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Discussion Starter #1
Would you rather chase someone romantically or have someone chase after you?

I find this interesting because talking with my ENFJ sister, she told me she gets insecure when someone pursues her. I, more or less, am indifferent or flattered by people chasing me but I never considered feeling insecure, so it came as a shock to me that she would feel that way.

So my question is, do you guys get insecure by this? If not, then what do you feel?
 

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Chased, for sure.

Though not in a creepy way.

And by creepy, I mean only if I find them attractive: then it's not.


































But that's probably because I'm a crêpe.
 
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I have a slight covert need for control in a lot of situations, so I tend to be the pursuer, but also, I’m not some crazy dominant conquerer, blowing through the battlefield of romance. I just am particular about who I look for and I look for certain qualities and have expectations and when I meet someone who is wonderful, and they don’t think I’m a hideous bridge troll, you better believe I’ll make an effort to connect. That’s just me though :)
 
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It wouldn't make me insecure if someone was chasing me. I rather take my chases chasing someone that way if I lose interest or get rejected (the latter most likely to happen) then I can return to my simple life
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I have a slight covert need for control in a lot of situations, so I tend to be the pursuer, but also, I’m not some crazy dominant conquerer, blowing through the battlefield of romance. I just am particular about who I look for and I look for certain qualities and have expectations and when I someone who is wonderful, and they don’t think I’m a hideous bridge troll, you better believe I’ll make an effort to connect. That’s just me though :)
Hmm, the need for control is something I see in my sister. As like you, she doesn't really become unagreeable when things don't go her way or has a need to be a dictator, but she wants to be part of some sort of control.

It could be in the end that my sister is possibly overthinking what the agenda those that love her have and might have a lack of self-confidence problem. Otherwise, your response is really what I expected her to say.
 

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It wouldn't make me insecure if someone was chasing me. I rather take my chases chasing someone that way if I lose interest or get rejected (the latter most likely to happen) then I can return to my simple life
A very smart decision. Go big or go home, as they always say.
 

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@OHtheNovelty

If we are being honest you are at your best when you are chasing after something or someone. Sitting and waiting for someone provides little growth but when you are trying to look interesting enough to be worth someone else's time you spend more time on your appearance, you might work out more, etc. Even if you get "Rejected" you likely will come out better on the other end. Just sayin'
 

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@Robert2928 A hideous bridge troll WITH A BIG HEART. I’m certain it has more to do with accommodating for my hulking stature and unhealthy diet contributing to enlarging it. I’ve eaten so many goats, so much heart burn, but alas, it is a big one.
 

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Would you rather chase someone romantically or have someone chase after you?

I find this interesting because talking with my ENFJ sister, she told me she gets insecure when someone pursues her. I, more or less, am indifferent or flattered by people chasing me but I never considered feeling insecure, so it came as a shock to me that she would feel that way.

So my question is, do you guys get insecure by this? If not, then what do you feel?
How old is your sister? When I was young any attention like this made me feel vulnerable/shy. When I was too young to really be interested in looking for a real relationship then guys' attention (especially guys I did not like) could be horrible. Actually stalkers and all that now is horrible. This might be just a fundamental difference between guys and girls. Sometimes unwanted attention can be uncomfortable (think at work) or dangerous (guys who don't care about your wishes).
Maybe you already asked her... but maybe she is thinking of more things than just "How do you feel when someone you like pursues you."
As Louis CK says males are by far the most dangerous thing on the planet to us females, statistically. Might as well go out with a grizzly bear. Maybe there is more to it...
 

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How old is your sister? When I was young any attention like this made me feel vulnerable/shy. When I was too young to really be interested in looking for a real relationship then guys' attention (especially guys I did not like) could be horrible. Actually stalkers and all that now is horrible. This might be just a fundamental difference between guys and girls. Sometimes unwanted attention can be uncomfortable (think at work) or dangerous (guys who don't care about your wishes).
Maybe you already asked her... but maybe she is thinking of more things than just "How do you feel when someone you like pursues you."
As Louis CK says males are by far the most dangerous thing on the planet to us females, statistically. Might as well go out with a grizzly bear. Maybe there is more to it...
Yup, as I thought, it had to do with age. Because yes, she's young and in high school. We're 8 years apart but even at her age, I never thought like that so it still comes off strange to me why she would think like that. Reading your post, I think I have a better understanding why she thinks like that.

So far, it seems she hasn't liked any of the guys who have pursued her. She told me she can't see them in the eye anymore and stays far away from them (which I think.....is a little too drastic?) But maybe she'll grow out of it. I think instead of being insecure like she said she was, I think it was more like a fear of being obsessed over.
 

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Would you rather chase someone romantically or have someone chase after you?

I find this interesting because talking with my ENFJ sister, she told me she gets insecure when someone pursues her. I, more or less, am indifferent or flattered by people chasing me but I never considered feeling insecure, so it came as a shock to me that she would feel that way.

So my question is, do you guys get insecure by this? If not, then what do you feel?
I don't chase people- I've been chased ( but this was 2 years into our relationship) it does make me feel worth while so I guess in that sense I prefer being chased



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I would rather someone chase me, it would make me feel that the chick honestly likes me, and therefore may be worth the effort
 

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I "chased" someone exactly once in my life and I had a surprisingly warm welcome. Maybe it's because I just focused on looking my best and presenting myself well before talking to her, but I didn't have to constantly try to prove myself to her or anything like that. Nevertheless, once together, our personalities clashed hard and that relationship ended badly, though... Regardless, If I ever become interested in someone else, then I'll certainly make that effort again.

Thing is, I don't exactly appreciate people who necessarily prefer to be chased. If you're interested in having a stronger connection with someone, then it's my belief that you are the one responsible for making the first move. I'll deliberately avoid nurturing feelings towards anyone who I think will want to dangle a carrot in front of me. If you're unsure of your interest, then let's try to know each other better in a direct way; I'm not interested in the kind of person who would "play games", I find that kind of thing disrespectful towards a prospective partner.

Nice avatar picture, btw.
 

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I would prefer to be chased. I don’t want to be seen as a “damsel in distress” type.It is not attractive to be overly clingy and desperate.
 

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I don't chase and don't want to chased. Why are we running? What do I want? CHEMISTRY and a strong connection on an emotional, physical and intellectual level. It's that passion and desire that makes someone MAGNETIC. It's more about being slowly pulled in as opposed to running to or from someone.
 

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Yeah for me it’s neither. The connection is always mutual and mutually felt. I feel insecure and sort of out of place when acting on anything less than an obvious connection. Once that exists I will make efforts to get closer. My problem is that sometimes I am too willing to overlook any practical obstacles and too idealistic about love.
 
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