[MadHattress]

My speculation on the matter are that xxTJ's as parents are the ones whose main concern is for their kids to be successful (i.e. get good good grades, and grow up to have a successful career). While xxFJ parents would be more concerned with I dunno, overall formation?

Growing up as an INTP with ENFJ and ISFJ parents, I've always felt like I view life differently from them and I'm wondering if it might be mainly the T/F distinction. Does anyone have any insights as to the kind of issues this would create?

 

[liza_200]

TJ parents- 'No' means 'no'.

FJ parents- 'No' might turn to 'yes'.

 

[Spades]

Both my parents and I are TJ's. "Tough love" was the theme of the house. There was more war than peace, but I came out strong and independent. My ISTP brother however, he's 17 and still can't do a single thing for himself.

 

[TazMadISTP]

I'm an ISTP with two TJ parents. Their goal was definitely for me to be successful. My mother nearly had a nervous breakdown when I went through my WTF years (WTF Years - Istp Wiki).

At times, it was tough love, but since I was good at passing classes in school and didn't really cause many problems growing up, I was mostly just spoiled and left alone. I was easy to spoil too, since I was an only child.

 

[Coburn]

Not successful-- independent. A lot of TJ parents play the tough love route because they want their children to become strong, self-sufficient people capable of living their lives on their own.

A TJ parent is happy when you can move out of the nest and support yourself through a steady career. At least from what I've seen.

 

[Tyrant]

My dad is a TJ and my mom an FJ.

The differences between dad and mom:

Dad
- Acts like a commander
- Problems are solved with logic
- Once a case is closed, it is closed
- Reasonable and to the point
- Practical

Mom
- Repeats the same things over and over
- Worries too much
- Wins arguments with volume (She beat everyone in the family in an argument, claiming dolphins are bigger than whales. No matter what we said, no matter what reasons we brought up, she won in the end. Dolphins are officially bigger than whales in our household.)
- Likes buying things that she thinks will be useful
- Is worried about everyone's well-being

 

[MadHattress]

Thanks for the responses. Sounds like most of you have TJ parents. On a logical level TJ parents make perfect sense to me. They see success as something desirable for their kids and so try to force them to achieve it (which may be irksome to deal with, but at least it makes sense).

SJ parents on the other hand, I'm at a loss to understand. I don't really feel like my parents give a shit about me being successful. It's not that they don't care about me, it just seems like they don't have very realistic ideas about life. I'm a very independent person with a strong drive for self-sufficiency and competence. I feel like everything I've accomplished is solely through my own efforts and in conflict to their agenda (being an INTP this isn't easy). A couple of years ago in particular I felt like I had all this energy I wanted to be putting into something that would be useful to me later in life. I've often wished I could've done early college because I felt ready for it at the time and needed a challenge like that. Now I just feel kind of 'meh' about the whole thing. I was always responsible and worked hard on my school and stuff so I was largely left alone. It just seems like I had a lot of useful energy and know I could've handled a lot more, but my parents never saw it as necessary or desirable.

Has anyone had similar issues?

 

[quadrivium]

TJ dad and FJ mom. Dad is very success-oriented. Mom is very emotional health oriented. I consider myself lucky to have both sides. Dad wants me to make a living wage; Mom wants me to call once a week. Not that these can't be reversed, but in general terms.

 

[Flatlander]

FJ mother, Si-dom. Extremely clear about what she thought I -should- do in life. Took the lead in the household for child-rearing and education, insistent that I and my brother be HIGH achievers in school and the world at large. Supportive if she thought I was doing something right, trying to press her worries on me if she thought I was wrong.

To be sure, I appreciate her efforts on my education. She gave me any book I asked for, and taught me what she could when I was young, and she supported me against teachers who thought I was insubordinate and the like.

On the other hand, she was hard-pressed to accept my natural inattention to social conventions, so she constantly criticized me to try to get me to follow them, or care what other people thought of me. Unfortunately, I was largely oblivious to people's judgement, including hers.

