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what's so unusual about you (if you don't mind)?
I'm autistic, and I fail at all the important things irl needed for survival.
I have major depressive disorder too.
Totally worthless and useless in the real world.
 

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I'm autistic, and I fail at all the important things irl needed for survival.
I have major depressive disorder too.
Totally worthless and useless in the real world.
that's not so unusual, not at all. A waste of space maybe, but so are the parasites profiting off of other's work, like landlords or business executives! I myself am useless at the moment I just can't stop watching my favourite sitcom ever Seinfeld but I really need to find me a job.
 

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that's not so unusual, not at all. A waste of space maybe, but so are the parasites profiting off of other's work, like landlords or business executives! I myself am useless at the moment I just can't stop watching my favourite sitcom ever Seinfeld but I really need to find me a job.
At least they seem to be happy doing that...
Being sad for no real reason is a bitch.
 

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At least they seem to be happy doing that...
Being sad for no real reason is a bitch.
No I think you do have a reason, that's the important thing. Recognising that your situation is not one you want for yourself is probably helpful to overcoming your troubles.

No matter how dumb the reason may be, idk maybe you're just so upset that you're not a walrus but you really want to be one. That would be dumb but a reason nonetheless... We don't get many tries at this life thing so it's important that you live the way you want to live, but I would also argue that it's ok as long as it doesn't harm the environment too much. Being a walrus would be very eco friendly.

And I know that it may not seem like that at all, you're incapacitated by this agonizing feeling you just don't want any of it, there's nothing you want to do. In this case as you have stated yourself you're going through a depressive episode but it will pass, it most certainly will.
 

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No I think you do have a reason, that's the important thing. Recognising that your situation is not one you want for yourself is probably helpful to overcoming your troubles.

No matter how dumb the reason may be, idk maybe you're just so upset that you're not a walrus but you really want to be one. That would be dumb but a reason nonetheless... We don't get many tries at this life thing so it's important that you live the way you want to live, but I would also argue that it's ok as long as it doesn't harm the environment too much. Being a walrus would be very eco friendly.

And I know that it may not seem like that at all, you're incapacitated by this agonizing feeling you just don't want any of it, there's nothing you want to do. In this case as you have stated yourself you're going through a depressive episode but it will pass, it most certainly will.
Nah, it doesn't really pass. I'd been depressed since the mid-2000s. Therapy and meds didn't help much either. I moved residence once, changed schools at least five times, tried two jobs. Nothing worked.

The depression is pretty much constant, so I consider it a given thing now as much as my autism.
 

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Meds are kicking in, finally.

I was thinking of retiring my account. but there is still so much to learn here about typology and psychology in general. I haven't completed my enneagram type, and my MBTI is as debatable as always. It's been hard getting little bits of useful information here but they still exist somewhere. I don't know if digging through hundreds of threads and posts is worth it, though.

I want to learn, I want to improve, but I don't know how to get out of this rut.
 

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Meds are kicking in, finally.

I was thinking of retiring my account. but there is still so much to learn here about typology and psychology in general. I haven't completed my enneagram type, and my MBTI is as debatable as always. It's been hard getting little bits of useful information here but they still exist somewhere. I don't know if digging through hundreds of threads and posts is worth it, though..
Glad you did not retire your account. One of my favorite posters! And you seem to have a really good head on your shoulders, imo. Yeah, I gotta check out of here sometimes, I get too caught up in finding interesting stuff here rather than tasking.

I want to learn, I want to improve, but I don't know how to get out of this rut.
I voluntarily climb into a rut during most work days and drudge along through it. And do my best at the end of the day to climb completely back out. It seems that rut has been worn so deep at times. But, outside of the rut is the freedom, the passion, the stuff I love, what makes me feel alive. Its just getting the hang of the daily escape in full that I'm still learning. I've found the world I live in and world I want impossible to blend completely, at least for now. So, I have to do my best to split time in both worlds.



It's not that bad for me really, just some days. I've learned to a certain extent to live with the tension.
 

