Tips to get over someone...
[ENTP]
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Workout. Channel sadness, grief, and agitation towards raw anger while working out. Exhaust yourself so you walk funny when you are done. Your body is so fried, your brain has to worry more about simply moving around in a coordinated fashion. Repeat once a day or every other day and things are significantly better.
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On to the next person. I don't know emotionally I don't get attached so I haven't to get over someone in a long time. But the times I did, it would pass as soon as I found someone new.
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work on your hobbies you should have a lot more free time now 
...just give it time and one day boom! their gone it's just a matter of time
...just give it time and one day boom! their gone it's just a matter of timeOh god it depends on the person, one time it took me two years and three more relationships to get over somebody, and that SUCKED. In a morbidly enjoyable way. Another time it took me about a half hour.
I wouldn't recommend finding another relationship if you seem to be struggling with closure; for me that just made it a whole lot worse because I started deluding myself.
This probably won't be very helpful, but eventually you will detach, and it may or may not have anything to do with being proactive about getting rid of this thing... good luck and godspeed
In a morbidly enjoyable way. Another time it took me about a half hour.I wouldn't recommend finding another relationship if you seem to be struggling with closure; for me that just made it a whole lot worse because I started deluding myself.
This probably won't be very helpful, but eventually you will detach, and it may or may not have anything to do with being proactive about getting rid of this thing... good luck and godspeed
Admit to yourself its over! But apart from that do not set any moral standards for when its time to meet new people. It happens when time is right. Find a new hobby, exercise and travel. And of course spend time with friends and family which can bring you a little back to the roots..
For me, continuous socialization with positive people has always been an effective method. They assist me in redirecting myself to socialization rather than being inside my own head, and as this progresses it always results in me meeting a new object of desire sooner or later. That these people are habitually/naturally positive is key, though. Negative people just feed you more negativity, which is absolutely counter-productive.
Also, since I started to learn how emotions work from a psychological perspective, I have found that I can minimize the time in utter despair by significant amounts, and move on faster to a objective and holistic perspective of the situation, in which I can accurately identify and analyze where I made the wrong turns. This further motivates me to initiate new relationships, as the new knowledge boosts my confidence through the realization that I am now better equipped to play the game in future contacts.
Remember: There's no failure, only feedback!
Also, since I started to learn how emotions work from a psychological perspective, I have found that I can minimize the time in utter despair by significant amounts, and move on faster to a objective and holistic perspective of the situation, in which I can accurately identify and analyze where I made the wrong turns. This further motivates me to initiate new relationships, as the new knowledge boosts my confidence through the realization that I am now better equipped to play the game in future contacts.
Remember: There's no failure, only feedback!
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Self inflicted pain and suffering.
I think I was in my mid twenties when I blew it with this one girl. I started riding my bike to clear my mind from my place on the west side of chicago, and was headed about 25 miles away through the forests where I would normally go. During the ride, I kind of got frustrated with myself for my continued failures in the romantic department up to that point. Annoyed enough, apparently, that I missed the turnaround point, and ended up not far from the wisconsin border a couple hours later. It was too dark to turn around, my legs were jelly, and I must of smelled of french soccer player and moldy apples. I slept out in the cold that night with the mosquitos to keep me company, and headed back home.
After that cleansing, I pretty much only think of her when I tell the story, and not in a painful way like I might think of a couple others.
I think I was in my mid twenties when I blew it with this one girl. I started riding my bike to clear my mind from my place on the west side of chicago, and was headed about 25 miles away through the forests where I would normally go. During the ride, I kind of got frustrated with myself for my continued failures in the romantic department up to that point. Annoyed enough, apparently, that I missed the turnaround point, and ended up not far from the wisconsin border a couple hours later. It was too dark to turn around, my legs were jelly, and I must of smelled of french soccer player and moldy apples. I slept out in the cold that night with the mosquitos to keep me company, and headed back home.
After that cleansing, I pretty much only think of her when I tell the story, and not in a painful way like I might think of a couple others.
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Give it time.
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Have you seen Swingers, it's just like Swingers.
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Cut all ties with them, and strengthen ties with other people. Draw on your resources - your friends, even weak acquaintances - to surround yourself with people who like you and will encourage you to do well.
Don't dwell on it. It's over? Ok, it's over. Continue with the rest of your life. You're going to feel bad for a while, but only because it's a physiological response with psychological repercussions. Eventually, the physiological response ends.
You are now free to pursue different and/or new people, environments, and situations.
People are not meant to be together indefinitely, much as mating for life is driven home from the age of 2 or 3 years old.
Being with someone is like maintaining eye contact with someone while you are both riding in separate trains with several tracks between you. Thing will get in the way, the cars will change speed, and no matter what, you will only be aligned for a given amount of time.
This is the natural order of things. Get what you want, enjoy a person until they bore/bother/disappoint you, and move on to someone who will be different and maybe better.
Also, people improve with age as they're forced to reconsider themselves, their habits and actions, and to become aware of themselves.
Don't dwell on it. It's over? Ok, it's over. Continue with the rest of your life. You're going to feel bad for a while, but only because it's a physiological response with psychological repercussions. Eventually, the physiological response ends.
You are now free to pursue different and/or new people, environments, and situations.
People are not meant to be together indefinitely, much as mating for life is driven home from the age of 2 or 3 years old.
