Personality Cafe banner

1 - 3 of 3 Posts

35 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
This must be like the 3rd or at least 2nd time I'm writing about this same person on these forums.

I've been smitten by him over 6 months now. We met through work / research. He's an ENTP and I'm an INFP (female). I'm in my early 30's and he's in his late 40's. He's newly divorced and single.

We have been living in separate countries most of this year now which has made getting know each other better a little bit more difficult.

Through all the this time we have known each other, he has given me really mixed signals about his interest towards me.
It's hard for me to tell if his interest is purely academic or he wants more with me.

When we were locals, he used to be really charming and chivalrous towards me like paying for my lunch, offering me coffee, helping me with my project, defending my opinions against someone and even offering me his jacket when it was cold. The classical courting stuff.

Ever since, we have been written back and worth. He has said really nice things about me like I'm intellectually soooo above average, I'd make an excellent scholar and my ideas are genius etc. So it's clear he respects as an academic. (This is an important thing for many ENTPs I think, to have a cerebral connection).

The confusing part is when we met again last summer he did some romantic and chivalrous things with me (again) like paying for my drinks and lunch, staring at me with a smile on his face and sitting in a park with me one night listening to music. When I was leaving he hugged me really tight, kissed me many times on my cheeks and corners of my mouth and held my hands in his. We have also made some future plans together like trips and projects of co-operation.

He invited me over to his home couple of days ago saying I'm always welcome at his place. I replied with saying that I'd love to spend more alone time with him and if the week X was an okay time for me to come. I tried to hint I'd like to be more than just friends. And now he hasn't written me back in a week.

It's just really confusing that he acts like he wants to flirt or is infatuated by me, and when I try to reciprocate he goes mute. Now I don't know if I'm actually going to visit him or not. It almost like he doesn't seem to understand his owns emotions yet in person they somehow bleed through in his behavior. He seems to like me but he is in general extremely bad at distance communication as it always takes days or even weeks for him to write me back (he always apologizes though and says he has been busy and tired but thinks of me etc.)

Should I send him a follow-up message asking if I was being too indiscreet? I was especially telling him I'd like to share a room with him and spend more alone time with him. I just don't understand what's up with this guy as he seems to be really into me and then he suddenly retreats back.

966 Posts
I think you're over thinking this a bit too much. I'm not trying to offend you or anything, because you seem to really like him, but I think you're coming across as desperate. You said you've made about 3 of these topics on this forum alone and you're obsessing about every little thing that happens between you and this guy. He probably knows you like him, and he might be doing a push-pull kind of thing, which is why you're acting like this over it. I would say just relax and focus on other aspects of your life, because desperation will get you nowhere. If you've been at it for this long and still nothing, either he's toying with you, which...if that's the case then it sounds a bit like he does this to women all the fucking time, or he just doesn't like you in that way, or he has no balls. What confuses me the most is that he spent one on one time with you but he decided to go for the corner of your mouth and then doesn't kiss you...if I was that guy's friend I'd be telling him how stupid he is.

Oh yeah, and you can always just ask him what his deal is.

4,281 Posts
All seems fairly normal.

One week he has not messaged back (well probably two at this point)?
That is nothing to worry about. Hes just caught up with something fancy that
is consuming his thoughts is all. It happens with us. Sure it could be another
woman which may be a slight concern for you or at the very least a competitor.
But one week of trying to find an ENTP that has gone missing is nothing.
I would wait until it becomes a month or two.

My emotions as an ENTP are kinda like a gas tank. There is limited
amount of space to work with. If I have extended family issues on the go that
consume my emotional state then my wife will suffer a very non emotional
me for a few. Its not that we dont have and/or cannot feel it is more
we can only handle so much of it. I can feel just as intense as my ESFJ
can. But she can do it 24/7 and run her life like that. I can do it for 2 hours
and then I am drained. Completely. I need to pull the car over and fill it
up with gas again. This takes time. If/when inundated with feels an ENTP
needs time to process in between. If surrounded by feels then someone or
something that effects that ENTP emotionally is going to suffer or wait.
1 - 3 of 3 Posts