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I grew up with a few traditional things, but it was mostly customs e.g. having a family dinner on Sunday. We weren't required to say 'good morning' or perform any other niceties like that.

That being said, I am definitely more down-to-earth and free from all customary requirements nowadays. I think it's a good thing. I think a lot of these traditionalist things are really just cult acts that people do because they feel they need to do them to be accepted and present an image that tells others they're doing what they should be doing to fit in. Getting married and having a wedding is the final big cult thing that people still seem to do a lot.
I grew up with a few traditional things, but it was mostly customs e.g. having a family dinner on Sunday. We weren't required to say 'good morning' or perform any other niceties like that.

That being said, I am definitely more down-to-earth and free from all customary requirements nowadays. I think it's a good thing. I think a lot of these traditionalist things are really just cult acts that people do because they feel they need to do them to be accepted and present an image that tells others they're doing what they should be doing to fit in. Getting married and having a wedding is the final big cult thing that people still seem to do a lot.
It is such a cult that even non-conformists have weddings in non-conformist ways just to have weddings.
 

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I've discovered a really annoying windows 10 feature.

Click and drag at the top of a window, as if to move it from one part of the screen to another.

Instead of dragging it anywhere, shake your mouse from side to side while still holding the mouse button down.

All other active windows will be minimised from the desktop.

So pointless, so annoying.
 

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I don't know how much of this you expected me to reply to seriously, so I'll just write what I think about the sentences I'm 'reading'. Context be damned if it be the case.

There has been some kind of orientation flippage that I cannot understand. I must blame New Age anti-thought movements for canceling my critical thinking abilities out.
Blame the age group you've been in and all the 'new' things that needed to be adapted into your being in order to live independently as an adult. So maybe really, blame your laziness for allowing said critical thinking abilities to go, in order to focus on making things(transitions) more comfortable overall.

In terms of social programming, I think that after I developed the use of verbal communication with my peers, the verbosity and stiltedness of my language decreased. I also learned how to use phrases like, “How are you doing?” Though there is a very strange relationship I have with the word “reality” where I can’t say it without defining it. That’s probably why I can’t talk about it, it would become too stilted.
With social programming I was only speaking about trends here specifically. But I think what you've said is a natural progression with how most people communicate. It makes sense too, that some topics would require more formal language... I think in reality, you need 'proper' outlets that allow you to speak your mind about... stilted topics.

Regardless of the time period, I don’t think I was ever talking to people about intellectual topics in person. Although I did mentor a fellow on his freedom that he doesn’t use. For most of my time on PerC, I have been very attached to the problem of induction and it pointing out every time someone forgot about it. Ah yes, it was everyday. I made a video once and it came off as forced when I talk about intellectual stuff, I don’t talk about it, it normally is my own thing. Almost like a person whose feelings are their own thing won’t just reveal them to anyone.
To be honest, you were probably doing most a favour by not talking to them about heavy intellectual topics. It reminded me of this person I met once because my parents were having a gathering and one of the other people had brought one of their kids. I had a friend over and we were hanging out doing kid things, and this other relatively young person joined us. Except, that this person wasn't a very ordinary 'young' person. Good lord, this person was talking about some things that I can't even remember to this day, but I only know I remember it being just way beyond my understanding at the time. Insanely formal way of speaking for their age, and very much filled with jargon. My friend was attempting to include them by having a conversation, but every so often had to stop and say, okay, woah that's going way too over my head, or along those lines. The point being that it seems like you learned to practice good judgement by knowing your crowd.

I was thinking about what I wrote in the previous post, and who the conversations I was able to eyesdrop in on at the time, and I always found the interactions + topics interesting/educating, but also interactions genuine. So, what I wanted to add was that even though what I seemed to view of how you were... only you know for what reason you were doing so. Was it purely for the engagement, the knowledge, the people, the image etc... I think the answer says something on how it relates to you for those descriptions of the different types. Like, if you enjoy x, but have nobody or no situations in which to enjoy x, it makes sense that after some time of being unfulfilled, you'd start looking to other - secondary - forms of 'entertainment'.

I found a message when I was much younger where someone compared me to a character named Charlie from a movie called Perks of Being a Wallflower. That movie was probably relatively new back then. It results a combination of soul searching and universe understanding, but maybe the soul searching part could be more powerful. I think they call that enneagram 5 or something which could be anyone.

But so far all evidence suggests my type has to be introverted judging, that seems like the most unquestionable aspect of it. Even all those times when I did something impulsive and regrettable, no one was nearly as harsh on myself than myself. The guilt and regret was entirely self-imposed when everyone else brushed it off.
Funny, I was going to say that what's described in the second paragraph could be anyone. But I hardly know anything about type, so if the conclusion is 'unquestionable' I suppose that makes it a... conclusion... 👀

In past, I normally lightly think about people and relationship, I think it has come up a few times more. Like that time when I first got my internship and now my job where I was attempting to anticipate how I would fit into an organization full of people older than me and vice versa. It seems more like for Fi or Fe, relationships are the key while Ti or Te are more impersonal. Thinking about relationships is more puzzlement for me, because even though I can talk at great lengths about them, they may be abstracted. They are memories more than physical realities at this point, because I could say I got along with the outcast type of person and rebel as a kid. We used to sneak into abandoned houses and other nonsense. But I sense that my understanding of might have a different dimension to it than what an Fi user would do.
I always assumed it had to do with how one reacts naturally to the situations and the type of thoughts they had while thinking on those encounters or observations. Does that make sense? Maybe someone interacts with others and says we need to do this that and that, and the other thinks yea that makes sense. We're probably going to have to add this or that to the list. Meanwhile someone else is nodding their head and they do agree in the background of their mind, but the forefront is maybe focused on what an asshole the boss is giving commands/being tedious or something lmao. Like I said, I gots no clue bout type, can't rly 'help' you there.

I really want to these facial analysis people to redo their work. I find it hard, though not impossible to believe my face shows signs of Fi. But I also sense that my preoccupation with forming a correct identity also sounds like Fi whereas Ti could care less about the person at stake. But the latter statement doesn’t seem fair and could exclude most people. I think more absurd acts of identity seeking could be more related to aspergers, like being unable to easily discern my sexual orientation.
I remember reading something a while back about how fe types tend to show more emotions on their face, like they can't control it being expressed. Whereas fi types will be able to keep more of a stoic face. But then I guess ISTP are actualy Fi doms? Personally, I think there's a lot of useless bullshit in general. But again, it's probably because I don't have any understanding in it.

