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I commented on a video on YouTube, and somehow it has snow-balled to 1.6K likes at the time of this writing. Watching that curve has been interesting, because it definitely appeared to gain traction exponentially. Around 200 likes (which took about a month), replies to it started appearing on the regular in my inbox, and now (after three months) I have new replies almost every week... mostly nonsense, too... like literally, the latest reply is random letters in all caps.

It's on a video that is 3 years old, too.

YouTube is fucking weird.
 

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So. I've learned a few things:

1. I really hate my job. Actually, I like the job(ish) and the idea of the company, especially the fact that they're taking care of us despite the loss of revenue, but there's so much inane bullchit that's allowed to pass in the name of "friendship" and seniority that I dreaded going back. So much that I wished to be laid off so that I could collect UI in peace.

2. I'm not leadership material. Fuck that! I have no desire to manage people, to devise plans that no one will follow and to be understanding of other peoples' situation when they don't deliver, especially when my bad days are held against me. And I don't wanna talk about your kids or resolve petty a$$ conflicts. I just wanna work. :crying:

3. America ain't it. My plans have been delayed, but within the next two years, I'm out!
 

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So. I've learned a few things:

1. I really hate my job. Actually, I like the job(ish) and the idea of the company, especially the fact that they're taking care of us despite the loss of revenue, but there's so much inane bullchit that's allowed to pass in the name of "friendship" and seniority that I dreaded going back. So much that I wished to be laid off so that I could collect UI in peace.

2. I'm not leadership material. Fuck that! I have no desire to manage people, to devise plans that no one will follow and to be understanding of other peoples' situation when they don't deliver, especially when my bad days are held against me. And I don't wanna talk about your kids or resolve petty a$$ conflicts. I just wanna work. :crying:

3. America ain't it. My plans have been delayed, but within the next two years, I'm out!
The work-from-home paradigm right now seems to be a wake up call for many folks.

I'm not exactly sure what you're doing, except that it is beauty industry related, but I'm excited to see where you will go!
 

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I commented on a video on YouTube, and somehow it has snow-balled to 1.6K likes at the time of this writing. Watching that curve has been interesting, because it definitely appeared to gain traction exponentially. Around 200 likes (which took about a month), replies to it started appearing on the regular in my inbox, and now (after three months) I have new replies almost every week... mostly nonsense, too... like literally, the latest reply is random letters in all caps.

It's on a video that is 3 years old, too.

YouTube is fucking weird.
Can you turn the likes "off" on your own devices so it's not blowing up your notifications?
 

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The work-from-home paradigm right now seems to be a wake up call for many folks.
I'm not immune from that either. My Super (#8) and I talked about a reasonable return-to-work date and we're pretty much in agreement that it will be the day after Memorial Day. However... our department (and the department that I'm also about to take about 50% ownership over as far as administrative (i.e., secretarial) duties) is about an 80% ghost town during the summer months anyway, since I literally work in an academic office, in academia. We think that we MIGHT propose to the Dean a MTW in-office, and a ThF WFH. Pretty sure that he'll go for it, at least until August. She sent out an email to the faculty earlier today and cc'd me on it, and basically told them that I'd done a superb job of stepping up to the plate and transitioning quickly.

... and we all know how much ISTJ's DETEST change. I must have a really convincing poker face. It's been rough. Having said that, I think that a modified schedule might actually be something that I'm kind of keen on.
 

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So I've noticed that I am afraid to get excited about how things are starting to look up again. Work/finances seem to be straightening out and there is promise of another few months of guaranteed work to see us through winter. Accounts are starting to look as though we can move next year. ..... But I'm still holding my breath and can't really make myself enjoy the good fortune because it's been pulled out from under is a few too many times in the past couple of years.

Im not sure if I shared this previously or not but I've decided to cut untypable friend out of my life. I haven't heard from her since September aside from mutually exchanged generic happy birthday messages. I was whinging about it to SO and he, quite unexpectedly for his ISFJ self, told me to build a bridge, get over it and just accept that she's not my friend anymore. ... That stopped me in my tracks long enough to go "yeah.. you're right. Done." It was that simple.
 

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The work-from-home paradigm right now seems to be a wake up call for many folks.

I'm not exactly sure what you're doing, except that it is beauty industry related, but I'm excited to see where you will go!
Yes, a lot of my co-workers who are working from home are having the same feelings.

