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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello My fellow Personality Cafe members. I'm new here, and this is my first post. This is my story. All I'm trying to accomplish is to succeed in my life.

[Before we begin let me say that I took the MBTI test first time around 3 years ago with the aid of a professional career consultant at my university. I scored as an ENTJ. I recently took the test twice again on two independent websites and scored as an ENTJ as well. So I'm pretty sure I'm an ENTJ. (I do not know anything about the subcategories, the temperaments, other classifications, or other personality tests other than the MBTI. If you have further useful assessment tools please share it and let me know about them so that I may understand myself better within the frame of an ENTJ.)]
The reason I mentioned that first is that I cannot comprehend how is it that I am an ENTJ and a failure at the same time. Yes I said failure! The story of my life is not the story of a successful man, unfortunately. I'll try to sum it up to you as follows.


I have always been a very ambitious man. My very first dreams were to become a social leader. I wanted to be a religious figure in my community and bring about change with great leadership. But that dream was soon replaced by a deep interest in theoretical and philosophical pursuits. (I am not sure why I changed plans. It could be because I didn't find my old dream practical. i.e. I didn't see that positive change comes through religion. So I started looking forward to find what brings about positive change to human societies. That included searching through areas of knowledge ranging from philosophy to science.) In short, I didn't have a clear plan for what I wanted to do. I was just searching for an arena in life in which I could implement my leadership abilities and use them for the good of people by changing the status queue. (I was always fascinated by "change" and moving things in a new direction.)
To make the story short, I started my journey by venturing through religion, then changed my plans to pursue philosophy, and then ultimately went to study science as I thought Science is ultimately what changes human societies to the better. I particularly studied Physics having thought it was the prime of the natural sciences. Becoming a successful physicist, however, was the last dream I could pursue before I collapsed!!


I didn't collapse out of pure fatigue; yes it is true that my academic endeavors were exhausting but that was not the main reason. Deep inside of me a darker side of me was blooming. While I was roaming the Earth in search for new knowledges (I traveled through 3 different countries during this whole journey btw), I was ignoring a deep side of me that was crying for attention. I was ignoring my inner personal issues. I was denying my personal need for love (I guess!) as I was consuming myself in the pursuit of seeking knowledge and greatness. This ended up getting the best of me and beating me in the end. I ended up losing my ability to study effectively and had to stop studying altogether. (For the first time in my life, I was getting bad grades and couldn't study anymore. I simply failed to continue doing what I was used to doing for years.) That was a harsh outcome! I was devastated when I had to give up my dream of becoming a pioneer physicist (and btw, I dreamed big. I wanted to become the next Albert Einstein!)
At first I couldn't understand why this happened. But soon I realized it was because I ignored my personal needs for love and affection (and so do I think to this day). But perhaps it was because of something else. maybe it was because I didn't get back anything from the system I worked for so hardly. I mean I put in a lot of effort to become "somebody", but that somebody needed years of hard work to become reality. And I didn't have the sufficient patience to wait all those years to harvest the goods of my hard labor. I needed some payback right then and there while I was working towards the big goal.
So I was burned out. Nothing gave me a sense of power and control anymore. Nothing made me feel that I did anything useful for humanity or that I helped anyone with anything. I felt worthless and useless to humanity and I fell out of hope. Becoming a physicist was my last attempt to become someone. I thought if I could maybe help human beings by discovering some new grand theory that could further expand our understanding of the universe and/or make life easier for humans I would feel great. But I failed at doing that too.
I also failed on the personal level (throughout these years) from being able to provide a single human being with the love and care she deserves as I could not date a single person. So I crashed!! I became extremely depressed, and I was about to commit suicide four times. It was terrible!!!


It has been three years now. (I'm now 28.) I have somewhat recovered; I'm still alive! But I'm still somewhat depressed; I even get medicated for that. I'm still affected by my loss; by my loss of a purpose. I do not know what I want to do, what I want to become.
During these three years I managed to continue my college career but in a different major, mathematics. I did not particularly like maths but I found it easier than Physics. So I switched to math in order to be able to graduate. And I did manage to graduate with a BS degree in mathematics in May 2011.
Since then, I have been aimlessly changing jobs as I don't particularly like anything I do. And I still haven't been able to date anyone to this day. I also had a loooong struggle throughout the process with dealing with people. (In fact one of the reasons I quit many jobs is my social anxiety, as I have a hard time dealing with people. I'm a little better now, but I still have a little of social anxiety left in me. And I don't know what I should be talking to you about here, my lack of purpose in life or my social anxiety. But I think for an ENTJ like me they are linked, as we ENTJ's clearly relate our social life with our work.


