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I believe that pensive describes exactly how I am right now... I don't know if I can be with someone who's values differ from mine... Dying alone sounds ideal right about now, less drama throughout my life that way. :dry:
I don't want to die alone but I don't want to spend the rest of my life defending my values from the encroaching slime. As I explained to my SO today -- I want a relationship that is interdependent and what I have with him is co-dependent and unhealthy. If he can't give me the relationship I want and deserve within a reasonable amount of time (my reasonable amount of time) then I will end the marriage.

I'm just waiting for the explosion.
 

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... I want a relationship that is interdependent and what I have with him is co-dependent and unhealthy. If he can't give me the relationship I want and deserve within a reasonable amount of time (my reasonable amount of time) then I will end the marriage.

I'm just waiting for the explosion.
Then that means you know what to expect and that none of the rubble will affect you. Stand strong. Even if the blast knocks you down, dust off and be you.
 

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I feel weak. I feel pain. I feel vulnerable. I feel empty. I feel meak. I feel unwanted. I feel unneeded. I feel apathy. I feel cold. I feel misunderstood. I feel used. I feel unknown. I feel tired. I feel dead. I feel alive. I feel passion. I feel vitality. I feel intensity. I feel desire. I feel strong. I feel hot. I feel happy. I feel solitude. I feel understood. I feel exuberance. I feel awakened. I feel pleasure. I feel bliss. I feel infinite.

Most of all...

I still feel.
 

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So, am I really so lazy that I can't muster an extra click that pops up another Youtube window/tab in order to view videos that aren't embed-able within the site?

The answer is yes.
 

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As I watched this, I absolutely anticipated what would happen, which did at 2:40 onward before the plot of the music video had played itself out.

YouTube - Katie Melua - Its Only Pain

"It's only pain..." I've said this to myself so many times. As bionic has said, to "still feel", I think that counts for a lot. There is a progression to the melody that we don't always see coming but, when we do, that means so much. I'm always anticipating the next turn in the back of my mind. I know I can get through the maze and over the hurdles, that there is an AFTER and a NEXT and something that I will be sure I gain. I won't be made useless by my feelings, they will only compel me on to move toward my next seemingly insignificant accomplishment and to the next satisfying challenge that awaits me, after that.

Why did I even doubt myself- doubt my ability to recover? That's right- it's because my tryptophan levels were depleted from the fructose triggered malabsorption flushing my system of what my body needs to function optimally, the very precursor to ensuring that adequate serotonin levels can be maintained. No problem. Knowing what's wrong is the first step; it's now time to make life right. It's such a weird feeling to be depressed while at the same time fully conscious of the mechanics behind it enough to know that it's absolutely in my power to wait out the storm because I know I will feel completely different once it's passed. I've been here, before. I know this place. I know just how I managed to make things positive. I'm watching myself go through it from a clear vantage point. Heh.

I feel like Wesley did in the Fireswamp, "No problem!"
 

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*Sigh* I can't be the only one who wishes that his emotions would fuck off sometimes and stop causing me further anxiety.
:frustrating:
Almost certainly not, but try as we might, we cannot become Vulcans. Even they had emotional outlets.

Try to see your emotions as a drunken backseat driver who occasionally reaches for the wheel. If you let them do it in an empty carpark, it might even be fun. On a busy freeway at 110, not so much. Just remember, the car is insured, has a 5 Star safety rating and if you do things right no one will get hurt.

If you're still having problems, there's no shame in asking for help, be it from a loved one or a professional.

There is, however, nothing wrong with you.
 

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*Sigh* I can't be the only one who wishes that his emotions would fuck off sometimes and stop causing me further anxiety.
:frustrating:
Anxiety could be an indicator not only of stress (more like hyper alert reaction to stress that would otherwise be minimal) but of a nutritional deficiency prompting the immune system to put you into fight or flight mode supported by a hyper awareness or even hyper sensitivity, whether mental or physical or a combination of both. I've experienced more anxiety throughout the past 5-10 years than I had before that time, but the correlation has been that I've been dealing with malabsorption. Though I should be feeling a lot of anxiety right now, based upon similar circumstances reoccurring in my daily life that previously have prompted anxiety, I'm getting enough magnesium for once, so my anxiety is greatly reduced to a barely even noticeable level.

It's certainly worth considering that your current state is an indicator that something isn't quite functioning ideally for your body's preferences, but it is within your power to make some minor adjustments which would allow your body to stop sending you alert signals and "chil'lax".
 
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My husband started medication for ADHD two days ago; the change I've seen in his behavior is drastic. This morning I had probably the first truly healthy conversation we have ever had. He told me that he wasn't sure that he wanted the same things I wanted, that he was able to be the partner I wanted. He said he anticipated that we would end up divorcing and that he was okay with this. All of this delivered without over the top emotion.

He's right. We are very different people and truly not compatible once we give up our cycle of co-dependency. I can happily go for days in silence; he needs constant conversation (and that's not just the ADHD, he is an ESFJ). I think we will be able to end our marriage amicably. The best part, though, is that our daughter will benefit the most because both of her parents will ultimately be happier.

I'm in a really good place right now.
 

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My ISFJ wife just came back from a fortune teller. She said she had a really big favor to ask me, but it was something that would be easy for her.

Turns out that my son's birth date is "bad" and that he is in store for poor physical and mental health, but if we were to celebrate his birthday on a different day -- 10 days later -- this would help.

I told my wife that whatever she gets out of a fortune teller for herself about her own life is okay by me....but anything about the kids or me...I am not. My wife is now bummed, so convinced that my son is on the road to poor physical and mental health because of his birth date and my unwillingness to celebrate it on another day....after all, she says, "It's just a date".

Where would the lies stop? And when does accountability/responsibility begin? Own up to being a member of life and deal with what you have.

She and I just started marriage counseling.....what a setback.
 

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I don't know about this one. From your INTJ perspective, this is obviously a dumb request. On the other hand, is it truly harmful to do this? To you, it's just a date. To her, it's quite important.

On the other hand, if she's really that far gone, run for the hills.
 

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I find it hard to let go of relationship after i truly have opened up. My GF broke up with me (was a long distance relationship, i have trouble finding anyone remotely close by that can deal with me) and i find myself plagued with emotions that i dont know how to purge. I have analyzed the situation and see both sides are better off this way, but the other half of my brain knows that what i truly want is her.
 

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Air is not edible; breathe it- don't try to eat it.
 
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