I'm gonna own a line, eventually, where I'm the creator, not a shadowy 3rd party manufacturer. But, I've gotta gain knowledge and build connections first. I'm not sure how long that's going to take, but the first step is saying sayonara and going to a place that actually wants to educate and mentor their professionals.

Too many companies in the industry are holding back the newcomers. It's sad af when you see someone join with so much enthusiasm, only for it to turn into bitterness and anger after just four months of experiencing office politics and everyday BS. Even the people who finally get what they want are still unhappy because of what they went through to get there. They also find out that good work doesn't really get rewarded... the prestige of having a famous name, doing "favors" and trickery does. After seeing this happen to so many nice and talented people, I decided that I wouldn't be one of them.

[And this is one of the main reasons why so many direct-to-consumer brands in skin care, cosmetics and fragrance have popped up over the years. Ppl with modern ideas are shut down bc the behemoth they work for either cannot or refuses adapt to change and sometimes, those people are punished for their ideas because they "showed up" the senior managers. It's bizarre.]

Anyway, I'm excited~ my plans could change in an instant, but at least I've got momentum and something to look forward to. :kitteh:
 

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i am just in a death spiral now with this nougat thing. sugar skills may have come back and the syrup went all the way to hard crack without getting scorched. but then it crystallized while i was beating it into the egg white.

it MAY turn chewy if i let it sit overnight, but not likely. and meanwhile i'm pretty annoyed. it's some elementary food-physics thing but i can invent a couple of plausible answers as to what thing it actually is (as opposed to hunting until i find my copy of joy of cooking where i first got a nougat recipe from - one that worked). it's possible that i just over-beat it and should have turned it out as soon as it was incorporated.

possible too that i should have ignored the internet and let it cool first, but i don't think that one's as likely. sugar syrups do have a temperature window where crystals form, so you have to catch them inside that window for fondant or fudge. beat them while they're too hot and they won't crystallize. wait until they've got too cool, and the best you can do at that point is taffy or satinize it. the frustrating thing is, nougat is closest in texture to satinized/taffy candy, but the method for getting it there is obscure, with the egg whites involved.

i need to make much smaller batches until have figured it out.
 

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i took a day off from work today - client request to try and distribute the covid load, so there isn't even any anxiety/guilt attached. and man did i do a buttload of nothing. nothing meaningful anyway. the full awesome of it is only coalescing in my mind now that the day is for sure over with.

i took some long walks. found some books - how many months has it been since i brought a 'new' book into this house. and then once i'd got them home i lay on my stomach on the back deck and read like drinking your first litre of water after a day in the sun.

yesterday, in the knowledge that i'd have four entire days to recover if things went wrong, i re-did the same bike ride that failed to cause me lasting problems six days ago. i'm not perfect today but whatever has bugged me this week seems like it responds well to a bout of walking. so i am doing a LOT of 'just going to go walk round the block.' i'm flirting a little bit with the notion that in some cases some kinds of chronic pain may be more a matter of neurological habit than actual harm, so whenever it hurts i'm getting into this groove of doing whatever i can that doesn't.

i hate that i am such a serious cbt sceptic, yet what i'm flirting with here is a somatic version of pretty much that. i still have all the same issues and reservations about cbt and its cult-panacea status that i've always had. but i don't mind playing with it on this one strictly limited plane.
 

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So. I've learned a few things:

1. I really hate my job. Actually, I like the job(ish) and the idea of the company, especially the fact that they're taking care of us despite the loss of revenue, but there's so much inane bullchit that's allowed to pass in the name of "friendship" and seniority that I dreaded going back. So much that I wished to be laid off so that I could collect UI in peace.

2. I'm not leadership material. Fuck that! I have no desire to manage people, to devise plans that no one will follow and to be understanding of other peoples' situation when they don't deliver, especially when my bad days are held against me. And I don't wanna talk about your kids or resolve petty a$$ conflicts. I just wanna work. :crying:

3. America ain't it. My plans have been delayed, but within the next two years, I'm out!
I've read somewhere that there's a specific type of persons who flourishes and makes career in corporate cultures - the inoffensive narcissist. And my experience corresponds with that.

Work in itself has always been ok for me. But the whole politics, bullshitting, the need to tolerate idiots and assholes because they are more influential than you and can destroy you, the expectation I will work 12 h for a 8 h pay, all that drives me nuts.

I hope to switch into self-employment in 3-5 years and dream about the day.
 

