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I wrote this whilst trying to understand my ENFP sister. As an INFJ I strive to understand everyone, and the fact that I was finding understand her so difficult was driving me insane. So I wrote this and I realised that maybe I understand her more than I think. I've never sent it her and I don't think I ever will, but I wanted to share it with you ENFPs :)

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You're a puzzle that I will never be able to piece no matter how much I try. I know this and yet I try and I will always try. I scold you sometimes when you haven't really done anything wrong. It's because I don't understand you and I'm angry with myself, not you.
You are stimulated by social interaction whereas I am stimulated by solitude. You even go as far as doing things for attention, just so people look at you. But I have come to realise that this isn't just for your benefit. You want to make people smile, laugh if possible. To you a day is wasted if there is no laughter.
You don't take things seriously. Life's a party is your motto. You put things off until the last minute, sometimes you put them off all together. I thought this was because you were lazy and uncaring and it mad me angry. But I realise that you are not as self-assured as you make out. Sometimes you put things off because you don't think you can do them. It's easier to spend your times laughing and making others laugh. It's how you cope I suppose.
You can be selfish. I nicknamed you diva, remember? I realise that you don't mean this and that you care deeply about others as when you are faced with the realisation that you have hurt someone you are mortified. I forget sometimes that you are not as observant as I. In my little head I sometimes find it hard to understand why people wouldn't act the same as me in a given situation. And sometimes that leads me to believe that their method must be wrong. But you are not wrong. You are just different. Always be different. Always.
 

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It's very beautiful, Holly! I think you captured the essence of being an ENFP very well. I could read it as if it was directed at me, so you did a pretty good job!

I see a lot in your 'letter' that caused trouble between some of my J friends and me in the past. They have scolded me a lot for not being as observant as they are, but it's not that I don't want to be observant, I'm just not made for being observant and that's just something I have to learn to accept. As you said, I'm mortified when I find out that I hurt someone by forgetting their birthday or just not mailing them back when they sent me something. I don't do it intentionally and it isn't as if I don't care about them, I just express it differently. :mellow:
 

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Yes I realised that ENFPs are very caring, just a bit more scatterbrained than the INFJ :)
I have much respect for your type. I always have respect for types that are very different to me :)
 

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Lovely reading this, Holly. <3
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This is awesome! Every ENFP is different, but I can identify with a lot of those themes, they hit the nail on the head in several cases. :D
 

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I think that I should have remembered this when I lost my tempet with her the other day.
Damn you ENFPs, can't live with and can't live without you :happy:
But I wouldn't have you any other way :)
 

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Your sister really sounds a lot like me. As an ENFP, I know there are plenty of times where I can come across as lazy and unobservant. For those reasons, my parents used to always get on my case about me not doing chores, but the truth is, I honestly don't really realize when those things need to be done and when I'm told to do a chore, I usually forget about it. It's not because I'm lazy and just don't wanna do it, it's just as humans, we tend to think about things we're interested in and chores and other "mundane" tasks are usually boring to me and most other ENFPs, so we usually forget about them entirely.

I know when my brother is mad at me, he tends to call me an "attention whore." The truth is, though, while ENFPs tend to get a lot of attention, we're usually more interested in just getting others to laugh, smile, or otherwise feel good, which is something you wrote that I feel accurately describes us. Since we're caring and like to make others happy, we tend to feel extremely bad when we realize we hurt someone's feelings. I think us ENFPs in general live by the Golden Rule and always try to put ourselves in other people's shoes, thus treating them the way we would want or expect to be treated if we were in their position, so making someone upset in a way makes us upset, too. It's kind of hard to explain, but I'm sure you know what I mean.

You really seem to have noticed the main defining aspects of an ENFP's personality. If you haven't shown/told her this, I suggest you do. After all, it will just show her that you understand her, despite your differences and we ENFPs tend to enjoy knowing we're understood.
 