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@GusWriter making me blush so early in the morning... ugh, I was no ready for that.
Someone actually liked my half-assed posts? Geez.
I guess you weren't here all those times I was having meltdowns.
 

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My opinions don't matter. My thoughts don't matter. My feelings don't matter. My efforts don't matter. I don't matter. Why should I live?
 

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it just hit me and it hit me like a freight train yes it did

none of this personality type stuff makes sense we have all those different topics we discuss here and i dont see how mbti is helping in that its like a weird thing like a fashion boutique that also offers hand massages or something like that i just see this place as a community for discussing things and i cant wrap my head around how mbti and other systems fit into that. you're an infp? Great! but what does that have to do with anything? I mean it's like saying I identify as the color blue.

In the end I don't see how typology can be meaningfully applied to a community.
 

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As I was returning I passed the corner store and saw a man crouching down by the entrance smoking a cigarette so yes that was I guess a slav and he was squatting. I don't take kindly to the slav squat, so I gave him the look. I wasn't fully prepared for whatever I saw on that man's face. I was taken aback, then I felt a pang of sympathy for this man who has just committed a contumelious act RIGHT BEFORE ME, or so I thought. He looked so resigned, so burdened by this life.

This whole experience totally redefined the slav squat for me. It's so clear now how could I have not noticed this before? This man all but disappeared right before my eyes the way he folded himself into that strange upright fetal position like some cheap magic trick. This is why I am confident that we need to wear shells! If I could retract my limbs and my head into a hard shell and just plop myself down on a patch of grass whenever I felt like it that would be the most amazing thing ever, how is that not a thing yet?
 

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all of this seeming meaningless. i want to delete everything i write in here, everything on internet, every letter that i ever wrote, every story, every picture that i drew. i'm sick of leaking everywhere. i'm disgusting. i'm so weak and this is my only existance, writing everywhere that no one gives a fuck, that no one in my real life could ever see. i'm sick of all of this. i lived like a blackhole, in all my parts of my life, and i did one mistake, opening up, sharing, and then a supernova! it hurt everyone.. then i go back to be a blackhole, so no one ever see me again, no one ever reach me again. suffering in silence again. obsessions, anxiety. i'm living like a shadow, no more dreams, no more excitement. just this never ending guilt, fears, anxiety and obsessions. it's a nightmare. and no one can help and i don't want to voice myself anymore. everybody thinks its just too much and im making things bigger, that im not even sick. ahahahha so funny. who can know the things that i even not talked about? how are they so sure about who i am? and the pain i lived? i always kept myself in silence, suffer in silence, suffer with a smile. and when i shared a bit, a little piece of it, with a trust. it was too much. what should i do then? living in shadows just for pleasing others, their desires? they want me to love them, they want my deepness and care, yet they don't want to give anything to me. and then put all the blame on my shoulders. i know i'm disgusting but it is just my business. i tried to understand many people, and who tried the same? just wanted to get rid of me. because they were sure that i will be always there to hold them. fuck. im sick of this world. im sick of talking. this is not the right place to write. but whatever. that's it. who cares anyway? just a regular teenager for everyone right? just an another drop in this meaningless ocean. sick of this. fuck everyone. fuck everything.

Amen.
 

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Well, I've been thinking that I'm needing to make some life changes, spend my time differently. This format change I suppose is the perfect time for me to check out, at least for a while. Lot of great people on this site. Catch you on the flip side!
 

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Well, I've been thinking that I'm needing to make some life changes, spend my time differently. This format change I suppose is the perfect time for me to check out, at least for a while. Lot of great people on this site. Catch you on the flip side!
May the road rise with you on all your endeavors!
 

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Um. I'm not used to this updated site... It is a little strange. :cry:

I preferred the old web layout or something that wasn't a complete redesign. Like change isn't bad but.. :cautious:

Not to mention all my familiar and favorite emojis are dead. :oops:

But I guess times are changing nowadays. I can feel it in the wind and the sky. I am not quite sure how things will turn out. 🙃

heh heh heh 🥰
 
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