So, I figured out a formula, a method... and is shit ha ha doesn't work. Just kidding.
Many people have tried to come up with a formula or dynamic to approach women, well I don't think it works. I tried and watched others trying, some "worked" for a while but it becomes old, a boring trick you could say. In other cases people just stop being themselves while trying, and then is difficult to go back to being the real "them" again. I just discovered a set of accidental things while aiming to something else. I believe the following works for any gender.
1. Check your vision and glasses (if any). Looking at each other is usually the first stage. Many times you fail to see the other person corresponding because you are actually half-blind. If you are approached you can fail at responding because you might think is about someone else not you.
2. Focus on the moment. Many times people focus too much on trying, and discover the person being approached is just too focused on their own thing, in fact an interruption might not be welcome.
3. Practice. Don't aim on dating, just approach women/men. This was the most useful thing I discover. I'm introvert yet have very good social skills, but during a long chapter I was just too focused on work. So I decided to approach as many women as I could per week, that ended up being "1 per week", it was just a social excercise. Well it worked, there was some rejection but I wasn't aiming to have a date, did I get some dates? yes, but as I said that wasn't the goal. It just helped me to stay more aware and balance MYSELF because I was under much pressure at work.
4. Read a book. During that period I used to read at the bus, more enjoyable than driving. I don't think the title of the book is too important (sometimes I covered it with my hands), the thing is this allowed some people too look at me and relax, it was like "hey I'm here and I won't move, if you want to check me out here I am" sure I was glad when a woman was in the same mode because I could look, admire her and perhaps think about approaching. While being like this (me reading) I could look around and surprise, sometimes I saw potential opportunities. Some people have better peripherial vision than others, I had a good one, that helped.
5. Do what others don't dare to do. Ever had someone telling you how they approached their GF or many women? those fantastic stories? turns out most are pure lies. A guy approaching a woman out of the cold is something rare, really. I made my research with many people I know, most women RARELY had a guy approaching them directly and asking their number or asking them out. I also opened threads bout that in several forums (this one included) turns out it is very rare, even for pretty women, most people do indirect approaches, so, direct approaches then? try it, it feels good, and if someone approaches you this way it also feels good (sure avoid predatory methods).
6. IMHO avoid discotheques if you want to date someone. Look for opportunities in places compatible with your personal preferences, sometimes party places can be easy but nothing good for serious dating... unless... you are avoiding it. I remember a time when I was on a relationship but some friends wanted me to join the group and go to certain places. I agreed a few times, turns out I was away, near windows, near the bar, etc but not engaging. It was surprising to find other people (women) also avoiding the epicenter just like me, we had nice talks.
7. Whats to loose?. Some people (like me) approached those opportunities assuming the worst, like damage calculation. Well, it works, it helps you to gain some confidence. Years later I grew confident on myself to being able on saying things and not pursuing a goal, just "you have a nice smile".
8. Go solo. While talking to diff women (friends and ExGFs) several of them said finding value and attractiveness on guys who were on their own, minding their own thing, not in "packs", sure that works for women too, make yourself easier to approach.
9. Walk, avoid driving sometimes, sit alone, share a table, consider sending a cup of coffee to someone, the thing is practice, is not about the goal, is about you being able to do things, just like working out.
10. Don't be afraid on being yourself (even if you suck). You are who you are, maybe you have issues difficult to solve but don't try to become someone you are note. If who you are is bad, having social contact will hurt you but will push you to change. Sometimes strangers can be more direct and honest about what's bad on you than your "friends" who are cowards adn won't say a single word. Perhaps someone new won't tell you "you have a bad breath" but you will get hints.
11. Learn to listen, to have a conversation. Engage.
12. Be kind. But be yourself. If you are kind then excellent. If you are a jerk: good for you!!! you are making the first 10 seconds such but saving other people time, thanks for being like that and helping us to avoid you.
13. VISIT NEW PLACES. Perhaps you are convinced that nobody likes you, well perhaps in your area there are few compatible ones, visit other places, you might be surprised how people identify newcomers and how you can be mor evaluable somewhere else.
14. Relax, stay aware to favors. Many timespeople ask for help and favors when it's just an excuse, specially women (if they ever do this).
15. Not everyone is available. Sure, you never know who is married, on a relationship, etc, they might not know this about you. Don't try to always show interest like "do you want me?" just talk, in fact sometimes expressing you are just talking and not "interested" helps relax the moment and have a conversation.
Basic stuff told by my grandmother that I find of great value: build good manners, keep your head up, good posture, say please, thanks, good morning, smile, be kind. Don't do it for people, focus on you as a persona, build good habits, the best benefits are for you. And trust me, I've put this to the test, somehow (seems to me) more and more people are behaving like jerks, it's refreshing to be kind to others, they might react in surprise and welcome you as a new friend or more.
I can't explain it, I'm not anything great in particular, but also discover you can meet people and start social contact even when you are trying to avoid it. So there are opportunities everywhere. Are you ugly? trust me that's relative. Really? really. The worst thing is when we believe we are ugly and start thinking nobody will notice us.