Anyways, that is my story. I am eager to hear your responses. Please share your thoughts and ideas with me about what part of my goal setting was probably wrong (how I mismanaged my dreams) and how my social inhibitions may have affected my goal setting, if they did at all. Thank you!


p.s. Some extra information about my social inhibitions: I have a really hard time accepting my sexual desires and intentions. For the longest time ever in my life I fought against me being sexual or having any sexual thoughts or feelings. That is probably partly due to the fact that I grew up in a very "asexual" and "non-affectionate" family environment. To this day I have a hard time accepting my sexual desires. I'll give you an example. When I'm talking to a girl for instance (no matter how attractive or unattractive she may be) I have a very hard time allowing myself to lower my gaze from her eyes and look at her breasts for instance. Normal guys do that all the time (I think). i.e. they regularly alternate their gazes from looking into a girl's eyes, to her lips, to her breasts, to other parts, etc... and back to her eyes again. It happens fast, and it happens spontaneously. But with me, I cant allow myself to do that. Why? (You ask) Well, I don't know. Maybe because I'm insecure. I am afraid of letting the girl know that I like it that she has large breasts. I keep my guard up all the time as I don't want to show any weakness to any girl. I do not know how to get over this excessive insecurity and become normal with girls.


p.p.s. Some extra info about my current ambitions and hobbies: I'm still looking forward to discover some grand theory in Physics or Philosophy that will get me the international recognition that I deserve and get me out of this hell I live in. So I still do some research sometimes in my free time.
An other one of my ambitions is becoming a writer (a novelist) as I like fiction, and feel that I have a creative mind for it. I haven't been able to produce any tangible results however as I lack the patience to finish any work on my own. (As an ENTJ, I am not patient enough to finish all the details that come in a novel. I may be full of creative ideas and thoughts for writing a novel but I am never patient when it comes to filling in the details. Cliche of an ENTJ). Wanting to be a novelist is also a desperate pursuit to gain attention and become influential with people- something I feel I need as an ENTJ.
Lastly, I wish I could get a job where I could be a leader, such as a CEO. I feel I could be excellent at that. And I feel that that would be extremely rewarding for me. But I don't know how to get such a job with a math degree?. How can I get into the business world and become a leader or a CEO?? Any thoughts?


Thanks for reading and please comment!! :happy::happy:
 

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Hi @alithinker, welcome to the forum! I'm an ENFP, but I hang out here because I like you guys; your type is my favorite type of person altogether. Sounds strange, but I've managed to surround myself in ENTJ's. Some I had no choice (both of my Parents are ENTJ), others I seemingly found on my own. Anyway, you don't sound like a failure to me at all! I understand that you feel this way though. I just want to point out that perhaps you consider yourself a failure because you set the bar so high for yourself? There's nothing wrong with having high expectations and dreams for yourself, except this lingering feeling of failure can easily happen. If you step back and look at yourself without including the goals you were trying to reach in the picture, can you see how much you've accomplished?

You mentioned wanting to learn about more personality theory; I'd recommend enneagram. There is a subforum here with information on that and there are some really knowledgable people on the theory who could help point you in the right direction for studying it.

Good luck to you on your journey, I have a lot of respect for people who want to grow. I hope you reach your dreams.
 

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It's simple, pick yourself up and keep whacking at your idea of what person you want to be. The real failure is to not learn from the past or being unwilling to change or manage a quality you don't like about yourself.
Guarantee within one month in the right environment, to showcase your passion, experience and philosophy you'll start to see the light again. Society judges you on past results it's true, but it won't hold to an ancient past if new behaviour and results have been proven

Just think of why you want to be a ceo/leader, it's probably the desire to have attributes worthy of respect and the ability to deliver that winning formula others. More prestigious may be perceived as more capable. Would you rather the 20m salary or the 100k and have the world know you are the man they need?

There are always going to be people who won't facilitate or believe in you, perhaps for valid reasons, but they don't know you like you do. Haters gonna hate.
 

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Hello My fellow Personality Cafe members. I'm new here, and this is my first post. This is my story. All I'm trying to accomplish is to succeed in my life.

[Before we begin let me say that I took the MBTI test first time around 3 years ago with the aid of a professional career consultant at my university. I scored as an ENTJ. I recently took the test twice again on two independent websites and scored as an ENTJ as well. So I'm pretty sure I'm an ENTJ. (I do not know anything about the subcategories, the temperaments, other classifications, or other personality tests other than the MBTI. If you have further useful assessment tools please share it and let me know about them so that I may understand myself better within the frame of an ENTJ.)]
The reason I mentioned that first is that I cannot comprehend how is it that I am an ENTJ and a failure at the same time. Yes I said failure! The story of my life is not the story of a successful man, unfortunately. I'll try to sum it up to you as follows.


