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I had a discussion with my brother (classifies self as INTP in MBTI system) about accommodating for people. When there is a distraction in my apartment from my roommate, I usually move to another room and put in headphones with instrumental music if I need to work on something in peace. My brother will ask his roommate to stop being distracting so he can study. That got me thinking about how I usually accommodate for others so they can happily do what they are doing and I can happily do what I am doing. However, I get annoyed if people tell me to change what I am doing if I can't understand why it is bothersome because I expect them to just accommodate for the situation like I would. My brother will ask others to stop or change what they are doing so he can continue what he is doing without modification. However, he says he would also change or stop what he was doing if someone told him that it bothered them.

I am not saying one is better than the other, since both actually make others accommodate for themselves at some point and we accommodate for others at some point. Just when and how we do that is different. I just began thinking about the Fe of INTP and Fi of ISTJ and tried to associate the functions to the behaviors. Fi seems to be the "live and let live" thing, so those users would be more likely to let others do as they want and they expect others to let them do as they wanted. Fe seems to have no problem limiting what others can do to accommodate for themselves, but also have no problem with others limiting them to accommodate for what they're doing. All of this to a reasonable level of course (I'm not going to blast music that can be heard by the building next door and get mad when told to turn it down, and my brother wouldn't flip out if someone was cooking in the kitchen and the sizzling oil was just too much noise haha).

Disclaimer: If I'm making Fi or Fe users sound better than the other, that isn't my intention. I use Fi, so there might be some bias towards it since I understand it more than Fe.

Does this behavior ring true for any other Fi or Fe users, or no? Complete opposite from your observations?

TL;DR: From what I've observed, Fi users automatically accommodate for others and expect others to do the same for them; Fe users ask others to accommodate for them and expect others to let them know when they need to accommodate for others' needs. Any thoughts/opinions on that?
 

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It would be better to look at the function axes rather than individual functions. Here goes.

Fe/Ti:

Fe wants shared values. It wants everyone to want the same things. Fe is dependent on others being kind and understanding and willing to compromise. It has no problems with forgeting the needs of the individual for the greater needs of the community. They compromise and try to get along well with everyone. They use their Ti to this extent - figuring out what is best for the group and if people disagree then seeing why so that the disageeement can be fixed. This basic pattern is there for all Fe/Ti users - whether ExFJs or IxTPs. Fe is harmony seeking.

Fi/Te:

Fi understands that people are different and want different things. It understands that we can't all want the same things. The only way we can all get along is if we follow a common set of rules imposed by our Te. Te is tje externalized component here and not Fe. This is where Fi's 'live and let live' attitude comes in. The individual is unique and conforming to societal standards is the death of the individual. This is true for all Fi users - ExTJs to IxFPs

This is how I see it. Hopefully I was able to help.
 

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I've found Fe users to be proactive in accommodating other people even if they're not completely personally comfortable with the action for the sake of social harmony. It's the position of Fe in the person's stack that determines to what degree and how proactive they are in doing so with dom and aux Fe types (ESFJ, ENFJ, ISFJ, INFJ) very communicative and proactive with accommodations while tert and inferior Fe types (ENTP, ESTP, INTP, ISTP) a bit more delayed in doing so but they have that signature Fe guilt trip and eventually come around.

On the other hand, I've found Fi users to be accommodating of people based on a personal context of how they'd want others to accommodate them. For example, my ISTJ brother likes silence when he works so when I'm working he turns down his music without me asking even though I don't mind noise and actually prefer to work with music on. When Fi automatically accommodates it's usually because they have a personal framework of what they'd like and how they'd like to be cared for. From experience, when Fi receives requests outside that personal scope it's far more resistant to change than Fe.
 

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To add onto your conversation you had with your brother I would say since he is a Intp he probably already alluded or mentioned . Kind of what has been posted in response to your post already.
I am curious as to your brother's response to almost labeling him as a Feeler....hehe

A bit of advice I wouldn't define or learn more in depth as to what Functions or Types is based on you and your brother.

As a Auxiliary Fe user I feel really contradictive in how you express what Fe is.
 
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
To add onto your conversation you had with your brother I would say since he is a Intp he probably already alluded or mentioned . Kind of what has been posted in response to your post already.
I am curious as to your brother's response to almost labeling him as a Feeler....hehe

A bit of advice I wouldn't define or learn more in depth as to what Functions or Types is based on you and your brother.

As a Auxiliary Fe user I feel really contradictive in how you express what Fe is.
Talking about emotions is usually pretty uncomfortable for both my brother and I, but that could just be because of the socialization of men in society. According to a business management class I took in college (we did a segment on MBTI, haha), men are generally socialized in the US to rely on the T function and women the F function. Therefore it takes a little digging to figure out if you're really on the T side if a man and F if a woman. I bring that up because who knows, maybe he really is a secret feeling type haha.

I've been reading about the stuff for a while now but haven't actually met a lot of people who are interested in the MBTI theory, so I haven't done much "field work" haha. I guess my scope is very limited now that you mention it :proud:

How do you express what Fe is?
 

