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:cool:Can anyone tell me, is it unhealthy for an ENFJ to be a loner, especially if they've been in a long term relationship and they've felt being used, or they've lost they're sense of identity.If we really are the givers, then as a male, isn't that seen as weakness by women to be exploited. Can that neediness to serve and make someone else happy and forego your own needs be un masculine. Would appreciate some views.
 

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She-Wolf
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ENFJs place so much of their energy and focus onto other people that they might not understand themselves. This will be especially true for those ENFJs who hold back parts of themselves in order to protect others. ENFJs who feel this way might go to extreme lengths to never be alone. That’s unhealthy because it seems unusual for any extraverted type to feel alone when surrounded by other people, but ENFJs do and that’s ok.


- Take a break from everything. Get away and go on a solo trip by yourself if you can afford it.

- Figure out why you are the way you are. Accept it. Learn from it. And work with your strengths and be aware of your weaknesses.

- Be aware of yourself. Don’t stint your own needs for the sake of others too much. Realise you are an important focus. If you do not fulfil your own needs, how will continue to be effective and how will others know you are true to your beliefs?

- Find something you can enjoy doing alone. Then you have something you can focus on when you don't have anyone to hang out with. It sounds like you sort of lost yourself in your last relationship so you likely need time to relearn who you are and what you like.


Self-reflection is an important part. We have to start reflecting on what we know about ourselves and start making the active choice to combat the hindering components of ourselves. While the journey won’t be perfect, I’m sure if you try to do something different once each day (or even week), you’ll start to see results.

You need to stop letting other’s thoughts and feelings about what you should be doing affect you so much. At the end of the day, you need to be doing what makes you happy. Being able to separate others’ opinions and your own sensitivity will be a struggle, but be DETERMINED to work on this. Be DETERMINED to understand yourself better.

Good luck
 

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is it unhealthy for an ENFJ to be a loner? No. When a Fe dom is alone it allows them to come to terms with their inferior Ti since nobody will be around to influence them thus when Fe doms are alone it's the rare time they can take off their social mask and 100% be themselves without fear. An ENFJ who is never alone never has time to develop the inferior Ti and gain a sense of self and are doomed to get lost in who they are around *shrugs*
 

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I very much appreciate your response and totally agree with you. I'm currently enjoying my alone time, finding me is fun. Love reading deep spiritual books by Eckhart Tolle and Alan Watts. The path ahead is exciting. Many thanks to you.:rolleyes:
 

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If we really are the givers, then as a male, isn't that seen as weakness by women to be exploited. Can that neediness to serve and make someone else happy and forego your own needs be un masculine. Would appreciate some views.
Ah well, in the end they're just stereotypes. The average man might seem like a matcher or taker rather than a giver. But have you ever encountered someone who was truly average in all aspects? Is the average [insert nationality] alive, somewhere to be found? Forget that. If someone seems slightly further from the average, then that's all it is. We all deviate from one another to a certain extent, and some more than others in certain aspects. That's diversity.

If others take advantage of you because they think your not masculine, then either educate them or leave them.
 
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