I have always been a very ambitious man. My very first dreams were to become a social leader. I wanted to be a religious figure in my community and bring about change with great leadership. But that dream was soon replaced by a deep interest in theoretical and philosophical pursuits. (I am not sure why I changed plans. It could be because I didn't find my old dream practical. i.e. I didn't see that positive change comes through religion. So I started looking forward to find what brings about positive change to human societies. That included searching through areas of knowledge ranging from philosophy to science.) In short, I didn't have a clear plan for what I wanted to do. I was just searching for an arena in life in which I could implement my leadership abilities and use them for the good of people by changing the status queue. (I was always fascinated by "change" and moving things in a new direction.)
To make the story short, I started my journey by venturing through religion, then changed my plans to pursue philosophy, and then ultimately went to study science as I thought Science is ultimately what changes human societies to the better. I particularly studied Physics having thought it was the prime of the natural sciences. Becoming a successful physicist, however, was the last dream I could pursue before I collapsed!!


I didn't collapse out of pure fatigue; yes it is true that my academic endeavors were exhausting but that was not the main reason. Deep inside of me a darker side of me was blooming. While I was roaming the Earth in search for new knowledges (I traveled through 3 different countries during this whole journey btw), I was ignoring a deep side of me that was crying for attention. I was ignoring my inner personal issues. I was denying my personal need for love (I guess!) as I was consuming myself in the pursuit of seeking knowledge and greatness. This ended up getting the best of me and beating me in the end. I ended up losing my ability to study effectively and had to stop studying altogether. (For the first time in my life, I was getting bad grades and couldn't study anymore. I simply failed to continue doing what I was used to doing for years.) That was a harsh outcome! I was devastated when I had to give up my dream of becoming a pioneer physicist (and btw, I dreamed big. I wanted to become the next Albert Einstein!)
At first I couldn't understand why this happened. But soon I realized it was because I ignored my personal needs for love and affection (and so do I think to this day). But perhaps it was because of something else. maybe it was because I didn't get back anything from the system I worked for so hardly. I mean I put in a lot of effort to become "somebody", but that somebody needed years of hard work to become reality. And I didn't have the sufficient patience to wait all those years to harvest the goods of my hard labor. I needed some payback right then and there while I was working towards the big goal.
So I was burned out. Nothing gave me a sense of power and control anymore. Nothing made me feel that I did anything useful for humanity or that I helped anyone with anything. I felt worthless and useless to humanity and I fell out of hope. Becoming a physicist was my last attempt to become someone. I thought if I could maybe help human beings by discovering some new grand theory that could further expand our understanding of the universe and/or make life easier for humans I would feel great. But I failed at doing that too.
I also failed on the personal level (throughout these years) from being able to provide a single human being with the love and care she deserves as I could not date a single person. So I crashed!! I became extremely depressed, and I was about to commit suicide four times. It was terrible!!!


It has been three years now. (I'm now 28.) I have somewhat recovered; I'm still alive! But I'm still somewhat depressed; I even get medicated for that. I'm still affected by my loss; by my loss of a purpose. I do not know what I want to do, what I want to become.
During these three years I managed to continue my college career but in a different major, mathematics. I did not particularly like maths but I found it easier than Physics. So I switched to math in order to be able to graduate. And I did manage to graduate with a BS degree in mathematics in May 2011.
Since then, I have been aimlessly changing jobs as I don't particularly like anything I do. And I still haven't been able to date anyone to this day. I also had a loooong struggle throughout the process with dealing with people. (In fact one of the reasons I quit many jobs is my social anxiety, as I have a hard time dealing with people. I'm a little better now, but I still have a little of social anxiety left in me. And I don't know what I should be talking to you about here, my lack of purpose in life or my social anxiety. But I think for an ENTJ like me they are linked, as we ENTJ's clearly relate our social life with our work.


Anyways, that is my story. I am eager to hear your responses. Please share your thoughts and ideas with me about what part of my goal setting was probably wrong (how I mismanaged my dreams) and how my social inhibitions may have affected my goal setting, if they did at all. Thank you!


p.s. Some extra information about my social inhibitions: I have a really hard time accepting my sexual desires and intentions. For the longest time ever in my life I fought against me being sexual or having any sexual thoughts or feelings. That is probably partly due to the fact that I grew up in a very "asexual" and "non-affectionate" family environment. To this day I have a hard time accepting my sexual desires. I'll give you an example. When I'm talking to a girl for instance (no matter how attractive or unattractive she may be) I have a very hard time allowing myself to lower my gaze from her eyes and look at her breasts for instance. Normal guys do that all the time (I think). i.e. they regularly alternate their gazes from looking into a girl's eyes, to her lips, to her breasts, to other parts, etc... and back to her eyes again. It happens fast, and it happens spontaneously. But with me, I cant allow myself to do that. Why? (You ask) Well, I don't know. Maybe because I'm insecure. I am afraid of letting the girl know that I like it that she has large breasts. I keep my guard up all the time as I don't want to show any weakness to any girl. I do not know how to get over this excessive insecurity and become normal with girls.


p.p.s. Some extra info about my current ambitions and hobbies: I'm still looking forward to discover some grand theory in Physics or Philosophy that will get me the international recognition that I deserve and get me out of this hell I live in. So I still do some research sometimes in my free time.
An other one of my ambitions is becoming a writer (a novelist) as I like fiction, and feel that I have a creative mind for it. I haven't been able to produce any tangible results however as I lack the patience to finish any work on my own. (As an ENTJ, I am not patient enough to finish all the details that come in a novel. I may be full of creative ideas and thoughts for writing a novel but I am never patient when it comes to filling in the details. Cliche of an ENTJ). Wanting to be a novelist is also a desperate pursuit to gain attention and become influential with people- something I feel I need as an ENTJ.
Lastly, I wish I could get a job where I could be a leader, such as a CEO. I feel I could be excellent at that. And I feel that that would be extremely rewarding for me. But I don't know how to get such a job with a math degree?. How can I get into the business world and become a leader or a CEO?? Any thoughts?


