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I feel like this is one of the only places I can say this right now where it might be understood but, I feel really sorry for Derek Chauvin, the police officer who killed George Floyd.

I don't know that he meant to kill him, so I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he didn't mean to kill him, I think that's the safer assumption than to say that he did mean to kill him, so he is having to deal with that.
His wife has left him, a large amount of people want nothing more than to see him literally killed and he is now on suicide watch, facing years in prison, and the rest of his life after that living in hiding.

His life is ruined because of what could have been a really terrible mistake and lapse of judgement.

I understand that he has killed a person, that should disqualify him from the category of 'good person' automatically, but I still can't help but feel sorry for him.
It feels really wrong to say that another person deserves to suffer, emotionally or physically.

If he did mean to kill him then that's another story entirely.
 

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People talk about school being so important for socialization (sometimes they make it sound indispensable), learning to get along with different kinds of people and all that, but while I don't disagree that one needs to learn that, I can't help wanting to say "but school isn't the only place to be exposed to people, your age or otherwise". I mean, while it may be the place that many people happen to learn social skills these days, it's certainly not the only place. I don't think children missing out on school are necessarily doomed to be horrible with people. I grant that under quarantine most other social opportunities are also out of the question, but family is still a prime place to learn a lot about interactions with others, even if it doesn't have a lot of variety.
 

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I feel like this is one of the only places I can say this right now where it might be understood but, I feel really sorry for Derek Chauvin, the police officer who killed George Floyd.

I don't know that he meant to kill him, so I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he didn't mean to kill him, I think that's the safer assumption than to say that he did mean to kill him, so he is having to deal with that.
His wife has left him, a large amount of people want nothing more than to see him literally killed and he is now on suicide watch, facing years in prison, and the rest of his life after that living in hiding.

His life is ruined because of what could have been a really terrible mistake and lapse of judgement.

I understand that he has killed a person, that should disqualify him from the category of 'good person' automatically, but I still can't help but feel sorry for him.
It feels really wrong to say that another person deserves to suffer, emotionally or physically.

If he did mean to kill him then that's another story entirely.
I don’t feel the same way you do about Chauvin, but I want to point out that only an empath could have written what you did, and it’s refreshing to read the thoughtfulness of your perspective.

I’ve spent the morning browsing Reddit’s news feed, and it’s impossible not to notice the sheer hysteria it’s causing. This is not in reference to peaceful protesters, but in reference to the opportunistic looters, vandals and those who justify and promote meeting hate with more hate. Disgusting people who feel like they’re entitled to act badly and don’t need to process their emotions because others are out there acting on their upset (with or without cause), and it’s never okay or civilized under any circumstance to make an exception to let our anger go unchecked.

If everyone could process their emotions before acting, as you have done here, the world would be the better, safer place that almost everyone wants to live in. Too bad it’s not—not when we live among wild animals in human suits.
 

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As I have said before, I think people in general (individuals may vary) like to have something to be riled up about. Could be because there's a lack of intense risk in their modern life (no protecting the family from a wolf pack) or perhaps because anger is an invigorating emotion that makes you feel more powerful - shrug.

Regarding the issue of racism, I am completely baffled how anyone can look at another human and not see a human. It is mind-bogglingly horrific how much injustice humans have inflicted on each other for stupid reasons like where your ancestors were from or what color hair or skin you have. I suppose these are easy variations to point out and that's why people latch onto these differences as 'important'??? I do have to admit to feeling like perhaps the continued focus on rallying the cause to one group or another group and reminding everyone that they are descriminated against might kind of... reinforce the idea in some peoples mind that they are something to be descriminated against??? possibly. I guess I'm looking at my little girl playing with her legos and swapping the heads and bodies of differently colored lego people like they're all the same and I can't help thinking that when we get around to the cultural/history lessons about slavery and concentration camps etc. that it's introducing the concept of 'those people are different' and I don't want her to think that way, I want her to see skincolor as no different than eye color or nose shape or freckles or hight. And while we don't want to ignore or forget the discrimination that has happened and still happens, it feels kind of like how can we get past that if we don't start talking about all people as a whole lumped together instead of divided into different races? I don't know, I mean I know you can't ignore that there are different countries with different cultures and that there are general physical characteristics people living in different places tend to have in common, I know that's not exactly ignorable, but how do you acknowledge these things and stop the 'we are different' mindset from going where it shouldn't or getting too strong?
 

