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I'm tired of people always misunderstanding me or think they know me better then myself!!! Stop telling me what you think is best for me when I already know what I should do with my life. It not fair. I don't go around saying that you should and shouldn't do with your life. Not my place to say that, right? So get off my case!!

and oh yeah

HIRE ME!!!!!!!
 

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So where to start from....

My support network i built....>.> well they all need support and well they all have needed a varying amounts time to time before even the ones that were more upbeat are depressed:frustrating:

I lost most my offline friends. I have one left but he is too busy with work, his boyfriend, and worshipping Lady Gaga. He has a tattoo of his fandom...

My online ones are slowly disappearing(not that i consider that too bad. i have been trying to get away from the comp....can you see a connection?)

Yesterday i was thinking about how no one close to me has died or anyone close to them other then by old age(besides my older half brother but i was too young to remember)

Since then:
My mother had sudden heart problems. The cause and what it is is unknown but heart attack was ruled out. She still has pain and they are doing more tests later. She is back from the hospital already but has to take it easy for the next while.

One of my closest friend's only family member that the friend consider to really be family died....

.....>.> yah thats right 24 hours after i think about how no i knew has died or their family/friends except by old age people start to die/have health problems.

and providing i am suffering from slept deprivation. Happy my bed arrive been sleeping well for the last two nights but i still feel the month of bad sleep:frustrating:.

there it is >.> april/may sucked/sucks
 

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It pisses me off that I'm a better technician than my <nyan>ing customer service ISP representative who told my dad to plug our desktop straight into the <nyan>ing modem instead of instructing him to reset them both after power cycling them. How <nyan>ing stupid can you get, that's really dangerous! On a time lapse:

0:00 - dad plugs the pc into the modem.
0:05 - Anyone constantly scanning every port on IPV4 [((255^4)*255) or 255 to the power of the four octaves times however many addresses there are, 255.] sees the device directly in the network.
0:30 - Intruder gets on the system because it's not properly protected by a gateway (router) that the ISP of all people deemed 'not working'.


All this because the router needed to be reset because something on the ISP's end made our connection go out of wack. <Nyan>ing technicians. Are there any credible people on the field in this damn trade? :angry:

Don't even get me started on the geek squad and Best Lie.

I fixed this 'unresolvable problem' in about five minutes. It's amazing how much credible sources take advantage of the average <nyan>ing consumers.
I know exactly what you mean! My mail servers were down for FIVE DAYS, intermittently, because some bozo at the NOC entered a sub-net entry twice in the router table. I told them this was the case, but NO! They had to send a technician out on site to check for "line noise" and made us run a brand new cable from the demarc, through someone else's office, and it made zero difference. Then they ignored me all weekend! Finally, five days later they discovered the error (which is what I told them it was in the first place), and even then they changed my static IPs before they finally got it right. I know people makes mistakes, I just wish they wouldn't make ME pay for them! Arrgghh!!!! :angry:

OK, I feel better now, thanks. :proud:
 

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I always help people without asking for favors. I mean, isn't that what it all about? But I hate it when someone help me, and they expect a favor in return. I rarely ask for help even though I need to do it more (something I'm working on) but when I help someone, I do it because that who I am. And it bother me soon after someone help me, they expect me to return the favor like wtf.
 

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MOTM October 2013
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I HATE THIS THREAD! AND THE WORLD CAN SCREW ITSELF...

...i have had enough of trying i only lose in the end. Everytime i find something it shatters. if i didnt have a couple reasons to keep going i would give up already..
<big hug> Everything turns out alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end.
 

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Discussion Starter #29
I just realized today that I'm severely depressed like never before.I don't know what I want to do with my life, I feel like nothing has meaning or purpose, I'm just taking space. What makes me even more distressed is the fact that millions(perhaps billions) of people have it worse than me. They are either being victim of abuse, poverty, injustices, and I'm here whining with my problems. Fuck you. I really don't know why I'm depressed, I would just like to get sucked into a deep wormhole, ceasing to exist. The only reason that I haven't killed myself is because I'm afraid that reincarnation does exist, and I have to repeat the same mundane, idiotic existence as the one I'm having right now.

It's sickening, it really is.

*Burns incense on thread*

There all done :happy:
 

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Positive vent.

