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Discussion Starter · #21 ·
Is there such a thing as a successful marriage?
I worry about people who say this, as we all know that they did exist - unless we grew up in almost complete isolation. I think it's a statement of bitterness due to the lack of success in this area. It reminds me of a mother advising her adult son to "forget about all that romantic rubbish. Just get married." I could tell very easily that she didn't get along with her own husband, and there were things like the two watching TV in separate rooms...it depressed me, but at the same time it made me appreciate why she would say such a thing. She stopped believing in romance because she can't get romance from her husband. Very sad, but this sort of thing happens. I was still surprised that that was her advice for her own son tho..
 
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I've been with my partner for 10 years but we've only been married for 4 , I believe we work pretty well as a couple considering the fact that we rarely argue and can talk to each other for hours . Of course the topic of disagreement will come up from time to time and within those situation one must learn how to compromise and find middle ground - also what he may find as important or vice versa may not seem like a big deal and that can cause conflict - the good thing is that we communicate quite well therefore most things can be discussed calmly without much conflict . I think our relationship work well bc we both give each other ton of personal space and we're so different that often time we do things separately and that build us both as independent individual . However at the end of the night we always stay up late and talk or cuddle :) we also have 2 lovely child together - a 3 years old son and a 1 week old daughter . Met him in my late teens and married him at 25 - so I'm not sure if I'm qualified to answer but I'm quite sure that our 10 years of bliss isn't ending anytime soon. Yes I believe he's my soul mate - for the fact that we're complete opposite yet everything about us combine and I feel whole when I'm with him - like everything just click and make sense . Hope that helps


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Despite my hopefully temporary jaded-ish fear of taking men seriously, I've read 2 books by John Gottman and I have to say that the answer to this question highly depends on the individuals. I won't reject reconciliation attempts but those attempts need to be genuine, meaning whatever problems there are, they need to be addressed. Most people stonewall or deny (and maybe it's my super crazy life experience as an Ni user but, I'm not gonna not notice bullshit regardless of its volume). I know I've done my part for myself as far as enneagram (knowing my type, coping style and triggers), and knowing healthy tools for conflict resolution and meeting my needs. Though it's always a 2 party deal. One day I'll be open for an actual relationship again I'm sure.

I'm not saying my strategies are better or not, I'm only saying that you don't have to be married to know that successful marriages exist. I just think that if anyone is doubtful that the best course of action is to focus on your own health, and relationship skills and acknowledging your capabilities, honestly. So that all that can be communicated as best as possible at any given point in time.


John Gottman for those who are interested, I felt was money well spent.
 

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Discussion Starter · #24 ·
There's been some really good advice and experiences so far, however I'm keen to read more about this if more people would like to contribute.
 
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