I have a very early thread on that topic.
I don't know if you wanted me to respond to that in there, but - not knowing how things have changed since - I do have some takeaways from reading it anyways:
  • Maybe it's just not static and more of a fluid thing.
  • I think there can be bodily reaction, as well as mental reaction. I think what shahada wrote was kind of interesting, and I wonder if the non bodily reaction has something to do with that. But overall I think that the mental 'case' you make to yourself has to be 'correct' in some ways to, because that is still 'you', and an extension of your desires. I think congruence plays a crucial role as well, and having achieved that to a degree, you'd probably feel 'whole' on the matter.

  • Do you feel(still) the need to define it specifically? If you're still searching, go to a site like AVEN, and get info from the more 'experienced'.
  • When you're doing whatever business, which was the preference in your imagination? That would indicate at least on what side of the scale you lean to.

"...I already have friends and I don't need a female one because..."
Well, it's probably always good to have a different perspective on things. Bonus if it's a friend of the opposite gender/sex.

To be fair though, the biggest takeaway I got from that was more that at the time you were just a kid - trying to think and act like an adult. Like, on relationships, think about the whats of what you read, and the whys behind it. What led you there? Why did you go searching? Where did you get the information/direction from? 30 year olds? 40 year olds? Legitimate relationship counselors/experts? I think you fucked yourself over to a degree trying to learn some kind of perfect way opposed to being able to just really experience it. Or maybe that your experiences led you to search for the information, and after that it kind of went downhill in your ability to just live because you suddenly had this knowledge you needed to adhere yourself to...

I find it weird when people are into MBTI, and they think they are INTP or whatever say, “Oh, I just don’t understand people I’m like a robot” and say it like it’s cute and funny then start laughing. This is how I actually tried to understand things, it wasn’t a weird act to look like a certain type.
Could just be an act. Can't really trust anyone tbh. Like right now you might reading the remnants of slightly advanced chatbot.

Another thing, I think in person I am more of an observationalist and always pointing out what is odd in everyday scenarios. One of my friends drove to my house to pick me up for “entertainment value” and I think that just supports the idea that I only come off as being serious when I am shy and new. But I suppose it depends on the person, it depends entirely on the person.
A lot of young self conscious people are like this so doesn't really help to narrow things down. Though for the observations thing, aren't there writings on that already about which function tends to do that?

But I think actually the message I got was that I come off as being more disagreeable than agreeable and my capacity for troll-like behavior exemplifies that.
I thought that brand of 'trolling' was just fun interacting, and showcasing sense of humour...

Bla bla... the rest of the amateur/celebrity type stuff doesn't really interest me. 😝
 
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I don't know how much of this you expected me to reply to seriously, so I'll just write what I think about the sentences I'm 'reading'. Context be damned if it be the case.
Then we will deal with this sentence by sentence, paragraph by paragraph, puncuarion

Blame the age group you've been in and all the 'new' things that needed to be adapted into your being in order to live independently as an adult. So maybe really, blame your laziness for allowing said critical thinking abilities to go, in order to focus on making things(transitions) more comfortable overall.
I’m not sure if I should be mad at myself for that. I have two choices, revert to hyper-analysis or totally jump on the train of no clinging to any ideas. I find the second to give somewhat of a challenge, and it is refreshing to actually pull it off. I linked that video on that New Age guy saying he had a new level of understanding, I actually liked that video it seemed less annoying. It is more like a conscious and deliberate effort to encounter opposing points of view without getting angry at them, a cleansing of all anger and hostility. Much fun and challenge is to be fun there.

With social programming I was only speaking about trends here specifically. But I think what you've said is a natural progression with how most people communicate. It makes sense too, that some topics would require more formal language... I think in reality, you need 'proper' outlets that allow you to speak your mind about... stilted topics.
Yes, that is why I am pursing a Master’s Degree. This is surprisingly harder than anything STEM has thrown at me, there is a lot of information. But perhaps I will need to rest my bones at some point and stop continually pursuing education. Maybe after this one.

To be honest, you were probably doing most a favour by not talking to them about heavy intellectual topics. It reminded me of this person I met once because my parents were having a gathering and one of the other people had brought one of their kids. I had a friend over and we were hanging out doing kid things, and this other relatively young person joined us. Except, that this person wasn't a very ordinary 'young' person. Good lord, this person was talking about some things that I can't even remember to this day, but I only know I remember it being just way beyond my understanding at the time. Insanely formal way of speaking for their age, and very much filled with jargon. My friend was attempting to include them by having a conversation, but every so often had to stop and say, okay, woah that's going way too over my head, or along those lines. The point being that it seems like you learned to practice good judgement by knowing your crowd.

I was thinking about what I wrote in the previous post, and who the conversations I was able to eyesdrop in on at the time, and I always found the interactions + topics interesting/educating, but also interactions genuine. So, what I wanted to add was that even though what I seemed to view of how you were... only you know for what reason you were doing so. Was it purely for the engagement, the knowledge, the people, the image etc... I think the answer says something on how it relates to you for those descriptions of the different types. Like, if you enjoy x, but have nobody or no situations in which to enjoy x, it makes sense that after some time of being unfulfilled, you'd start looking to other - secondary - forms of 'entertainment'.
That is the possibility I fear. You’d probably want to talk to me 7 years ago about that for an accurate answer.

My forum rivals once attacked me and said that I was “trying to look smart.” I didn’t think that at all, I thought I was interested in those topics. Especially when you’re a kid, you have questions like that. When I was a kid and beyond I used to read Wikipedia the free encyclopedia all the time like any other kid. The curiosity was not false and to suggest it was only for getting other people’s attention is questionable. I started reading things before I even had social media. Can a person not actually be interested in learning things? I thought that would be the norm actually.

I never labeled myself a genius. Actually, historically I was thinking about who would I actually block on PerC. There is actually one person that I blocked and upon further reading, it seems like that person took my character, avatar and name to be disgusting. A person who actually disliked the Star Wars character of Yoda because he was a know it all and probably saw my use of the name as a signal that I also wanted to be a know it all.

I suppose that disgusts some people.

