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I got one: Put yourself in the other person's shoe. The receiving end of what you might say or do. If you think you'd like it, then go ahead with whatever it is. The dynamics of your relationship with the person matters, and hence, everything should be in context.

You guys got some?
 

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Make eye contact. I try to give off the impression that I'm deeply interested in what the other person says and always try to come off as engaged or engaging. This makes the person feel like they're interesting and makes you someone they will listen to.
 

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Ask about pets, weekends, kids etc. Especially kids. Tell them how smart they sound and if they started saving for Harvard yet.

Also ask them if they watched Glee last night and discuss whether Lea Michele should or should not have a nose job. Ultimately come to the conclusion that she should not.
 

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Remember more details about other peoples' lives. If someone says "oh, my cat is sick" or "my husband and I are having problems." This is your cue to say something along the lines of "how's your cat doing?" or "how are you and your husband doing?" the next time you see that person. Apparently you are an asshole if you don't ask.
 

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Ask about pets, weekends, kids etc. Especially kids. Tell them how smart they sound and if they started saving for Harvard yet.

Also ask them if they watched Glee last night and discuss whether Lea Michele should or should not have a nose job. Ultimately come to the conclusion that she should not.
Jesus, fucking shoot me.

I find that I get good responses when I actually pay attention to what someone is saying and ask deeper questions instead of just thinking about what I'm going to say next. Many times I get surprised looks because so many people are used to getting an "Oh, that's cool," followed by the conversation going right back to the other person. After the initial shock though, they usually blossom. You don't actually have to care, just pretend like it. Don't forget, everyone's favorite topic is themselves. I mean, Christ, just look at this place.
 

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I agree with static dream's idea. Step one is to assume the person has a reasonable motive for what they do. Other good stuff comes out of that.
 

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Make eye contact. I try to give off the impression that I'm deeply interested in what the other person says and always try to come off as engaged or engaging. This makes the person feel like they're interesting and makes you someone they will listen to.
Is this a theory based on the assumption that the person you're talking to is a decent human being as well?
Hasn't worked in my experience but I'll keep trying -- hopefully they won't suck my soul out through my eyes.


*It doesn't matter who is at fault, if it will help the situation and without harming your reputation, apologize.
 

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Is this a theory based on the assumption that the person you're talking to is a decent human being as well?
Hasn't worked in my experience but I'll keep trying -- hopefully they won't suck my soul out through my eyes.
I always try to relate to people on some level if I'm talking to them. Personally, no one has ever tried to deceive me, and if I don't feel like I could utilize someone for my benefit on a professional level then I don't worry about wanting to engage with them. However, building up a reputation as someone that will readily engage with others can only be beneficial. Sometimes we have to go through not so decent people to get our way. Usually, if that person approaches me then I will size them up and figure out the best way to get through to this person. If it's in my best interest to engage this person by being a dick- I will look them in the eye and be a dick. And if I look him in the eye while being a dick (which in itself is engaging), he doesn't have to like me, but he will probably respect me and any opinion I will say at a later time.
 

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However, building up a reputation as someone that will readily engage with others can only be beneficial.
I can't stress this enough. I constantly hear people badmouthing the quietest and shyest of individuals at school. Even if I say "oh, I think that person is just really shy," many just don't believe shyness is a legitimate excuse for not engaging with them.
 

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kikikins said:
I can't stress this enough. I constantly hear people badmouthing the quietest and shyest of individuals at school. Even if I say "oh, I think that person is just really shy," many just don't believe shyness is a legitimate excuse for not engaging with them.
Or maybe they have other/better things to do?

Why would you care if someone else doesn't want to hang out, I don't get it. I don't sit around brooding about the people I'm barely acquainted with who don't seem interested in hanging out with me. None of my friends do this. No one I know who has any kind of life does this.

This seems like a country phenom.
 

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Or maybe they have other/better things to do?

Why would you care if someone else doesn't want to hang out, I don't get it. I don't sit around brooding about the people I'm barely acquainted with who don't seem interested in hanging out with me. None of my friends do this. No one I know who has any kind of life does this.

This seems like a country phenom.
Who you calling country? This wasn't really where I was getting at. I was more referring to being receptive to other people.
 

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Sorry!!!!!!!

I've just always wanted to respond to someone by saying "Who you calling country?"
But honestly. I went out nearly every night for most of my young adult life, and I never once sat there among a group of people who were bitching about the random people we knew of who didn't try to "engage" with us.

Who does that? How insecure would you have to be to do that? Hang out with your friends and leave everyone else be.
 

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But honestly. I went out nearly every night for most of my young adult life, and I never once sat there among a group of people who were bitching about the random people we knew of who didn't try to "engage" with us.
I am usually that random person who doesn't try to "engage" people. I remember someone came up to me once, apparently a guy who was a year below me in grad school, and he confronted me at a restaurant asking why I always stood by myself outside(of the campus) smoking cigarettes not trying to talk to anyone else. My response: "Who are you again?" The guy actually started laughing, but I feel like I'm the guy being talked about not always being the uber-social person.

Side note: My whole point was being receptive and willing to engage when people do talk to you. Don't give them the cold shoulder.
 
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