Personality Cafe banner

9721 - 9740 of 9742 Posts

·
Registered
INTP
Joined
·
6,528 Posts
Oh no I've had a morning coffee and cigarette and now I'm in a good mood. This is a terrible thing. Does it mean I have a caffeine and/or nicotine dependency? Hmm I think it doesn't. I barely drink coffee. What has happened is I've been struck by a massive caffeine rush. Oh well. At least I'm awake now and feel ready to do the things I wanted to do without feeling bored.
 

·
Registered
INTP
Joined
·
6,528 Posts
The car electrics place has just called and told me that one of the spare parts I bought for my car repairs is not working.

What a waste of an entire fucking week doing nothing.

I move out of my home in 3 days, I don't have time to return the part and have it replaced and book the car back into the garage. My car will now have to remain with its broken door and I will either have to find a way to get it repaired while I'm on the road, or simply not repair it and attempt to sell it while faulty (and therefore sell it for way less than it should be sold for).

This has been a complete fucking waste of my time, just sat around bored, waiting for this day to come so I can get that thing repaired and fuck off. And now the repair can't even be done, because some dick sold me a part that doesn't even work. What a complete fucking waste. This is my first genuine pissed off, extremely pissed of, rant for the INTP venting thread. Everything else pales in comparison. I'm so fucking annoyed. My time has been wasted by a mixture of other people's incompetence and rotten bad luck. I'm so fucking annoyed by this. What a complete fucking waste of my time.
 

·
Banned
Back in the 90s I was in a very famous TV show
Joined
·
827 Posts
How come kids can be considered potentially “dangerous” for not talking? It's not like they're killing animals.

I could understand if they send a psychologist because it could (not necessarily) mean something is wrong at home, but needing a lawyer?

Yes, I'm thinking about your experience @Grandmaster Yoda, sorry.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
30,516 Posts
How come kids can be considered potentially “dangerous” for not talking? It's not like they're killing animals.

I could understand if they send a psychologist because it could (not necessarily) mean something is wrong at home, but needing a lawyer?

Yes, I'm thinking about your experience @Grandmaster Yoda, sorry.
He wasn’t a lawyer, but I believe some kind of social worker. I wouldn’t consider myself a reliable narrator on that one but something felt off why would mutism require an intervention and talk with parents?

(The lawyer comment was mainly how when I went to new classes, some teachers would not react positively so other kids would act as my lawyer saying I have never spoke for years.

The most recent example was an Earth Science teacher who started yelling at me in the first day of school and another kid jumped in to defend me, and she asked, “What are you his lawyer?”

She pulled me outside the classroom, and I told her that I had selective mutism and she apologized. She was one of those extremely strict teachers.)

On a side note: The vast majority of teachers I had were completely ambivalent. They didn’t act like anything was strange at all. In elementary school, they seemed concerned and pulled me aside to “open up.”

Then that behavior didn’t seem prevalent in middle school or high school. The majority seemed to talk to me normally with the caveat that I only answered yes or no questions or raised my hand in few occasions. It was kind of absurd and I recognized it as a kid.

I’m saddened that I was made to throw out my old books because those were probably goldmines of conversations before social media. I can still remember being highly meta with kid about the fact that I was openly passing him notes to talk him and asking him why it was allowed.

One time in 9th grade math class, I intentionally got up in class several times to sharpen my pencil. After I did my part, I challenged one of my friends to do it and after he did, the teacher all of sudden was like, “Alright, I don’t understand what’s up with the pencil sharpener today please stop?”

Ah instead it will be documented in the archives of PerC.
 

·
Banned
Back in the 90s I was in a very famous TV show
Joined
·
827 Posts
but something felt off why would mutism require an intervention and talk with parents?
Because they can't talk with the kid :finger guns:
I'm kidding, I agree. I think it's also a (dumb) Western perspective; I know in here I don't shut up but in person I generally don't speak much, and in China I was praised for it, like, literally everyone thought I was “cute” and “polite” because of it, while in my country I resemble a serial killer. lol

Can I ask why you chose it as a kid exactly? Did you think it was not worth it, was it something more subconscious or did you straight up not like it? You never carried a small board? Lol, it might sound dumb but I did it for a while, I had selective mutism too but only for distinguishable periods of time. The side note about the old books was cute though.

