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Discussion Starter #1
Not to be mean, but do you all think before you say/do something? Knew a ENFP I told that his ex cheated on him, went and talked to her and caused drama. Other ENFP was years ago and told a girl what I said, yet again drama. Do you all even remotely rationalize things in regards to social cognition?
 
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i don't play gossip games with people. just because i heard something doesn't mean i have to say something about it. basically pick and choose your battles, but be sure to choose the ones that genuinely mean something, not ones that will just cause drama and interference to other people. not everyone is looking to be "healed" or "fixed", and not everyone will accept your offer.

you were pretty vague about that second example though, so i can't really tell whether the other person's reaction was justified. mentioning that an ex cheated on them... i kinda wonder why you thought that person had to know, since it was an ex in the first place? but whatever, confronting the ex about it afterward was totally unnecessary. what's over is over. but that second example is wide open to all sorts of interpretation. not that it's any of my business or necessarily anyone else's what the fine details were, just that it's not possible to confirm or deny how other enfps might react in the same situation.

but honestly, drama and confrontation are NOT a type thing, not by a long shot. anyone who's been fired up about something said to/ about them has the potential to do the same thing. pretty close to EVERYONE i know has done exactly that. that i'm aware of, anyway, so it's likely that LITERALLY everyone i know has done it.
 

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Well, the examples you’ve listed are pretty vague. Why wouldn’t someone confront their partner over allegations of cheating? Seems like the right thing to talk to them, rather than assume they did it because someone else said so.

It’s also really important to take maturity into account and not necessarily personality type. Generally, I’m very conscious of what I say to others and rarely make a mountain out of a molehill. But hey, people are different.
 

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The vast majority of ENFPs I've known, bless your wonderful wild hearts, have always tended to blurt out the most inappropriate, embarrassing, and private things to the worst possible people, and then stop and say, "--Why's everyone looking at me like that???" It's part of your charm (and I mean that seriously). If I thought that saying these inappropriate, embarrassing, and private things had been considered carefully beforehand, well, ye gods!
 

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The vast majority of ENFPs I've known, bless your wonderful wild hearts, have always tended to blurt out the most inappropriate, embarrassing, and private things to the worst possible people, and then stop and say, "--Why's everyone looking at me like that???" It's part of your charm (and I mean that seriously). If I thought that saying these inappropriate, embarrassing, and private things had been considered carefully beforehand, well, ye gods!
Sounds like you've known some ENFPs with poorly developed feeling functions.

I've never really had trouble knowing what is appropriate and not / when to say things and when to shut up; I used to be complimented at day camp by adults as a child for "being appropriate and sensitive to others' feelings" (which was frankly embarrassing, to be validated for something I just know is the right thing to do).

On the other hand, my ESFJ friend has a poorly developed Fe-dom function and she constantly over-shares / says embarrassing / personal / private things to people -- and I have to 'filter' it (for anything that might damage her in their view of her) when talking to others after the fact (in part because I Ne-know how her remarks could be twisted and misconstrued and cause people to actively dislike her). =P

So... don't paint us all with the same brush. That's not specifically Fi/Te related; that's just underdeveloped awareness of other people's feelings / what is appropriate.
 

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ESTPs like OP are stereotyped to not think about their actions, either.

It really depends on the person in question. Sometimes I say things that embarrass other people, but not on purpose; I'm simply not embarrassed by the same things. Maybe it depends on enneagram, because like @angelcat I'm a 6 and very socially conscious, but 7s are probably different and so on.
 

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ESTPs like OP are stereotyped to not think about their actions, either.

It really depends on the person in question. Sometimes I say things that embarrass other people, but not on purpose; I'm simply not embarrassed by the same things. Maybe it depends on enneagram, because like @angelcat I'm a 6 and very socially conscious, but 7s are probably different and so on.
That could be a factor, yeah.

On the rare occasion I do embarrass someone else or am rude or mean to them, I go home and beat myself up about it for about six hours for being insensitive and/or my joke being less hilarious than I intended it to be. =P
 

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The vast majority of ENFPs I've known, bless your wonderful wild hearts, have always tended to blurt out the most inappropriate, embarrassing, and private things to the worst possible people, and then stop and say, "--Why's everyone looking at me like that???"
these examples are not the same as op. in these examples, the enfps are blurting out something in the moment and at least believe they are in a safe environment to share. the op is referring to them making confrontations and seeking out other people to confront on that information. they're not all together in a group having a casual conversation about someone's ex cheating or... whatever that second example was, at any rate it's clear they were not all in a room together. leaving the presence of one person (whatever length of time has passed in between) in order to seek out someone else to exchange words is not a blurting-in-the-moment scenario. there was intention and time to think and choose words on the way.
 