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That one other day I noticed a rabbit just staring at me. :oops:

I then began to awkwardly just walk backwards where I just came from... 😆

Then it ran in front of the street in front of me once again and watched me another time.

Finally the rabbit went off in the distance so I could get back to mowing the lawn.

I wonder...

Was that you? :confused:

You wanted to see me and the hut one last time?

Now you're heading off to see your family too?

When I was thinking about it before it made me feel very sad inside.

At first the tears kept flowing and by the day I couldn't shed any tears anymore even though I wanted to feel sad but I just couldn't.

But seeing her one last time made things a little lighter I guess. Something off my chest. 🙂

The next day the same rabbit appeared right outside me and the dragon queen's window... :oops:

I dunno. I am not really good at these goodbyes but she wanted to see us again one final time.

Reminds me of sweet Hana who appeared twice in dream before she had to go.

I guess she just exists in another form for me now. A sword I have dedicated for her and in a way to remember her. I guess it is a form of acceptance since once this sword breaks one day I will accept her departure because it is the last form she has taken.

Plus one cannot hide from eventualities and I know that. Things just don't last forever down here and once her last manifestation is gone she has to go. She can't stay with us forever. At that point the most important factor remains. Even though she is not with us physically, she is forever deep inside our hearts.

hah hah hah

I'm slightly tearing up from typing all of that...

I guess we'll keep on living for the time being. That is what she probably would want us to do. Until when the end arrives of course... I hope she rests easy though. The hut will do alright even with the road ahead of us. I wonder what is going to happen now? The future is not going to be good from what the wind has been telling me.

But one day when I become a Creationist no one will have to die. No one will be hurt, and no one will have to lose.

I don't quite understand...

I rather death take me instead than an innocent soul who can't even fight back. If someone is going to die, let me, as a warrior, take their place.

...

...Deep down I'm still that child that doesn't quite understand what is really going on. :confused:

I've also accepted that we may not be able to save our little box of toys and games when it comes. I guess just the thought of it counts though, but it is just too large to personally carry with us. Not to mention there will be other things more important to carry like food and water.

The only things I'll personally take with me during the apocalypse is Durandal and the sword I tribute to her that I call the Flower's Heart. Of course the memories of all of us as well.

Funny enough Durandal is just a regular hand and half sword that I've called Durandal. There is no magical property at all to it. Strangely it is still good despite 10 years of use and service. It looks pretty beat up and worn with scratches, but yet functions quite well even though it no longer shines with that shiny luster it used to have.

Huh. There really is nothing left at the university for me so I'm not sure what I'm going to take since I'm running out courses I can take. :oops:

Cause I just want to serve the hut faithfully as a knight even though I am not an actual knight, but I wish I was lol.

Do you think I would make a good knight? :sneaky:

At this point I think I'm going on random thoughts and tangents so I'm just leave this here. In a way I do feel better now. 🙂

...but things won't be the same again after that day. It was quite sudden I was not sure how to feel. :(

heh heh heh 💀
 

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Equanimity is assailed by saturnine remonstrants, resulting in the escalation of ambivalence, vacillating between felicity and melancholy. Mendacious therapists offer bromides to mollify, but malevolent mirth, consequently, escalates commensurately with the vendetta. Felicity and Melancholy personified battle in the vanguard of their respective armies. The battle becomes so berserk and minatory that an uncanny lust results in reciprocal romantic projections. The romance devolves into a felicitous and melancholic saturnalia, followed by the echoes of a bacchanalian paean to the ostensible and licentious convergence. Equanimity smiles incredulously.