Now the last conversation about opening up to friends makes more sense...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
30,516 Posts
Because they can't talk with the kid :finger guns:
I'm kidding, I agree. I think it's also a (dumb) Western perspective; I know in here I don't shut up but in person I generally don't speak much, and in China I was praised for it, like, literally everyone thought I was “cute” and “polite” because of it, while in my country I resemble a serial killer. lol

Can I ask why you chose it as a kid exactly? Did you think it was not worth it, was it something more subconscious or did you straight up not like it? You never carried a small board? Lol, it might sound dumb but I did it for a while, I had selective mutism too but only for distinguishable periods of time. The side note about the old books was cute though.

Now the last conversation about opening up to friends makes more sense...
It would appear that generally Eastern cultures prefer introversion. The cave humans seem very joyful.

I had social anxiety and evidently the coping mechanism I used was selective mutism. Elective mutism was an old term they used because they used to believe that the behavior was just a result of stubbornness and refusal to talk. I‘m not sure what they say now, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there was such a thing as stress stiffening the vocal chords or something.

I remember attempting to talk and being unable to do so, as well as when having anxiety, my ability to talking became increasingly inhibited. So I sometimes started a PowerPoint through force of will, and as time passed I became more tense and unable to speak at all due to increased anxiety. It hits you right in the vocal chords I tell ya.

I remember somebody asked me how I did it because they thought if they tried to not talk all day, they would burst out into conversation and fail. It was really the opposite experience, it was more like talking would have been overcoming a hurdle than holding anything back. There was a “force” preventing it from happening, it wasn’t really something I had to practice self-control over. It’s like when you become fearful and stiff, you have to overcome that to relax not the reverse.

That being said, as long as I had no expectation of talking and I wasn’t talking I was fine. That’s a good coping mechanism. When there was an expectation that I had to give a presentation or record a video, my would sink and my perception of time would change. If I had a presentation next month, I would fixate on next month and hope it never came almost like it was doomsday. Similar to doomsday, I couldn’t imagine a day coming after it, that stuff didn’t matter I was always extremely short term in thinking because of that. I remember in 6th grade, I had a class where we had to do a video recording with other kids and even though that was due at the end of the year, the first day of class I heard that I had an intense stress reaction.

The children wanted me to learn sign language so I could talk to them. I actually had a partner in Spanish class where I did the exercises only in Spanish. There were weird exceptions I made to get there and I think the exceptions were what allowed me to continue having this behavior until the age of 15. Because I always did stuff that minimized the impact.

There was a girl in kindergarten who seemed to have selective mutism but she only talked to one girl in class and spoke like a mouse in front of the teacher. She seemed to overcome that faster than I did.

Mine was actually that I would do things like talk to the teacher to answer questions in class at times and even raise my hand at times to give brief answers. But I never directly talked to my peers. So I guess I made it functional. I never told my parents about anything at school so they probably knew nothing. I had compartmentalized everything. That is why I believe I didn’t get any recognition or treatment until I was 14 or 15 years old. Whenever it seemed like teachers described me, they used incredible understatement like saying, “I was quiet.” There was no blunt admittance that I literally never spoke to anyone my age, so that also helped the behavior last longer.

I only “stopped” after going to a psychologist and getting the benefit of moving to a different school with complete strangers. I think I still wouldn’t talk to anyone from my old school but my ability to do so would be improved. In college, I continued to have selective mutism but it was only around girls in my friend group. So I wouldn’t even say I don’t have selective mutism anymore, it is more like the number of people it affects has drastically gone down.

I still had all normal features in college like inability to laugh in front of them and so on. But other girls I could talk to completely fine. I think first impressions can make a substantial difference. I saw them as being somewhat openly judgmental and critical so that discouraged me from wanting to talk to them and not talking to them creates the stigma in itself from which actual selective mutism can arise again.

