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Discussion Starter #1
I guess I should start from the top.

I've been with this guy for the past 13 months, but we broke up right after our 6 months for about 2-3 months. The breakup was really out of no where, it caught me extremely off guard and well, shattered me to pieces. He did over the phone while I was at work, but it wasn't a messy break up. He never gave me the real reasons why until we got back together 2 months later.

Before he broke up with me, things were piling up for him. Hated his job, wasn't making enough money, he hates the town he lives in, his dad was getting on his last nerve and I wasn't exactly being helpful. But I wasn't aware of all these things happening, because he never talked to me about them. So how was I supposed to know? But turns out his dad talked so much crap about me to him, that it convinced him to leave me.

Two months later, his bestfriend starts talking to me and trying to get with me. At this point, I hadn't talked to my ex at all since we'd broken up, and was desperately looking for a rebound. As much as I wanted to, though, I couldn't. It was his best friend. And by miracle, my ex texted me, telling me to go for his bestfriend. ANd that's how we started talking again.

We talked two nights in a row, up until early hours, and decided that we both still had strong feelings for eachother and wanted to give it another try. So we hung out, and things went perfect and we got back together.

Fast forward to now, we've been together for over a year, he's given me a promise ring and have been making plans of moving in together. But the other day, we were talking and he started telling me how things were bothering him a lot, and how I didn't seem like I was all that interested of going to Europe with him next year. I didn't think much of it, I just took as "well, he feels this way, and he's telling me how he feels". So I explained to him that I did infact want to go with him, but that some things were just scaring me. He was still angry when we ended the conversation, but I just went to bed.

Next day, while he's at work, he texts me that he's sorry about what went down the night before, but that things were just starting to pile up again on him, and that everything was falling apart, so he expected us to fall apart as well. He hates his new job, he hasn't saved any money since he started, and ontop of it, his dad has been feeding him ideas that I'm just with him to keep him broke, and that I have no intentions on going to Europe with him. Which is all lies. I know how much it means to him, and would never take that away from him.

But it's like as soon as he told me this, a switch in my head flicked on, sending me into these panick attacks, and I started thinking and over thinking everything, which ended up with my head telling me that I wasn't even in love with this guy anymore, and that I should just leave him. I keep getting these awful feelings all through my body like I'm about to be sick, and it's driving me crazy. I saw him once since this started happening, and all of it went right away as soon as I saw him. It only happens when I'm alone and aren't talking to anyone. I start thinking and my mind takes it too far and brings me back to that feeling. It makes me sick.

I don't want to leave him. I know I don't. And I know that I love him. My heart still beats fast every time I get a text from him, or see him, and I get the weak knees when I kiss him. I feel safe when I'm with him, like nothing can hurt me when his arms around me, including my own thoughts. He's the love of my life, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'm certain on that. He's the most amazing man I've ever met in my life, and we're perfect for each other.

I know he's the one. And I know that I love him. I just don't understand why I'm having these thoughts, and I'd like some advice on what to do to make it go away permanently. I'm driving myself crazy and I don't know how to make it stop, or what triggered these feelings.
 

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I am sorry, but it doesn't sound like he is a lot of fun and it doesn't seem that he is a stable person, who you can trust your life. Leave him even if it hurts now, it is much easier now then after a couple of years when you have children together. Just run!
 

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Yeah, I'm sure there are great things about him, but from what you've told us, he's not at all a stable person, and what happens if your dreams came true and you two got married and he was still this unstable. Fast forward to three months into the marriage and he tells you again that "things are piling up", which just sounds to me like an excuse to bolt. Or fast forward three years into marriage and you're alone with a kid waiting for him to come back from puerto rico. Its a bit extreme, but he sounds an awful lot like a bolter to me...

You cannot rely on feelings with this one though. Try to take an objective look at him, if you can, ask a neutral friend's opinion, or listen to what we are all saying here. Because you are obviously really really attatched to this guy, whether or not you're even in love anymore. I don't think hes necessarily using you, just that he's doing the easiest thing for him, and thats what you need to beware of. Also I think its a little contadictory that he gave you a promise ring and then asked you to move in with him... cuz as far as I know living with a person is one of the surest ways to either end in breakup or divorce... but that's just lil old conservative me speaking...

I'm a tad confused though, what does England have to do with it? Does he live in England? Is this all a long distance relationship?
 

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for me panic attacks happens when I feel stuck in a situation, if I were you I would start
by trying to be happy with your self, see what you like and accept who you are.
Your boyfriend seems overloaded with life, he doesn't seem very sure of his choises.
I would say look at how he looks at you what he says to you, how you feel around him.
If it's hard now imagine in 5, 10 or 20 years with more and more situations that could
be worse than this?
listen to your voice, don't be afraid to be alone with your self.
Or go to bed tonight and before going to sleep ask the question, you'll probably
have your answer by tomorrow morning...

I my self had not listen to it for so long that my instinct is screwed up....
 