Yet, an accretion of repulsion convulses the tenuous foundations of a paradoxical convergence. Bacchanalian attempts at rapprochement are repudiated by jaded contempt and derision -- convergence changes into divergence. Hedonistic and affected peace fractures with fulminating recriminations. The war drums beat Equanimity into putative genuflection. Both discombobulated and weary, Felicity and Melancholy circumspectly advance, chains in hands, to bask in the ostensible obeisance. A platitudinous thought intrudes concurrently in Felicity and Melancholy's minds: The enemy of my enemy is my friend. They surreptitiously exchange glances, until glances become platonic invitations to the shared ownership of Equanimity. Equanimity thus shackled, they march with Equanimity chained between them. Equanimity inwardly smiles at the fruit of its cunning machinations. Peace reigns with the subjugation of Equanimity.


Unfortunately, Melancholy sulks and Felicity cavorts, and so Melancholy peevishly yanks on the chain in an attempt at subverting Felicity's glee, while Felicity blithely counter-yanks with an artfully executed dance maneuver. As the wrenching on the chains enslaving Equanimity escalates, Equanimity soon grasps that allowing its own subjugation was foolhardy martyrdom. So, with resolute aplomb, Equanimity stands, wrapping the erstwhile subjugating chains around its arms, and thus into instruments of subjugation. With both Melancholy and Felicity subjugated, Melancholy impotently repudiates its enslavement, while Felicity impotently ingratiates. With Equanimity in resolute command, peace pervades the land.
 

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If a "chemical imbalance" in the brain is real, then how come doctors have no way of testing it, when requested?
Very fishy.
 

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If a "chemical imbalance" in the brain is real, then how come doctors have no way of testing it, when requested?
Very fishy.
just a pure speculation, but perhaps it is not in the blood, and I don't know how one would test it then, without a biopsy or what it might be called, cutting out a piece, and you don't want that in the brain... In animal testings of the brain, they often seem to have to make a open hole in the scull and then there are electrodes and stuff going down, and after they kill the animal. Would be interesting though, if it is possible to see in some way that is not harmful...
Perhaps one can see part of it secondarily? Like in scans of activity, if the activity is low in some areas, perhaps it means there is a lack of some transmitters?
 

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So life comes full circle. We have neighbor kids(preteen to early teen) behind us who have a few times thrown stuff over the fence. Mostly food items, gum, and some dimes(if they want to graduate to $100 bills, all complaints will end). Biggest thing is we have a dog and some of this stuff(candy and gum) is not good for her. My wife talked to the parents last year. Last night they were out late and something hit our house. Perhaps pizza crust, maybe a rock. My dog ate something this morning when I let her out and I found some crust in a different spot. Talked to the parent again this morning.

I mentioned to her that I understand, when I was about her kids age I had neighbors talk to me about something like this. Thing is, I stopped after the first time. Maybe that's the problem, going to the parents rather than having the kids look us face to face and promise to stop.

But, I remember when I was just a tad, about 5-6 years old, there was a neighbor, known as "the mean neighbor" throughout the neighborhood right next door to me. My friends and I decided we were going to throw rocks at the "mean neighbor's" house. The old guy(fully white haired) stormed out his house at us, yelling that he was going to tan our hides. I pissed myself and ran into our house. I never threw rocks at any house again, after that. Different times.

It is weird to be looking at where we are now, on the other side of things and these thoughts from my youth coming back.
 

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just a pure speculation, but perhaps it is not in the blood, and I don't know how one would test it then, without a biopsy or what it might be called, cutting out a piece, and you don't want that in the brain... In animal testings of the brain, they often seem to have to make a open hole in the scull and then there are electrodes and stuff going down, and after they kill the animal. Would be interesting though, if it is possible to see in some way that is not harmful...
Perhaps one can see part of it secondarily? Like in scans of activity, if the activity is low in some areas, perhaps it means there is a lack of some transmitters?
I suppose my point is, if they can't test for a patient that they actually have an imbalance, then they shouldn't go around claiming 'chemical imbalance' and prescribing medicines left right and centre.
 