The kid you’re describing probably gives a similar impression I must have given to others.

When I first got a phone, social media and texting I was subject to what I consider to be my autism spectrum disorder. High verbosity, tangential speech that others could not follow, etc. My Uncle said that I texted like I was Mark Twain because I wrote in complete sentences using moderately big words.

And I also had no concept of social rules. I would message incessantly without awareness of when the other person wasn’t interested. Too much monologuing which I suspect it just sounds like everyday Asperger’s Syndrome of course I didn’t know it yet.

Around the same time, my parents called in a speech therapist. So I thought I’d put on a compliant face and talk without shutting down just so they would go away and realize everything was fine. I literally had the report when I was at home, I don’t know if I have pictures of it anywhere. I thought I was having a normal conversation with this person and I ended up getting some moderate-severe rating on poor speaking skills and there was a significant amount of talk about going off topic and failing to be understood.

I still do these things, albeit less than before probably more so because after finally learning how to talk to other people, I had to learn how to dial it back a lot. I could probably talk somebody’s ear off and not realize they don’t care about what I’m saying.

There’s also been this kind of return to grace thing I had since 2013. Up until I was in the 11th grade in a brand new high school after being with a psychologist for a few months already, I had complete selective mutism from all of my peers and never spoke to any kids at school. Ironically, I was not easy to hate it seemed and I made friends by writing notes. It all went well.

This return to grace thing is more like, when I have inevitably overstepped social boundaries I wish I could re-learn to entirely shut up and nothing bad would happen. But I think we know the actual path I took which was probably good from a societal perspective which was to keep chugging along.

When I went to college, I kind of just learned not to talk smart and there was a restructuring in which I sort of talk like a normal person I think as long as I contain myself.

I guess it’s great and all. I think some stimulus is missing though because my mind no longer fires off with ideas. No more language games or anything instantly pop into my head like they used to. I think if I went back, I don’t know if I’d even understand some of the words I used to use. I used to use the dictionary on my phone a lot back then to see if a phrase that sounded righty actually meant what I was trying to convey.

It actually reminds me that my first essay in college was completely torn apart because it was all of the above, overly verbose, not concise and difficult to understand. I rewrote it in accordance with the audience and got a higher grade and have written more appropriately since. But appropriate isn’t creative, it isn’t fun to read and is bland. I was bit saddened by that when I first saw it.

Funny, I was going to say that what's described in the second paragraph could be anyone. But I hardly know anything about type, so if the conclusion is 'unquestionable' I suppose that makes it a... conclusion... 👀
I suppose it could be indicative of anything or anyone. Perhaps I was wrong to jump to a conclusion.

I always assumed it had to do with how one reacts naturally to the situations and the type of thoughts they had while thinking on those encounters or observations. Does that make sense? Maybe someone interacts with others and says we need to do this that and that, and the other thinks yea that makes sense. We're probably going to have to add this or that to the list. Meanwhile someone else is nodding their head and they do agree in the background of their mind, but the forefront is maybe focused on what an asshole the boss is giving commands/being tedious or something lmao. Like I said, I gots no clue bout type, can't rly 'help' you there.
Ah yes, remember that time that random manager lady warned me that I could get fired to my face because I waiting to talk to someone and “not doing anything” but the real reason she acted like that was because they were going to lay me off anymore due to covid-19.

I remember reading something a while back about how fe types tend to show more emotions on their face, like they can't control it being expressed. Whereas fi types will be able to keep more of a stoic face. But then I guess ISTP are actualy Fi doms? Personally, I think there's a lot of useless bullshit in general. But again, it's probably because I don't have any understanding in it.
In this, the Fe type will show more emotion but it is actually coordinated and intentional. The Fi types show less emotion, but it will leak out.

I think I should probably stop listening to this stuff as well. I did a video with these people, and they basically tried to tell me I’m repressed and my something happened in my childhood where I turned out “intellectual” as a coping mechanism for the fact that males don’t get proper validation for their feelings in our society. Hence, I would be an Fi person who mimics a Ti person. They say Fi can still be smart too though of course, but it sounds more like mimicry which essentially is just like saying I only talk about certain things because I want to look smart. That kind of invalidates everything I spent my life doing. It was all just a stress response and nothing was real.

It’s kind of like how people assume that because someone has stilted language and pedantry, they trying to look smart as well. When I was younger I didn’t know how to talk to people. I guess the next thing was that anyone with aspergers is an asshole, they don’t have a disability that might prevent them picking up cues or anything, they are just bad people.

Like I said, I’m basically broken then. All that experience reminded of was that I have these behaviors.

My friend said he thought the reason I don’t talk to people was because nobody listens to me. Maybe he’s right.

I think I just had to learn it the hard way because I didn’t know any better as a kid. Talking about things I’m interested just seems so pointless and I wish I knew better than to record a video doing that. It sends a message to people apparently that I’m a know it all and think I’m smarter than everyone else.

I don't know if you wanted me to respond to that in there, but - not knowing how things have changed since - I do have some takeaways from reading it anyways:
  • Maybe it's just not static and more of a fluid thing.
  • I think there can be bodily reaction, as well as mental reaction. I think what shahada wrote was kind of interesting, and I wonder if the non bodily reaction has something to do with that. But overall I think that the mental 'case' you make to yourself has to be 'correct' in some ways to, because that is still 'you', and an extension of your desires. I think congruence plays a crucial role as well, and having achieved that to a degree, you'd probably feel 'whole' on the matter.

  • Do you feel(still) the need to define it specifically? If you're still searching, go to a site like AVEN, and get info from the more 'experienced'.
  • When you're doing whatever business, which was the preference in your imagination? That would indicate at least on what side of the scale you lean to.
Female. As likely mentioned elsewhere, I did have an experience with a male on a walk home one day. But I was already depressed before that happened and being so depressed, I considered the activity to be a suitable punishment for the crime I had committed.

Now I don’t care. I’ve pretty much been through it. I had depression until a weird snap happened where I no longer felt sadness.