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I'm really feeling inundated at work: while I'm trying to manage the practice during a lockdown with limited/rotating staff and back at doing interviews and hiring someone for my position, we get inspected by the state veterinary board. Because of course. Because it has only been a month since half of our trucks were inspected by the board - I literally just finished submitting the corrections not even a month ago.

It's funny - it's not my first inspection but it's most of the staff's first experience with one. They were panicking and I said, "leave them easy stuff to find" because they're going to find SOMETHING and it seems like once they have determined that the clinic is not grossly negligent/noncompliant, they wind it up pretty quickly. I spent 4 unplanned hours with the inspector, who was very nice, and got a not too scary list of corrections. Manageable.

Still, it's becoming a proverbial straw as there are things I was really hoping to tie up before I left and it's becoming more likely that I'm going to be leaving behind a good number of half to almost finished projects. Oh, well. I tried.

July 31st is my last day. I have a countdown widget on my phone that I look at and just smile.
 

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^ I felt that way when I left my previous department. I KNEW a month in advance, but had to keep my trap shut until I received the actual paper-in-hand official notice on letterhead from HR. Needless to say, I already had my sayonara letter written; I made multiple copies of the notice and transferal letter and then beelined it down to my interim supervisor's office (S6, who was my super for a whopping six months) and handed her the paperwork in person.

Then I went back to my office and emailed my colleagues (yes, I already had that letter saved at well), telling them that I was staying with the organization but transferring departments and my last day would be bla bla bla.

One actually had the nerve to email me back and say, "Before you leave, you have to do ABCDEFG"... NOT a boss in any sense of the word; I stuffed it in her file and for the first time ever was like, "complain all you want this time, because not a damn thing is going to change on account of your bellyaching and for once, you WON'T get your way because I'm out".
 

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It might even be sooner but I'm not getting my hopes up haha I guess I should technically say "July 31st is the latest date I'm willing to work."

Then the Kiddo turns 18 one week later and then all three of us (plus cats) are driving out!

^ I felt that way when I left my previous department. I KNEW a month in advance, but had to keep my trap shut until I received the actual paper-in-hand official notice on letterhead from HR. Needless to say, I already had my sayonara letter written; I made multiple copies of the notice and transferal letter and then beelined it down to my interim supervisor's office (S6, who was my super for a whopping six months) and handed her the paperwork in person.

Then I went back to my office and emailed my colleagues (yes, I already had that letter saved at well), telling them that I was staying with the organization but transferring departments and my last day would be bla bla bla.

One actually had the nerve to email me back and say, "Before you leave, you have to do ABCDEFG"... NOT a boss in any sense of the word; I stuffed it in her file and for the first time ever was like, "complain all you want this time, because not a damn thing is going to change on account of your bellyaching and for once, you WON'T get your way because I'm out".
lmao this is great story. I get to write my own letter of recommendation so I'll probably do that when I'm feeling underappreciated.
@Nashvols and one of my INTJ friends like to remind me that I should be differentiating myself from the clinic's needs e.g. "that's the clinic's problem, not yours." I had to explain to them that it's not that I feel personally responsible for the clinic but rather, when I leave, I hope to be closing the door and not basically working for free as a consultant because no one knows how to do things (also why I want to hire someone vastly more experienced than me).
 

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lmao this is great story. I get to write my own letter of recommendation so I'll probably do that when I'm feeling underappreciated.
When I transferred, I was very fortunate; I had to go through the official process of course, but S5 works in the department I transferred to, so needless to say he was my #1 reference to S7 ... ahhhaaaahhaaah lmaooooo but accurate. My former colleagues in my previous department weren't complete idiots; even though I made no reference to it on my notification email, they all knew exactly where I was going. I probably walked around with a smartassed smirk on my face the entire two weeks I was still there. Most liberating two weeks of my professional life.
 

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at the end of my workday, i leave the work machine on all the peripherals instead of switching back to my own computer. it just isn't kosher for me to do this selenium stuff on time that i'm billing them for, so i tend to put it off to the end of the day. i get psychologically dragged by the end of the week, but i've been trying to counter that these past weeks by getting my me-time in the form of long after-work walks.

so i go out after work, walk at least the distance i would normally be walking if i were going onsite, and then i come home and it's pmuch selenium and then bed. it's been getting me dragged, but i'm scrupulous about not claiming hard skills i don't solidly have. so as a professional opportunity, putting in this time and developing some of that solidity is the biggest no-brainer to come down since i don't even know when.