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Equanimity is assailed by saturnine remonstrants, resulting in the escalation of ambivalence, vacillating between felicity and melancholy. Mendacious therapists offer bromides to mollify, but malevolent mirth, consequently, escalates commensurately with the vendetta. Felicity and Melancholy personified battle in the vanguard of their respective armies. The battle becomes so berserk and minatory that an uncanny lust results in reciprocal romantic projections. The romance devolves into a felicitous and melancholic saturnalia, followed by the echoes of a bacchanalian paean to the ostensible and licentious convergence. Equanimity smiles incredulously.


Yet, an accretion of repulsion convulses the tenuous foundations of a paradoxical convergence. Bacchanalian attempts at rapprochement are repudiated by jaded contempt and derision -- convergence changes into divergence. Hedonistic and affected peace fractures with fulminating recriminations. The war drums beat Equanimity into putative genuflection. Both discombobulated and weary, Felicity and Melancholy circumspectly advance, chains in hands, to bask in the ostensible obeisance. A platitudinous thought intrudes concurrently in Felicity and Melancholy's minds: The enemy of my enemy is my friend. They surreptitiously exchange glances, until glances become platonic invitations to the shared ownership of Equanimity. Equanimity thus shackled, they march with Equanimity chained between them. Equanimity inwardly smiles at the fruit of its cunning machinations. Peace reigns with the subjugation of Equanimity.


Unfortunately, Melancholy sulks and Felicity cavorts, and so Melancholy peevishly yanks on the chain in an attempt at subverting Felicity's glee, while Felicity blithely counter-yanks with an artfully executed dance maneuver. As the wrenching on the chains enslaving Equanimity escalates, Equanimity soon grasps that allowing its own subjugation was foolhardy martyrdom. So, with resolute aplomb, Equanimity stands, wrapping the erstwhile subjugating chains around its arms, and thus into instruments of subjugation. With both Melancholy and Felicity subjugated, Melancholy impotently repudiates its enslavement, while Felicity impotently ingratiates. With Equanimity in resolute command, peace pervades the land.
This sounds like it would make for good Noh theater or some other kind of moody performance art. It’s tough to express emotional intricacies like this as stage material, but I think it’d be worth it. (y)
 

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So clever you were to subvert her dignity. You read the room so well. Your subordinates obsequiously howled with laughter. However, it was in your expression that belied your pretense to good-natured mockery -- a sneer. Yes, your face twisted into a sneer. With growing feelings of loathing toward that which is different pulsing throughout your body -- that mockery soon had an edge. Who did this weirdo think she was not to take a joke? It was only a joke, after all. What's her problem. Weirdo. Freak. "Laugh!" you ordered. Despite your peremptory tone and preening authority -- nothing. Dead silence. Your sycophants looked on in consternation. Perhaps an emotional contagion of compunction spread and infected your subordinates? How embarrassing.

I feel for you, I do. You spent a lifetime being awarded for your exemplary humor -- i.e. knock this person over, mock that person's mannerisms, etc. You intimidated people by using your social influence into laughing at their own dignity lying in pieces upon the floor. Your companions howled with sycophantic laughter each time. Perhaps it was to stifle their compunction? Or maybe they were just that insensitive? Oh, the positive reinforcement! The flush of victory you felt in conquering those you perceived as weak! Her supercilious aloofness was self-evident to you, and supercilious aloofness cannot go unchallenged. Her dignity must be subverted for the amusement of all that resent that subsequent oppressive silence. That creeping silence that invites uncomfortable thoughts. You felt her oppressing you with your own uncomfortable thoughts. How is that possible?