Well, it's probably always good to have a different perspective on things. Bonus if it's a friend of the opposite gender/sex.
I’m not entirely sure why I used to say things like I never had female friends. I had female friends. The only ones who I would actually message on some level were female, but I was not diminishing them to objects unlike others.
To be fair though, the biggest takeaway I got from that was more that at the time you were just a kid - trying to think and act like an adult. Like, on relationships, think about the whats of what you read, and the whys behind it. What led you there? Why did you go searching? Where did you get the information/direction from? 30 year olds? 40 year olds? Legitimate relationship counselors/experts? I think you fucked yourself over to a degree trying to learn some kind of perfect way opposed to being able to just really experience it. Or maybe that your experiences led you to search for the information, and after that it kind of went downhill in your ability to just live because you suddenly had this knowledge you needed to adhere yourself to...
I suppose. But in terms of sexuality, I’ve established a very good repression, Freud would be proud. I’m functionally asexual. If a girl were to be interested in me, it would backfire on them. I did characterize myself as being no different from a rapist bsxk
Could just be an act. Can't really trust anyone tbh. Like right now you might reading the remnants of slightly advanced chatbot.
It will all be an act in a couple of days. I don’t mind re-spilling the beans.

A lot of young self conscious people are like this so doesn't really help to narrow things down. Though for the observations thing, aren't there writings on that already about which function tends to do that?
Every test of every kind tells me I’m an INTP. But it’s possible that’s just what I value and in reality I’m completely different. Maybe it’s the ideal vs the real. But since, I am very hesitant to agree with the statement that my curiosity was basically compensation for some other deficiency and I’m really not convinced visually that I must be Fi. But I also don’t think it’s worth arguing about. Why would it be the case that I’ve identified with alpha, people on this forum called me alpha or INTP this whole time and I find the gamma description to be somewhat difficult to comprehend?

The only explanation I could come up with is how broken I must be and generally, I like to just live norm instead of reflecting upon my brokenness.


I thought that brand of 'trolling' was just fun interacting, and showcasing sense of humour...

Bla bla... the rest of the amateur/celebrity type stuff doesn't really interest me. 😝
Unfortunately, not everyone wants to look at it in a positive light. Some people will call it low quality and attack me for it. Then they will act out as usual. I am hoping somebody can learn from it and not attach themselves to all of their beliefs. That is what the new age teaches as well, I think it is somewhat nice. Confusion can be good, it is fine and also educational. Some people don’t go on the internet to laugh and play though.
 

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I am watching videos of people with varieties of disorders with attached stigmas. It is nice to see some people have come to terms with their conditions and enjoy their lives. It is nice to see that intensely nice people exist to support others as well.
 

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Got up at 7am to do a thing with a contact in the USA. I have no idea why, but he seemed to think the best time would be 1-2am for him, and 7-8am for me. He says he's a bit of a night owl.

Anyway I'm up and I've messaged him and he isn't there.

Last week we missed our meet time too, and it was my fault, because I got some weird insomnia and was not willing to be up so early. But I told him well in advance, with a big apologetic message.

Today however he has told me nothing. So I got up at 7am for no fucking reason. Not cool at all.
 

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My time on the island is coming to an end, because of the dismal rental situation. I researched affordable/available apartments in Canada, and I more or less decided on a town 1000 miles (1500 km) north.

I also wrote to my sister and a friend in eastern Canada, on the off chance that one of them might want a roommate (I can't afford an apartment there). With the friend it was a no. My sister replied with a very brief email, something about getting "bounced off"; I guess that means Internet problems? I didn't hear from her for 10 days, so I kept thinking and planning northward.

So yesterday she emailed me, saying she'd be happy to have me stay with her. (She later confirmed that "stay" meant long term.)

Her apartment is small, and we are quite different (she is ESFJ and religious). But we lived together before and survived.

It's kind of a last-minute about-face, but now I'm tending toward living with her. If I don't move to Ontario now -- probably for a year or two, until the Covid situation is over -- I'll never see her (or certain other people) again.

I know my sister loves me. Meaning something to someone is important to me. I always wanted that to take the form of a romantic relationship, but it never really worked out, and maybe it's too late for that now.

My brother lives on the island where I live now, and he's been my best friend here.

Seems kind of incestuous to me, or closed-system, or something ... I'm an adventurer, and I never put much stock in family values, but in the end it seems all I have are the people I started out with.
 

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Well, that intense friendship is officially over. Short-lived, really. Next time I try something “serious” with someone, I'll make them do a test:
[Basic Template]
— What do you think about social darwinism?
— Do you know the difference between colonialism and coloniality?
(If they're white) — Do you understand white people in certain areas are not victims?
— Do you know Israel is illegally occupying Palestine?
[Extra points]
— Do you consider terrorism as a concept manipulated by Western powers to their own interests?
— Do you agree with international intervention?
— What has been the role of the US in global politics? You can take Middle East, Latin America, Africa and South Asia as an example.
— Are you a feminist? (wink)

Even if the person simply says «I like math, I don't know, but sure, whatever, people deserve to be autonomous», there, approved.

I won't do this, of course, but it's my mental template. I'll pay more attention to how they laugh at something/someone as well, I learned that can teach you what a jerk someone can be.
 

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I’m not sure if I should be mad at myself for that. I have two choices, revert to hyper-analysis or totally jump on the train of no clinging to any ideas.
What's interesting about that is it probably actually is best to alternate both. Just fill up on all the things other people make to make life easier or more bearable, and then reflect after why your house is filled with things you use only once a year. Maybe it's like weight training in a way, where you bulk up and slim down. Which now that I think about it, is kind of ironic in a way because while that's happening, the mind goes from dumbed down auto robot to something... else.

I find the second to give somewhat of a challenge, and it is refreshing to actually pull it off.
Lol oops. I think I read the above as 'ideals', in way of just saying eff everything and go after selfish gains. I literally clicked to watch the video and after about 10 seconds jumping through it, I closed the window. Seems like the person is on drugs, is bat-shit crazy, pretending to be on drugs/crazy, or any odd combination of all the above. Google reviews didn't give it 5 stars so I don't think I missed out on much.

Yes, that is why I am pursing a Master’s Degree. This is surprisingly harder than anything STEM has thrown at me, there is a lot of information. But perhaps I will need to rest my bones at some point and stop continually pursuing education. Maybe after this one.
Nice. I think what's good about continuing formal education in some capacity is that besides the obvious benefits, it also gives you an opportunity for continual networking outside of a person's 'regular' circle(s). And maybe even in terms of dating, it can work out well for late bloomers, or people that have different/advanced mindsets, because they end up meeting more people similar to themselves. It's like every time you go into more specialized areas I guess it really is just like going through a filter.

