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Doing a tad bit better, but still wanting to wallow in my misery....doesn't help that I really can't get out/away from it, either (no money to even drive to the local state park to hike, none the less do anything else). Bike down indefinitely. Trying to say "yes" to the chances that do come along though, even if I'm not really that "into" it - for example, my mother and nephew will be coming to visit this weekend as it worked out on both ends, and while I kinda want to just sit and home and pout, I'm probably better off interacting with other humans since pouting is probably where I would otherwise go.

Posted up my spare room for a potential roommate, and may pursue that a bit more - I really don't want a roommmate, but the money would help a LOT since a decent paying job doesn't seem to be in the cards :/
 

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Papers are signed. I think it's all in place now. I still have a hard time believing that it's going to happen but here we are. I have bought some first plants for the block. Still waiting for the building contract to come through but we should hopefully be able to start the build some time in October which means we'd be moving in around the end of February.

I'm pretty tired. It's been a massive few months with a lot of uncertainties. Work is still a bit up in the air. I'm halfway through my probation but the latest development is that they are going to have to stop taking on Queensland students and it is most likely going to have implications for our Queensland office. They say that the work can be done from anywhere and I don't think they'll be in a hurry to close down our office but with at least two people planning to leave the organisation in the next year, one probably pregnant.. I wouldn't be surprised if it all falls down in the next year. Not the worst thing in the world. I'm starting my teaching degree in October and I'm planning to knock it out in a full-time study pace, making use of the summer semester both years. That, on top of a nearly full time job and building a house and another move and two kids and trying to maintain a relationship with my SO ... is a lot. He is getting contracting offers so if it all becomes too much we could be doing the swap again for a little longer while I finish my uni degree and until M is in school too full time.

All of a sudden we are no longer this 1-income household, struggling to get by without any options. It's wild how quickly that changed when we moved here and with both kids occupied for at least 2 days of the week.

E has taken to primary school so well. I knew she was a clever little thing but honestly, the work she has put in with her words and numbers means that she has surpassed some of the kids in her class who have been there since the start of the year. The sheer amount of words that she has learned in just one term is incredible. She has overcome her anxiety with trying new tasks that are difficult and now gets up in the morning and writes letters to her friends. Basic letters, but still. A few weeks ago she wouldn't even let me try and help her get through her writing tasks because it would upset her so much.

I have been working hard at getting back into a good exercise regime. Running in warm, 90% humidity weather is hard.

Gardening here is the best though. The growth rate is insane. I have a ton of green tomatoes waiting to ripen up. My zucchini and cucumbers are starting to flower. Picking fresh lettuce for dinner each night. Not bad. Not Bad At All.

3 more weeks to wait until the land purchase goes to settlement.
 

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INTP sp/so 9w1 6w5 4w5
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Freezing in the face of stress has got to be the STUPIDEST coping mechanism I have ever heard of. Action is the ONLY solution, so why am I doing everything in my power to avoid it?

I mean, I know why. I understand it intellectually. And I've changed it enough that I'm so much more functional in day to day life. But I've got enough stress via major life changes on my plate right now that the old program is kicking in again and telling me to shut down. And it is extremely difficult to override.

I know that coping mechanism was very helpful, invaluable even, at one point in my life. But I really want to punch it in the throat just now. 😒
 

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Freezing in the face of stress has got to be the STUPIDEST coping mechanism I have ever heard of. Action is the ONLY solution, so why am I doing everything in my power to avoid it?

I mean, I know why. I understand it intellectually. And I've changed it enough that I'm so much more functional in day to day life. But I've got enough stress via major life changes on my plate right now that the old program is kicking in again and telling me to shut down. And it is extremely difficult to override.

I know that coping mechanism was very helpful, invaluable even, at one point in my life. But I really want to punch it in the throat just now. 😒
I struggle with the same thing. Fall deeper into a hole when overwhelmed, instead of digging back out.

That or resort to substance abuse.

(By substance I mean chocolate chip cookies.)

Take deep breaths. One shovel-load at a time.
 

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My home computer (tower, not laptop) finally conked out on me. I'd had it since 2008. I bought an emergency replacement (Chrome laptop) and while it's an adjustment, it's not terrible. I do need to buy a riser for it, though - the rickety desk that it's on I've had since 1990, no joke. Anyway, I do like that I can fold the lid underneath and turn it into a tablet as well as keeping some apps on the machine.

I also signed up for a yoga class this coming Friday evening. I tried it a few years ago but was turned off by the instructor - half my age and ZERO understanding of middle-age issues. Hoping to have better luck this time. The new place also offers other wellness options, though - i.e., it offers things for mental health, too (like breathing exercises and stuff). I ordered some Clorox wipes off of DoorDash (why did I not try them until just recently??!!) and cleaned off my mat.
 

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I have an aunt who is a One, comes across as hardcore SJ. There is always a Right Way to do things. She, like most of the people I know, is from the midwest. Everyone struggles with the fact that I never changed my name when I got married. I asked him if he had a preference and he said no, so I figured less having to produce a marriage certificate for proof that my name was previously something else.

