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Things have come to a head, a tipping point if you will, for me in my life. Lots of changes happening in family and friend relationships...the death of the relationships, the strain, the grieving, but the optimism and excitement at new relationships to come.

So since I don't have much support anymore, and all of this is overwhelmingly happening at once...I really could use a therapist or someone to the like.

I searched and found one that seemed to be a good fit, but it turns out that it wasn't. I'm still discouraged from that experience and what happened. But I know it usually takes a couple tries before you find someone who fits so I'm back to square one. It's upending though...to be assured you have a match after researching etc...and then discovering that this "professional" is doing the same discouraging things that brought you to therapy!

So really, I know nothing.

So I solicit YOUR experiences and insights. Anything you can tell me to help me out about the therapy, psychologist, life coach, counselor, social worker etc. world I'd really appreciate it.
 

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I started going to a psychologist, and my honest opinion is.. they are shit. She was nice and all but she didn't help me. Then I started at a new school where there was this guy. I don't know what he was.. I think a life coach/counselor. He helped me a lot. Then later on I found this woman who change my life. She taught me more about myself, helped me grow some self esteem and gave me techniques to deal with life. I think she is a stress coach. Not because I'm stressed but she focus on how to be more you. She once told me that when you're stressed it's because you forgotten to do things for you. Things that makes you happy and give you energy. I would recommend her in a heartbeat. But you don't live in my country? :/
 

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I got plenty of experiences and insights I'm not willing to share openly.

I want to become great therapist myself one day, or a teacher, or a counselor. I got something special, if I'll manage to deal with life/career and its pressure...
 

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I started going to a psychologist, and my honest opinion is.. they are shit. She was nice and all but she didn't help me. Then I started at a new school where there was this guy. I don't know what he was.. I think a life coach/counselor. He helped me a lot. Then later on I found this woman who change my life. She taught me more about myself, helped me grow some self esteem and gave me techniques to deal with life. I think she is a stress coach. Not because I'm stressed but she focus on how to be more you. She once told me that when you're stressed it's because you forgotten to do things for you. Things that makes you happy and give you energy. I would recommend her in a heartbeat. But you don't live in my country? :/
Thank you Lovable for sharing your experience (cute screen name :). I've been having those same internal thoughts about the process of seeking a therapist...I've had ALOT of bad experiences with people in general in A SHORT amount of time so...by default I'm in skeptical mode. I know it sucks that you have to sift through the bunch to find one that finally fits but I'm sure it was worth it. I'm hoping the same outcome for me, sooner than later! That's good insight that she gave you, I never thought about it that way...like our body's subconsciously telling us to smell the roses. I'm in the U.S., which country are you in?
 

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I got plenty of experiences and insights I'm not willing to share openly.

I want to become great therapist myself one day, or a teacher, or a counselor. I got something special, if I'll manage to deal with life/career and its pressure...

Awesome, I love that confidence. You can PM me if you'd like.
 

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My experience with a social worker, counsellor, psychologist are they were all a giant waste of time. These people do nothing more than sit and nod at everything you say and make the odd comment. Honestly I have received better advice, better listening skills, better perspective from posting about shit on the net. Yes you will always attract a certain % of arseholes when you do that, but at least they are freely providing their arseholism and not charging you $190 per hour for it. If you have problems with things specific like grief or abuse there are many forums specific to that where people aren't going to roast you via a keyboard.

Even more effective is googling your issue and then carefully filtering what you find. I have come across tonnes of really great blogs this way with useful advice on them.

The only outcome of seeing a therapist is that you are guaranteed to spend thousands on therapy. It's kind of in their own [financial] interests to keep you coming back for more. As far life coaches? This is just a therapist who is unqualified to either counsel or therapise and therefore calls themself a paid best friend. Yeah no. You could spend the money on one life coach session on a pile of books from people who actually know what they are talking about and have the experience to prove it.
 

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To find a good therapist, one should look for one with a method that works best for them, or one who is familiar with certain methods.

