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MOTM July 2012
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Lift off the opaque veil of the 'public persona,' and a very different individual cowers in its shadows. Shine the flashlight into the darkness of hatred, and an inner dungeon of emotional pain lies exposed before your eyes. Gaze into the glass of someone's eyes as they speak to widen the aperture to the fuller meaning they are communicating. Peel off the veneer of superiority and underneath hides a desperate feeling of inferiority. So much of this world is not at all what it seems. We INFJs love to open the curtains that cloak reality and see what is really behind there...

I remember working with underprivileged children and lifting this curtain....outside the curtain was their obvious misbehavior, their mistreatment of others. Many concluded that they just needed strict management and discipline to keep them under control. But within the curtain, this out of control, even antisocial behavior often betrayed the pain they felt from dangerously unhealthy home situations, their lashing out due to the grief of being abused and unloved, their longing for attention due to parental neglect....it was all a silent and easily-misunderstood cry for help. My heart went out to them and I felt a special affection and motherly concern for them as it was impossible not to sense their desperate craving for caring attention. The hardest among them softened and became docile under the influence of genuine love. They just really needed someone to love them.

What are some of your experiences lifting the curtain...your insights into the real meaning behind often-misunderstood negative behavior?
 

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The thing about people is that they are too quick to judge and they only see just the surface of a person's personality. Some people will never be able to take the time to really see past the fake facade that others put up to fool the world.

Thankfully, INFJs can 'unveil' the curtain and see past the mask and see the true person inside.

My two best friends are amazing. One is dark and often misunderstood. She is intimidating and hates a lot of people because of their stupidity alone. (She can't look past appearances of others and sometimes underestimates them.) It is hard to be friends with her sometimes, but it is so worth it. While others may stay clear of her, I am allowed to become her confidant and best friend.

My other best friend is always happy and helpful. She is the girl who always has a shoulder you can cry on. The thing is, many people don't care about her and her problems and she needs someone's shoulder to cry on too. I knew from the beginning that she isn't always perpetually happy and I listen to her troubles when no one else will.

I always try to look deeper and ask myself why others act a certain way and I try to understand and help them. I would think about the motivation about why did that girl bully me in middle school. Family problems? Scared of seeing "different" people and she doesn't know how to act? Trying to impress her friends? Trying to be my friend in a twisted way? I never found out, but I have closure now because in my mind I forgave her for her cruel words because she is probably a different, more mature person now who has grown up.

There are also small moments in my life when I try to help others and sometimes, something just clicks, and the world seems a little bit brighter.

I strive to help others and to see the world beyond the curtain.
 

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The sooner you look outside yourself the sooner you'll see what's really going on. I'm someone who easily falls under extremely similar circumstances to what you described Emerald Sea. Limits given from a position of power are not going to limit anything but the scheme and goals of the positions that each person with a role plays with that limitation in place.

Dogmatism does not fix problems.

Some people really do just need someone to listen. Others may just need a friend..The common theme is to listen.
 
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