That is the possibility I fear. You’d probably want to talk to me 7 years ago about that for an accurate answer.
Hogwash, I bet the thoughts hardly ever make a blip, and when they do its weight only lingers a few days if even.

My forum rivals once attacked me and said that I was “trying to look smart.” I didn’t think that at all, I thought I was interested in those topics. Especially when you’re a kid, you have questions like that. When I was a kid and beyond I used to read Wikipedia the free encyclopedia all the time like any other kid. The curiosity was not false and to suggest it was only for getting other people’s attention is questionable. I started reading things before I even had social media. Can a person not actually be interested in learning things? I thought that would be the norm actually.
I don't know. It's not really 'my' generation, but I don't think it is 'the norm' if going by many places on the internet. It could just be some kind of illusion though, where people seem one way, but in reality they're all really studious and stressed out; and the number/ratio I see on the internet is just for many, break time. That actually seems plausible.

I remember I 'confronted' you once in a thread you made because I thought you were doing something other than what the thread appeared to be. It didn't end badly from my perspective though, other than something(a play on tech/wording) maybe not really being understood. Definitely not rival worthy though unless you're like one of those anti 5G people too.

I never labeled myself a genius. Actually, historically I was thinking about who would I actually block on PerC. There is actually one person that I blocked and upon further reading, it seems like that person took my character, avatar and name to be disgusting. A person who actually disliked the Star Wars character of Yoda because he was a know it all and probably saw my use of the name as a signal that I also wanted to be a know it all.
What really? I remember there being/is a user named Yoda also. I didn't know there was a whole backstory to their character creation though, lol. Personally I don't block people on PerC, as my mind is feeble enough that I can just let their existence pass through it.

The kid you’re describing probably gives a similar impression I must have given to others.
Yes, I thought it was a good story. Tbh though, when I look back at any animosity I held during the encounter, it probably had to do with varying amounts of jealousy. Like, of the person's intellect, and even of my friend's ability to seemingly get on well with anyone. I mean, cutting into my playtime was really fucking rude too but, ukno.

High verbosity, tangential speech that others could not follow, etc. My Uncle said that I texted like I was Mark Twain because I wrote in complete sentences using moderately big words.
I do that too somewhat, with typing long paragraphs at times, and sending them out very fast. Like I could write 50-100 words, and the person will reply with a one liner, lol. But I'm definitely nowhere near severe on the spectrum, maybe only as little as it takes to only inconvenience myself.

And I also had no concept of social rules. I would message incessantly without awareness of when the other person wasn’t interested. Too much monologuing which I suspect it just sounds like everyday Asperger’s Syndrome of course I didn’t know it yet.

Around the same time, my parents called in a speech therapist. So I thought I’d put on a compliant face and talk without shutting down just so they would go away and realize everything was fine. I literally had the report when I was at home, I don’t know if I have pictures of it anywhere. I thought I was having a normal conversation with this person and I ended up getting some moderate-severe rating on poor speaking skills and there was a significant amount of talk about going off topic and failing to be understood.

I still do these things, albeit less than before probably more so because after finally learning how to talk to other people, I had to learn how to dial it back a lot. I could probably talk somebody’s ear off and not realize they don’t care about what I’m saying.
I have a family member who will drag conversations on and on and on, and will not recognize cues that the other person wants out of the conversation. It's kind of nuts, cause you have to like pre ration out a set amount of time if you know you're going to run into them. Sometimes I may be in a rush or just not in the mood, and will be abrupt/cut them off which is really hard to do without coming across as offensive. You can kind of tell in some of those instances that they're unhappy or feel slighted, but it's not really a them problem you know? It's funny too because I notice that the reactions I have when I speak with them, are similar to the reactions I think I sometimes observe of others when speaking to me so... It's a work in progress.

This return to grace thing is more like, when I have inevitably overstepped social boundaries I wish I could re-learn to entirely shut up and nothing bad would happen. But I think we know the actual path I took which was probably good from a societal perspective which was to keep chugging along.

When I went to college, I kind of just learned not to talk smart and there was a restructuring in which I sort of talk like a normal person I think as long as I contain myself.

I guess it’s great and all. I think some stimulus is missing though because my mind no longer fires off with ideas. No more language games or anything instantly pop into my head like they used to. I think if I went back, I don’t know if I’d even understand some of the words I used to use. I used to use the dictionary on my phone a lot back then to see if a phrase that sounded righty actually meant what I was trying to convey.

It actually reminds me that my first essay in college was completely torn apart because it was all of the above, overly verbose, not concise and difficult to understand. I rewrote it in accordance with the audience and got a higher grade and have written more appropriately since. But appropriate isn’t creative, it isn’t fun to read and is bland. I was bit saddened by that when I first saw it.
Ah yes, good little cog. Back to the above though, that's kind of what happens in robot mode. I think timeouts now and again to recenter/ repurpose(as in reevaluate purpose), helps not to become too 'trapped'. It seems like every person in a long time job/career probably knows this instinctively, but I'm assuming many don't practice it due to the comfort. Maybe the pandemic was good in another front, in helping so many people realize what's short in their lives currently. You should take up writing, or maybe even some kind of creative writing course/meet up. That'd be interesting I think. More filtering and all.

I suppose it could be indicative of anything or anyone. Perhaps I was wrong to jump to a conclusion.
Yes yes, you should tell your 7 year ago parent to pay me instead of paying that other good for nothing therapist they hired.

Ah yes, remember that time that random manager lady warned me that I could get fired to my face because I waiting to talk to someone and “not doing anything” but the real reason she acted like that was because they were going to lay me off anymore due to covid-19.
I think maybe this is just a story your ego tells yourself in order to feel better about being fired for not dutifully doling out your duties.

In this, the Fe type will show more emotion but it is actually coordinated and intentional. The Fi types show less emotion, but it will leak out.
Oh, I see. That's not what I remembered reading.