Anxiety/depression/changing negative thinking and reducing emotional pain - CBT, REBT are best

Anxiety/panic disorder/PTSD - exposure therapy, narrative therapy is best

psychotic disorder - group therapy with peers who also are going through this is very promising as well as individual therapy

Axis II disorders - group therapy is best

family/relationship disorders - family therapy is best

Existential counseling focuses on finding meaning in one's pain.

Cognitive and Cognitive Behavioral counseling focuses on changing the way one thinks and behaves to change the origin of pain.

Psychodynamic therapy focuses on finding insights through talking fluidly in a non-linear way. This might include dream interpretation and sort of "spiritual" type counseling.

Narrative therapy is about basically telling your stories. The therapist picks different aspects of the narrative to focus on.

Exposure therapy is when one is desensitized to a stressful trigger by exposing themselves to uncomfortable feelings associated with that trigger and work on sitting through them until they dissipate to reduce negative coping mechanisms that lead to repressing them.

Most therapists sort of go with whatever the patient initiates and works with the patient's style. However, if you know what you have difficulty with and what the goal of your therapy should be, then you can specifically request certain therapy. Any psychologist (PhD) will be able to perform all of these therapies. Any counselor (Master's Degree, LPC, LAC, LCSW, LSW) will usually be able to do all of these but will be more comfortable doing one or two of them as they tend to work with people who have less serious illnesses (though that is only a generality, not a rule by any means).

Hopefully this helps.

Personally, when I was younger and just going to therapy and had issues which were chronic and persistent, CBT worked for me best with amazing results.

Now, I see a therapist every so often for a "check up" to keep my issues managed. I see her about 4-8 times a year. I might see her twice a month if a major problem happens (like a death). With her, we do psychodynamic therapy and a little bit of CBT.

If you want to pursue some of this on your own, look up Byron Katie's "The Work" (I might have spelled the last name wrong). There are both worksheets/websites and youtube videos about it. It might seem a bit silly at first, but it works really well.
 

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CBT and related REBT just make sense to me. There's no sitting and nodding, I really thought that was a pop culture myth.
The thing about it is the pyschologist isn't there to validate your bad emotions, they are there to help you change them for the better. They give you the tools, but you have to be willing to use them. Life coaches are the same. I never had one but I saw one on the internet multiple times and it's basically the same concept. If you are resistant and refuse to change yourself, you will not change. Nobody can grab your brain and make it work properly but yourself. In tv shows and stuff, they show therapists sitting there listening to people just release their thoughts. I'm glad that wasn't reality for me. That's not cognitive behavioral therapy at least.

The only thing is I don't see the point of seeing them anymore. After they've given me the insights and tools I don't understand why I'd need to visit them after. A couple of visits is enough until you get it. There's no reason in my mind to go back and talk to a guy for 30 minutes every week. I went there and I had no plans so I just stopped going.
 

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When I was married my then wife who is Bipolar had to see a psychiatrist every month and after 5different ones she stayed with one for about 10 years.He helped her and I a lot dealing with her illness.In a few weeks I am going to see my first gender psychologist and have been putting together a package to streamline the "so tell me about yourself" and my guess there is a 99.99% chance she is going to suggest I start making a transition in my life.:wink:
 

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Discussion Starter #10
@EndsOfTheEarth
Wow thanks for your perspective. I'm skeptical after the experience that I just had with a LCSW. I was glad that I was able to talk it out and have someone listening but we didn't get as far as solutions before I decided it wasn't a good fit. Same here...I've been on internet forums and learned so much from people who are going through the same thing as me. Yeah I'm so google smart now, I've got a headache I've been researching so much lol, seriously. I dedicated this whole day to ME and my well being...I rarely do that. But yeah I've been googling tons of stuff for months...I'm just at a point where I need someone to talk to because I'm going through a very overwhelming time right now, so I'm ok with paying $ for it but eventually I'll be strong enough to take what I learn and get results on my own.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
@brightflashes
Wow thank you for listing out all of that info. I've been googling a lot of those forms of therapy...there's so many out there...my eyes probably have dark circles under them because I've been at my computer all day. I want to explore C/DBT because I want results.