In fact that stigma is of some importance as to why I would probably continue being mute around certain people. The fact that I am aware of it probably lessens its impact. But when I was not talking around people, they used to challenge me a lot and say, “They were going to hear me talk.” So my internal narrative was that they thought of my like circus act and a subhuman so talking to them would be degrading making it more unlikely that I would talk to them anyway. That is the impression that I got a lot, as I hinted in the other thread when you don’t talk people will refer to you almost like a pet dog so that naturally fed my perception that they didn’t like me and probably added to some kind of paranoid feeling. So first impressions matter, because if we go down a road that leads to negative internal narratives, the selective mutism will likely ensure. I say this being aware that I have done it now, but hindsight is 20/20 and I genuinely thought people didn’t view me as a full human back then so I thought my behavior was justified otherwise I wouldn’t have done what I did nor would I have gotten randomly angry at people like I did.

I had a list of Asperger’s characteristics in another thread, and one of them was low to moderate paranoia along with an unspoken intense anger toward oneself and/or others. I feel like this stuff is spot on looking back. When I was first diagnosed with Aspegers I wasn’t supposed to know, but I tried to write it off as false and denied it thinking my only issue was social anxiety. But with additional hindsight, I became more aware that the broader characteristics were applicable, I was ignorant toward them at first. Even now, I did these MBTI typing videos and in all, they mentioned that I am “subdued” and my “not emotionally expressive” which implies it is obvious to those paying attention to details, although I think my friends never thought anything. Also I don’t really use my hands to talk maybe that is some physical/motor thing, that might have been why sign language wasn’t feasible to me.

Despite all of the above, sometimes I miss selective mutism because I was constantly in an observational perspective and witnessing the absurdities of daily life. I also had friends everywhere, I never really had enemies or anything. There was no way to screw up, but I guess that’s the point of it anyway.

The other thing, sometimes after I overcame most of my anxieties I flip flopped over to depression instead. For me depression makes me like, “Why is this happening, why do I exist? I want to die.” Anxiety was not like that, it was more life sustaining. I could take every moment of today and try to enjoy it as much as possible because next Friday when I’m giving presentation that’s basically doomsday. Not that was a good thing, but it was just a thought. I think I don’t have significant depression anymore, or maybe it already took its toll. All I do now pursue my educational and career interests and manage myself and try to be mindful of my erroneous and negative thoughts toward other people. I don’t think I’m very mean at all, but there is that internal engine that can create paranoia that I think turns out bad for me and doesn’t need to exist.
 

·
Registered
INTP
Joined
·
6,528 Posts
It would appear that generally Eastern cultures prefer introversion.
In my experience, eastern cultures don't 'prefer' introversion, they just respect people's privacy more. This means there's no need to look or act a certain way in public, you can just get on with things, and if that means you're an introvert, lucky you!

Conversely, I also noticed a lot more 'extrovert-centric' things in Asia, like pop-up seminars, talks, or whatever other kind of event where several people get up on a stage and talk to an audience. I never see things like that in the UK, but in China (and Korea for the short time I was there) it seemed like there was something like that happening everywhere.

So, my analysis is that east Asian culture is more about 'live and let live'.

Either way, as an introvert I did find it very nice. There's far less pressure to conform (and not just because I was already an outsider - I mean, it's known for Chinese people to have weddings guests dressed in pyjamas and nobody bats any eye).
 

·
Registered
INTP
Joined
·
6,528 Posts
The car electrics place has just called and told me that one of the spare parts I bought for my car repairs is not working.

What a waste of an entire fucking week doing nothing.
Update to this.

I got the correct part delivered today and managed to fit it myself. Car electrics now back to 100%.

YES!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
30,516 Posts
In my experience, eastern cultures don't 'prefer' introversion, they just respect people's privacy more. This means there's no need to look or act a certain way in public, you can just get on with things, and if that means you're an introvert, lucky you!

Conversely, I also noticed a lot more 'extrovert-centric' things in Asia, like pop-up seminars, talks, or whatever other kind of event where several people get up on a stage and talk to an audience. I never see things like that in the UK, but in China (and Korea for the short time I was there) it seemed like there was something like that happening everywhere.

So, my analysis is that east Asian culture is more about 'live and let live'.

