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Okay, so I've been thinking recently about whether INFP's in general are closer to their friends or to their family. I would guess that the majority will choose friends because of one major variable: we get to choose our friends. We don't get to choose our family. I know I am very selective about who I share stuff with and become close with.

What about you guys?


As for me...while I do have a good relationship with my parents and I love them dearly...I'm by no means close with them. They honestly know very little about me. I am definitely closer with my friends.
 

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Likewise... and for the same reasons you stated. Plus my family doesn't really seem to understand how I operate. Especially my mother. Although I'm fairly close with her, she's super extroverted and every time we have anybody at my house(which is almost every other day) she seriously expects me to drop everything I'm doing at the moment and have a conversation with her friends. I don't get it.
 

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Family.

Maybe it's because I'm still in High School, but I do see friendships as quite fleeting things. It's sad, but I probably won't be in contact with half of my closest friends in ten years.

No, it's family every time. They've supported me through some crap, and vice versa, and I know we'll always be there for each other, bar death or criminal convictions.
 

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I'm pretty close with my parents, but they still don't understand me (ESTJ and ISTJ). In the past, they just assumed I was being difficult on purpose, but they didn't know that I had an INFP personality. They didn't see why I felt things so deeply...but lately they've become more tolerable of my emotional outbursts. They did the best they could, but like most people working to put food on the table, they couldn't take care of all my needs. I really relate to that character Dwayne from Little Miss Sunshine...I had parents very similar to that.

As for friends, I really don't have anyone that close with that I can share everything. I guess I was traumatized as a kid when I got ostracized by my so-called friends when they learned something negative about me. That's probably why I put up a wall with most people.
 

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Friends, by far.

Mom is abusive, neglectful, controlling (bad pairing with an INFP!), and generally Dr. Phil for everyone else in the world except her family.
Step Dad is like a prison warden, controlling, overly opinionated, and a bit of a misogynist.

My friends aren't perfect and none of them really know me completely. However, from each person I entrust in them with certain characters of myself. If they all got together they could piece me together reasonably well, but on their own individual level, probably not.

Girls I date will usually know me the best though. So ex's that I'm friends with are your best bet for a character profile.
 

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Hahahahaha.

The reason why I laugh is because I harbor such a extreme dislike when it comes to my family. My immediate family. I can tolerate nearly everyone in my parents family with some exceptions, but the ones that live with me in this household need to freakin' die.

That said, friends, no doubt about it. The actual ones, not those acquaintances.
 

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I think all relationships are ephemeral.

Friends trump family everytime for me. Any relationship based on assumption, obligation, irrational expectations, fear and forced affection -- ie Family, will disappoint every time
 
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Family and a few closest select friends are important to me.

However, when it comes to knowing me at the core, knowing me behind most of the layers that the world gets to see, knowing how truly vulnerable I can get, I'd have to say my two ex boyfriends know me best. I honor intensity in relationships.
 

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I once decided that a loose definition of a family is "the people you share germs with" - the people you are close enough to touch, share a drink with, breathe on, etc. However, I also think of family as "people who love you," and friends as "people you have some closeness to and affection for." Therefore, by my concepts, most of my "family" are also "friends" and vice versa. I don't consider anyone family pure because of biology; I grew up in a divorce situation, so that just doesn't work for me.
 

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Family.

Maybe it's because I'm still in High School, but I do see friendships as quite fleeting things. It's sad, but I probably won't be in contact with half of my closest friends in ten years.

No, it's family every time. They've supported me through some crap, and vice versa, and I know we'll always be there for each other, bar death or criminal convictions.
Likewise.

It's unfortunate that I didn't have a chance to get to know both my grandfathers better though. The same goes for both my grandmothers - though they're currently alive. I'm just not that close to them. But my aunt... my mom's younger sister. She can be a blackmailer in my mom's side of family sometimes, but really nice to talk with as a niece.
 

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Friends don't have my back, my family does. My parents would die for me.. I would probably do almost anything for my younger sisters.

Sure, we don't have lengthy discussions about my life... but they are the only ones who love me, who have seen me at my worst and still stuck by me and have sacrificed many things for me. While I might not completely share myself with my family, I think they are more qualified to talk about who I really am, better than anyone else. They have watched me grow up and the off set of things I have been through... can't say that about friends.
 

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Who would I wanna go out and have fun with... friends... Who do I know that will love me no matter what.... family... more specifically my mom, grandma, other grandma, sister.. I can truly say I dunno about my dad or my brother. If I had to pick who I'm closer to would probably be my family (not just immediate) at the moment... I'm sure I'll eventually meet some people who could challenge that though.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
I once decided that a loose definition of a family is "the people you share germs with" - the people you are close enough to touch, share a drink with, breathe on, etc. However, I also think of family as "people who love you," and friends as "people you have some closeness to and affection for." Therefore, by my concepts, most of my "family" are also "friends" and vice versa. I don't consider anyone family pure because of biology; I grew up in a divorce situation, so that just doesn't work for me.
You have a great point. In many ways I share the same view. those close pals of mine are definitely family-esque.


There are some awesome points brought up here. My family definitely has loved me through thick and thin, I cannot deny that, and they will always be there for me without a doubt. Friends can come and go, even the really close ones. but I still easily tend to turn to the friends for support.
 

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Friends. The only person in my family I'm close to is my mom and that's only been the case recently. My father is an alcoholic who abandoned me when I was 11 years old then tried to waltz back into my life when I was in my late 20's. Yeah, no thanks. The rest of my family is spread all over the country and pretty dysfunctional in all of their special different ways.

My friends however I've chosen very carefully. They have been there for me in good times and bad over many years. I would do anything for them.
 

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Come to think of it, I do see certain friends as part of an 'extended family' for me. However it takes a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot for me to categorize a friend to that level.
 

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Wow. Good question. I'm actually fortunate enough to have my friends and family in the same basket. I'd consider my two best friends to be my ESFP brother and ENFP cousin. We are similar in age and have the same interests. We've had plans to "do something big" since childhood, but we apparently needed a J in the group. There are probably only 5-6 people outside of my immediate family that have seen me completely out of my shell and the majority of those were my college roommates.
 

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My close, immediate family. I don't feel deep enough connections with friends. My family has known me since birth & I can be vulnerable with them. They have proven to be loyal & have my back, even though, yes, we do argue at times.

I honestly do not feel like I "choose" my friends. Whenever I try to befriend someone, it does not work. Friends choose me. Often, the bond does not go far beyond some similar interests and shared experience, maybe some emotional connection, but nothing too deep.
 

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Family. most definitely.
I couldn't live without my mother..
I know it sounds weird..
but I would probably have to just kill myself if anything ever happened to her.
My friends I could go on without.
 
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