Being with someone is like maintaining eye contact with someone while you are both riding in separate trains with several tracks between you. Thing will get in the way, the cars will change speed, and no matter what, you will only be aligned for a given amount of time.
This is the natural order of things. Get what you want, enjoy a person until they bore/bother/disappoint you, and move on to someone who will be different and maybe better.
Also, people improve with age as they're forced to reconsider themselves, their habits and actions, and to become aware of themselves.
Wow, you know, I've read through all of these (some not to s great - @BusinessMan - that's aimed at you lol) and also had a few wise words from a couple of different people. I feel instantly a lot better, still very sad about the situation, though I haven't shed a solitary tear or felt like I was about to burst out crying for about 2 hours now... Result.
Fuck him.
Fuck him.
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Lol maybe I'm just emotionally retarded. I don't really get sad over women, but at the same time I find it incredibly challenging to connect on an emotional level as well. I made a thread about this last week lol.
It depends how long you gus were together. If it was for a long time I can empathize, at least in the sense that you have built a daily routine that is all of a sudden over.
Funnily enough - no long-term relationship with any routine to it. Just a VERY intense, hot-as-the-sun 4.5 months with a clearly unstable INFJ guy.
Never-a-fucking-gain.
I'll have an extrovert next, alpha-male please. At least I'll know where I fucking stand - and if I don't, at least we can partake in light-hearted FUN while I try and figure it out and over-analyse it to The Very Death.
Pfft. Or maybe I might try a woman. I'll try anything once!
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^^^ my god sir, you are a genius!
Deconstruct your feelings via writing or talking to yourself.
@ENTPickle . There are all kinds of coping tools for this situation. It was terrible for me when me and my first two wives split up .... I haven't cared since that second wife when breakups happened ... but I think I can remember what it was like.
So lets see .... for the first one the coping tool was drugs, insane parties, and sex.
for the second one the best tool I found was ..... um ..... bigger drugs, even crazier parties, and slightly less sex
for the string of "burn fast and hard" relationships I had after that I guess I just never got attached enough for any of the breakups to actually effect me.
I had one serious ex before my most recent wife. When we broke up I used a massive amount of rationalization and an instant rebound relationship to get over that one, but it was more to avoid the guilt than to stop from being upset. You see I actually tricked her into breaking up with me, and thinking that it was her idea. Eventually one of my buddies opened his big mouth and let her know about that plan (about 3 weeks after the breakup) because there was a girl that he liked (that I ALREADY warned him had a thing for me) who hooked up with me on a couple of occasions. All said and done that turned into a mess of guilt I had to dodge (yes I still had a few human feelings left in me at that time in my life).
With my most recent ex-wife it was a matter of desensitization that made the breakup so easy. I mean I was already well on my way to not feeling much of anything .. but the longer our marriage lasted, and the more emotional she got to compensate for my lack of emotion, the LESS emotions I found I was even capable of having. By the time we broke up the only regretful feeling I had was "aw crap this is gonna fuck my kids up", but there was next to nothing for the relationship ... and then I realized that nothing really matters ... NOTHING.
I mean from a cosmic perspective all my troubles are worth less than a grain of sand. And from a personal perspective all I could do was look at it as "just another event to shape me into the person I'm going to be", and I like who I am (and chances are I"ll like who I'm going to be) so in all reality all I can really do is be grateful for the situation (being one more thing to help shape my awesomeness). Either way you look at it though it really isn't a negative event in the grand scheme of things.
So lets see .... for the first one the coping tool was drugs, insane parties, and sex.
for the second one the best tool I found was ..... um ..... bigger drugs, even crazier parties, and slightly less sex
for the string of "burn fast and hard" relationships I had after that I guess I just never got attached enough for any of the breakups to actually effect me.
I had one serious ex before my most recent wife. When we broke up I used a massive amount of rationalization and an instant rebound relationship to get over that one, but it was more to avoid the guilt than to stop from being upset. You see I actually tricked her into breaking up with me, and thinking that it was her idea. Eventually one of my buddies opened his big mouth and let her know about that plan (about 3 weeks after the breakup) because there was a girl that he liked (that I ALREADY warned him had a thing for me) who hooked up with me on a couple of occasions. All said and done that turned into a mess of guilt I had to dodge (yes I still had a few human feelings left in me at that time in my life).
With my most recent ex-wife it was a matter of desensitization that made the breakup so easy. I mean I was already well on my way to not feeling much of anything .. but the longer our marriage lasted, and the more emotional she got to compensate for my lack of emotion, the LESS emotions I found I was even capable of having. By the time we broke up the only regretful feeling I had was "aw crap this is gonna fuck my kids up", but there was next to nothing for the relationship ... and then I realized that nothing really matters ... NOTHING.
I mean from a cosmic perspective all my troubles are worth less than a grain of sand. And from a personal perspective all I could do was look at it as "just another event to shape me into the person I'm going to be", and I like who I am (and chances are I"ll like who I'm going to be) so in all reality all I can really do is be grateful for the situation (being one more thing to help shape my awesomeness). Either way you look at it though it really isn't a negative event in the grand scheme of things.
LoL ... that was cute man ... you just summed up my whole answer in 37 words (if you count the made-up words
) hehehe1 - 20 of 56 Posts
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