[GreenCoyote]

shsrring helps right?

I am wuite the pesimist insside.
darkness rages beneath my skin because it reflects my surroundings... I hold my breath and tense up my body, I can't take pain, I choose not to I guess. am I forfeting learning? is that what is happening, maybe I choose to just know, or maybe i have not been learning all along, whatever is going on it is okay, I will be away soon enough, maybe dead, maybe gone, so why do I hold on?

I guess I really do want to share... but i hate knowing it goes out there. and then it comes back around again.
is there ever a secret keeper that keeps your secret with care.
I can't hold onto myself, the parts that hurt, the trust itself.
I cant hold it and it slips away...

forever damned into the inbetweens.

I am tired of talking about it, but seek teh conversation, is it really charged projection without you near. can I decide something clearly without you near, I see the way you act to me, I see teh way I am, but even if you know me you won't change for all to see, does that mean I can't be me?

so many questions, I guess I process in my sleep, but just once I would like to process with you, share something with you. because I guess I do love you. it's just hard to show, hard to see, hard to speak and hard to be.
cause i know your hurting beneathe your skiin as I induldge into your every sin, but come closer I guess I freak you out.
its okay, don't scream and shout, I am trying to leave. To be the parasite of your dreams.

 

[MoonLight]

I spent about 10 minutes trying to figure what to write but it all seemed inadequate to the level of depth of your post so all I can say is thanks for sharing.

 

[zwanglos]

shsrring helps right?

I am wuite the pesimist insside.

am I forfeting learning?

forever damned into the inbetweens.

cause i know your hurting beneathe your skiin as I induldge into your every sin, but come closer I guess I freak you out.

You were so drunk when you wrote this.

 

[GreenCoyote]

You were so drunk when you wrote this.

yes. I was.
...sorta.

 

[zwanglos]

I was drunk when I made that comment.
...

 

[Linus]

it's not a bad description

i don't really go through this anymore. but it's something in my memory

 

[GreenCoyote]

I was drunk when I made that comment.
...

oh zwanglos, how I have missed thee. roud:

we will have to plan an evening of drinking and PCafe.

it's not a bad description

i don't really go through this anymore. but it's something in my memory

anyway you mind sharring the gained experience?:dry:

I might be able to move on from "this"

 

[Linus]

When I read it, I was thinking how it might be for INFJs in general... being in a world that's hard to live in, seems hostile.. wanting to find a connection, and meeting people but never reaching that point ever, it's always something lacking

I didn't make a conscious change, I think. It happened all on its own.. I just got thrown into a new life, school, and I was occupied all over. Every now and then those past issues resurface but it fades more and more.. Everything around me got increasingly stressful that I hit a point where these things that I was agonizing over in the past had all became meaningless and just ended.. It was worth nothing compared to what I am at now

I don't think that really helps? But I guess, know it will pass
You will hit the bottom eventually, I think you sound like you are almost there