When my feelings yield faith, my journey solidified, I will become imperishable. For me, it's the chilling of my rose. The enduring of the harsh environments, the one whose pedals are charred with the cool environment, creating a blue shade. The blue rose. Enduring, not unrequited.

Unrequited definition came from the outside. Enduring came from the inside. I like my definition, even though both of them are true.
 
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No matter how hard I try (and believe me, I do try), emotionally immature, self-unaware, unempathetic, tactless people really stress me out! Arrgghh!!! It would be so much easier if they weren't IMMEDIATE FAMILY - then I would never have to speak to them again!
 

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It hurts when people tell me I lack common sense. I know I lack it and I am aware of it, but what can I do about it? :(
Follow your heart Kelsey. Common sense is over-rated (and actually, not so common as commonly believed, LOL). Do what makes you happy.
 

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Follow your heart Kelsey. Common sense is over-rated (and actually, not so common as commonly believed, LOL). Do what makes you happy.
Thank you! I think it more because I'm not much of a thinker but a feeler and I use my intuition more. If that make sense? Otherwise that the only conclusion I came up with.
 

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Thank you! I think it more because I'm not much of a thinker but a feeler and I use my intuition more. If that make sense? Otherwise that the only conclusion I came up with.
Some people have a real prejudice against feelers and intuitives, and you have to realize that it comes from ignorance. I know that won't make it hurt any less when they put you down, but at least you don't have to wonder if there is something wrong with you.
 

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Some people have a real prejudice against feelers and intuitives, and you have to realize that it comes from ignorance. I know that won't make it hurt any less when they put you down, but at least you don't have to wonder if there is something wrong with you.
They do since it a world full of sensors and thinkers. And yes, I need to remove myself from the situation and know that it okay to be an individual. Its ok to be who you are and not be ashamed of it. Thank you <3
 

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I really miss her today. But it's like my tears have been stolen from me. No matter what mask I put on, the real me is torn inside.

It's a wonder that it's already been two months. And I know that it's final. There isn't a single part of me that has any real optimism. But at the same time, there isn't any pessimism either. It's like this heart is literally in pieces ... yet i feel numb. No, I do feel pain, because the longer I continue to mask this, the worse it will become. The more I bottle it up, the greater the likelihood of me ending up imploding. It's funny actually ... a part of me is calling, screaming out for help. The other is silent. And yet another is happy. How can one feel so many different emotions at the same time. Is there even a word for what I feel right now? It's not ambivalence. And it's not indifference. It's not sadness, not happiness, not anger, not frustration.

Is this really even venting, or even a silent cry for help? And if it is a cry, then who am I calling out to? Will an angel descend from the sky and fold me up in her wings? Or is there an omnipotent being out there capable of taking away all of this and restoring me to some sort of alternate existence? Why is it that others make it seem so easy. Being able to walk through life without a care in the world. I'd like to do that too please. Why is it so easy for someone to fake love for another person for a decade ... and then just walk away? Can you tell me? Will I get better in life, or this is the best it can get ? I suppose being numb has its advantages .. and I do think that i deserve to find what I'm looking for .. but deserving and getting are two different things.

I suppose .. someone is reading this .. and someone is feeling my pain. And I'm sorry if I put you through that. Perhaps it's this feeling of remorse for someone else that makes the world go round .. if you take away the people who really do care about others ... then there's nothing left in this world.
 

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MOTM October 2013
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Don't mind the inorganization of this one...

Grrrrrrr. Stupid senseless leaders making decisions without putting any thought into how it'll affect the guild. Everyone in the officer core is on a different page, the members are feeling left out, no one is communicating. Why are we so drama-ridden?! Talk to each other, people! Listen to what the others have to say! If you feel isolated, get off your butt and DO something! Like saying hi! It's not that hard! Stop breaking the rules and later complaining they're unfair. It's not my fault you chose to break them when they've been there ever since you've joined this guild, and YOU knew full well about them! And stop enabling! Don't go against my decisions, stop giving in to the drama llamas because you feel sorry for them! Have a little spine. Have a little SENSE. And you, enough with the smarmy comments. I don't care if you don't care. You have a job to do. That is why you are an officer. If you don't want to do it, then you get demoted. And you will deal with it, because THOSE ARE THE RULES.Why do I have to act like everybody's mother? Why does it always fall on ME to break up these messes? I'm not the only one here with a solid head, am I?

Am I really an INFJ? Because right now I feel like an incredibly cranky INTJ. Guh...
 
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