Thanks for reading and please comment!! :happy::happy:
wow I can totally relate to you, but you've succeeded in a lot more than I've ever gotten around to. Well recently I realized that I'm 20 and by now most professional athletes, artists, musicians and the like are already famous and earning bank. I was frustrated that I was not the world famous writer or artist I planned to be ever since I was a kid. I didn't really have the work needed to be that. I felt like a huge disappointment and loser. I didn't have a nice car, a nice house etc....I was still living at my parents house struggling with college.
I'm still stuck at this problem, although I've done some soul searching and figured out some light in the situation.

First and foremost I figured out what I based all of my self esteem on; and it was based on "wordly success". I hated failure or anything mediocre. I only wanted the best of the best and I wanted to be the best.... but why? why did I want that? would it make me feel better about myself? you betchya. I found that my self esteem only lived on the random bursts of greatness that I did and they were few and far between. I was chasing after something to make me feel better about myself and once it was gone, I felt awful about myself.

I've been struggling for most of my life on a sense of self esteem that's solid. I've found that realizing that I'm a daughter of God has helped me greatly in remembering that even if I become the most unsuccessful crippled person in the world, I'm still of infinite worth. My worth isn't conditional. Neither is yours, you're always going to be worth an infinite amount, but to feel that worth you have to believe that you are. You wouldn't go up to some person on the street and say to them that they're worthless, because they're not successful, or well known. So why put yourself at standards higher than the rest of the human race? So you can feel better about yourself when you're "better" than the average joe? or more successful than the average joe? What if you can't fulfill your dreams because the goals are too lofty?
are you afraid of being a "nobody" in society?

figure out what success is for you. What is the best type of success?
I believe there's certain levels of success that are better than others. I would like to think that eternal viewed level of success is the best type of success. So for example; being a good person would be successful in this matter.
but there's so many different types of success, I'm still trying to grasp the subject. I realized that when I had the idea that I wanted to be a great billionaire with a huge hotel business, I researched how to be an entrepreneur like no ones business. lol 5-7 hours of study online every day for the next 2 months on how to be an entrepreneur.
but I realized that for some reason it was making me feel bad. Not that being an entrepreneur is bad, but the reasons for doing it. Why did I want to do this business? Did I really like hotels? nope, but I wanted to get my name known. I would feel better about myself if I could say that I own a top of the line hotel business...I mean it sounds better than "I don't go to college, I'm poor and can't pay my own rent." I mean of course I did like the idea of creating an amazing experience for guests...but it was mostly out of selfish purposes.
Is what you're seeking selfish or self-less?
I feel much better when I'm doing something that's self-less, helping others makes me feel better than just helping myself all the time.

People that become great are passionate about what they are great at. First find a passion, not for the reason of becoming the most amazing at it, but so you can feel fulfilled in life knowing that your job is something you love.

to be a CEO at a company you have to have exceptional communication skills and be a people person. To be a leader you have to be able to interact with people and inspire them, that means talking. Not only that but you have to work up to it....you can't automatically have the ceo position without experience. It takes yeeeaaars to get there.

the goal shouldn't be about being great or being noticed, but about finding a passion that you can get great at.
 

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It was a nice story to read, even though it lacked a happy ending that I wish you'll find eventually. I'll give my two cents and hope more people here will help you get on the right track.

Reading your story, one thing came to my mind. You live so far in the future, while always looking back. You compare, and get disappointed as it's not as you've planned. After your analysis of future/past improvements, you have a tendency to slide to something else without finishing your work. I'm much the same in small projects, but I look at it as a bad habit and try to stay strong when I lose interest for one thing and gain interest for another. There's a reason you had that passion in the first place. It's the same with relationships as well. You lose the spark and you think it's not your thing after all. These are all sparks that requires to be reignited. It's very easy for us to get stuck in one perspective, while the key to maintain this passion or spark is to charge towards the goal while switching perspectives, instead of changing the goal. Sometimes detours, other times shortcuts. It's of course, easier said than done.