Either way, as an introvert I did find it very nice. There's far less pressure to conform (and not just because I was already an outsider - I mean, it's known for Chinese people to have weddings guests dressed in pyjamas and nobody bats any eye).
You have to look or act a certain way in public?

I suppose you aren’t living in place like my home where we had drunk people standing next to the exit ramp yelling at cars. Lol good times.
 

·
Registered
INTP
Joined
·
6,528 Posts
You have to look or act a certain way in public?

I suppose you aren’t living in place like my home where we had drunk people standing next to the exit ramp yelling at cars. Lol good times.
Not look or act a certain way, but I find people in the west are more willing to generally interact and/or judge those around them,and will confront others in all sorts of ways (be it friendly, hostile or whatever else). In Asia people leave each other alone. It isn't necessarily the best thing though. I actually think one of the greatest things in the UK is the way people will make passing comments to strangers if they see fit. I was in a nearby city the other day sitting down in a bench with some food and three people made passing comments to me. It was so fun!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,415 Posts
I usually had the problem where I was reading, but my mind would wander away from the words and I would have to read the page 3 more times. That’s more very long stuff like books though.
That did happen to me while reading books sometimes as well. Also sometimes happened during lectures.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,542 Posts
I usually had the problem where I was reading, but my mind would wander away from the words and I would have to read the page 3 more times. That’s more very long stuff like books though.
What they mean by capturing the interest.

Important to know before 'blaming' the actual work, however = (1) environment; are there any sensory distractions yes/no?, (2) what I would call 'willingness to engage', readiness to absorb the information; your motivation - because sometimes you can feel in advance your heart won't be in it, no matter what the quality of the thing read (or 'seen' if we are talking film, 'heard' if we are talking music).

I am going through a pretty long spell of not being able to properly commit to books (fiction or non-fiction), due to reason (2) I would think. So the trouble is in my mind, and I wish I would be able to prepare myself to be gripped again by books/texts that deserve it (= a far greater percentage of books than my current attention span allows).
 

·
Registered
INTP 6w7 sx/sp
Joined
·
2,410 Posts
The whole thing of sad reacting to things people say which aren't sad annoys me. It can often be a way of treating someone like they are sulking and feeling sorry for themselves when in reality they are stating a fact. It's mostly a result of taking sentences out of context and it seems a way for people to be condescending while giving the appearance of showing empathy. Perhaps I need to think better of them because I may be misunderstanding their intentions, but currently it annoys me.
 

·
Registered
INTP 8w9
Joined
·
65 Posts
Reddit's ELI5 thread keeps taking down my questions because apparently they're not questions a five year old would ask or require a PhD.


They're right, but I'm still curious about things, dammit!
 

·
Registered
INTP 8w9
Joined
·
65 Posts
Reddit's ELI5 thread keeps taking down my questions because apparently they're not questions a five year old would ask or require a PhD.


They're right, but I'm still curious about things, dammit!
Also, my sister is trying to talk to me. Which is fine, but she's said and done some rude things that while I forgive, I won't forget because she will not change. Meh.
 

·
Registered
INTP
Joined
·
6,528 Posts
Currently in a hammock tent. It's 530am.

It looks idyllic where I am. Here's a picture.

880414


But the weather has been windy and kept me awake all night. I think I've had about 3 hours of sleep. Today is going to be difficult.

Also this forum isn't easy to use on a phone. The text entry area fucks up a lot.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
30,516 Posts
Currently in a hammock tent. It's 530am.

It looks idyllic where I am. Here's a picture.

View attachment 880414

But the weather has been windy and kept me awake all night. I think I've had about 3 hours of sleep. Today is going to be difficult.

Also this forum isn't easy to use on a phone. The text entry area fucks up a lot.
Whenever I create a newline another piece of text gets deleted.
 

·
Registered
INTP 8w9
Joined
·
65 Posts
Currently in a hammock tent. It's 530am.

It looks idyllic where I am. Here's a picture.

View attachment 880414

But the weather has been windy and kept me awake all night. I think I've had about 3 hours of sleep. Today is going to be difficult.

Also this forum isn't easy to use on a phone. The text entry area fucks up a lot.
Alaska? Iceland? Likely Alaska?
 
9721 - 9740 of 9742 Posts
Top