i haven't actually added it to my linkedin or resume yet, but i'm close to a point where i'll feel like i've got enough that i can do that. it's pretty anticlimactic, so suddenly i'm in a mood to list out the little things that meant nothing to me a few months ago and are no big deal anymore. most selenium work i've been doing has these two primary characteristics to it:

- xpath picking. so much of htis stuff just seems to be inspecting a web page and picking good solid options for finding its elements. i'm still beglamoured enough by my own expertise for it to have a certain charm, but i could see how ten years of this would make it terribly hard to convince yourself what you're doing to earn your money is worth the money you're charging them to get it done. it's the definition of mindless-and-repetitive, once you're too used to it.
- convincing yourself that your tests have meaning. it's so easy to feel like they don't, because you piggle and twink your way to this thing that just ends up feeling as if it's so hyoooge, out of all proportion to the actual value of what the test does. right now i'm chewing through sir sneer's 'graduation exam' [spare me] assignment, and i'm starting to falter a bit. i have to keep reviewing it and reminding myself this is NORMAL and what's more everything i've written is valid and has its own place, and what's even more everything that i've written is in fact necessary. it's still hard to accept. four separate classes, streams and reams of methods in every class. . . and lets' not go into the wall-o-text lists of locators right at the top of each class.

still. i am and should be happy and pleased that i have, i don't like to dignify it with the word 'learned' because it was just getting familiar. but i'm not worried at all about finding elements on a web page, or using the n-unit framework to set up/run tests, or the whole page-object concept itself. it's all pretty intuitive once you have the context you need.
 

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Still debating how I'm going to handle the job situation. I have several options and possibilities, some "smart" options, some "I'd enjoy it more" options, and some in between.

I've verified per our employee handbook and policies the severance I would get, so that could be helpful. The present situation is thus:
  • I have 4 weeks of vacation days saved up that they will have to pay out.
  • I would get ~5 1/2 weeks of severance pay
  • I would get $5,000 in "benefits compensation" payment (1 time payment I believe)
  • My "layoff" is pending for June 30.
I have a few options from there, with all of that in mind. If they decide they can/will keep me on the account a little longer, that would help (re: covid and potential new jobs), but otherwise it mostly just delays the inevitable - but makes finding a new job a lot more likely.

So the options I'm debating:
  1. Take a month of "funemployment" with a responsible budget and then spend the next couple months finding a job and being fairly restrictive with my budget. Consider renting a room after the month of funemployment.
  2. Keep applying to jobs right along, but don't overly restrict my budget until I'm "out" of extra money, and just take whatever shit job I can find when that time nears.
  3. Rent out a room to significantly reduce my rent/living budget, and take more time finding the "right" job
  4. Keep applying, and just live as I have been until I cannot anymore, and deal with finances when I must
  5. Trim my budget, be responsible, rent a room, and stretch out the money while I try to find a "good" job
  6. Take a crappy position I don't want with my company, lose the severance and benefits money, and try to live with a significantly reduced income
  7. Take a crappy job somewhere else and keep the benefits and hope to find a decent job before I burn through all of that
  8. Some combination of a couple/few of these.
Renting a room would be the easiest/biggest single thing I could do that would make my financial situation a lot easier, BUT, I really don't want a roommate - unless it's the perfect fit person, but even then, I'd rather not.

I could find a new "side hustle" which would also loosen my budget up a bit and make it easier to accept a lower paying job, but I must admit, working 7 days a week takes a toll - I've done it, for years, but I think I am STILL feeling burnt out from it :/

Part of me also wants to "enjoy" life a bit while I still have "known" income, since once all this is over, I may be back to living on shoestrings - which I've done in the past, I know I can do it, but I also know how miserable it is, and a big part of me is in this mood of "play while you can, because after that, it may very well suck for a loooong time."
 

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@Coonsy I'm going to cast a vote for a very non-INTJ option of get max payout, enjoy life, find relatively best fit job at your leisure.

Who knows when you'll comfortably get to take THAT much time off again, especially once you start up at a new job?
I'm honestly kind of leaning that way myself - keep applying for jobs I want, but not "restricting" my budget much. Maybe some under the table side work as some extra cash.

I haven't taken more than 2 consecutive scheduled work days off since 2017 - just about a full 3 years ago now. I'm fairly burnt out in general, and that idea is sounding more and more appealing, especially after the stress I've been dealing with. If I got some unemployment as well, could stash that away and probably make ends meet if I paid a couple bills off even with a significant pay cut come this fall.
 
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