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i don't think it is about functions, i am a Fe user and i would go to another room and put my earphones on
 

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Fe ask people how they are but like talking more than listening.

Fi don't ask people how they are but people talk to them anyway and they listen.

Sort of...
You're mistaking Fe and Fi with Extroversion and Introversion.

Commonly, you can easily see an ExFP talking much more than an IxFJ while the IxFJ prefers to listen and the ExFP talk.
 

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I look at Fi vs Fe like this:

Fi: autonomy principle - you're mature, your own person. Only you know what is best for you, so you can decide for yourself what you want out of something if you have the right information handed to you, in the end it isn't up to anyone else.

Fe: paternalism principle - we get that you have your own ideas of what you want to do, but to be fair and well-meaning to the purpose of choosing anything for the good of any one, we should consider the other's wellbeing first and how it/one thing effects everyone else.
 
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Fe ask people how they are but like talking more than listening.

Fi don't ask people how they are but people talk to them anyway and they listen.

Sort of...
...so no one really listens :p
 

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Fe ask people how they are but like talking more than listening.

Fi don't ask people how they are but people talk to them anyway and they listen.

Sort of...
Heh heh, as a Fe-user, I sadly do that. I try to to, but it happens. Oops!

I do think I'm accommodating to others - if someone doesn't want to hear music, I'll turn it off to make them happy. Of course, if three out of four people want to hear music, the fourth is out of luck.
 

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Yes, totally agree. I will always consider how I can adjust first before I ask others to adjust for me. This is one reason why Fi types can appear so stubborn and selfish to Fe types. They speak up when they've exhausted every reasonable option to adjust themselves. So whenever they raise an issue they don't appear to be compromising. Others are unaware of the compromises which they've already made and so assume that they never compromise.
 

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Talking about emotions is usually pretty uncomfortable for both my brother and I, but that could just be because of the socialization of men in society. According to a business management class I took in college (we did a segment on MBTI, haha), men are generally socialized in the US to rely on the T function and women the F function. Therefore it takes a little digging to figure out if you're really on the T side if a man and F if a woman. I bring that up because who knows, maybe he really is a secret feeling type haha.

I've been reading about the stuff for a while now but haven't actually met a lot of people who are interested in the MBTI theory, so I haven't done much "field work" haha. I guess my scope is very limited now that you mention it :proud:

How do you express what Fe is?
Yes society idea of what a Male and a Female is suppose to be can play a big role in how someone handles the F/T. More so if the parents accept the idea of a Man is suppose to be like this and a Women is suppose to be like this.
As a male with Auxiliary Fe I can contest and agree to both very much. For me my Fe is more like how you described it for yourself
 
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I've found Fe users to be proactive in accommodating other people even if they're not completely personally comfortable with the action for the sake of social harmony. It's the position of Fe in the person's stack that determines to what degree and how proactive they are in doing so with dom and aux Fe types (ESFJ, ENFJ, ISFJ, INFJ) very communicative and proactive with accommodations while tert and inferior Fe types (ENTP, ESTP, INTP, ISTP) a bit more delayed in doing so but they have that signature Fe guilt trip and eventually come around.

On the other hand, I've found Fi users to be accommodating of people based on a personal context of how they'd want others to accommodate them. For example, my ISTJ brother likes silence when he works so when I'm working he turns down his music without me asking even though I don't mind noise and actually prefer to work with music on. When Fi automatically accommodates it's usually because they have a personal framework of what they'd like and how they'd like to be cared for. From experience, when Fi receives requests outside that personal scope it's far more resistant to change than Fe.
I'm more of the FE guilt trip type.
 

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Yes, totally agree. I will always consider how I can adjust first before I ask others to adjust for me. This is one reason why Fi types can appear so stubborn and selfish to Fe types. They speak up when they've exhausted every reasonable option to adjust themselves. So whenever they raise an issue they don't appear to be compromising. Others are unaware of the compromises which they've already made and so assume that they never compromise.

Lol, I don't think that's just an Fi thing because I deal with this ALL THE TIME, especially with my INFP sister. She does things like spend money recklessly to buy people things and then complains that I'm selfish or self-centered because I don't want to do things that would cause me serious detriment. For example, she was angry because I wouldn't buy her things when I was unemployed and having to pinch pennies just to pay the bills. Or she will get angry with me because in an argument I will say she is acting crazy or like a freak. But she'll scream and get physical, like pushing and grabbing me. And in the back of my mind, I'm always thinking how ironic it is that I get labeled the selfish one when I bend over backwards trying to accommodate her and just about everyone else in my life to the point of depriving and/or harming myself, and they never even notice those things. :rolleyes:

But to the OP, I agree with what @Handsome Jack said. I think it has to do with where in their stack the F function is. INTP's have Fe as inferior, so they don't really use it well. Their primary judging function is Ti and I think the whole tell-the-person-to-turn-off-the-music was definitely a Ti-based action. It was simply the most logical conclusion to him. For me, Fe has a lot to do with 1) trying to get along with others, even when there's conflict. I tend to play the peacemaker in my family and amongst friends. My mottos are: "Why can't we all just get along." and "Let's just agree to disagree." 2) trying to make everyone feel included. I hate to see everyone sitting around having a good time and one person is off alone looking all sad. I tend to try to encourage a "kumbaya" type atmosphere.
 
