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it does feel so good when there's an objective 'outside' corroboration like that. especially when you've been getting gaslighted for months.
Yes, yes it does - unfortunately for me, the gaslighting has been going on so long that I can tell it is affecting me in my personal life now too - thank goodness I'm almost out of this role. I think just acknowledging this has happened, that it really isn't me, and that there are some reasons why I feel the way I do, is a good step in getting over it. I KNEW things [weren't true, were twisted, were lies, etc], but even when people sit there quoting emails that are clearly dated months after what they are claiming, but still standing on their claim, there comes a point where it would be more productive to take down a brick wall with my head than continuing to argue a point.

Unfortunately for me, I took too long to find something else (for good reasons like moving and covid shutting down the job market) and while my logic is intact, my mental/emotional state isn't - normal. Which fits right into sometimes feeling like a basket case, my inability to drum up my normal enjoyment of my activities outside of work, losing my competitive edge....

Fingers crossed I'll bounce back quickly, but I think I need to prepare myself to be a bit forgiving if I'm not meeting all my expectations (which tend to be based on normal operating standards).
 

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Update: S5 didn't get it... someone else did. He came to me and told me first, which I obviously appreciated, and then we talked about a few other things. I did really well until the car ride home, when I was AWAY from nosy colleagues, and I just lost it and cried in the car like a damned baby. So... anyone that is still living in a cave and thinks that ISTJ's are somehow not human are barking up the wrong tree.

In other news: The earlier start/stop schedule is working out well, except for the fact that S8 likes to ALWAYS call me like 5 minutes before my lunch period and then talk for like ... an hour, which forces me to take my lunch late like every single day. Once I realized it was a pattern, I decided to put a stop to it effective now. Doesn't help that I'm still pretty inwardly distraught about the whole "he didn't get the job" situation. Nevertheless, getting off at 4p instead of 430 is nice.

Taking the day off on Friday to get the car stuff sorted out, and then hopefully we'll get the parking pass stuff started.
 

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Going grocery shopping with this amount of people in the supermarket is already really stressful. Going grocery shopping with this amount of people, and a pandemic, is - pardon my choice of expression - cancer.
 

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while my logic is intact, my mental/emotional state isn't - normal.
the problem is you can't think yourself out of emotional states. not when the states are a valid response to an actual reality. considering the number of setbacks you've had over the past year or two, it's pretty impressive that you're even still on your feet.

it gets hard not to internalize so much consistent negativity, and iirc it's not just the stinkiness of the job but you also did a brave thing just making that move - and that didn't work out as hoped for either. it's not surprising you're feeling dented by such poor reward for your spirit.

i guess what i notice from the bleacher seats is also bullets you didn't take because of decisions you made at the time :p that clingy, demanding guy at the track comes to mind. it's really hard to reward yourself for 'negative' accomplishments, but they're accomplishments nevertheless.
 

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good news from medical checkup today: my blood pressure has always been fine with no effort from (or credit to) me, and apparently it still is.

disconcert news: am i barely 5'2" , and that's pushing it. not only that, but apparently i have been that way since 2010. . . . and just didn't know it?

now i don't know whether to mistrust my brain or my bones. i KNOW i was always five four and a half in high school, because it's inconveniently close to the edge of 'petite' and i never quite knew where to shop for my clothes. but on the other hand, 2010 was a long time ago and it's hard to picture a doctor getting it consistently wrong for that long. i also think i probably haven't had osteoporosis for 10 years without noticing it.

i mean, the bike crashes alone should have broken something, and to date the only thing i ever broke was a toe when i was [five feet four and a half and] still in high school.

it's an enigma.
 
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Car stuff is sorted out and I got the car titled/registered in my home state, but now I have to wait on my permanent plate, which should arrive in about 20 business days. In the meantime, I have a "new" paper plate for my back window, but at least this one is my home state. Insurance is all sorted out now as well.
The parking tag will have to wait until August, but I SHOULD be OK with parking on the street until my real plate comes in, as it's due to arrive about a week before classes begin at the university. The fact that I negotiated an earlier start time will help in that while I'll have to park on the street until then, I'll get there about half an hour before anyone else, and that will make the difference between walking a quarter mile each way and a half mile each way.
 

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i'm flipping between a new met version of cenerentola (garanca/brownlee instead of di donato/florez), and the casey anthony trial. while eating buffalo chicken wings off a fork and granita'd oj from a spoon, and playing freecell and brooding away in the back of my mind over selenium and how much it sucks.

ahhhhh, you intjs. so versatile. so deep. so messed up.
 