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Not to be mean, but do you all think before you say/do something? Knew a ENFP I told that his ex cheated on him, went and talked to her and caused drama. Other ENFP was years ago and told a girl what I said, yet again drama. Do you all even remotely rationalize things in regards to social cognition?
Ex then or ex now? You're not very clear on that. Speaking of social cognition and thinking before one speaks, did it not occur to you that he might go talk to her about it after you told him and cause drama?

Immature ENFPs tend to be blabbermouths at times and do stupid things when handed certain information, but that hardly applies to all of even most ENFPs. I for one usually mull over things for hours and even days or weeks before telling (or deciding not to tell) someone something that I know has the potential to cause controversy. I'm busy figuring out all the ways that person would react, who they would tell, and how those people would react. I take into account personal biases, world views, inter-personal relationships, family dynamics, etc., etc., etc. As for the occasional slip up where an ENFP says something stupid, I don't know of a type that doesn't do that at least on occasion. I do know that ENFPs pick it apart for hours afterward though.
The vast majority of ENFPs I've known, bless your wonderful wild hearts, have always tended to blurt out the most inappropriate, embarrassing, and private things to the worst possible people, and then stop and say, "--Why's everyone looking at me like that???" It's part of your charm (and I mean that seriously). If I thought that saying these inappropriate, embarrassing, and private things had been considered carefully beforehand, well, ye gods!
There have been times where I've accidentally slipped up and mentioned something I wasn't supposed to have (who hasn't) or said something embarrassing (again, who hasn't), but that is hardly my modus operandi; I am in many ways a very private person and guard other peoples personal information accordingly, sometimes more intensely than I do my own. Many people have complained about being unable to get information out of me. I don't know what sort of ENFPs you're around, but I don't work like that.
 

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[...] I don't know what sort of ENFPs you're around, but I don't work like that.
Oh, there's no malice in them. I think they think that anything I've shared with them I've shared with others, and are genuinely surprised that what I've said to them I haven't said to everyone else too. But it's constant in those I've known from different backgrounds, from different circles, of different ages. Maybe it's just me, bringing out the openness in them.
 

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Oh, there's no malice in them. I think they think that anything I've shared with them I've shared with others, and are genuinely surprised that what I've said to them I haven't said to everyone else too. But it's constant in those I've known from different backgrounds, from different circles, of different ages. Maybe it's just me, bringing out the openness in them.
I didn't figure it was maliciously; what I'm saying is that I don't make the assumption that something someone has told me is public information. If I want to share it with someone else, I carefully gauge the sensitivity of the information and who I'm talking to, and/or ask the other if that's okay, and I don't discuss private subject matter casually unless I know it's already public information and it's safe to do so. Even then, I'm cautious about who I let know that I know. Because I don't like most people knowing how much I know.
 

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and guard other peoples personal information accordingly, sometimes more intensely than I do my own.
need to bullet some more likes at you again. xD

i am acutely protective of other people's personal information and will only reveal it when someone else is directly involved and NEEDS to know, and i pretty much only do that if i somehow have proof that the other person gave me said information (and proof that they would need to know about it).
 

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Personal information I do not share: anything told to me in confidence, or which is told to me on a 'trust' basis (personal struggles, psychological conclusions, hurtful past experiences / traumas, hopes / dreams, insecurities, secret sexual orientation, etc).

Information I assume is fine to share: how your pet is, what your family is up to these days (fishing trips, Disneyworld, etc), your opinions on whatever I talked to you about, what we did when he hung out, what books you are reading, etc.

Basically, anything that could upset someone or cause you to feel embarrassed or feels super personal, I don't share. Everything else that I wouldn't feel embarrassed having someone find out about ME (and I'm pretty private) is fair game.
 