Many people have tried to come up with a formula or dynamic to approach women, well I don't think it works. I tried and watched others trying, some "worked" for a while but it becomes old, a boring trick you could say. In other cases people just stop being themselves while trying, and then is difficult to go back to being the real "them" again. I just discovered a set of accidental things while aiming to something else. I believe the following works for any gender.
1. Check your vision and glasses (if any). Looking at each other is usually the first stage. Many times you fail to see the other person corresponding because you are actually half-blind. If you are approached you can fail at responding because you might think is about someone else not you.
2. Focus on the moment. Many times people focus too much on trying, and discover the person being approached is just too focused on their own thing, in fact an interruption might not be welcome.
3. Practice. Don't aim on dating, just approach women/men. This was the most useful thing I discover. I'm introvert yet have very good social skills, but during a long chapter I was just too focused on work. So I decided to approach as many women as I could per week, that ended up being "1 per week", it was just a social excercise. Well it worked, there was some rejection but I wasn't aiming to have a date, did I get some dates? yes, but as I said that wasn't the goal. It just helped me to stay more aware and balance MYSELF because I was under much pressure at work.
4. Read a book. During that period I used to read at the bus, more enjoyable than driving. I don't think the title of the book is too important (sometimes I covered it with my hands), the thing is this allowed some people too look at me and relax, it was like "hey I'm here and I won't move, if you want to check me out here I am" sure I was glad when a woman was in the same mode because I could look, admire her and perhaps think about approaching. While being like this (me reading) I could look around and surprise, sometimes I saw potential opportunities. Some people have better peripherial vision than others, I had a good one, that helped.
5. Do what others don't dare to do. Ever had someone telling you how they approached their GF or many women? those fantastic stories? turns out most are pure lies. A guy approaching a woman out of the cold is something rare, really. I made my research with many people I know, most women RARELY had a guy approaching them directly and asking their number or asking them out. I also opened threads bout that in several forums (this one included) turns out it is very rare, even for pretty women, most people do indirect approaches, so, direct approaches then? try it, it feels good, and if someone approaches you this way it also feels good (sure avoid predatory methods).
6. IMHO avoid discotheques if you want to date someone. Look for opportunities in places compatible with your personal preferences, sometimes party places can be easy but nothing good for serious dating... unless... you are avoiding it. I remember a time when I was on a relationship but some friends wanted me to join the group and go to certain places. I agreed a few times, turns out I was away, near windows, near the bar, etc but not engaging. It was surprising to find other people (women) also avoiding the epicenter just like me, we had nice talks.
7. Whats to loose?. Some people (like me) approached those opportunities assuming the worst, like damage calculation. Well, it works, it helps you to gain some confidence. Years later I grew confident on myself to being able on saying things and not pursuing a goal, just "you have a nice smile".
8. Go solo. While talking to diff women (friends and ExGFs) several of them said finding value and attractiveness on guys who were on their own, minding their own thing, not in "packs", sure that works for women too, make yourself easier to approach.
9. Walk, avoid driving sometimes, sit alone, share a table, consider sending a cup of coffee to someone, the thing is practice, is not about the goal, is about you being able to do things, just like working out.
10. Don't be afraid on being yourself (even if you suck). You are who you are, maybe you have issues difficult to solve but don't try to become someone you are note. If who you are is bad, having social contact will hurt you but will push you to change. Sometimes strangers can be more direct and honest about what's bad on you than your "friends" who are cowards adn won't say a single word. Perhaps someone new won't tell you "you have a bad breath" but you will get hints.
11. Learn to listen, to have a conversation. Engage.
12. Be kind. But be yourself. If you are kind then excellent. If you are a jerk: good for you!!! you are making the first 10 seconds such but saving other people time, thanks for being like that and helping us to avoid you.
13. VISIT NEW PLACES. Perhaps you are convinced that nobody likes you, well perhaps in your area there are few compatible ones, visit other places, you might be surprised how people identify newcomers and how you can be mor evaluable somewhere else.
14. Relax, stay aware to favors. Many timespeople ask for help and favors when it's just an excuse, specially women (if they ever do this).
15. Not everyone is available. Sure, you never know who is married, on a relationship, etc, they might not know this about you. Don't try to always show interest like "do you want me?" just talk, in fact sometimes expressing you are just talking and not "interested" helps relax the moment and have a conversation.
Basic stuff told by my grandmother that I find of great value: build good manners, keep your head up, good posture, say please, thanks, good morning, smile, be kind. Don't do it for people, focus on you as a persona, build good habits, the best benefits are for you. And trust me, I've put this to the test, somehow (seems to me) more and more people are behaving like jerks, it's refreshing to be kind to others, they might react in surprise and welcome you as a new friend or more.
I can't explain it, I'm not anything great in particular, but also discover you can meet people and start social contact even when you are trying to avoid it. So there are opportunities everywhere. Are you ugly? trust me that's relative. Really? really. The worst thing is when we believe we are ugly and start thinking nobody will notice us.