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Your sister really sounds a lot like me. As an ENFP, I know there are plenty of times where I can come across as lazy and unobservant. For those reasons, my parents used to always get on my case about me not doing chores, but the truth is, I honestly don't really realize when those things need to be done and when I'm told to do a chore, I usually forget about it. It's not because I'm lazy and just don't wanna do it, it's just as humans, we tend to think about things we're interested in and chores and other "mundane" tasks are usually boring to me and most other ENFPs, so we usually forget about them entirely.

I know when my brother is mad at me, he tends to call me an "attention whore." The truth is, though, while ENFPs tend to get a lot of attention, we're usually more interested in just getting others to laugh, smile, or otherwise feel good, which is something you wrote that I feel accurately describes us. Since we're caring and like to make others happy, we tend to feel extremely bad when we realize we hurt someone's feelings. I think us ENFPs in general live by the Golden Rule and always try to put ourselves in other people's shoes, thus treating them the way we would want or expect to be treated if we were in their position, so making someone upset in a way makes us upset, too. It's kind of hard to explain, but I'm sure you know what I mean.

You really seem to have noticed the main defining aspects of an ENFP's personality. If you haven't shown/told her this, I suggest you do. After all, it will just show her that you understand her, despite your differences and we ENFPs tend to enjoy knowing we're understood.
Yes you are just like my sister.
I would show her but she would show my mother (even if I beg her not to) and my mother will make fun of me for it. And I can't take it when people make fun of me after I've opened up.
Plus my sister is only ten. I know that kids shouldn't really take the mbti test but she really wanted to and she understood the questions because she's a really smart kid. She has the reading age of a fourteen year old. And I agree with the outcome, she is extremely ENFP. But as I was saying. she's only ten and even though in a lot of ways she is very mature (e.g. the whole reading age thing) she sometimes acts very childishly and if I showed her this she wouldn't fully understand, and she would perhaps make fun of me in embarrassment. So I will show her when she's older, and when I'm more comfortable with opening up and being vulnerable :)
 

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Oh wow, I really wasn't expecting her to be that young. Yeah, I can understand your reasoning for not wanting to show it to her just yet since she's only ten. Even if she's mature for her age, chances are she might not quite get everything you're trying to say.
 

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Aww, this makes me miss my ex-GF, an INFJ. Those words are eerily familiar to me.
 

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Hey I'm Laura :happy:
That is a really awesome essay and when I read it, I couldn't believe how well you captured the ENFP personality, but then, she is your sister :) I particularly thought these bits were cool and spot on - "You want to make people smile, laugh if possible. To you a day is wasted if there is no laughter. " "You put things off until the last minute, sometimes you put them off all together. I thought this was because you were lazy and uncaring and it mad me angry. But I realise that you are not as self-assured as you make out. Sometimes you put things off because you don't think you can do them. It's easier to spend your times laughing and making others laugh. "

This is so true. There is really no other reason why we put things off except for the fact that imagining the rejection we receive, or imagining not being able to do something. I will have friends clutching their stomachs in laughter, and oftentimes the silliness and the laughter is to escape not only the boring serious matters in life but to escape the feelings of how panicked it is to confront the deadlines in life. I didn't really have deadlines with school assignments, but the type of things I put off are the big things, like applications to various universities or recruitment places. There's the issue with indecisiveness. I don't like being stuck in a rut but there's the danger of drowning in quicksand if you don't get out quick and choose one route, any route, instead of biting your lip and wondering which path, out of the many interesting and cool paths, you should take.