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ENFPs have completely different motivation than ESTPs in this kind of area. I have seen ESTPs make up gossip to get what they want-- hopefully this isn't you. I have seen this culture of gossip being so strong around ESTPs that you wouldn't know what was right if it slapped you upside the head and you would then gossip about that because you don't care about the truth, yeah? I'm talking employee lunches dedicated to nothing but gossip-- hopefully this isn't you. So whenever I hear stories I ask myself:
#1. Would it help someone to hear the truth? Usually yes. In the long run. #2. Is this even true? Can I help them? How can I show this person my respect? Do I respect the rules of gossip? NO! I CARE ABOUT THE TRUTH! I care about doing the RIGHT thing. I was going to write a polite reply, but I'm sick of people who don't put the truth over "social nicity", when actually it's just all about GETTING WHAT THEY WANT!
Mostly I think everyone should always hear the truth and then deal with the truth. I have worked with ESTPs who find this offensive. But honestly! Is it right for someone to go on living in the dark with a spouse who cheats??? Come on! What if they found out I knew and didn't tell them? Everyone except the 102 year old grandma with heart failiure can handle the truth, in my opinion, and go on to much healthier and better things. Plus I hate gossip. Everyone should get the chance to tell their story themselves. The quality of someone's life is worth causing a bit of "drama" for-- but actually a lot of the drama was in telling the ENFP about the gossip in the first place.
 

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need to bullet some more likes at you again. xD

i am acutely protective of other people's personal information and will only reveal it when someone else is directly involved and NEEDS to know, and i pretty much only do that if i somehow have proof that the other person gave me said information (and proof that they would need to know about it).
Personal information I do not share: anything told to me in confidence, or which is told to me on a 'trust' basis (personal struggles, psychological conclusions, hurtful past experiences / traumas, hopes / dreams, insecurities, secret sexual orientation, etc).

Information I assume is fine to share: how your pet is, what your family is up to these days (fishing trips, Disneyworld, etc), your opinions on whatever I talked to you about, what we did when he hung out, what books you are reading, etc.

Basically, anything that could upset someone or cause you to feel embarrassed or feels super personal, I don't share. Everything else that I wouldn't feel embarrassed having someone find out about ME (and I'm pretty private) is fair game.
LOL

Where all the personal information goes:

*personal information resurfaces 40 years later in an alternate dimension*
 

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Discussion Starter #19
ENFPs have completely different motivation than ESTPs in this kind of area. I have seen ESTPs make up gossip to get what they want-- hopefully this isn't you. I have seen this culture of gossip being so strong around ESTPs that you wouldn't know what was right if it slapped you upside the head and you would then gossip about that because you don't care about the truth, yeah? I'm talking employee lunches dedicated to nothing but gossip-- hopefully this isn't you. So whenever I hear stories I ask myself:
#1. Would it help someone to hear the truth? Usually yes. In the long run. #2. Is this even true? Can I help them? How can I show this person my respect? Do I respect the rules of gossip? NO! I CARE ABOUT THE TRUTH! I care about doing the RIGHT thing. I was going to write a polite reply, but I'm sick of people who don't put the truth over "social nicity", when actually it's just all about GETTING WHAT THEY WANT!
Mostly I think everyone should always hear the truth and then deal with the truth. I have worked with ESTPs who find this offensive. But honestly! Is it right for someone to go on living in the dark with a spouse who cheats??? Come on! What if they found out I knew and didn't tell them? Everyone except the 102 year old grandma with heart failiure can handle the truth, in my opinion, and go on to much healthier and better things. Plus I hate gossip. Everyone should get the chance to tell their story themselves. The quality of someone's life is worth causing a bit of "drama" for-- but actually a lot of the drama was in telling the ENFP about the gossip in the first place.
cheating on a spouse is touchy, at one end of the spectrum it might be right to say something. The other side is whether or not that sensitive information is ones place or not to say it, is the other side. Sounds like you were dealing with a 7w8 or possibly a 7w9 enneagram ESTP. My 3 makes me super loyal. Think there's only 2-3 8-7-3 ESTPs on this board though.
 

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ESTPs like OP are stereotyped to not think about their actions, either.

It really depends on the person in question. Sometimes I say things that embarrass other people, but not on purpose; I'm simply not embarrassed by the same things. Maybe it depends on enneagram, because like @angelcat I'm a 6 and very socially conscious, but 7s are probably different and so on.
Ha, blame it in the sevens ;p
 
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