The issues I'm seeking therapy for are:
Relationships in general
Family dynamics
Recovering from emotional incest/abuse/manipulation
Effective Communication/boundaries
Anxiety

And my wife has undiagnosed BPD (Borderline) and we might be divorcing soon...so yeah, I'm extremely overwhelmed.

Thanks for that recommendation, I'll look him up.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
@Grandmaster Yoda
Yeah I think I've narrowed it down to C/DBT and exposure therapy because they've been proven and I'm ready to put in the work.

Yeah I'm the same type, once I have the tools I can do it on my own or be apart of a peer support group. Thanks for your insights. If you don't mind me asking, how has CBT worked for you and helped change your thinking? I forgot to mention a couple of other things above but I've got past traumas that I'm stuck in like religious trauma/abuse, negative self-perceptions, feelings of rejection, etc. This stuff really haunts me and I'm ready to get rid of it!
 

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Counseling is an interesting practice. It's a lot like dating.

First, you need to try and understand what it is that you need. For instance, a psychologist is the same as a counselor. Psychologists, as a practice, is more impersonal--similar to going to a doctor's office. They are very intelligent people, who are there to analyze you, and figure out what you may need to improve yourself. They then send you on your way.

Personal counseling, on the other hand, is more about a relationship. They're there to help completely reroute and rebuild your foundation as a human being. You're meant to spend weeks--months--years with these people, changing and improving who you are. Most problems in our lives are rooted in social interactions, which is why there's counseling: to create a social attachment to help you.

The problem with counseling, however, is that you're dealing with humans. Ideally, they are healthy, functioning people who are there specifically to help you. Yet, that isn't always the case. The business of counseling also attracts damaged people, which is great if they are fixed, but if they aren't, they are going to only further increase your problems. For instance, the Adlerian approach is designed to create a social attachment that helps you project your emotions onto them. If you have a problematic relationship with your mother, and she is the origin of your problems in your own relationship, it is ideal to find a female counselor to whom you can project your emotions onto, so that the counselor can use that to explore them. Yet, she needs to have a sense of control in the room, or else it's a disaster.

Thus, it is ideal to find someone who is experienced, with a degree (life coaches don't need degrees because they aren't meant to counsel, and try out a few to see who is good match for you. Then, stick with them. Even when you feel counseling is going no where, or getting too intense. A counselor-counselee relationship is similar to any social attachment. There will be ups and downs. But, unlike social attachments, they need to never breech any boundaries to put you into harm.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
@RyuukoGo
If I knew you I'd put you in touch with one of my wife's relatives. He went through transition too and I'm sure he'd be a good resource. Best to you!
 

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Discussion Starter #15
@Antipode
You mean its a lot like marriage? $$$$$$ Ha! I'm kidding...sort of :unsure:

Thank you so much for that layman's breakdown. From my research today, I gathered that psychologists were more on the intellectual spectrum than emotional but I didn't know that there's not much of a relationship there. Good analogy (like a doctor). I'm a pretty intelligent chap IMHumbleO so I was sifting through them hoping to find someone who's way smarter than me and who can delve into my psyche and unlock it. The problem is there's an endless catalogue; I've gotten a few choices but you never know until you sit down with them. Thank you again.
 

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@Antipode
You mean its a lot like marriage? $$$$$$ Ha! I'm kidding...sort of :unsure:

Thank you so much for that layman's breakdown. From my research today, I gathered that psychologists were more on the intellectual spectrum than emotional but I didn't know that there's not much of a relationship there. Good analogy (like a doctor). I'm a pretty intelligent chap IMHumbleO so I was sifting through them hoping to find someone who's way smarter than me and who can delve into my psyche and unlock it. The problem is there's an endless catalogue; I've gotten a few choices but you never know until you sit down with them. Thank you again.
Haha, well, you can surely find intellectual counselors. Although I am more emotionally inclined, I also face counseling with a large aspect of personal knowledge, priding myself on a life-long journey of understanding human behavior and cognition.
 