I think I should probably stop listening to this stuff as well. I did a video with these people, and they basically tried to tell me I’m repressed and my something happened in my childhood where I turned out “intellectual” as a coping mechanism for the fact that males don’t get proper validation for their feelings in our society. Hence, I would be an Fi person who mimics a Ti person. They say Fi can still be smart too though of course, but it sounds more like mimicry which essentially is just like saying I only talk about certain things because I want to look smart. That kind of invalidates everything I spent my life doing. It was all just a stress response and nothing was real.
Maybe in a way they're right though. You've said yourself that you've been working on a number of things, with the way you speak and all. So maybe what they're observing is that 'mimicry' of you not really being yourself, or maybe that there's a hesitation on your part to play that part, and thus it comes across not entirely 'real'? Lol did you pay them?

I guess the next thing was that anyone with aspergers is an asshole, they don’t have a disability that might prevent them picking up cues or anything, they are just bad people.

Like I said, I’m basically broken then. All that experience reminded of was that I have these behaviors.
It really can come across like that though. Broken maybe, but I think you probably have other good/stellar attributes compared to others, and that luckily for you, you're actually able to take advantage of them. Either by way of schooling or work. I think what's nuts too is that not only is time on your side, but also 'humanity'. Well maybe not the latter depending on how America turns out in the next couple decades, but more and more people are getting educated on various 'conditions', and are taking things like mental health more seriously(especially now that the pandemic has showcased how vulnerable/susceptible people are). So you'd think that employer's/HR would also be more acceptable/accessible, and create more positive working environments. Not to mention people in those filtered fields.

My friend said he thought the reason I don’t talk to people was because nobody listens to me. Maybe he’s right.
The trick is to get into a leadership position where everyone has to listen to you, and where you don't have to do any work.

I think I just had to learn it the hard way because I didn’t know any better as a kid. Talking about things I’m interested just seems so pointless and I wish I knew better than to record a video doing that. It sends a message to people apparently that I’m a know it all and think I’m smarter than everyone else.

But since, I am very hesitant to agree with the statement that my curiosity was basically compensation for some other deficiency and I’m really not convinced visually that I must be Fi. But I also don’t think it’s worth arguing about.

The only explanation I could come up with is how broken I must be and generally, I like to just live norm instead of reflecting upon my brokenness.
Who knows, maybe you are smarter than most. I mean, it's not completely out of the realm of possibility that these 'professionals' are just dropping you down a peg due to own insecurities or need to feel empowered? I think you'd never be satisfied unless you figured it out for yourself or someone gives you the answer you are expecting, lol. I think that last part of that last sentence is how most successful people live. Or maybe they reflect, but make changes, reflect, make changes...

Unfortunately, not everyone wants to look at it in a positive light. Some people will call it low quality and attack me for it. Then they will act out as usual. I am hoping somebody can learn from it and not attach themselves to all of their beliefs. That is what the new age teaches as well, I think it is somewhat nice. Confusion can be good, it is fine and also educational. Some people don’t go on the internet to laugh and play though.
Blah, how is it low quality when you actually need at least a bit of brain power to understand where the humour is? Also, you must be a fe dom, not only wanting to spread so much positivity, but also caring so much about the results. Not to mention, being purposeful with facial expressions during video interviews. :geek:
 
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What's interesting about that is it probably actually is best to alternate both. Just fill up on all the things other people make to make life easier or more bearable, and then reflect after why your house is filled with things you use only once a year. Maybe it's like weight training in a way, where you bulk up and slim down. Which now that I think about it, is kind of ironic in a way because while that's happening, the mind goes from dumbed down auto robot to something... else.



Lol oops. I think I read the above as 'ideals', in way of just saying eff everything and go after selfish gains. I literally clicked to watch the video and after about 10 seconds jumping through it, I closed the window. Seems like the person is on drugs, is bat-shit crazy, pretending to be on drugs/crazy, or any odd combination of all the above. Google reviews didn't give it 5 stars so I don't think I missed out on much.



Nice. I think what's good about continuing formal education in some capacity is that besides the obvious benefits, it also gives you an opportunity for continual networking outside of a person's 'regular' circle(s). And maybe even in terms of dating, it can work out well for late bloomers, or people that have different/advanced mindsets, because they end up meeting more people similar to themselves. It's like every time you go into more specialized areas I guess it really is just like going through a filter.



Hogwash, I bet the thoughts hardly ever make a blip, and when they do its weight only lingers a few days if even.



I don't know. It's not really 'my' generation, but I don't think it is 'the norm' if going by many places on the internet. It could just be some kind of illusion though, where people seem one way, but in reality they're all really studious and stressed out; and the number/ratio I see on the internet is just for many, break time. That actually seems plausible.

I remember I 'confronted' you once in a thread you made because I thought you were doing something other than what the thread appeared to be. It didn't end badly from my perspective though, other than something(a play on tech/wording) maybe not really being understood. Definitely not rival worthy though unless you're like one of those anti 5G people too.



What really? I remember there being/is a user named Yoda also. I didn't know there was a whole backstory to their character creation though, lol. Personally I don't block people on PerC, as my mind is feeble enough that I can just let their existence pass through it.



Yes, I thought it was a good story. Tbh though, when I look back at any animosity I held during the encounter, it probably had to do with varying amounts of jealousy. Like, of the person's intellect, and even of my friend's ability to seemingly get on well with anyone. I mean, cutting into my playtime was really fucking rude too but, ukno.



I do that too somewhat, with typing long paragraphs at times, and sending them out very fast. Like I could write 50-100 words, and the person will reply with a one liner, lol. But I'm definitely nowhere near severe on the spectrum, maybe only as little as it takes to only inconvenience myself.



I have a family member who will drag conversations on and on and on, and will not recognize cues that the other person wants out of the conversation. It's kind of nuts, cause you have to like pre ration out a set amount of time if you know you're going to run into them. Sometimes I may be in a rush or just not in the mood, and will be abrupt/cut them off which is really hard to do without coming across as offensive. You can kind of tell in some of those instances that they're unhappy or feel slighted, but it's not really a them problem you know? It's funny too because I notice that the reactions I have when I speak with them, are similar to the reactions I think I sometimes observe of others when speaking to me so... It's a work in progress.



Ah yes, good little cog. Back to the above though, that's kind of what happens in robot mode. I think timeouts now and again to recenter/ repurpose(as in reevaluate purpose), helps not to become too 'trapped'. It seems like every person in a long time job/career probably knows this instinctively, but I'm assuming many don't practice it due to the comfort. Maybe the pandemic was good in another front, in helping so many people realize what's short in their lives currently. You should take up writing, or maybe even some kind of creative writing course/meet up. That'd be interesting I think. More filtering and all.



