I found out pretty quickly that the world doesn't really want me to be myself, didn't really care about my passions or convictions. So I built a wall around my soul... my passions... my beliefs... my conflicts. On the outside... I just made friends... and went to school.

I took to writing because it was the one place where I could pour my heart and soul out and I was amazed and flattered that there was anyone willing to read it. Because what I wrote wasn't 300 pages of fiction... it was 300 pages of me.

And... I've tried... and failed... to show that same story... that same snapshot of my passions and convictions... to any woman who I've ever been attracted to.

Does anyone relate?

These are not silly yearnings!! (at least not to another INFJ! I definitely yearn for someone who looks into, and actually SEES and understands and appreciates all that goes on inside of me. We get so lost in our heads sometimes... it would be so nice to be able to take someone with me! Someone who actually cares to go and explore and not get tired of what they find. I am cautious about who I share my poetry with, because I feel like it is such a reflection of me, that if it's not understood, or harshly criticized... or just not accepted, I can't help but feel like it's a personal attack. (not that I don't appreciate constructive criticism, I just don't want to be judged on the basis of misunderstanding.) Anyways.... I'm probably rambling now. Sorry. I just wanted to say that yes, I can relate, in my own way.... and you are not silly for feeling the way that you do!

 

[dazednconfused1]

I expect them to know me well enough when something is wrong. Or that when they ask me "are you all right?" they need to actually sound like they really want me to answer truthfully and not just say "yes" or "I'm fine". I’m the sort of person that needs ‘probing’.

Yeah... I tend to be that way too; if something is wrong and someone asks me about it, I want to really get the feeling that they are genuinely interested in my response. If I don't feel that they really care to know, then I don't generally care to tell them. I love to be drawn out by those close to me. I don't like giving away pieces of myself to people who don't want it! : ) haha.

 

[nuue]

Writing = love.

Umm, i relate... to a lot of posters here...

*hugs everyone*

I yearn to be understood, and to come out of my shell and be myself, and to be able to be heard and all that fancy jazz. I find it really hard to take a step forward when there's no one right beside me take it with me. It's the feeling of care that i'd like, there doesn't have to be a literal person next to me. If i feel cared for, I can overcome any obstacle. When i feel that no one cares, it's harder than it looks to take a step forward with the amount of confidence that is deemed necessary to be excellent today.

 

[Jazibelle]

I always yearned to find someone who could look into my soul.

Normally, I hid my soul behind a vacant mask... with an expression of mixed loneliness, sadness, and hope...

What I saw of the world... was superficial. Superficial people obsessed with material things, make-up, and designer clothes. I found out pretty quickly that the world doesn't really want me to be myself, didn't really care about my passions or convictions. So I built a wall around my soul... my passions... my beliefs... my conflicts. On the outside... I just made friends... and went to school.

I took to writing because it was the one place where I could pour my heart and soul out and I was amazed and flattered that there was anyone willing to read it. Because what I wrote wasn't 300 pages of fiction... it was 300 pages of me.

And... I've tried... and failed... to show that same story... that same snapshot of my passions and convictions... to any woman who I've ever been attracted to.

Does anyone relate?

I feel the same way!

 

[soul searcher]

I don't like giving away pieces of myself to people who don't want it! : ) haha

Oh, me too. I so long to share things about myself, but I don't do it very much. And then when I do, I always feel overexposed and underappreciated.

 

[Filigeedreamer]

I think that as people who spend a lot of time listening to others we can get slightly bitter about not having an outlet ourselves, at least if we are not careful. I also find that I really want to give of myself, and that is part of the frustration.

I was very lonely until I met my best friend, another INFJ. I don’t know what I would do without them. She is the only person to really understand me, or who I can be true to myself around.

My family also get cross with me for talking to them about my projects, hopes, dreams…My dad has no imagination and my mum has some but doesn’t really get me. She doesn’t have the time. Both are extroverts and don’t understand why I don’t go out and party or get drunk.

I would really like to find others I can form a strong bond with, but that is tricky, and requires being more open than I am naturally used to. Still, I am trying to do this more. I can’t hope to be understood if I don’t let people see me.

 

[yellowbritt]

Totally! I totally relate!

In the past, I've always been afraid to show myself -- all of myself -- to the guys I've liked. What if they recoiled, absolutely repulsed? Or even worse, what if they liked what they saw? What if they really cared about me and I became wrapped up in them -- then it didn't work out? All the "what if's" and doubts about myself have kept me from taking chances that could have turned out badly, but could have been brilliant.

For the past few months, this has been a huge issue. I want so badly to find someone to spend my life with. Yeah, the big romantic parts would be nice, but know what I really miss? Having someone to share the day to day aspects of my life. Someone to tell about my day, and someone to listen to as he describes his day. Someone to watch movies with and take walks with, and to snuggle up against. Sometimes I wake up in the morning, alone in my bed, and I want this so badly that it's almost a physical pain, although I can't identify exactly where it hurts.

I hope that eventually we both find what we want.

Correction: I hope we ALL find what we want.

 

[dazednconfused1]

I want so badly to find someone to spend my life with. Yeah, the big romantic parts would be nice, but know what I really miss? Having someone to share the day to day aspects of my life. Someone to tell about my day, and someone to listen to as he describes his day. Someone to watch movies with and take walks with, and to snuggle up against. Sometimes I wake up in the morning, alone in my bed, and I want this so badly that it's almost a physical pain, although I can't identify exactly where it hurts.
)

I totally know what you mean. I know that physical pain well; I haven't quite figured out where it's hurting when it does, but it is definitely real.

Hang in there... (I know that sounds cliche but the truth is, we really don't have any other choice BUT to hang on for the ride and not lose hope. ) It can be a lonely world for us INFJ's sometimes....although it's nice to know there are others out there who understand. : )