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Renewing the Overlaying Pearl

A smile caressed my paled complexion meanwhile I wavered inward the bindings of this abandoned pathway secluded amidst the evergreen trees of wisdom that encircle, and yet I still was unsuccessful in my endeavor identifying the light that past melody that encompassed my soul but an hour or so earlier spoke of in its earnest mannerism. Upon such a morbid sight, I felt that familiar sensation of worthlessness evolve inward what once was my premature heart of but fourteen years, an emergence that I loathed with the scarce pieces of the at one point in time apparent pieces of emotional strength that symbolized the gravity that somehow maintained my anima amongst the course grounds that resided beneath the remote feet that appeared more or so to be distant figures atop this surface I no longer knew.

I visualized the birds that soar amid the navy nightfall that bound this Earth’s surface in a manner akin to that of a blanket, a labyrinth of tarnished clouds evanishing the midnight stars I once admired so profoundly and confided the aspirations not one other soul but a past comrade of mine whom had eluded my grasps towards an overlaying city and initiated her life anew was quite fully aware of, and my dimmed eyes of raven shade found themselves within a battle in order to prohibit a waterfall of distress to paint my internal emotions amidst my discolored cheek. They invariably stated that this life of mine would one day reveal an enriched color of satisfaction that I was yet to come to face with, and for a while or so, I felt hope within my anima’s outskirts that such beliefs were truly so, and yet it became of more difficulty for myself to truly believe much of anything the dreamers stated with the passing of each twilight, for my beloved sunsets themselves appeared to gradually achromatize within the darkened winds that my mind perceived to be the representations of a bleak entity.

Admittedly an idealist myself, I somehow found myself consuming my faith into such theoretical thought, in spite of my failed attempts at abandoning the true nature of mine whose wholesome framework was now encompassed by but one mere crack or so ever so often meanwhile you traced a sole finger along its worn edges, of which were being held together by a tape that would eventually shatter with the passing of time. In a fashion I to this day am unable to construe quite accurately, I felt as though feeling that mere internal melancholy, that had resulted in the pain that at given moments transcended to extent of my yearning to vanish it with the endings of a blade that would convey the thin line distinguishing life an death within, likewise provided me an unfathomable satisfaction that oddly granted me the sole sincere smile I’d at times give for an entire evaded period of daylight, for it nearly felt toward me as though merely discriminating myself in the mannerism I did nourished the ill thoughts of self-loath I held anent my own soul. I felt selfish.

I was quite aware and open to the fact that many of those whom encircled my fragile self were undergoing and likewise bypassing obstacles of more depth than my own, and yet a grand enumeration of these very beings somehow appeared to bear an excess aspect to their heart’s puzzle that I still had yet to decipher for my own self, an internal will that I yearned to grasp with my own blanched hands that resided among the etiolated billows that I seemingly was unable to reach. Just the mere fact that I dwelled inward my minds own sorrows in a manner such that prohibited my providing that enlightened touch towards another made me feel weak, for I still had yet to disclose that personal capability of unveiling that sole nearly vanished fire within my anima that was bound my the shell of my insecurity. I fell amongst that hardened exterior below, an unforeseen streaming of sorrow depicting the pained puzzle I’d kept undisclosed from this dimmed celestial surface, my sleeve coated with the emotions of dejection in a manner that conveyed to any secluded onlooker that the personal war that I’d attempted to endlessly battle rather pathetically had been won. I wasn’t even able to fathom just how long it had been since I’d found myself atop these cemented grounds, for it nearly appeared more or so a monotonous routine I was unable to abandon.

Nonetheless, I felt but a mere trickle massage my callous shoulders that had been shaking in a stiffened fashion that bound their ability to provide the congenialities of the premature heart of mine that not one soul appeared to be able to indentify for themselves quite well towards the scarce treasures I had not yet known, that remote glimmer somehow granting me the will to arise my humbled self from the asperous texture of that scabrous shoal towards that mere coruscation for what nearly appeared to be but my primary time in doing so. And then I visualized but a sight most fascinating that seemingly alleviated the despondency of these ghoulish woods to an extent that but an unforeseen scintillation of provincial allurement dominated the flawed vision of mine of which had gradually been dissolving inward the eeriness of the stilled nightfall itself.

Amidst that intricate celestial sphere collided the extrinsic pearl I identified to be the midnights moon with an overlaying sun of multihued oranges and distinct maze, and they together created a heavenly body of more adorability than that of the riddled crystals that encompassed the planet of Saturn itself. That once pulchritudinous, and yet rather austere moon that had seemingly appeared to be enlightening this Earth of ours’ exterior by a mere glimmer now appeared to bear life within it, for it now rivaled that very mid-sequenced sun of yellow in size and radiance all on its own, an unsigned liveliness now caressing the crusted the crusted edges that had once conveyed the own subsequent pains it had undergone without many’s consent. In a manner that still bewilders me to this present point in time, that scarce moonlight of authenticity itself reflected upon the scarring apparent amidst my own feeble anima, likewise providing it with an entranced aura of serenity that somehow healed those very wombs of mine with its own patient grace.

That sole moment was when I came towards a realization that altered my past self in a manner I am unable to construe: the internal core of tenderness of that mere intricate gemstone of nightfall itself had been veneered with tufted coating that most whom had but consumed abandoned their past selves towards entity predominantly attained as a rapid manner of describing such a beauty while neglected the very one smoothened gist that had deemed it the labyrinth creation that found itself atop the heaven’s gateways throughout the emergence of the versicolored twilight itself, and yet it simultaneously had somehow continually found a manner to place itself amidst the sun’s rays and provide but a scarce aesthetic view that only the most insightful bore enough perception to visualize to its full potential. I introspected upon this delight, and concluded towards myself that the formerly heavenly body of translucency and I were kindred beings in a profound fashion, for she and I each were once victims of a shattered core that had nearly dwelled itself inward the winds of the endless cycle of pessimism and permitted it to fled with the possession of ours souls.

But that stunning moon had reincarnated unlike I. It had prevailed among the pains that once bound it and resultantly created this master piece I would invariably maintain within the bindings of my spirit, and among all, it had motivated me to do the same. As I was prepared to spectate the wondrous sight but again, I’d come to see that it had eluded before my own finger could even trace it’s visionary lights for merely a final moment, and in place of it was the tranquil celestial sphere whose presence I’d initiated my passage with. And yet somehow, I managed to attain the yearning to indentify a distanced pebble in order to obtain a newly found pathway towards an exterior whose colors I would now unceasingly visualize with a distinguished complexity forevermore. While that walk toward my instigation was a rather monotonous one, I must say, I likewise find it to be but all the worthwhile, for I had rekindled the perspective I’d once nearly permitted to confound my soul. I had emerged into that pearl itself.

The healing process of the Enneagram type four.
 

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You are so beautiful. Thank you for sharing. You give me hope.
 
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