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WHAT THE FUCK
im at my last stop Friday and brought my load in
the owner was inside but the bar was closed
as I was waiting for a check the owner told me he was closed because there were 3 cases of covid there
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST why the fuck didn’t he tell me before
the stupid fucker should have refused the order
 

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Tomorrow should be a interesting day
theres a planned protest on 490, a major highway in my area
why they allowed a protest shutting down a major artery for a protest makes absolutely no sense
like it can’t be held off the highway
east of me the [hells] angels are holding their annual drags
every patch club across the U.S , Canada, Mexico will be there
all day long I’ve been hearing the roar of hogs
the club house is where they meet tonight
its 2 miles from my crib
with the anti gathering rules in effect it will be interesting
bad day to be a cop
 

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i've had my first encounter with a june bug. last encounter that particular june bug will ever be having with me.

i could be listening to marriage of figaro, but i don't want to. i'm too attached to the young, daffy, heart-on-sleeve almaviva of barber and don't want to see what he becomes later on. and mozart is never a draw. i do like non pui andrai a lot, but the story has always put me off.

waiting now for fanciula del west on friday. i would LIKE to see whatever is up on monday, but i clearly don't have a serious-enough confidence in my likelihood of doing int on a work day, so i haven't even retained which one it's going to be. other than those two, looks like it's a week of puccini and such.
 

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I am so happy to see this forum is still here, and the same posts are pinned. I honestly expected the website to be gone.

I happened to be looking up an old video of me talking to an ENTP for hours, idk if it's more cringe or boring, i haven't watched most of it since we made it. After finding it, i had to find out if PerC was still around.

Now i have to decide if i want to dig into editing the best clips of the interview. It may be interesting when completed, but would take a lot of time.
 

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i'm glad i'm still reading the court feeds. for one thing, it injects realism into my own expectations of time frames. you also get sort of familiar with some of the sagas out there, kind of an 'oh hey, i see x and y are still chugging their way down the road' kind way.

here's one of my favourites. i remember this family because they struck me immediately as being in our kind of ballpark. i also like this gang because they make buttface and her sidekicks look like a bunch of daisy-chain artists by comparison. i mean, these folks are a nest of absolute snakes.
 

it's a five-party, two-generation train wreck. protagonist can be generation a; she was married for a precursor period to husband a. then there is woman a's mother, who i'll call b. b has a husband as well, and then there's a brother (to a). it's all about the two women here, though.

in the backstory to all of this, b and her husband got a divorce. during the course of the divorce, b assigns cash and real estate worth oh, about 10 million dollars to her mother a, and also her brother who i won't bother to alias. she signs most of her assets over to them, shows the divorce court her hands and says 'see, i got nothing much' and so her ex husband gets screwed.

where she came to my attention two or -ish years ago was when she went back to court less than a year later and said she wanted her mother and brother to give her stuff back. it was remarkable because she was so forthright about how it got into their hands and what kind of 'relief' she was seeking this time. 'i was defrauding my husband, your honour. as one does. except now my accomplices are [illegally and fraudently?] keeping the goods and i want you to force them to give it all back.' her ex husband (for extra deliciousness) is now on her side in this, because if she gets it back he can promptly back-sue her for equitable division of a much much much larger pile of 'marital property'. so that will work out for him - except the court at that time told her to piss up a rope because the justice system is not in the business of helping a fraudster to 'perfect' a fraud. that's when i first noticed them and went 'hah'.

now they are back, and the little side-rings to this circus somehow escaped my attention till now, so catching up on all those and back-filling wht they've been up to since i saw them last . . . i'll tell ya, it's kept me busy for days. in the main ring though, it seems at least one house still remains, and somehow a and her mother b - despite their differences - own it in common with one another. don't ask me when or how that happened; just take a deep breath and go with it. what's apparently going on now is that that house has burned down. father-in-law may (or may not?) have accused daughter-in-law of setting fire to it at some point, which spawned a side-ring containing a libel suit. also in the side-rings, father-in-law himself seems to have ended up charged with arson. there's reference to him having a criminal trial in the works, but i haven't found any actual decisions there yet.

the brother is also in super-deep shit, because it seems he is [or used to be] a doctor until the province caught on he'd been either false-billing or skimming a couple of million bucks of his own. so there's that, but he's actually a very minor player in this whole thing.

