No worries, this wasn't the reason why I deleted my post. But I mainly deleted my post due to some other reasons, lol.Aw, I hope you didn't delete what you wrote because of my lack of reply ;(. I wasn't initially sure what I thought on the matter (well, still am not lol) and just didn't respond quickly.
That is effen awesome!Today I identified anger in the moment I experienced it, and I allowed myself to fully feel it and then express it.
It didn't end in satisfactory results, but that's not the point. I felt and expressed anger. For someone whose nervous system interprets anger as a threat to survival, that's the equivalent of running a marathon. The point is that while I may not have come in at first place, I finished the fucking race. That's a triumph regardless of the end result.
It made me feel powerful in a situation where I otherwise felt powerless. Is that how anger works? If so, that is a true gift.
Thank you! It really was; I don't have the vocabulary for what a huge deal it was for me (the speech center of the brain shuts down in moments of extreme emotions, so I suppose that's not surprising). I felt high afterward—literally.That is effen awesome!
For 9s, I believe our anger can be a very positive and powerful force.
My parents tell the story of taking a road trip in which they'd switch passenger and driver every so often. While my mom was driving, my dad napped in the passenger's seat. He woke suddenly from a dream in which he'd been driving, and was desperately grabbing in front of him for a steering wheel his brain thought should be there.There’s no painless solution here, avoiding leads to numbing which leads to being a passenger in your own life.
I'm afraid I don't have particularly direct advice, but I did go through Dialectical Behavior Therapy where they teach emotional regulation when an emotion isn't effective (even if it's justified). Distress tolerance (mental techniques or physical distractions), regulation (opposite thoughts + action: forcing happiness/calmness), building your life so that your life is more than anger.There's a spell in D&D called True Sight. It allows you to see things as they truly are; in other words, you can see through any illusions to what's really underneath. I think growth for a Nine involves something similar: sifting through uncomfortable emotions and finding that it's all anger underneath—pure, unadulterated rage.
It's just turtles all the way down.
I'm at a point right now where the path forward for me isn't clear, and I find that my response to that is anger. Rage, actually, to be precise. Thing is, I know something needs to change. But life circumstances are making the options I have for making a change not exactly impossible, but very impractical. So, again, rage. But all that rage is sneaky! It was disguising itself. (Here's the thing I think I need to remember in the future: what feels like despair or powerlessness or "just feeling bad/crappy/rotten" may actually be repressed rage.) Unfortunately, knowing that I'm feeling anger doesn't tell me what to do with it. I feel stuck. And because I can't see a way to take action to dispel the anger, I'm watching myself repress it despite my best efforts not to. Because while repressing the anger makes it feel less threatening, the long-term results of repressing anger are NOT desirable, and in the short-term I am simply left with zero energy for anything else. To put it crudely, a Nine expending all their energy keeping anger at bay just can't get it up for life.
I need to learn what to do with anger when I'm blocked from taking the action that would dispel said anger. Help?