Yes yes, you should tell your 7 year ago parent to pay me instead of paying that other good for nothing therapist they hired.



I think maybe this is just a story your ego tells yourself in order to feel better about being fired for not dutifully doling out your duties.



Oh, I see. That's not what I remembered reading.



Maybe in a way they're right though. You've said yourself that you've been working on a number of things, with the way you speak and all. So maybe what they're observing is that 'mimicry' of you not really being yourself, or maybe that there's a hesitation on your part to play that part, and thus it comes across not entirely 'real'? Lol did you pay them?



It really can come across like that though. Broken maybe, but I think you probably have other good/stellar attributes compared to others, and that luckily for you, you're actually able to take advantage of them. Either by way of schooling or work. I think what's nuts too is that not only is time on your side, but also 'humanity'. Well maybe not the latter depending on how America turns out in the next couple decades, but more and more people are getting educated on various 'conditions', and are taking things like mental health more seriously(especially now that the pandemic has showcased how vulnerable/susceptible people are). So you'd think that employer's/HR would also be more acceptable/accessible, and create more positive working environments. Not to mention people in those filtered fields.



The trick is to get into a leadership position where everyone has to listen to you, and where you don't have to do any work.



Who knows, maybe you are smarter than most. I mean, it's not completely out of the realm of possibility that these 'professionals' are just dropping you down a peg due to own insecurities or need to feel empowered? I think you'd never be satisfied unless you figured it out for yourself or someone gives you the answer you are expecting, lol. I think that last part of that last sentence is how most successful people live. Or maybe they reflect, but make changes, reflect, make changes...



Blah, how is it low quality when you actually need at least a bit of brain power to understand where the humour is? Also, you must be a fe dom, not only wanting to spread so much positivity, but also caring so much about the results. Not to mention, being purposeful with facial expressions during video interviews. :geek:
I keep changing topics of interest every few months or years. It’s all over the place.

Seems like the person is on drugs, is bat-shit crazy, pretending to be on drugs/crazy, or any odd combination of all the above. Google reviews didn't give it 5 stars so I don't think I missed out on much.
He is a panpsychistic pantheist. Therefore, he believes that everything is a hallucinating and by taking drugs he is hallucinating less than everyone else. His hallucinations with drugs are breaking the structure of normal events.

Except his only argument against people who don’t agree with him is that they are only assuming materialism and all that nonsense.

Nice. I think what's good about continuing formal education in some capacity is that besides the obvious benefits, it also gives you an opportunity for continual networking outside of a person's 'regular' circle(s). And maybe even in terms of dating, it can work out well for late bloomers, or people that have different/advanced mindsets, because they end up meeting more people similar to themselves. It's like every time you go into more specialized areas I guess it really is just like going through a filter.
I have found this to be an incredible amount of unlearning of popular culture ideas. Anything I thought I knew needs to be pulled back and rethought.

don't know. It's not really 'my' generation, but I don't think it is 'the norm' if going by many places on the internet. It could just be some kind of illusion though, where people seem one way, but in reality they're all really studious and stressed out; and the number/ratio I see on the internet is just for many, break time. That actually seems plausible.

I remember I 'confronted' you once in a thread you made because I thought you were doing something other than what the thread appeared to be. It didn't end badly from my perspective though, other than something(a play on tech/wording) maybe not really being understood. Definitely not rival worthy though unless you're like one of those anti 5G people too.
You correct. Only the cool kids do it. Most kids are cool nowadays.

I don‘t know anything about 5G, but my calls have been a lot clearer after I switched to 4G last summer.

Have you ever used Wifi6?

What really? I remember there being/is a user named Yoda also. I didn't know there was a whole backstory to their character creation though, lol. Personally I don't block people on PerC, as my mind is feeble enough that I can just let their existence pass through it.
I have 3 people on the ignore list and I don’t remember 2/3 of them. I know one was vury mean to me. Ooohho.

Yes, I thought it was a good story. Tbh though, when I look back at any animosity I held during the encounter, it probably had to do with varying amounts of jealousy. Like, of the person's intellect, and even of my friend's ability to seemingly get on well with anyone. I mean, cutting into my playtime was really fucking rude too but, ukno.
Good relations I have with the Wookiees.

You will experience jealousy and envy. This can be removed by thinking about things rather than people.

I do that too somewhat, with typing long paragraphs at times, and sending them out very fast. Like I could write 50-100 words, and the person will reply with a one liner, lol. But I'm definitely nowhere near severe on the spectrum, maybe only as little as it takes to only inconvenience myself.
The anti-vaxx community argues that the spectrum is the result off vaccine aluminum getting into our children’s brains. This leads to brain stem injuries.

I think maybe this is just a story your ego tells yourself in order to feel better about being fired for not dutifully doling out your duties.
Nah, they laid a bunch of people off and said I could finish my internship remotely without pay.

Also, I was informed of that by my Super-Ego.

Maybe in a way they're right though. You've said yourself that you've been working on a number of things, with the way you speak and all. So maybe what they're observing is that 'mimicry' of you not really being yourself, or maybe that there's a hesitation on your part to play that part, and thus it comes across not entirely 'real'? Lol did you pay them?
I paid the people who gave me INTP.

These people strangely have unique ideas while saying things like, “Let me Ti that. I’m not sure if my Fe can handle it. Etc.” People be talking about cognitive functions, but I say we should be these behavioral patterns to diagnose abnormalities like Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnel.

I have been working on anger management issues such as the concept of getting mad at visions and illusions. This purifies my mind and enables me to watch good tv.

It really can come across like that though. Broken maybe, but I think you probably have other good/stellar attributes compared to others, and that luckily for you, you're actually able to take advantage of them. Either by way of schooling or work. I think what's nuts too is that not only is time on your side, but also 'humanity'. Well maybe not the latter depending on how America turns out in the next couple decades, but more and more people are getting educated on various 'conditions', and are taking things like mental health more seriously(especially now that the pandemic has showcased how vulnerable/susceptible people are). So you'd think that employer's/HR would also be more acceptable/accessible, and create more positive working environments. Not to mention people in those filtered fields.
I enjoy my work except the part about working after normal hours sometimes.

