Warmer Indifference
So I read "Tell a Personality Cafe member what you really think of him or her" thread (Part 1 and 2), and that threads are full of emotions, from lust, love, to hatred.
To be honest, everyone's posts in those threads make me want to vomit. Too much emotions make me sick. Seriously.
I hate those threads now. It make me want to yell and tell people to get over themselves because everything, imo, is so exaggerated and too much.
Not only that.
IRL, seeing someone crying or angry or too fluffy/soft/kind/sweet make me feel uneasy and uncomfortable.
I have a friend who is very sweet, nice, and fluffy. Her overflooded emotions makes me want to stay away from her. The more she try to reach me, the more I want to runaway.
Do you have the same problem?
If yes, how do you deal with it?
WickedQueen,
i am filled with too much emotion, i make myself sick. i have and am learning to 'get over myself' as you say! i suppose a struggle i have to face, being NF. but i do ensure in public, that i make my emotions no one's problem. on the surface i always remain either neutral or pleasant. if i have to cry i go somewhere in private, or take a day off. some people consider me to be cold. part of this topic is control over the mind and the emotions. some people have no control. which is unhealthy.
i do wish to be more like an ESTJ or ISTJ, in how they deal with others, and how they see emotions. but i am an INFJ, so that is not likely. i just try to keep a cap on my emotions, because i know outsiders are annoyed by my feelings and stuff. i too avoid excessive emotional people in real life. they can kind of trigger emotions within myself, that is very uncomfortable.
i feel there should be standards in communication and public behavior. etiquette and polish is decreasing, when it should be rising in public. it is inappropriate to get moody and emotional on other people IRL, because quite honestly, everyone has their own problems to deal with. emotional people likely find themselves alone, if they cannot find groupies to align with their causes. i wouldn't say i could ever have an *STJ type of cold reaction. my sister does this, it is fascinating to me! I will further explain how i feel about this reaction...
please bear in mind, a lot of people are letting out steam and venting on PerC. a lot of them are very young too...but partly i will say, like yourself, WickedQueen, it would be amazing if people could post and write things that benefit others, instead of just 'venting'. there is lots of meaning here, which is why I am always drawn to PerC. i think the venters are minimal. i don't think online interaction is a good judge of a 'full person's' character. INFJs vent at times, so that we can gain new perspectives. we primarily do that on our own thread though. (if anyone needs to vent, INFJ forum is good). our intuitions are prime and somehow 'help' is given. it is amazing...well that aside, back to the issue!
firstly i would try to see what it is the emotional person needs. why do they choose to express themselves in that emotional way? it is usually for attention, or maybe to get others to help them or boost their confidence. then i would act accordingly, trying to help them as best as i can. if it is not my place to get involved, i too avoid moody persons at all costs, they can be self-absorbed and selfish. otherwise, if it is a long-term relationship, then i 'tell-it-like-it-is' early on in the relationship, if the person doesn't catch on and adopt a more considerate, or positive attitude, then they know where i stand.
usually moody people will not stick around, because they need someone to validate their feelings. so in this you have an answer. i imagine they don't stick around you for too long, because they can't get the 'attention' they want. it is good they go away from you. my sister (ISTJ) too, doesn't have the problem of emotinal types clinging to her. you have a gift! enjoy it! everyone wanders to me (INFJ), and clings, hoping for, well something! it is my soft appearance and heart that is their target.
so then in my answer i would say, you have your first step down (acting cold, or perhaps indifferent), i would suggest to you, to then 1) determine the importance of the relationship (long or short term) and 2) find out why they are acting the way they do-- is it a one time episode, or every day moodiness 3) decide if the person can be helped or not...after assessing these three points, i would try to help for a bit-- if i see a long term problem and no need to be around that person, i would exit the situation pretty quickly.
oh and one more thing...this acting 'cold' or 'indifferent' may backfire also. the clingy emotional person, may find you to be a challenge, and cling more to you, because of your strength. and work harder to get your attention. this may rile up their emotions further! so i would add some 'warmth' to your cold disposition- memorize a few cute fuzzy lines. and get to the point, with some communication immediately. this should deter the overly emotional person. your 'warm' indifference, may satisfy them for a bit, then they move on to their next victim. i mean, the overly emotional person, will move on. all persons have their days, where they need kindness. but a person out of control will learn better if their mood swings are not entertained.
this is a complex topic, WickedQueen. i hope some of what i had to say has been practical and useful to you. my sister ISTJ usually comes to me with these issues. i know she's all 'tough' but she actually gets roped into problems with 'emotional' people more than i do! because she is so caring, and wants to help and rescue everyone. i'm a B-I-T-C-H i just tell people where to go! hahaha (ok with some firm tenderness!) I guess we have traded spots for a short while (my sister and I) for now. we are close so we sometimes flip-flop. i hope all is well with you and your family too. i've read your blog you are an amazing girl and and asset to your community and family, likely