My advice is as I often give, is to keep the goal in your backbones instead of your mind. Your future is not the goal, and is not where you should look. Keep your eyes on the steps and take one step at a time. If you imagine the staircase to heaven, it's safe to assume it's too high up and big to take in one leap, and it will overwhelm you. Looking at one step at a time will give you a different view and you'll be at your strongest on each step you take, instead of losing your strength exponentially as the years go by. That's why I believe in living more in the moment, while keeping the goal, end result, fame and everything else related in your backbone as a source of motivation. In other words: To remember so you can forget. Having it your mind constantly will burn you out, at least from my experience.

Also, comparing what you've achieved in the past to see how you've improved is not healthy in the long run. The chances are you'll be more disappointed than proud. Have confidence in who you are at this present moment instead, because you can change neither the past nor the future. You only have the power to change as you live in the present, through your actions along the way. I like to think that whatever change you to do your surroundings, a change is made in you. Attempting to make a huge change at once will also change you in a similar way, depending on it being a failure or a success. It's as they say, the little things that matter. The world is preserved by the tiniest details, and is what creates the big picture.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thank you for your post "Enfpleasently"! I find it very amusing that you like my type a lot. Thank you for saying: "you don't sound like a failure to me at all!" That means a lot to me :) But I still wish I could be... oh well, maybe you're right. I did set the bar really high. But you see, there is something else that also pushes me in that direction.
Before, it used to be my urge to be somebody that moved me in this direction. But that was when I was naive. Now it is something else. Now I'm setting the bar high because I'm afraid if I dont set it high enough I wont survive!
U c, I have recently been watching some videos on youtube, and I'm starting to become really scared. I feel like a world war III is on the horizon! And unless I am somebody or someone important how am I gonna protect myself, my family, and my loved ones??
I know what I said about WWIII might sound a bit hyperbolic but I feel like we are really living in turbulent times. I don't like to scare you but have you paid attention to the economic situation the world is in right now? I feel like an economic depression is on its way and that might bring wars. I don't know, I'm just scared. And I feel like I have good reasons to be scared. And even if my worries turned out to be irrational, it never hurts to protect urself. And that is what I want to do. Do you have any ideas as to how I might be able to do that?? Thank you!
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
WOW EddyHeady! Very inspirational and very insightful advice! I'm truly moved. It felt like u truly saw through me and gave me the exact advice that I needed. And that is exactly why I wanna discuss it with u in further detail.
First a linguistic issue: What do u mean by "keep the goal in your backbones instead of your mind"? What do u mean by the word "backbone"? (Hope that is not a silly question. I just want to make sure I get every detail of what ur saying.)
Second, how do u keep focused on one small step at a time? I feel like that is really hard thing to do. Coz ur right, it does seem that I've been changing goals all the time instead of changing the perspective.
Oh and also, why did u say changing the perspective is the solution? How did u come to this conclusion? Could u give me an example? Like an example of a goal and different perspectives to get to that goal? Could u give me an example from ur personal experience? Thanks!
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Your response is a very intriguing one xEmilyx. First I want to thank you for your effort. I do agree with you that my motive for doing things shouldn't be based on the love of fame and achieving recognition. However, I do want to bring to your attention something important. And that is that there is a reason why we humans love and desire fame. Now I know not everybody loves fame, at least not to the same degree. But if you think about it loving fame serves a purpose.
I don't know about INFJ's but for ENTJ's, I think they naturally inclined to achieve success and/or have influence over others. We just like "influence". And that is btw why I like fame; to have influence. And I dont think that that in and itself is a bad thing. It is a natural motive and drive within us. It is part of our character. The catch is though that we shouldnt be consumed by that desire.
Exampl: if u were given two choices, one that leads to an increase in ur influence at the cost of ur values and principles, and one that decreases ur influence but is the right choice to make at the time, u should stand true to ur principles. But doing something that increases ur fame (through the right ways) and enjoying the fame in and itself meanwhile isn't a bad thing, in and itself.
So if u find that u really like fame ask urself "why?" Why is it that u desire it so much? How long has it been since u had this dream? And how is it that u can achieve fame by doing something that you love and which is good for society?
And of course consider the possibility that u may never become famous and successful. And of course make sure u tell urself that u r gonna love urself unconditionally even f u continue to lose to achieve what u plan to achieve. Because afterall, u can always be content with what u have at the moment. And the most precious thing that u will always have in "YOU", yourself!
But that doesn't mean u shouldn't and cannot pursue fame at the same time. I think the way to do it is just like EddyHeady described in his post:

... keep the goal in your backbones instead of your mind. Your future is not the goal, and is not where you should look. Keep your eyes on the steps and take one step at a time...
Looking at one step at a time will give you a different view and you'll be at your strongest on each step you take, instead of losing your strength exponentially as the years go by. That's why I believe in living more in the moment, while keeping the goal, end result, fame and everything else related in your backbone as a source of motivation. In other words: To remember so you can forget. Having it your mind constantly will burn you out,...
Also, comparing what you've achieved in the past to see how you've improved is not healthy in the long run. The chances are you'll be more disappointed than proud. Have confidence in who you are at this present moment instead, because you can change neither the past nor the future. You only have the power to change as you live in the present, through your actions along the way. I like to think that whatever change you [do to] your surroundings, a change is made in you. Attempting to make a huge change at once will also change you in a similar way, depending on it being a failure or a success. It's as they say, the little things that matter. The world is preserved by the tiniest details, and is what creates the big picture.
And I'm still waiting for EddyHeady to further help me in this regard.
Thank u for ur post xEmilyx!
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
It's simple, pick yourself up and keep whacking at your idea of what person you want to be. The real failure is to not learn from the past or being unwilling to change or manage a quality you don't like about yourself.
Guarantee within one month in the right environment, to showcase your passion, experience and philosophy you'll start to see the light again. Society judges you on past results it's true, but it won't hold to an ancient past if new behaviour and results have been proven

Just think of why you want to be a ceo/leader, it's probably the desire to have attributes worthy of respect and the ability to deliver that winning formula others. More prestigious may be perceived as more capable. Would you rather the 20m salary or the 100k and have the world know you are the man they need?

There are always going to be people who won't facilitate or believe in you, perhaps for valid reasons, but they don't know you like you do. Haters gonna hate.
Thank you "Thomas60" for your post. Ur right I shouldnt pay attention to the haters. :)
 

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WOW EddyHeady! Very inspirational and very insightful advice! I'm truly moved. It felt like u truly saw through me and gave me the exact advice that I needed. And that is exactly why I wanna discuss it with u in further detail.
First a linguistic issue: What do u mean by "keep the goal in your backbones instead of your mind"? What do u mean by the word "backbone"? (Hope that is not a silly question. I just want to make sure I get every detail of what ur saying.)
Second, how do u keep focused on one small step at a time? I feel like that is really hard thing to do. Coz ur right, it does seem that I've been changing goals all the time instead of changing the perspective.
Oh and also, why did u say changing the perspective is the solution? How did u come to this conclusion? Could u give me an example? Like an example of a goal and different perspectives to get to that goal? Could u give me an example from ur personal experience? Thanks!
Nice to hear you appreciate it!

Not a silly question as I gambled on using that saying. It's something we use in Norway, directly translated, as I don't know how it's used in English. I had a teacher who told me that first year in high school, studying media & communication. She said: "Whatever I teach you, I want you to learn everything about it. When you've done that. Forget it, remove the knowledge from your mind/thoughts, and let it lie in your backbones." It's sort of a synonym for your subconsciousness. It was so we wouldn't use our theoretical/learned sense when analyzing the media, every detail and function related to actions, composition and stuff like advertisement. Instead, we would forget the theory, so that we didn't put it to use. Instead, we were to make our own practical sense out of it. To create our own analytic sense based on our previous knowledge in a practical way. Since then, it's been my way of learning in every aspect of life, and most importantly, life itself. Hope that was understandable.

So what I meant by leaving your goal behind you, in your subconsciousness or your backbones. Is that you shouldn't take actions or decisions based on what your goal is. Your goal is only a totem of support, giving you motivation when you need it. In other words, your actual backbone. It will lead you to your goal eventually. Your goal is not sitting on top of the staircase to heaven that you have to reach, it's right behind you, pushing you up as far as you're willing to go. Don't let the goal choose your one path, but take every path you desire in the moment, as it will lead you where you want eventually. Switching perspective is the same as taking another path when you see one. The trick is to keep your mind open to those paths. If you can imagine a simple old fashioned car drag race game with multiple lanes. On every lane there are randomly placed objects or hinders that will slow and damage the car by little if you hit it. Those who're striving for the first place usually accelerates to top speed and drives straight through, thinking they can endure the damage on the way. Sure, in a way that may be quicker, but in the long run it's damaging, and it slows down the rest of your life that you're supposed to enjoy and find meaning in. Even if you finish in first place, you've lost so many opportunities on the way, and you're not ready to take another round. Or maybe you don't know which round you want to enter. A wise person would change lanes as he saw the objects, slowing down and avoiding them. Take a small detour. Even if that person finishes last, I believe he will most likely be the happiest of them all. As well as being the most likely to succeed in winning the next rounds of this game. I hope this wasn't too complicated to understand, as it's sort of difficult to explain. I see all the images, movies or games in my head whenever I encounter a problem, to find the best possible solution. Typing it down might have made it a bit too complex.