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Haha, well, you can surely find intellectual counselors. Although I am more emotionally inclined, I also face counseling with a large aspect of personal knowledge, priding myself on a life-long journey of understanding human behavior and cognition.
Are you an anthropologist at heart too? I've got to get myself together and develop a plan...there's so many things I need to accomplish...one of them is going back to school for cultural anthropology or maybe get certified. I also want to be in the "other seat" and become a counselor. I know that's one of my callings (INFJ) because people have been coming to me all of my life. So I have to get myself straight in order to help others.
 

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Are you an anthropologist at heart too? I've got to get myself together and develop a plan...there's so many things I need to accomplish...one of them is going back to school for cultural anthropology or maybe get certified. I also want to be in the "other seat" and become a counselor. I know that's one of my callings (INFJ) because people have been coming to me all of my life. So I have to get myself straight in order to help others.
I like to think of myself as an eclectic psychologist :p I love reading, studying, and observing anything from psychology, philosophy, biology, architecture, science, botany, media, culture, politics, life, and relating it back to the human condition. I find life is a lot like geographic fractals: the large relates to the small, and vice versa. If you're patient, you'll begin to find the relationship between things like how plants handle diseases, compared to how humans handle emotional diseases. Plants will often destroy the part of their body that is infected before it consumes itself, whereas people will let it fester, often finding ourselves in the same situation that brought on the disease, rather than cut it off.

I hold that we can learn a lot from everything and everyone, if we actually listen. :p

But to actually answer your question in a less annoying way haha, I'm more of a counselor that focuses on attachment styles: how we've attached to our parents, and how it reflect toward how we attach to friends, loved ones, and life--even religious figures as in God.

But I think you'll love it if you get into it. Often its the people who have overcome issues and go into that field who find the most success and fulfillment.
 

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I like to think of myself as an eclectic psychologist :p I love reading, studying, and observing anything from psychology, philosophy, biology, architecture, science, botany, media, culture, politics, life, and relating it back to the human condition. I find life is a lot like geographic fractals: the large relates to the small, and vice versa. If you're patient, you'll begin to find the relationship between things like how plants handle diseases, compared to how humans handle emotional diseases. Plants will often destroy the part of their body that is infected before it consumes itself, whereas people will let it fester, often finding ourselves in the same situation that brought on the disease, rather than cut it off.

I hold that we can learn a lot from everything and everyone, if we actually listen. :p

But to actually answer your question in a less annoying way haha, I'm more of a counselor that focuses on attachment styles: how we've attached to our parents, and how it reflect toward how we attach to friends, loved ones, and life--even religious figures as in God.

But I think you'll love it if you get into it. Often its the people who have overcome issues and go into that field who find the most success and fulfillment.
Very wise words...so few people see the treasure in listening.

We humans brim with the most intelligence yet we forfeit it due to ego and fear. So much talent wasted in humanity. I want to do my part to help free people from themselves so the world can be a better place.

Wasn't annoying at all my friend; don't make me put on my counselor hat and get you to stop denigrating yourself :wink: You've got an amazing talent and gift to see life in vibrant words, pictures and stories.

Awesome, yes, and no matter how we want to slice it, it always comes back to our origins. We can go on to win awards, make tons of money, receive world-wide recognition...but we eventually come back to or will have to face the environment we were brought up in and be plagued with questions about life, meaning and God. It's indisputable.

Well I'm going to go to bed now. It was a pleasure chatting with you Antipode. Let's keep the convo going :) Goodnight or Morning!
 

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@RyuukoGo
If I knew you I'd put you in touch with one of my wife's relatives. He went through transition too and I'm sure he'd be a good resource. Best to you!
The sort of funny part is on the transgender forums the guys that do transition talk about how they want to be "female" looking...my problem is my brain is already sort of "female" hard to explain but the psychologist is the expert and at $175.00 and hour she better be.
 
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