so, anyway. a's ex is suing a for defrauding him during the divorce anyway - i.e. even though she didn't get anything back from her mother and bro. for all i know he's also suing the mother and brother as well for being the other half of all that. a is suing her father-in-law for 'libelling' her with respect to the fire. and now this woman and her mother are [maybe?] joint owners and tenants of a house that doesn't even exist, and the mother's husband is the person who [allegedly] burned the place down.

and mother and daughter are now back in court because the house has been burned to the ground and one of them is refusing to sign permits that would allow the insurance company to do anything about that. these people are NUTS.


i got a huge pile of pleasantly tedious work dumped on me that's going to keep my hands (if not brain) busy for a few days. i stood it for a few hours and then began looking for operas.

watched the met stream on monday, which was barber of seville with leonard [i LIKE!!] and brownlee. then i spent half the day playing it again while i clicked and counted, and now i've got many earworms at once.
 

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This managerial shit is for the birds.

I'm fine with directing projects, crisis management is okay since I already know that many of my superiors aren't qualified and playing to peoples' strengths for assignments is actually enjoyable. But what I absolutely cannot stand is when people refuse to think for themselves.

What is it about the words 'leader' or 'manager' that entices people to entrust their thinking capacity to another? I don't get it. Just because someone has a title, that doesn't give you carte blanche to stop using your damn brain.

Every day is full of stupid ass questions!! Next, I'm sure someone is gonna ask me if they should put clothes on before coming to work. Uuggghh!
 

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Summer is here, along with the heat and humidity. Not that I'm complaining, just needing to adapt a bit since I'm also refusing to run the AC to cool the whole house unless it's REALLY bad - I have a portable AC in my bedroom to cool that off at night, but trying to keep the electric bill down a bit, and running the house AC is stupid expensive.

Been getting the side hustle set up and moving along, and last weekend was a race weekend at a new to me track. Very different than other tracks I've ridden, but I believe a valuable learning experience. I went in with ZERO expectations other than "try not to crash..." so by finishing and not crashing I exceeded expectations. Not that it was easy to not set any expectations, but I refused to, and it made the weekend at least a little more enjoyable. Mentally I'm still lacking my "fight" but that will come as I recover from this crap at work.
 

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waiting now for fanciula del west on friday.
yeah. no. i did fire up an audio-only version of it while i was working today but nothing by puccini ever made it past first base for me. idk why that is, but i was too busy for music i wasn't into. i went back to barber instead. having a total love affair with that one lately. that backchat bit between almaviva and the crowd in the first act [insert lovestruck octopus emoji from the old days].

looks like it's a week of puccini and such.
not.
 

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Why is relationship always a headache?

Having a need of disappearing from his life due to the fact I didn’t see a clear future of us together but I’m torn apart at letting him go
 

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'that' lucia production is on the met stream today. finally. the one with dessay and calleja - and more importantly, ludovic tezier and kwangchul youn as the brother and priest. gah, i like those two together. so much.

[and not dessay/calleja. i don't mind calleja. i don't especially like him though. he seems to have a nice big voice and it's comfortable watching him sing - he doens't go up on his toes like florez or make random arm moves like pavarotti. i just like a smoother timbre, i guess. and it's starting to bother me that i've never seen his top teeth. i like dessay, but it's sort of a composite like - acting as much as her voice. and her acting wasn't all that in this one imo. apart from the mad scene of course; and in that i was really not sure of her voice.

anyway]

i've seen it in bits and clips uncounted times, but mostly the big wedding act and of course the mad scene. i don't like the obviousness of this way of staging the final scene, so i don't seek it out. anyway, this time i got to see the entire thing through, and there are quite a few parts of it in act 1, where the only voices are male. and wow. i guess i should watch more versions of it all the way through before i gush on this particular cast, but yeah. i'm just going to gush on this cast anyway. man, they sound good together, at least to me.
 

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Finally a small win. Legal case is going well. The couple didn't dispute and they have now missed the deadline to do so, so we can go and apply for a default judgement in our favour. The best part about this is that it will be a judgement against them both as they also failed to dispute that he was a part of this thing, which I thought might be their strategy seeing that on paper she paid and invoices were in her name even though all communication was through him. So now we can chase both of them and seize bank accounts and assets if it comes to that. It also leaves a mark on both their credit report. He's a financial advisor. That might not look too good lol.

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I deleted social media last month and I'm glad I finally did. No more mindless scrolling leaves plenty of time for other things.

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Uni is good. Its enjoyable and it's going well. Best decision in a long time.
 
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