Regarding the one step at time. Try to imagine the same game again. Look at the lanes in the game again as you drive. Every lane is a different staircase. When switching lanes or perspectives, it's not really taking one step at a time, but taking multiple single steps in different lanes. I'm sure you're known to the saying that if you work with the same thing/project for a long time, you lose sight of it, causing blindness. To be efficient again, you have to take a break from it and come back to look at it with new, fresh eyes. From your story, it sounds like a similar case. You've been striving so hard to reach your goal, that you haven't noticed your surroundings as well as your opportunities on the way. Striving hard for your goal is not a bad thing at all, not unhealthy and not a cause of failure. It's only the approach of it. The bottom line is that you shouldn't look at your goal as a goal, a finish line or the end result. The goal is your life, your motor, your drive, your motivation. It's a screenplay you write along the way, a story you create. It defines you and forms you and instead of achieving in the end, you're achieving everything on the way. We're all carrying our own backpack, which through our life is gathering all our experience. Problems gone unsolved are the heaviest (an object run over), while solved ones and good experiences weigh nothing. If we keep walking, filling our backpack with heavy stuff, without being aware of how heavy it is, it exhausts you. It's important to be aware of who you are and where your potential lies, and how you can expand your potential instead of just using what you have at one point in your life for the rest of your life.

To be honest with you, I don't know how to explain how I came to that exact conclusion. There's no source or theory except for what I believe. I read your story and analyzed it while at work, then wrote an honest answer without giving it a second thought. All my answers on life is based on my honest, instant opinion. My only background for my knowledge and my conclusions and solutions in life are based on my goal. Which is life itself. It's in my profile's bio. I study and make my own theories regarding how life works. What I study every day is human potential, goals, the state of permanent happiness and the balance in each and everyone's life. So my conclusion and examples comes from constantly analyzing every single detail in life. Every person I meet, every function, every trigger, every piece of information that I can take into thought. Through it I come to realizations, or conclusions regarding life. The world is my playground and I experiment with it as an observer. My goal is to crack the code of life, to be able to help people think in a way that they can find their solution without me giving them the answer (as I can't). I share my experience and opinions, and it's yours to think about, or ignore as you judge. As is life.

I'm still very young and have yet to grow up and experience most things in life. I haven't gone through all the hardships that people older than me have. So use your ability to judge and hopefully you'll get at least something out of it. Also, reading about your MBTI and enneagram really helps you realize a lot. So check it out. :)
 

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28=still young. I worry that you have expectations that are so great, that when you don't get the feedback you want from your current goal, you move on to the next. I agree with EddyHeady-have more than one goal in mind. Keep them open-minded enough so that when your life changes, you don't have to. Some stick-tuitiveness is very key-show perserverance and find a good mentor in life. I try to prepare myself for many eventualities so that I don't have to be ill-prepared.

Cultivate people-they will help you.
 
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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Nice to hear you appreciate it!

Not a silly question as I gambled on using that saying. It's something we use in Norway, directly translated, as I don't know how it's used in English. I had a teacher who told me that first year in high school, studying media & communication. She said: "Whatever I teach you, I want you to learn everything about it. When you've done that. Forget it, remove the knowledge from your mind/thoughts, and let it lie in your backbones." It's sort of a synonym for your subconsciousness. It was so we wouldn't use our theoretical/learned sense when analyzing the media, every detail and function related to actions, composition and stuff like advertisement. Instead, we would forget the theory, so that we didn't put it to use. Instead, we were to make our own practical sense out of it. To create our own analytic sense based on our previous knowledge in a practical way. Since then, it's been my way of learning in every aspect of life, and most importantly, life itself. Hope that was understandable.

So what I meant by leaving your goal behind you, in your subconsciousness or your backbones. Is that you shouldn't take actions or decisions based on what your goal is. Your goal is only a totem of support, giving you motivation when you need it. In other words, your actual backbone. It will lead you to your goal eventually. Your goal is not sitting on top of the staircase to heaven that you have to reach, it's right behind you, pushing you up as far as you're willing to go. Don't let the goal choose your one path, but take every path you desire in the moment, as it will lead you where you want eventually. Switching perspective is the same as taking another path when you see one. The trick is to keep your mind open to those paths. If you can imagine a simple old fashioned car drag race game with multiple lanes. On every lane there are randomly placed objects or hinders that will slow and damage the car by little if you hit it. Those who're striving for the first place usually accelerates to top speed and drives straight through, thinking they can endure the damage on the way. Sure, in a way that may be quicker, but in the long run it's damaging, and it slows down the rest of your life that you're supposed to enjoy and find meaning in. Even if you finish in first place, you've lost so many opportunities on the way, and you're not ready to take another round. Or maybe you don't know which round you want to enter. A wise person would change lanes as he saw the objects, slowing down and avoiding them. Take a small detour. Even if that person finishes last, I believe he will most likely be the happiest of them all. As well as being the most likely to succeed in winning the next rounds of this game. I hope this wasn't too complicated to understand, as it's sort of difficult to explain. I see all the images, movies or games in my head whenever I encounter a problem, to find the best possible solution. Typing it down might have made it a bit too complex.