She's big into genealogy, and I remember her handing me a worksheet after I got married to fill out for her family tree. She handed it back after I'd filled it out and said "You didn't put your new last name." I told her I didn't change it. She said, "I know, this spot is for your new name," thinking I meant I hadn't changed it on that piece of paper. I explained to her my name was still my old name, it hadn't changed. She looked confused, and I don't think she ever successfully uploaded the information into her brain. Nor did she ever quite wrap her mind around the two-word last name he had that involved one of them starting with a lowercase letter.

One year I got a Christmas card where the name was so badly mangled I kept the envelope. For illustrative purposes, we'll call the ex John del Something and me First Last. This was how the card was addressed:

Mr. & Mrs. John/First (Last) Del Something

I'm just sort of sandwiched in there and my last name looks like a foot note. Is it really that hard to write Mr. John del Doe & Mrs. First Last? I was even further amused when I looked up etiquette guidelines. Apparently the woman's name comes first, but if she read that at all I'm sure it short-circuited her brain because it conflicted with her patriarchal religious beliefs.
 

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I struggle with the same thing. Fall deeper into a hole when overwhelmed, instead of digging back out.

That or resort to substance abuse.

(By substance I mean chocolate chip cookies.)

Take deep breaths. One shovel-load at a time.
Thanks. I'm pushing through in small amounts.

And eating chocolate substances in large amounts.
 
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Thanks. I'm pushing through in small amounts.

And eating chocolate substances in large amounts.
I’m currently watching a video of an Eastern European gentleman washing oriental rugs. Fibers saturated with soapy water, brown pools of dissolved grime flooding down the drain along with cascades of white foam, until the rug is two shades brighter.

If only life were as simple as a dirty rug. :sneaky:
 

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I've started to work "normal hours", meaning just the 8h I'm paid for. If I stay longer it's just to do certificates, which are for me, using my name and which I can keep after I quit, which are however paid by my employer. It's an incredible feeling to work "just for money" and to close my laptop at 5 pm and not open it during the weekend.

I have never worked like that in my like apart from super short periods of time.

Apart from that I do a lot of furniture design, my own company development and similar. Also, looking for a new sport hobby. I used to jog a lot but my joints protested, so I need sth new.
 

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1. i made jambalaya

2. it fills the whole pot

3. it's too spicy

4. so now, in order to make this all right i need to:

4. a) make more jambalaya without the spices.

4. b) and mix them.

the trouble is:

5. in order to do this i wlll need to:

5.a go buy

5.a.i) two more pounds of chicken breast

ba.ii) two more smoked sausages

5.a.iii) two more red peppers

5.a. iv) two more yellow peppers

5.a.v) two more green peppers

5.a vi) two more onions

5.a.vii) one more head of celery, of which i will use only half

5.a. viii) two more cans of tomatoes

and then

5.b locate a different pot

5. c. cook the neutralizer batch.

5. d. locate a third pot

5. e. add half of each batch to the third pot and stir

6. add the remaining contents of pot a to the remaining contents of pot b, and stir.

7. fill half my freezer with jambalaya

8. which i no longer feel a yen for.

9 and then think up something to do with half a head of leftover celery.

which is what got me determined to make jambalaya in the first place.
 

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<<<<<<<------------------take it frum a koon!

Spent 2 hours on my back this morning looking at a ceiling and having a blonde & a brunette working me over........... I heard that - Stop what ur thinkin.
The brunette is my dentist and the blonde is her dental tech assistant. I had to have 2 crowns put on teeth.
 
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<<<<<<<------------------take it frum a koon!

Spent 2 hours on my back this morning looking at a ceiling and having a blonde & a brunette working me over........... I heard that - Stop what ur thinkin.
The brunette is my dentist and the blonde is her dental tech assistant. I had to have 2 crowns put on teeth.
That could have been more suggestive. Such restraint. :sneaky:
 

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That could have been more suggestive. Such restraint. :sneaky:
Haha......... your response tells me it was just the right amount of spice restraint. Haha
Sometimes one says moar by saying less. :cool:
 
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Well, as much as I don't want one, decided to advertise my room on roommates.com and see if I can find a match - I'm not so desperate to be willing to take the first "taker" but the money would be really, really nice right now.

Also decided to put my head down and get my CAPM certification sooner rather than later - stated goal is before the holidays (Thanksgiving/Christmas), unstated goal is to have my test scheduled by the end of September. Bought a study book/guide (not cheap) and will need to buckle down, but if I get that certification under my belt, it opens a LOT of opportunities in the job market - which seems like the silliest reason to me to set me apart from what I am now, but whatever, it's what companies want to see. After that is the PMP certification, but that might be harder to sell to my company to pick up the bill (my boss has basically agreed to covering my CAPM at this point).

