[zsherryfla]

So, I've been reflecting a lot about events and experiences that have happened to me, especially ones from childhood. They linger in my mind like video clips; my brains seems to replay them over and over. Whenever I think too much about these painful memories, I start tearing up... like every single time. Sometimes it happens in public, too.

Does anyone have any memories like this, and how do you think it affects the way we act in the world at the present moment? I know all my fears and insecurities seem to arise out of my inability to resolve this conflict that is years old.

 

[Cheezdude]

I have a lot of memories like those. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to come to terms with myself on them, so I know I have a lot of repressed memories. They come up whenever I'm talking about my life, things I never remember come out of no where, and I blurt them out and start crying. :'(

These experiences, though, have shaped who I am. They have helped me to become more accepting of people in general, and have taught me kindness, and who I am. Although I'm still unsure of exactly who I am, I have definitely benefited from traumatic experiences (which sounds really weird).
I guess that in short, they have helped me identify my own problems, and help my personality to grow. Then again, though, they have been extremely damaging in different ways. I think I need a therapist

 

[yello]

I read about these pills you can take to get rid of bad memories.

 

[zsherryfla]

I read about these pills you can take to get rid of bad memories.

Lol, nah! Not a big fan of pills...

I was thinking more along the lines of ways to either think more positively about the experience or just trying to ignore it. Not exactly sure how to do either, though.

 

[lightened]

@zsherryfla

do these memories do anything productive for you? man, you cry when you think about these memories?
i wish i could do that. the only crying i do is once or twice every other year, a single tear drop is the most you can get out of me.
i am not a crying machine. what's it like to cry?

 

[Where Love Died Laughing]

Yeah, I get that sometimes, too... I tend to ignore this particular memory. It's as if my mind is convincing me it never happened. Now I'm not sure whether it did or whether I just thought of it as a child and it stuck as a particularly horrible thought. I thought about going to a hypnotist or something to see whether they could find out the truth, but I just get too scared. Finding out it isn't true would be a huge relief, but on the other hand finding out that it did happen would just destroy me emotionally...

 

[zsherryfla]

@zsherryfla

do these memories do anything productive for you? man, you cry when you think about these memories?
i wish i could do that. the only crying i do is once or twice every other year, a single tear drop is the most you can get out of me.
i am not a crying machine. what's it like to cry?

It's actually a big relief to cry. Though I don't cry dramatically, its more of a silent couple of tears. I would rather let it out of my system rather than hold it in or deny I feel terrible about these memories. It is productive for things like art... when its totally fueled by feelings and mushy stuff like that. I would never admit this anywhere else, tbh.

 

[Night & Day]

I'm not an INFP so I hope you don't mind my input. When feeling dispirited, I tend to indulge in remembering the past (childhood, traumas, hurt, etc.). I tend to experience the same emotions as I felt them when they happened. I think this affects how I act negatively. I've accused people of something they didn't do because of this. It really hurts the people I'm close to. Thankfully, my growing love for my SO has helped calm down this problem.

@zsherryfla If you don't mind me asking or sharing with us, what are the painful memories about? (If you don't want to say just ignore this question.)

 

[Fodzy]

I don't consider myself to be damaged by my childhood despite others assuming that I am. My parents raised me straight from a textbook, resulting in feelings of neglect and an emotional distance between them and I. I was sexually abused when I was very young, although I have very little memory of this - just little snapshots which a counsellor pieced together.

Ultimately, I don't think your past matters at all. It led you to this point, sure, and your experiences shape you as a person but I believe that there is a crucial decision when faced with traumatic events: become a victim or fight on. Suppose I chose the latter.

 

[Autumn Raven]

what's it like to cry?

It is as if all of the negativity is leaving me VIA tears. For this reason, I enjoy crying, though it is not something I do often.
Crying is only permitted when I feel I am prepared to let go of a particular feeling and the worries which accompany it, otherwise, it is unnecessary.

 

[Autumn Raven]

I'm not an INFP so I hope you don't mind my input.

We're INFPs, of course we don't mind.

 

[O_o]

I can relate to this, but in a bit of a different way. I've moved a lot, and when certain events are brought up, I see certain home videos, music or just think about it for too long I start to tear up because I miss it A LOT. I liked myself as a child and that childish, easy going naivety that I had.

When I think of traumas, injustices, etc from the past, on the other hand, I don't get sad, rather really angry and cold.

 

[bmw]

Yes I have those kind of memories. I've had my trust taken advantaged of when I was younger and I think that's why I'm extra cautious and even more uncomfortable with trusting people from the beginning.

 

[lightened]

@Autumn Raven
you don't feel weak, at all?