PerC has taught me the power of not saying whatever I want to regardless of the effects. It was a good sandbox for this. This is the type of thing you only play in the sandbox though. Don’t do it anywhere else, you will get sand everywhere. It’s coarse, ruff and irritating. Thank you forge master.

Who knows, maybe you are smarter than most. I mean, it's not completely out of the realm of possibility that these 'professionals' are just dropping you down a peg due to own insecurities or need to feel empowered? I think you'd never be satisfied unless you figured it out for yourself or someone gives you the answer you are expecting, lol. I think that last part of that last sentence is how most successful people live. Or maybe they reflect, but make changes, reflect, make changes...
Perhaps yes, for most people have not yet determined the nature of reality and wrote the CTMU. For I am the smartest there is in the USA.

Perhaps I can bolster adaptive narcissistic traits by passing a Mensa IQ test and getting a high school.

My head hurts. The vaccination it impacts me.

Blah, how is it low quality when you actually need at least a bit of brain power to understand where the humour is? Also, you must be a fe dom, not only wanting to spread so much positivity, but also caring so much about the results. Not to mention, being purposeful with facial expressions during video interviews. :geek:
Everybody loves ESFJs. Even those fake INTJs who are ESFJs in disguise.

An easy fix will be an interview. Then different professionals will get more money and I will provided actual proof rather than impressions.


What if I’m just enneagram Type 5?
 

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I thought that we could use a thread like this. I know there is a "confessions" thread, but that's not quite the same, and we haven't had a proper "INTP Madness" thread (which is my reading of "stream of consciousness") since the crush thread and it's ill-begotten clones were banished to the Land of Winds and Ghosts (also known as Spam World).

So (copying from the original):

Take issue with something going on in society?

Having a bad day?

Have something on your mind that wont go away?

Experience something so fabulous you just have to express it?

Accidentally sold your mother to a pimp in a back alley game of poker?

Have an idea, or discover something so amazing you must tell everyone?

Post your vent (or experience, idea, etc.) here!

Note(s):

This thread is not for venting about other members, the moderators, or the forum.
Don't over-spam the thread (I can't expect INTPs not to spam a least a little) lest it be sent screaming into the spam-abyss.
Logically, it is paradoxical, completely impossible, to imply freedom without equity or equity without freedom. The logical opposite of equity is hierarchy or authority, thus instituting the lack of equity implies the existence of authority, which is a deterrent of freedom in itself. The same is true with a reversed scenario. The logical opposite of freedom, is oppression, thus instituting a lack of freedom implies/requires one variable (be it an individual or an organization) has direct hierarchal authority, SO THERE’S ISN’T EQUITY. Liberation cannot exist without equity and equity cannot exist without liberation. The same general concept is existent in political and economic philosophy. There is no such thing as "libertarian right" or "authoritarian left". Capitalism is a hierarchy and an authority, just as the state is, and can only, logically, be combatted or embraced equally (at least to a specific degree). For example, Marxism-Leninism, Stalinism, all the tankie ideologies, they’re contradictory, because in creating a centralized state in an effort to "combat inequality" or "the bourgeoisie", THEY LITERALLY JUST CREATED A NEW RULING CLASS. Marxism-Leninism, Stalinism, Maoism, aren’t left-wing, they’re authoritarian-center. There’s no such thing as “authoritarian left”. The same can be said about "right-wing libertarians”. Actually, the original European libertarians were left-wing and anti-capitalist, but the label was appropriated by right-wingers. Anyways, they advocate freedom from oppression enacted by the state, yet they literally don’t care about inequality or capitalistic oppression. Right-libertarians are libertarian, they’re simply right-wing. There’s no such thing as "libertarian right". There are more good libertarians than there are good tankies, though. Anyways, that was my random stream of consciousness lol. Hopefully I don’t get [redacted] for being political -w-
 

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Logically, it is paradoxical, completely impossible, to imply freedom without equity or equity without freedom. The logical opposite of equity is hierarchy or authority, thus instituting the lack of equity implies the existence of authority, which is a deterrent of freedom in itself. The same is true with a reversed scenario. The logical opposite of freedom, is oppression, thus instituting a lack of freedom implies/requires one variable (be it an individual or an organization) has direct hierarchal authority, SO THERE’S ISN’T EQUITY. Liberation cannot exist without equity and equity cannot exist without liberation. The same general concept is existent in political and economic philosophy. There is no such thing as "libertarian right" or "authoritarian left". Capitalism is a hierarchy and an authority, just as the state is, and can only, logically, be combatted or embraced equally (at least to a specific degree). For example, Marxism-Leninism, Stalinism, all the tankie ideologies, they’re contradictory, because in creating a centralized state in an effort to "combat inequality" or "the bourgeoisie", THEY LITERALLY JUST CREATED A NEW RULING CLASS. Marxism-Leninism, Stalinism, Maoism, aren’t left-wing, they’re authoritarian-center. There’s no such thing as “authoritarian left”. The same can be said about "right-wing libertarians”. Actually, the original European libertarians were left-wing and anti-capitalist, but the label was appropriated by right-wingers. Anyways, they advocate freedom from oppression enacted by the state, yet they literally don’t care about inequality or capitalistic oppression. Right-libertarians are libertarian, they’re simply right-wing. There’s no such thing as "libertarian right". There are more good libertarians than there are good tankies, though. Anyways, that was my random stream of consciousness lol. Hopefully I don’t get [redacted] for being political -w-
I’m a libsoc btw .-.
 

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I feel like my life would be much better if people stopped sharing photos of their babies.
 

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Back in the 90s I was in a very famous TV show
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I hate when I tell friends a problem and they start giving me solutions. Look, cool, but I'm not asking you, I KNOW what I have to do, I already thought about this for the last 20 hours, just let me complain freely.
 

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I hate when I tell friends a problem and they start giving me solutions. Look, cool, but I'm not asking you, I KNOW what I have to do, I already thought about this for the last 20 hours, just let me complain freely.
One of my greatest problems is that I rarely accept advice from anyone. My immediate reaction is usually one of internal nuisance, as if they think I'm incapable of handling my own shit. If I wanted a solution or advice, I would have asked for it.

The problem here is that I'm surely being extremely hypocritical because I probably give well-meaning advice to people all the time. Maybe they also react with a sense of internal nuisance.
 
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