Since the side gig and bike-storage gig both paid me I also decided to eat the shipping cost and get the dumb little shift drum arm spring I need for my bike from the one place that claims to have one in Japan. Only other ones I've found are part of an aftermarket package which would cost 5x what this will run me....would be an upgrade, but when money is tight, that's a really big difference ($35 vs $175). I'm going stir crazy without a bike - all the commuting and truck gas has me reluctant to spend the money to drive places (such as a hiking spot), but packing water/drinks/snacks and a couple tanks of bike gas feels a lot more palatable (and I know mentally a lot more productive use of said dollars). If I find a roomie it'll loosen the budget, but my savings are completely drained, so I still need to be pretty strict with myself for a good long while.

Work is - meh. If I felt like I was being fairly compensated, I wouldn't be looking, but I really don't think they are compensating these positions fairly for what they expect out of me....not sure if the other guy in a similar role is making more (previous employee) or where he's at, but I'm guessing it's a fair bit more. So, still applying, and going to get that certification, and either get "promoted" here or move on.

Still waiting to hear from that other job I interviewed for, they have been doing some internal re-alignments and have a big leadership planning trip/conference this week, so it's kind of dragging on right now.
 

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Looking forward to finishing the renovation in order to focus on other things. Still have 1 big Ikea order to make and assemble. And a sofa. Hope to be done in a month.

I wanted to have a cupboard/ shelving system as a divider between the kitchen and the living room. But not sure it will work out because of the security. I was shocked when I bought an Ikea wardrobe that it needed to be fixed to the wall. Here I would just be able to fix one side, not the back. My DIY dad told me I'm crazy.
 

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I’ve been doing more sensory stuff. Upon the moory wilderness, I ran the grass through my fingers, paying attention to the way it felt & sounded as I made it taut via a clenched fist. Upon seeing a rose bush, I felt inclined to smell the flowers.

I can and do conceptualise these things in my head, to the point I almost don’t feel the need to experience them. I already have a model of how tall grass slides through ones fingers, squeaking and creaking as you pull it tight, and can recall the scent of a rose. It’s odd that I live as if I’m above it, that I don’t need to sniff roses because I already know exactly how they smell. But what is the point in a rose having a scent, if I’m to shy away from experiencing it? 🥀
 

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I’ve been doing more sensory stuff. Upon the moory wilderness, I ran the grass through my fingers, paying attention to the way it felt & sounded as I made it taut via a clenched fist. Upon seeing a rose bush, I felt inclined to smell the flowers.

I can and do conceptualise these things in my head, to the point I almost don’t feel the need to experience them. I already have a model of how tall grass slides through ones fingers, squeaking and creaking as you pull it tight, and can recall the scent of a rose. It’s odd that I live as if I’m above it, that I don’t need to sniff roses because I already know exactly how they smell. But what is the point in a rose having a scent, if I’m to shy away from experiencing it? 🥀
i love the feeling of burying your nose in a rose bloom. the suedey feel combined with breathing in the intoxicating scent. i find it gives a very peaceful feeling, enjoying the nature.
 

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Okay, so this happened a few years ago. I woke up last night and my brain started thinking about it.
To give you some context, I am the most oblivious person you'll ever meet once you give me romantic implications. My IQ drops to 64.

For example, I was asked out a fair bit in high school. I wasn't interested in a relationship at the time, so most of the time I would decline as politely as I could.
But there were a few occasions were my brain would spontaneously turn into liquified paste when someone would give me objective signs of interest.
But there this one instance that eluded me until very recently. If anything, it might be another story to make fun of me for. So here goes.

Okay, this girl I knew throughout high school recently broke up with her boyfriend. She then asked for me to go on a drive with her, alone, because she needed someone to spend time with.
I was busy with my college courses at the moment, but I agreed because I thought she needed a "friend." I was initially slightly annoyed, but I made time anyways.
So we went driving alone for a few hours talking about random things. Nothing happened of course. After the day was over, I'd go back home.
This repeated a few more times, where we would spend a few hours together every few days. I thought I was doing her a favour, and she seemed relatively happy. So I thought I was doing a good job.

On one occasion, we drove around until the evening. She then randomly said she needed to go home to "change her clothes."
I thought that was weird, since her clothes looked relatively clean. Despite that, I said "sure" and then we arrived at her place. Sure enough, nobody else was home.
She then dropped her stuff, and told me she is going to get changed into different clothes. Again. I reply "Okay, sounds good. I'll just wait in the living room."
She then told me not to worry, as her Dad would "not be home until the next day." My response was "That's fine, I won't touch anything or make a mess"
I remember she may have reiterated a few more times that she needed to get "changed" in her room to be more blunt. I told to just "change her clothes already, I'll wait outside."

So sure enough, she goes into her room to take off her clothes.
After waiting in the living room for 10 minutes or so, I'm just thinking "She is sure taking a long time in there"
Forehead Hair Head Chin Cartoon


Long story short. Nothing came out of it. Eventually we decided things would be better if we remained friends, so things were called off.
I probably would have declined anyways if I did figure it out, but the cringe is unimaginable lol.
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