Personality Cafe banner

1 - 8 of 8 Posts

·
Registered
ENTP type 8w5
Joined
·
169 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Often times I’ve noticed people are pressured by what’s considered a red flag that they lose a potential partner because of it even though the issues aren’t that severe and could have been talked out and analyzed

It expands to a bigger problem when we give relationship advice based on subjective views to a couple that could handle their own shit together, many breakups are actually the result of a group pitting one against the other, there should be underestimating a group’s power in terms of their influences on your decision, what you feel and think is right should be sufficient, it should be discussed and expressed and understood if it can be and finally accepted instead of treating complex human relationships like institutions with made up rules
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,116 Posts
That's only true because some people are willing to be involved with garbage human beings.

For example, a history of serious violence, domestic abuse, etc. should be an objective red flag, but there is someone in the world who won't see it that way.
 

·
Registered
ENTP type 8w5
Joined
·
169 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
Domestic abuse isn’t considered a red it’s considered domestic abuse, it’s a no fly zone and prison sentence, a red flag would be explosive tempers that could result to violence

It’s as if you’re counting things like rape and murder as red flags when they’re more like blacklisted
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
226 Posts
That is true to various extents. The translation of the expression "red flags" can have different connotations in different cultures around the world, because of gender roles and what people are expected to do. For example, one could even consider a red flag (a warning sign) someone who's had a history in their family a history of mental illnesses and alcoholism, even if they don't immediately seem to display it, it's something to keep an eye open for if you get into a relationship with them, and it's not mean or bad, it is for your protection, assuming you want to help them or you love them too to what extent you can.

However, there are general red flags pertaining to human biology and the human mind.

A red flag when interacting with somebody is to me for example visual contact and whether they are able to maintain it or not, and look at me honestly while speaking, rather than struggling to keep composure or with false calm (which gives the vibe of closed off not of calmness). The principle of maintaining visual contact to assess honesty and at least give the impression that you're trying to be honest is global, unless we're talking about power struggles where one of the partners is not allowed to look the other in the eye.

A general red flag is when you partner never invites you to hang out with their friends.
Or when they jump on every opportunity to not see you instead of the opposite.
You get the roll.

The red flag culture or "omg abuse" culture however can be really toxic and place people into boxes based on superficial assumptions or on a one-time behavioral observation. I assume OP is thinking about improper categorization of what a red flag is based on superficial values or high expectations from someone who has trouble identifying their own mistakes or shortcomings?
 

·
Registered
INTP
Joined
·
3,909 Posts
I'm a Canadian who went to the US to marry an American. I gave up my job, apartment, car, etc., to do so. Soon after I arrived, all of a sudden it was "You're just using me for a green card." This was absolutely ridiculous. I think he must have gotten this idea from one of his friends. "Oh, she's from another country? She couldn't possibly be interested in you; she must be up to something bad."
 

·
Beer Guardian
ENTP 5w6 So/Sx 584 ILE Honorary INTJ
Joined
·
15,484 Posts
I'm a Canadian who went to the US to marry an American. I gave up my job, apartment, car, etc., to do so. Soon after I arrived, all of a sudden it was "You're just using me for a green card." This was absolutely ridiculous. I think he must have gotten this idea from one of his friends. "Oh, she's from another country? She couldn't possibly be interested in you; she must be up to something bad."
o_O Did you get over it/go through with it? Hell, at this point, I'd love to marry a Canadian. Things are getting pretty hairy in the country of my birth. I'm not sure if we're going to survive it.
 

·
Registered
INTP
Joined
·
3,909 Posts
I stayed for a couple of years but felt betrayed. Then he asked me again to marry him and I said no, the hope was gone.

Sorry for your fear and sadness. If you go down, I'm pretty sure we'll go down with you.
 
1 - 8 of 8 Posts
Top