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Lol, I don't think that's just an Fi thing because I deal with this ALL THE TIME, especially with my INFP sister. She does things like spend money recklessly to buy people things and then complains that I'm selfish or self-centered because I don't want to do things that would cause me serious detriment. For example, she was angry because I wouldn't buy her things when I was unemployed and having to pinch pennies just to pay the bills. Or she will get angry with me because in an argument I will say she is acting crazy or like a freak. But she'll scream and get physical, like pushing and grabbing me. And in the back of my mind, I'm always thinking how ironic it is that I get labeled the selfish one when I bend over backwards trying to accommodate her and just about everyone else in my life to the point of depriving and/or harming myself, and they never even notice those things. :rolleyes:
I've got to say that I can't relate to that, whatsoever. Fi is strongly directed by empathy, her attitude really doesn't fit.
 

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Disclaimer: If I'm making Fi or Fe users sound better than the other, that isn't my intention. I use Fi, so there might be some bias towards it since I understand it more than Fe.

Does this behavior ring true for any other Fi or Fe users, or no? Complete opposite from your observations?

TL;DR: From what I've observed, Fi users automatically accommodate for others and expect others to do the same for them; Fe users ask others to accommodate for them and expect others to let them know when they need to accommodate for others' needs. Any thoughts/opinions on that?

(Fi) -> ''Letting others be,'' approach (e.g., empathizing with the group-differences) - maximizes the chances of self-interests / self-autonomy / self-preservation (via) ethics being ''maintained''. I think, I recognize that the group must be maintained- flexibly (multi-functional; exist - through empathatic management) — rather than repaired.

Disrupting an other - put(s) my self-interests at higher risks of being minimized. Most of my benefit(s) are derived from 'out-group' maintenance — just the group itself; and if someone is within the group disagrees - I will not put up a bother about it; so long as I am not effected.

But someone ''threatening,'' the group — put(s) whatever 'self-interests' I derive at risk; thus they must be terminated to maintain the group(s) existence; because ''termination,'' of group — effect(s) myself.

I assume (personally); that ''everyone,'' should acquire this drive; while this is not the case.

The problem is, since it is self-interest motivated — it is most susceptible to exceeding the group, than (Fe) (Fi-SJWs) for ex; - and often does. (e.g., willing to abandoned, escape the village to appeal to another that offers best self-benefits (ex; that is not right, I do not care how many disagree), — than stick around; trying to 'benefit' from it).




(Fe) -> ''Group-duties,'' approach (e.g., sympathizing with the 'group-interests') - that maximizes ''self-maintanance,'' through in-group repairs — that is, as a worker bee, contributes to the 'bee-hive' and absorbs the benefits of group-contribution or production — than driven for 'direct' self-autonomy. Realizes the group must be ''maintained,'' through adjustment, repair, and order — in order to receive 'self-benefit,'.

That is, usually never 'exceeds' the group — since it is driven by the group. Works from repair 'within' - (e.g., willing to maintain, repair, or ''fix'' (that can involve de-optimizes alternatives - to maximize functionality) the village they belong to they remain and go down with the village) — before escaping it.


Fe; Contributes to the 'group' functionality — ''feeds'' from within the group.

Fi; ''Makes sure the group'' keeps feeding to keep getting self-fed.
 

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Fe is sometimes called 'Harmony', and this is because their values are tied to the group and its well-being. Fe-doms accommodate the group almost 100% of the time, which largely contrasts what you seem to think of Fe. Two of my best friends are ENFJs, and as Fe-doms they can be too self-sacrificing sometimes. Fe is an external judging function, and so what the world thinks is right is what the ENFJ plays off of. Fi, on the other hand, is an introverted judging function, and the extroverted world has no effect on it. What someone thinks is right or wrong means nothing, because what Fi thinks matters is everything. In this sense, Fe is basically the accommodating function, where Fi is more related to personal integrity (or accommodating one's self). That being said, if Fi has the personal value that treating people equally and important, they will follow through with that. They might even be better or more consistent at it than Fe with practice. But Fe still kind of does it by default, or at least tries to.
@MrsAndrewJacoby hit it right on the money. When your brother is being distracted, the first thing to happen is Ti, which is an internal judging function just like Fi is. In that sense, what he does is make a decision based on an internal framework of logic; his roommate is being distracting while he's trying to study, it's being obtrusive, he asks him to stop, and a problem is solved. Because his Fe is so low, he doesn't generally use it. In most situations, he doesn't see the point in being accommodating, because that's not what the issue is to him. The issue is a discrepancy in logic.
 

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I've got to say that I can't relate to that, whatsoever. Fi is strongly directed by empathy, her attitude really doesn't fit.
Yeah, I don't think hers is normal Fi behavior. I don't know what's going on with her a lot of times. In the grip I guess. :confused:
 
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