I still wonder if she thought I was being deliberately rebellious.


Side note: Still not quite sure what my father is. I suspect INFJ, but I could be wrong.

 

[A Little Bit of Cheeze]

TJ Dad- Get good grades and do the best at everything, be on top of everything. If you don't, you're a failure.

FJ Mom- Same thing, but if you have trouble, I'll help you through it.

This how it's been almost my entire life. It's pretty easy to see why I care about my mom way more and why I have a fear of being a failure :|

 

[possiBri]

Both my parents and I are TJ's. "Tough love" was the theme of the house. There was more war than peace, but I came out strong and independent. My ISTP brother however, he's 17 and still can't do a single thing for himself.

HAHAHAAHA I grew up in an FJ house, and tough love was also the theme there, but there wasn't more war than peace. I did come out strong and independent, but, as you mentioned, my ESFJ (pretty sure) bro is 19 and still pretty helpless (though I must say he is getting better).

@liza_200 I can definitely relate to "'No' might turn to 'yes'." — if I could logic/beg/barter/compromise I could get that No changed... but usually there were many conditions attached to the yes.

 

[Grunfur]

Ok some parents who are TJ or FJ can be pretty tough. I think that it really depends on the type though and how both parents tend to manage things. I have a father who is an INTJ. When it comes to academic stuff he has always been rather hard on me. He would never "force me" but simply get mad at me if I didn't do work, because he believes hard work is valuable. And I agree with that. I have a mother who is FP and honestly she seems to be more strict surprisingly. If I don't do something right, I'll be punished. My dad on the other hand tries to "assess the situation" but not intervene too much only if he knows what's going on. His philosophy is to basically see in the long run if you're doing work or your chores. But if you don't clean your room or something he would never get mad at me and sometimes even help me out. But a lot of the stuff that being strict with involves the short term consequences. He was never too hard on that considering that he's a dominant Ni. But when it comes to things that would mess up my future he'd get involved and be strict. And he can be quite bossy when you are doing a specific task and order you around. Also with doing work, he'd promote it rather than force you to do it. Surprisingly an FP parent can be strict sometimes too.

 

[GoodOldDreamer]

My ESTJ father was always concerned with me getting good grades and having a good paying career. Telling him that I never studied for tests (yet somehow aced most of them anyway), and that I wanted to become a writer didn't really sit well with him, lol. I've also never been good at manual work like fixing things, which also annoyed him. And I found most of the hard labor we had on the family ranch to be rather trivial at best.

Can't speak about an FJ parent, as I didn't have one. Mom's an INFP. She's always been more supportive of whatever it is I wanted to do. Maybe too supportive at times, I dunno. But my father was too strict most of the time, so there's that too. Not that my parents had the healthiest of relationships or anything. But I won't go into that. >_>

 

[INTJellectual]

Mom is an ISTJ, Dad is an INTJ. Both TJs.

Though my mother is more strict in me getting work. I think they have the same dream for me to get a successful career and a high paying job. Unfortunately, I failed them and now I don't come to their house because of how much of a failure I see myself. It's a shame. I didn't even meet my standards. But I am hopeful that one day they would be proud of me. I just have some priorities now to fulfill, After I fulfilled that, then it's time for me to rock.

 

[Playful Proxy]

My mother is an FJ. My father is TJ. My father generally does not say all that much depending on the situation, and for example if I have 0s in the grade-book for homework, my mom freaks out saying that 0s are unacceptable. My response is that my overall grade is perfectly fine. She says I could have done better. My response is that regardless of if they were 0s or 100s, it would not change the letter grade of my grade and colleges primarily look at GPA, which does not reflect the difference between an 80 and an 84.

I believe my father would believe me, but he sort of has to take her side. I suspect her of being ENFJ or INFJ. Not entirely sure yet. My father is most likely ISTJ.