What were those thoughts? I can only wonder, but the laughter in the room seemed a bit too forced. The peremptory tone and preening authority seemed a bit too desperate. The room's atmosphere seemed to scream out for an end to that torturous silence. The silence was crushing the room. It's a wonder how someone minding her own business could oppress others so. It must be a trick, and you will not be fooled. Such power must be taken away.

So, the weapons of social warfare are marshaled and deployed. Let loose derision's guffaws! Let loose gossip's defamations! Let loose contempt's dehumanizing body language! Let loose ostracization's callous disregard for social survival. Relish in the cruelty. She will have no happy ending. You'll see to it, the Machiavellian person that you are. You earned your position. You'll be damned before you let silent oppressiveness steal that feeling of glory from you. The illusion must be maintained.
 
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Listening to music and daydreaming burns a lot of oxygen and glucose in the brain, unable to focus - Rocking, pacing and twitching, addiction to dopamine and a med to help, a drug to play.. Who cares? Not me.. and the brain floods with psychedelic serotonin derivatives, activating a monoamine release of all chemicals across the brain, spreading neurotransmitters like a spider web or a universe of connecting stars and constellations - Imagination being real who knows where - Not able to distinguish between fantasy and reality, lost in creativity, an antenna for genius causing people to think we’re mad, psychotic - And the world spins with all the minds, waving .. spinning, spiralling.. Sleeping bodies resting comfortably, hallucinating night and day in different ways.. Where are the computers? Exhausted people, short circuiting.. The matrix, the code, the numbers, the colours.. Black.. white.. A sign - A rainbow.

And as the darkness comes.. A historical written story of nonsense. The conservatives know this.. The conspiracies, uncertainty, revolving around in circles through liberation, destruction, then.. Relax, freedom, anguish and pain again. Meow cat. What do you want? Food? Though the trees - Monkeys, buildings of concrete and city lights - Slaves, work, greed and money, chasing after and running away from, guilt and shame - It’s all real. All of it.

They said to me. They said it. Aliens, Jews, amphibians - Love is the great abyss, staring into it, anticipation and excitement for joy, risking and daring, showing people, connecting - Bike tires, fighter jets and epinephrine needles - Heart beating or flowing like cool water, hot molten metal and it always crashes, explodes and hurts someone - By accident, on purpose or without knowing what’s behind the scenes. We laugh but the curtain closes after the fear is gone and we cry but are ok.

Chill blue clouds and wind whistling in the sky - Where do we go.. Sliding carts of machine robots doing our work, electricity and oil, nuclear energy but dare I say bomb or the particles decay like everything - Take into perspective that it’s any way we want. Missing people, lost, broken - Pick up the pieces and put it all back together with glue or melt the glass with a blow torch - Rocket fuel to Mars or no? Maybe..
 

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The lady at State Farm, who I called on the phone yesterday to find out about a premium, called me "Doll". That was a first for me. I've heard "ma'am", "sweetheart", "darling".... but Doll.... lol.... sort of glad I called, to hear that one coming my way. Some days, I'm so glad I get up out of bed.

This theme, created by XenForo, I suppose (?) -- I'm calling it The Fat Ass theme.

It is waaaaaaaay too w i d e.

Also, while I'm here, I guess I'll bitch a little more: I miss genders (I hate that I can't post that I am a female) and I hate, that I can not figure out, HOW to find all my past threads, I've posted.
 

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[...]
Also, while I'm here, I guess I'll bitch a little more: I miss genders (I hate that I can't post that I am a female) and I hate, that I can not figure out, HOW to find all my past threads, I've posted.
There's a field in your account details (click the avatar in the right corner of the screen to get there), that is now named personality type. You can write more than type there, and though there are no emoticons etc in that field, you can write it in "about you" under it instead, and then copy, or copy this one here: ♀
I tried it myself, and think it seems to work (not sure I'll keep it, but trying out how it feels :) )

Threads I haven't figured out myself yet I am afraid...
 
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