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I'm guessing you're young there's no reason to waste your life stuck in a relationship like that.
Really think about it could you really imagine being with this person the rest of your life,could you put up with him?
If the answer is no then obviously he isn't all that special. It's hard but in the end more beneficial to you.
 

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Take your heart out the equation to leave him....also have a mass supply of plasters if you intend to stay.

Its really horrible to be rejected because you are unstable, but it saves the other person (you in this case) getting more hurt...despite how you feel....trust me, im unstable n chucked a lovely fella now he won't entertain me even though I do miss him terribly and am fairly sure at one point he felt very deeply for me too...i admire his strength, you do have to be strong .... i do need to be in a better place before putting myself on the market again, not just waiting for a guy to make me feel like a better person, its not up to them.....maybe this is what your OH needs???

I think everyone is unstable to a degree though

pie x
 

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It sounds like there's major communication issues here.... and the relationship doesn't sound healthy. If your gut tells you to run....I would listen to your gut. It'll hurt now, and possibly for a while...but that's better than continuing with a relationship that just doesn't feel right. You'll only end up hurt and bitter down the road...
 
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Discussion Starter #9
He truly is great. I just didn't want to end up writing a novel, so I skipped to the main problem. But he is the most amazing guy I've ever met, and I've never been happier in my entire life. He treats me like a princess, and we've never fought. We've had arguments, but never an actual fight through his entire year, even during our breakup.

The way I described him did make him sound like a bolter. And the first time, I know he did it because things were overwhelming for him and he didn't know what else to do than to run. But he's made it clear that he's not going anywhere, and that I'm the only good thing going on for him and he doesn't ant to lose me. He regrets ever leaving me the first time, and I can see that he actually means it.

I've asked a couple friends that know him, and some that don't on what I should do, or what my problem is. And they all told me that the whole situation is just so familiar to when we first broke up, that my mind or whatever it is, is just putting up a block so that I don't end up where I was when he left me. Which does make sense. I was so happy when we got back together that I didn't even stop and think about how it could all happen again. Late doubts, perhaps?

As for the moving in thing, he's been asking me for quite a while. I just think too, that moving in could possibly make things go wrong, and I care a lot for him, and don't want to rush anything. He gave me the promise ring one our one year, but the moving in had been mentioned a while ago. just clearing that one :)

Oh and he lives half an hour from me. He just wants to leave this place and go travel Europe and he wants me to go with him. That's why he's stressing about money, and feels like things are piling up. He hates his job, hasn't saved any money yet and can't stand living here anymore. So that's why he feels things are falling apart.

thank you for the reply, by the way.
 

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He treats me like a princess, and we've never fought.
I have found that this is a classic sign of communication issues. I've been there - and have been the guy in your situation. I think he desperately wants to communicate his issues with you, however he doesn't know how. For sure the fact that he broke up with you over the phone, shows his abhorrence for conflict and lack of ability to communicate his emotions.

I think you should at the very least have a heart to heart talk. Show your support for him in dealing with his issues, as that is probably what he is really wanting.

If you think the relationship is worth fighting for, try and butter up his Dad and get on his good side. Constant pressure from his Dad is causing a lot of stress for him.

Just my 2 cents.
 
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Wow i was in an amazingly similar situation myself.
And now I am intrigued...I love this place, i don't think I've ever found a bunch of similarly thinking people to myself EVER....i love it, i feel like me ...n that makes me happy
:laughing:
 
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And now I am intrigued...I love this place, i don't think I've ever found a bunch of similarly thinking people to myself EVER....i love it, i feel like me ...n that makes me happy
:laughing:
You happy makes me happy :).
 
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^See, you already have a fan(or as i like to call them, stalkers).
 

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YAY! xx :tongue:
 

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I agree with you that the moving in thing is a bad idea, it will only make the tensions in your relationship worse. Although this guy does sound easily weighed down by the normal problems of life, and a bit negative, he does sound a little more decent now that you've described him out. I wouldn't advance the relationship further by moving in with him, wait a while, at least a few months, and take a look at how he lives his life, trying to really discern if there's a pattern or not. You really don't want a bolter, especially since you're the girl. But this guy may actually have been decent, still, there are some warning flags for me, like his dad. If his dad's like that, then either a part of him is like that or at the very least his kids may see some of those traits in them. Well, actually back up, what kind of person is his dad? Is he just incredibly negative? Or has he just singled you out? Why does he take such a keen interest in his son's love life? I mean I'm glad his dad has an opinion and is willing to share but it just sounds like his dad's being a downer about everything. Sorry about all the questions, but now I'm interested in your situation... and I like to give good advice. Also, how old is your boyfriend? I assume he's still living at home, and I can understand the blues that come with that arrangement, no matter how great your parents are...
 

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Yep yep yep :tongue:

^^ Surely that must classify as spamming the forum ...oh well :tongue::tongue::tongue::tongue::tongue::tongue:
 

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Hey now, random acts of optimism never counts as spam.... however defending said acts probably does.... and tiresomely reiterating as a dull attempt at humor certainly is....:tongue:
 
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