Regarding the one step at time. Try to imagine the same game again. Look at the lanes in the game again as you drive. Every lane is a different staircase. When switching lanes or perspectives, it's not really taking one step at a time, but taking multiple single steps in different lanes. I'm sure you're known to the saying that if you work with the same thing/project for a long time, you lose sight of it, causing blindness. To be efficient again, you have to take a break from it and come back to look at it with new, fresh eyes. From your story, it sounds like a similar case. You've been striving so hard to reach your goal, that you haven't noticed your surroundings as well as your opportunities on the way. Striving hard for your goal is not a bad thing at all, not unhealthy and not a cause of failure. It's only the approach of it. The bottom line is that you shouldn't look at your goal as a goal, a finish line or the end result. The goal is your life, your motor, your drive, your motivation. It's a screenplay you write along the way, a story you create. It defines you and forms you and instead of achieving in the end, you're achieving everything on the way. We're all carrying our own backpack, which through our life is gathering all our experience. Problems gone unsolved are the heaviest (an object run over), while solved ones and good experiences weigh nothing. If we keep walking, filling our backpack with heavy stuff, without being aware of how heavy it is, it exhausts you. It's important to be aware of who you are and where your potential lies, and how you can expand your potential instead of just using what you have at one point in your life for the rest of your life.

To be honest with you, I don't know how to explain how I came to that exact conclusion. There's no source or theory except for what I believe. I read your story and analyzed it while at work, then wrote an honest answer without giving it a second thought. All my answers on life is based on my honest, instant opinion. My only background for my knowledge and my conclusions and solutions in life are based on my goal. Which is life itself. It's in my profile's bio. I study and make my own theories regarding how life works. What I study every day is human potential, goals, the state of permanent happiness and the balance in each and everyone's life. So my conclusion and examples comes from constantly analyzing every single detail in life. Every person I meet, every function, every trigger, every piece of information that I can take into thought. Through it I come to realizations, or conclusions regarding life. The world is my playground and I experiment with it as an observer. My goal is to crack the code of life, to be able to help people think in a way that they can find their solution without me giving them the answer (as I can't). I share my experience and opinions, and it's yours to think about, or ignore as you judge. As is life.

I'm still very young and have yet to grow up and experience most things in life. I haven't gone through all the hardships that people older than me have. So use your ability to judge and hopefully you'll get at least something out of it. Also, reading about your MBTI and enneagram really helps you realize a lot. So check it out. :)
Wow man, great advice again! Ur quite the motivational speaker. :)
What you're talking about makes perfect sense! It seems you've had a much better experience than me growing up as an ENTJ. I wonder why. I think I'm gonna read ur profile right away. :) And I think I'm gonna write my own bio on this website soon too. I wanna see how we differ in our backgrounds so that I can compare our experiences.
Ur quite the motivational speaker. U have a great talent in transferring the image to ur audience, and guide them to the right way.
And regarding ur advice, I completely agree with u again. I dont know how is it that I was so blinded by my goal. This makes me so excited to live my life again as I feel there is so much that I haven't experienced in yet. I completely cut myself off before.
What you said about leaving your goal in ur backbone rings so true to me. It makes perfect sense. I dont know how did I get blind to this beautiful mechanism. Thanks for sharing it with me.
Thanks a lot for ur great advice. I will tell what is my plan now.
1- I will get a job. A job that will pay the bills and secure me financially. The best job I can get, financially and comfort-wise. I'm thinking maybe becoming a math teacher for high school would be a good option. It pays decently in my country (Saudi Arabia) and it enables me to have a lot of free time to engage myself in out of job activities.
2- Spend my free time on growing my talents and abilities in other disciplines. That includes, growing my abilities in physics, philosophy, math, creative writing,... and literally whatever comes my way. Just like u said, I will be open to whatever comes in my way and keep my goal in my backbones.
3- Last BUT NOT LEAST, focus on the demands of my inferior function (Fi). i.e. solve my internal/emotional issues and needs. Become more social, etc. U get the idea.

What do u think?
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
28=still young. I worry that you have expectations that are so great, that when you don't get the feedback you want from your current goal, you move on to the next. I agree with EddyHeady-have more than one goal in mind. Keep them open-minded enough so that when your life changes, you don't have to. Some stick-tuitiveness is very key-show perserverance and find a good mentor in life. I try to prepare myself for many eventualities so that I don't have to be ill-prepared.

Cultivate people-they will help you.
I think what ur saying is right. I do need to keep my options open. I didn't understand what u meant by: "Some stick-tuitiveness is very key". Also about finding a mentor, I find that to be an interesting idea. I'll consider it. I agree with u, I need to cultivate people. Thanks a lot for ur advice! :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Btw EddyHeady, in case ur wondering why is it that it took me so long to read ur reply and respond to it, it is because I was extremely busy in the past few days. Same thing goes to u Tea Path.
 

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stick-tuitiveness
Sorry, this is an idiom: staying with a subject/task to follow it through to it's completion. Many ENTJs that I know seem to be very good speakers and teachers. That may be a good calling for you-teach what you love and you will love teaching. Good luck!
 
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oh, no worries on the response thing. I'm not needy and I'm busy some days to. ENTJ=work comes first. (usually)
 
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