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Discussion Starter #1
Lately at work I’ve been accused of not being a team player. Not in the way you might expect; I get along fairly well with my co-workers and pull my weight on the job. The problem is that when a crisis or situation arises, I try to handle it all by myself without calling in aid.

There are actually multiple reasons why I’m like this. Some of them are the usual introvert reasons; for one I don’t like to impose on others or boss other people around, so I don’t ask people do ‘my’ work.

But there are other reasons too. Growing up I had to handle a lot of things on my own, and I became very self-sufficient and self-contained. Relying on others is a largely alien concept to me. Yes, there have been isolated situations where I had to let others take care of things, but by and large I’m very independent.

And there’s also a bit of control freak in me. Once I take ownership of a crisis or project, I don’t like to let go of it. I’m afraid of others screwing up and ruining whatever good I’ve done. ‘If you want it done right, do it yourself.’ The problem here is that sometimes things are just too large or hectic to handle by myself...

Any thoughts on how to address some of these issues so I can be a better ‘team player’?
 

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There are actually multiple reasons why I’m like this. Some of them are the usual introvert reasons; for one I don’t like to impose on others or boss other people around, so I don’t ask people do ‘my’ work.
You're right, this problem is not unique to INFPs. Other introverted types face the same problems, even the IxTJs. Of course this is a skill that can be learned, but for extroverted types it comes naturally.

Any thoughts on how to address some of these issues so I can be a better ‘team player’?
I'm just sharing my thoughts, but since my experience is limited, forgive me if it sounds like an impractical idealism. Feel free to ignore anything that is not helpful! :D

The ideal way that might not be practical enough in reality is to find the right team. No matter how good the leadership skills of the team leader are, if the team does not want to work together, it's no use. In a group where the members voluntarily decided to work together, a leader will naturally come out, without him/her needing to actively seize the position.

Also, INFP fits more in a team where everyone is responsible enough to do their jobs properly. INFP dislike having to tell someone that they're wrong all the time. Motivational talks are one of our weak points.

But of course, sometimes it's not possible. Not everyone have the privilege to choose their jobs, or choose who they work with.

A more practical way, but not the perfect solution is to try to work in a smaller team. Work together with the ones who are actually capable of teamwork, and don't bother with the ones who refuse to do so. Just do your part and leave them alone.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Thanks for all the ideas. Some random thoughts and observations...

In the 4th video, Ms. Li talks about trusting others; this has always been difficult for me. Attempting to ask others for help, either on the job or in personal situations, usually results in either "You mean you're to stupid to figure that out?", or "I can't be bothered with that" or vague promises of aid that never materialize. So I just learned to handle things on my own. The team I'm on now is quite a bit less toxic than that, but current management is fond of assigning blame when things go wrong, and admitting you need help can indeed feel like I'm giving others an opening to blame me for whatever goes wrong.

And she also talks about connecting with others, and I'm assuming she means on a personal rather than strictly business level. This is very tricky for me. I have, through no fault of my own, a dark and difficult past. Sometimes sharing this past is a tremendous success, but sometimes it also results in getting ghosted or judged by people who just can't handle it. And the pain of that experience has taught me to put up a very high walls. For similar reasons, I also like to keep a lot of separation between my personal and professional life.

I'll probably come back to this and add more thoughts later as they come to me...
 

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iNtp sp/sx x84
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Also, INFP fits more in a team where everyone is responsible enough to do their jobs properly. INFP dislike having to tell someone that they're wrong all the time. Motivational talks are one of our weak points.

But of course, sometimes it's not possible. Not everyone have the privilege to choose their jobs, or choose who they work with.
so, would making a party help? rough sketch character details and organize by party/team needs. pros & cons - of personality archetypes, skills, abilities and general sociability - do they work well with specific others, not so much with a few, too social with some, etc

can break larger groups into mini teams with defacto leaders or pair up into buddy systems - though it might be more helpful to designate the soloists (primarily specialists) and the floaters in the team, those that can float between groups/individuals and help when/where needed, ideal for the rounded experts as well as the fledglings.

though, it's likely Op might want something more akin to relay race. . . than a more cooperative sport. working out those details would require knowing more details and in turn, what those above OP wants to gauge it's feasibility for the workplace environment and project at hand.

still, if I was taking OP a bit more seriously, then we'd likely start by addressing how to make the infp- aspects which they identify with - feel more secure, so they can relax their guard (boundaries, independence, introversion) enough to work with other people. whether that's taking a private break and rubbing one out or whatever else it might take to get into their chill zone or maybe they need to be psyched up and have some adrenaline flowing to become more focused on the team and project's needs.



okay, so not so much the competitive type.. maybe we need more

still one has to wonder what would be an incentive for this infp to participate in a group activity?

or do we take from another angle with something akin to an iep with set goals?


or do we get back to roleplaying the best case and worst case scenarios...

structure, maybe, sure keeping data files on your co-workers may be creepy but if it helps keep things in order, so you're prepared ahead of time to coonsider how a team might function - you could likely manipulate the situation enough to give you the amount of space/independence you need while still showing you're an active, participating, member of the team.

maybe that is achieved by working independently but taking periodic breaks to do menial tasks for other members of the team. Often menial tasks are things one person could do.. so perhaps that will workout for you. it shows you're humble and giving the team enough responsibility to charge the bigger tasks while you tackle the little things to speed up productivity before resuming with your oh so important work.

I'm sure one of the Js are likely rolling around in a pile of flow charts and post-its right now... could probably help with creating an organized strategic plan to optimize your desired outcome.
 

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rough sketch character details and organize by party/team needs. pros & cons - of personality archetypes, skills, abilities and general sociability
This is good for the initial setup. But since all those criterias are really hard to be measured exactly, further adjustments and flexibility along the way is needed.

Someone I know tried this method before, and it failed because someone who seemed sociable at the beginning ended up being the loner, someone who was thought to be the "follower" type ended up being the most competent one, but had an argument with his division leader, and quit.

can break larger groups into mini teams with defacto leaders or pair up into buddy systems - though it might be more helpful to designate the soloists (primarily specialists) and the floaters in the team, those that can float between groups/individuals and help when/where needed
This is a good method. I remember during my school days that whenever there is a group project, things always turn out well when we are allowed to pick our own members. Whenever the teacher assigns the members to us, it most of the time ended up in chaos.

Often menial tasks are things one person could do.. so perhaps that will workout for you. it shows you're humble and giving the team enough responsibility to charge the bigger tasks while you tackle the little things to speed up productivity before resuming with your oh so important work.
That's a good point. I used to think that taking care of small things doesn't carry enough impact for the team. But I'm surprised at how effective and helpful it is for everyone else.
 

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There is no I in "Team" but there is a "me" (tEaM).
 

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When I read you, I feel like you know what you need to do, but you feel emotionally blocked to do it.
For example, you seem to know that you need to ask for help or share a part of who you are, but this leaves you too vulnerable and can't bring yourself to do it.

I'm sorry if I sound indelicate, but... it's a typical case where psychotherapy is beneficial.

If psychotherapy is too hard for emotional or financial reasons, you can try the mentioned habits on smaller or closer relationships. For example, asking for a direction, asking a loved one if he can help with the chore. Playing a collaborative game like "A way out" or "Overcooked". Anything that challenges you to rely on others, to open up, or to share. Try to find a way that you can manage to pull off, while still feeling a minimum safe.
 
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