 

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Hey I'm Laura :happy:
That is a really awesome essay and when I read it, I couldn't believe how well you captured the ENFP personality, but then, she is your sister :) I particularly thought these bits were cool and spot on - "You want to make people smile, laugh if possible. To you a day is wasted if there is no laughter. " "You put things off until the last minute, sometimes you put them off all together. I thought this was because you were lazy and uncaring and it mad me angry. But I realise that you are not as self-assured as you make out. Sometimes you put things off because you don't think you can do them. It's easier to spend your times laughing and making others laugh. "

This is so true. There is really no other reason why we put things off except for the fact that imagining the rejection we receive, or imagining not being able to do something. I will have friends clutching their stomachs in laughter, and oftentimes the silliness and the laughter is to escape not only the boring serious matters in life but to escape the feelings of how panicked it is to confront the deadlines in life. I didn't really have deadlines with school assignments, but the type of things I put off are the big things, like applications to various universities or recruitment places. There's the issue with indecisiveness. I don't like being stuck in a rut but there's the danger of drowning in quicksand if you don't get out quick and choose one route, any route, instead of biting your lip and wondering which path, out of the many interesting and cool paths, you should take.


My name is Laura too :)
Cool name :crazy:
Yeah my sis puts off the big things. Her homework and stuff is always done on time but stuff that really matters she doesn't ever get round to doing, unless my E/Infj mother pushes her to do it :tongue: She comes across very self assured, everyone is always commenting on how confident she is for her age, but she's a very insecure person and doesn't handle rejection or problems very well.
 

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I wrote this whilst trying to understand my ENFP sister. As an INFJ I strive to understand everyone, and the fact that I was finding understand her so difficult was driving me insane. So I wrote this and I realised that maybe I understand her more than I think. I've never sent it her and I don't think I ever will, but I wanted to share it with you ENFPs :)

----------------------------------------------------------

You're a puzzle that I will never be able to piece no matter how much I try. I know this and yet I try and I will always try. I scold you sometimes when you haven't really done anything wrong. It's because I don't understand you and I'm angry with myself, not you.
You are stimulated by social interaction whereas I am stimulated by solitude. You even go as far as doing things for attention, just so people look at you. But I have come to realise that this isn't just for your benefit. You want to make people smile, laugh if possible. To you a day is wasted if there is no laughter.
You don't take things seriously. Life's a party is your motto. You put things off until the last minute, sometimes you put them off all together. I thought this was because you were lazy and uncaring and it mad me angry. But I realise that you are not as self-assured as you make out. Sometimes you put things off because you don't think you can do them. It's easier to spend your times laughing and making others laugh. It's how you cope I suppose.
You can be selfish. I nicknamed you diva, remember? I realise that you don't mean this and that you care deeply about others as when you are faced with the realisation that you have hurt someone you are mortified. I forget sometimes that you are not as observant as I. In my little head I sometimes find it hard to understand why people wouldn't act the same as me in a given situation. And sometimes that leads me to believe that their method must be wrong. But you are not wrong. You are just different. Always be different. Always.
I love you.
 

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Wow, that made me tear up a bit. You've put in to words what I've always wanted to say to explain myself but the words never came out. It makes me extremely happy that you understand the complexities behind the things that some ENFP's do. Thank you for having such a strong understanding of your sister because it gives me hope that my friends and family may one day come to understand me as well.
xdgjuq.png
You have a wonderful way of wording things. It truly is an art.
 

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WOWZAS how long ago did I write this?? :eek:

I'm glad it's helped some of you guys :) My ENFP sister is doing great btw :) Still a diva but it's why I love her :D
 

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I know you said it's from a while ago~ But I really loved reading this~ Thank you for posting it~
It actually made me cry~ It's really lovely~ It seems like it would be really lovely to have a sister like you~
She's so lucky~!!
If you haven't already, I think you should definetly show her, I'm sure she'd be really happy to see it~
 

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It's so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that because the way a person does things is different from the way you do things that they're wrong. But it's so important to look around and realize that some people are just built differently, actually, we're all built differently, and that's what makes this world so beautiful. I'm glad you saw that your sister is, like me, a little more scatterbrained but means well and does try her best.

PS. You hit the nail on the head with this one, pretty much sums up my relationships with all Js.
 
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