Personality Cafe banner

1 - 8 of 8 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,993 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
''Fours maintain their identity by seeing themselves as fundamentally different from others. Fours feel that they are unlike other human beings..... They often see themselves as uniquely talented, possessing special, one-of-a-kind gifts, but also as uniquely disadvantaged or flawed.''

Being different used to be such a source of shakiness for me. It still is, I admit it can be such a difficult challenge to feel different. However, at the same time, through life I also start to see it as a gift. It's something that you have a love-hate relationship with, yet you accept it as part of your belonging and identity.

I'm sure the best feeling of belonging you can get is the belonging you have with yourself. Being able to find that in being 'fundamentally different' in spite of possible objection can bring a certain extraordinary pleasure.


''Fours attempt to compensate for this by cultivating a Fantasy Self- an idealized self-image which is built up primarily in their imaginations..''

Nothing wrong with being a dreamer. If you believe in your true self enough, you can even go further than your own idealized self.

''When Fours look inward they see a kaleidoscopic, ever-shifting pattern of emotional reactions. Indeed, Fours accurately perceive a truth about human nature- that it is dynamic and ever changing. But because they want to create a stable, reliable identity from their emotions, they attempt to cultivate only certain feelings while rejecting others. Some feelings are seen as ''me'' while others are ''not me'' ''

How we base our inner appreciation on our self worth, even if it means basing it on our emotions, is entirely up to us at the core. If you have emotional intensity, and it helps you understand human nature, even if it's entirely subjective, I honestly see no problem with it...

Just saying ;) Fours tend to be too hard on themselves and they tend to let people judge them too much.



-Today I am proud and accepting of being a complex, dramatic individualist Type Four, no matter how insistent and emotional I seem-
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,804 Posts
If we weren't so hard on ourselves, we probably wouldn't be who we are, would we? It's kind of a cycle, the search for perfection and idealism. We wouldn't keep searching for "the dream" so to speak if we didn't care so much about.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
716 Posts
Well, I've had this persistent self-loathing my whole life and I can't really seem to get rid of it. I turn that into guilt which then is the driving force of most of my actions when I'm not at home and sometimes even when I'm at home. It means I get my stuff done and that I'm responsible but socially and personally it slows me down and it also causes break-downs once in a while.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
I agree... there's nothing wrong with being a 4!

When you read about it though, it sounds like we're a bunch of arrogant, self-centred whiners! :shocked:

As I've gotten older, I have found that I've learned to love and nurture my "4ness" and to accept that feeling different is part of who I am. It's a feeling I've had as long as I can remember... I often feel hurt and misunderstood, but I also often have deep, trusting friendships with people who love me as a 4 (or so I like to think!) :wink:

What about you other 4s? how does your feeling of being "different" manifest and what are your earliest memories of feeling like an outsider or that something was missing?

For me it was definitely grade school where I felt like the other kids had something, or "got" something that I didn't: the way they joked with each other, the way they had friendships, they way they socialized, the way they got away with stuff I couldn't... And yet, looking back, I had my own small group of friends to hang out with.. And I think that's what had changed with age... now I'm able to look at what I have and be grateful and satisfied, whereas then, I was blind with envy and confusion about what I was missing...

I would say it's not easy being a 4... would you? But I think it's also a gift to be so sensitive and in tune with oneself, nature, beauty, relationships, memories, imaginings...

Cheers. :happy:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,993 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
I agree... there's nothing wrong with being a 4!

When you read about it though, it sounds like we're a bunch of arrogant, self-centred whiners! :shocked:

As I've gotten older, I have found that I've learned to love and nurture my "4ness" and to accept that feeling different is part of who I am. It's a feeling I've had as long as I can remember... I often feel hurt and misunderstood, but I also often have deep, trusting friendships with people who love me as a 4 (or so I like to think!) :wink:

What about you other 4s? how does your feeling of being "different" manifest and what are your earliest memories of feeling like an outsider or that something was missing?

For me it was definitely grade school where I felt like the other kids had something, or "got" something that I didn't: the way they joked with each other, the way they had friendships, they way they socialized, the way they got away with stuff I couldn't... And yet, looking back, I had my own small group of friends to hang out with.. And I think that's what had changed with age... now I'm able to look at what I have and be grateful and satisfied, whereas then, I was blind with envy and confusion about what I was missing...

I would say it's not easy being a 4... would you? But I think it's also a gift to be so sensitive and in tune with oneself, nature, beauty, relationships, memories, imaginings...

Cheers. :happy:
It hasn't been easy being a 4..Honestly I have to reaffirm positive things to myself, because I have an extreme love-extreme hate relationship with being a 4 :crazy:

I also always felt I had a 'different' way of socializing and it had made me insecure a couple of times, I was wondering why I seemed different in the social sphere on personal level compared to people I saw. However, through time, I realize the beauty of the depth and loyalty I've had. I still struggle with feeling different, and wondering what I'm missing, but I guess I have to just accept it. It's who I am, I can't be someone else.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
Being a 4 for me has always been painful. I remember getting teased a lot while I was growing up. I was always overweight as a kid and took a lot of grief for it. The teasing just poured gas on the self-hatred. It caused me to seek out drugs and become even further withdrawn from myself. Now at 38 I am struggling SO hard with a low Self-Opinion; it's downright crippling sometimes. I hate being me.
 
  • Like
Reactions: ImminentThunder

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,085 Posts
Yeah, I remember thinking everyone in middle school and high school was so stuck up, and as a result I was the one who looked the most stuck up. Or so I think, each individual has a different perception on everyone else. I get by by imagining theres a giant bubble around my body, and noone can pass negative energy through it, unless it permeates the bubble as positive energy and is converted by my own positive thoughts.

Fours have gone through a lot of stuff, I believe. We just need to keep face and keep moving forward. Life is tough, but remember that you're a talented human being who should value what you're capable of. People are always jealous of each other, and although it's fun to read about yourself, enneagram is just a theory. Consder yourself to be a person who is completely in tune with his or her body and thoughts, and remember that you're an enlightened entity because you're genuine and not easily influenced. Take care of yourself.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,477 Posts
@crisper This may sound trite, but as one of us we love you, man. Even if you weren't one of us, because we'd try to understand. Ignore the fact that that kinda rhymed. -__-; I didn't want to just not say something about your post.
 
1 - 8 of 8 Posts
Top