I wish I could operate in similar fashion at times.

 

[zsherryfla]

I'm not an INFP so I hope you don't mind my input. When feeling dispirited, I tend to indulge in remembering the past (childhood, traumas, hurt, etc.). I tend to experience the same emotions as I felt them when they happened. I think this affects how I act negatively. I've accused people of something they didn't do because of this. It really hurts the people I'm close to. Thankfully, my growing love for my SO has helped calm down this problem.

@zsherryfla If you don't mind me asking or sharing with us, what are the painful memories about? (If you don't want to say just ignore this question.)

There's this experience I remember of elementary school. I had only one friend (who was an INTJ, and only had me as well). Everyone else in the school (not class, the whole grade) made fun of me for whatever reason. I was a little chubbier than most (not fat, but just enough to be made fun of by immature kids). I read books, and wrote stories. The only person I talked to was my friend, so the others never really understood me, and perceived me as different and weird. When I walked into the cafeteria, they would all group together like nazis and start chanting, "Nerd! Nerd! Nerd! etc". I felt castigated, unattractive, and alone. Food was thrown at me, a bully physically harassed me every day. The one time I fought back ended in failure, and no matter how many times I told my parents, teachers, and staff, they would do NOTHING. I guessed it all stuck with me.

I know it's only the past, and I should learn and grow from it, but I can't stop thinking about it, as if it were my fault all this happened.

 

[Autumn Raven]

@Autumn Raven
you don't feel weak, at all?

I wish I could operate in similar fashion at times.

No, I do not feel weak. I feel relief.
Embracing emotion does not make one weak; Dismissing emotion does not indicate that one is stronger than another.
I am not concerned with how it may make me appear, so long as my needs are being met.
Whether you have a softer side or not will not influence my opinion of you.
What is more important, to me, is that you are acting in a way that helps you to live your happiest and most fulfilling life.

 

[Belovodia]

Yes, painful childhood memories can be like video-clips being replayed over and over.

For me, dwelling on these memories was like being abused all over again.
I've mostly mastered the art of replacing those bad memories with better thoughts or, to
let them go when they arise.

Over time, I began telling myself a happier story - reprogramming the subconscious mind.

 

[Night & Day]

There's this experience I remember of elementary school. I had only one friend (who was an INTJ, and only had me as well). Everyone else in the school (not class, the whole grade) made fun of me for whatever reason. I was a little chubbier than most (not fat, but just enough to be made fun of by immature kids). I read books, and wrote stories. The only person I talked to was my friend, so the others never really understood me, and perceived me as different and weird. When I walked into the cafeteria, they would all group together like nazis and start chanting, "Nerd! Nerd! Nerd! etc". I felt castigated, unattractive, and alone. Food was thrown at me, a bully physically harassed me every day. The one time I fought back ended in failure, and no matter how many times I told my parents, teachers, and staff, they would do NOTHING. I guessed it all stuck with me.

I know it's only the past, and I should learn and grow from it, but I can't stop thinking about it, as if it were my fault all this happened.

I'm sorry. When people are young, immature and in groups, they tend to go along with the crowd. They don't really think about their actions and how it affects others. I don't think they perceived you as different or weird, they just didn't know you. They went along with what the other kids did because it was 'fun'. Trust me, I know because I did that. In my 4-5th grade class I would make fun of one boy because it was the norm, everyone else did it and thought it was funny. I didn't give thought to it at all. Later, I did realize that mistake and wish I could say sorry to the boy, even though the harm has been done.

The bully; however, I believe was just a typical bully that suffered from an abusive family, or whatever is said about bullies. You have to take the good with the bad. Speaking of good, I wonder if you can find comfort in remembering good experiences during that time? Perhaps you can and perhaps that can help ease the wound.

PS: I think that many people who are kind are ones who have suffered the most in their lives. Imo, It's reason enough to be grateful that such people suffered since they're now kind and know right from wrong.

 

[zsherryfla]

Thanks, everyone, for your responses! I appreciate everything you all said, and I love that you guys are so accepting! :happy:

 

[Vox]

(Ahhh! Am I a bit too late to the discussion? I spent too long writing posts in other threads :blushed

The emotions dull every time I recall past experiences, but I've never suffered from others' blatant actions, so I can't quite relate. :<

The person I am now tries to see both (or more) sides of everything, though. I've done enough reflection on the negative up till now. Once I was able to overcome myself, to get a glimpse of the positive and accept it, I became more aware of it. What happened in this situation? Were there misunderstandings, unfortunate clashes, miscommunication? What can I learn from it? How can I absorb these experiences and become a better person? These are just a few of the things I would look at.