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I just need to get some things off my chest. Care to give it a read if you'd like, for whatever reason. Maybe some of you can relate, but hopefully not. Despite the first paragraph, I really don't want any of you guys to feel the way that I do.


When I get angry, or upset, or when I say things that are hurtful and unkind... I wish I could say that it wasn’t intended to hurt people, but it is. I don’t want to be the only one feeling my pain. There is nothing inside me that will resolve it, I have no way to cope with it and no way of releasing it.

It builds up inside me for a long time, and it will leak out from time to time. But when someone or something pushes me over the edge, everything that I’ve tried to ignore comes out full force and whoever’s unlucky enough to be in the line of fire will be blasted by a raging wildfire that has already burned up every ounce of my patients.
I really suck at hiding my frustration.

“Nothing is for certain in this lifetime or the next one”, is a song lyric that really hits home for me. I am uncertain of myself. I feel that I was a blank slate, and I am beginning to be filled up with my own hateful graffiti.

I know that INFPs are very private people, we do not trust easily, especially if we are incredibly insecure with ourselves. I have no immunity towards ridicule or criticism. I am weak towards it. So, I think if no one knows my struggle, no one can pick on me for it.
Feeling as though I have no one to confide in and nothing to rely on, it is a seemingly endless cycle of self-inflicted hurt and loneliness.

Metaphor time.

Brewing in my caldron is an immense mistrust towards others, self-hatred, a toxic mindset, and an overwhelmingly negative attitude.
Anyone who attempts to get close to me will be offered a glass of this misdirected anguish, and since that sounds very unappetizing to most, I am generally the only one left to drink my own poison.
And everyday, I feel like nothing more than an ugly witch, misunderstood and outcast by her peers.
Gee, I wonder why?
 

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I haven't experienced this myself. But I can say, it took a lot time before I met the right people. (ENFJ, ESFJ, ENFP). It will get better one day. :)
Don't worry about it to much and do something you enjoy. :)
 
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