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Discussion Starter #1
When it comes to being friends with NF and SF males, how well does that work out for you?

Have you ever had difficulties establishing strictly platonic relationships with these types?

What happens if they develop a romantic interest in you, but you do not share that same interest?

Just curious :proud:
 

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The friend part is easy on my end. I'm an idiot when it comes to picking up signals that a guy is interested, and if he isn't confident enough to tell me, then we'll just continue as things are. I don't think I've had problems with establishing platonic friendships with feeler types, but you'd have to ask them =\
If they DO tell me that they're interested, and I'm not interested, then I just say so. Then it's up to them to decide if they would still like to be friends.

That said, I don't know if I've ever dated a thinking type for more than a week, except for my high school boyfriend. That was 10 years ago.
 

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The friend part is easy on my end. I'm an idiot when it comes to picking up signals that a guy is interested, and if he isn't confident enough to tell me, then we'll just continue as things are. I don't think I've had problems with establishing platonic friendships with feeler types, but you'd have to ask them =\
Pretty much exactly what was written above me. I'm terrible at picking up cues from anyone unless it's scarily obvious and even that tends to turn me off a bit as I view it to be cheesy. I have dated two SFs though and both relationships ended up in disaster...

One of my closest friends right now is an INFP guy and we get along just fine, although I do have to watch what I say around him as he is very sensitive but his sensitivity brings out the "big sister" side of me that likes to take care of people. There is absolutely no attraction on my side although recently he has admitted to having a crush on me to which I did say "you were lucky that you didn't act on it". I didn't say it to be cruel but my experiences with F males in the dating realm has always be less than stellar and always ruins the relationship.

I guess right now I'm staying as far away from SF males as possible (probably all F males tbh), just because I get emotionally drained, I'm someone who doesn't really express too much emotion but when I do it's a big one and it's something that always leaves me shocked and super analytical. It's almost as if I go "OMG a personal breakthrough!" *analyze* and with the two SF males I've dated (especially the most recent one) it was so often to the point where I was hating how emotional I was. I cried more times this year than I have my entire life including when my closest friend died, I was kicked out of my house...ect

I tend to be a personality chameleon of sorts and the closer I get with someone the more their personality tends to rub off on me a little, of course I will always be myself, but when everyone around me is emotional I tend to be more emotional as well. The downside to that is when I finally have enough and leave the situation I become pretty aloof and distant to everyone, almost as if all the "progress" I made was deleted.
 

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I'd say the friendships worked pretty well. I'm usually pretty good with any personality type and can mold myself or reserve parts of myself in order to make it easier being around the person (yay developed Fe!) Though this unfortunately usually leads me to preserving my true nature if I feel like it'll cause issues in the friendship which I don't feel like putting up with (ex: no usage of playfully rude sarcasm, morally incorrect statements or trolling... though it does leak out.) I generally do this around individuals with very strong Fi or feeling in general and sensing to avoid having to put up with lectures. Many times said men had grown to love said acting and proceeded to confessing and getting predictable (because, lets admit, the process of most dating relationships are very predictable and uncomfortably corny.) In which case I explain tell them that I am a lesbian (works every time) and then continue being friendly with them. That's usually how it works out with xSFJ's and xSFP. With xNFJ and xNFP, the conversations are usually a lot more different and I remember crushing on a few of them in the past.

NTP and STP, though, are the guys I feel most comfortable being myself around and who I usually have the least amount of worries with and most fun.
 

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When it comes to being friends with NF and SF males, how well does that work out for you?

Have you ever had difficulties establishing strictly platonic relationships with these types?

What happens if they develop a romantic interest in you, but you do not share that same interest?

Just curious :proud:
I know I'm not a girl :)P) darlin, but can I get in on this whole "F" picketing routine. You know how I love giving in to those "F"s who fall for me in spite of my Ne telling me to back the hell off because I've already figured this relationship out to its miserable completion ... and it doesn't end well. But then I do it anyway and wanna kick myself in the teeth for not listening to the one trait I have that almost never steers me wrong. Why do those damn "F"s always fall for me. Why can't I find a nice "TP" girl somewhere (we all know I do the same thing with those "J"s).

I don't seem to ever be able to maintain a standard platonic relationship with "F"s without them falling for me ... and then me tricking myself into letting something more come of it all. I'm an ASS. So are they.
 

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.... how does one detect when a female is NT vs NF (specifically those with Fi and well developed Te)? I tend to have issues identifying it in women for whatever reason.
 

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Interesting thread.

I have no issues making friends, regardless of their gender and as long as I want to be friends with them. Although, now that I think about it, I currently have very few F guy friends (I think I had more in the past, but they graduated high school and left) I enjoy their company well enough. I do find that they often expect me to be much more receptive, comfortable, sensitive to and understanding of feelings than I am.

If they were to develop a romantic interest in me and I wasn't interested, I probably wouldn't know in the way that I would like to know. I would prefer to know outright as opposed to coming to my own conclusions based off of subtle hints (it's too easier to make a mistake). If I figured it out I would show that I wasn't interested through my actions, if they told me I would tell them then and there that I wasn't interested. And knowing myself, I would probably start thinking "What if?" and "Maybe he would have made a great boyfriend? FOOLISH GIRL! YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID YES!!" Then something would happen and I remember why said no (whatever the reason may be).

.... how does one detect when a female is NT vs NF (specifically those with Fi and well developed Te)? I tend to have issues identifying it in women for whatever reason.
This is a good question. I don't know how I do it. My NT and NF friends are just so different, almost stereotypically different that I can just tell.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
The friend part is easy on my end. I'm an idiot when it comes to picking up signals that a guy is interested, and if he isn't confident enough to tell me, then we'll just continue as things are. I don't think I've had problems with establishing platonic friendships with feeler types, but you'd have to ask them =\
If they DO tell me that they're interested, and I'm not interested, then I just say so. Then it's up to them to decide if they would still like to be friends.

That said, I don't know if I've ever dated a thinking type for more than a week, except for my high school boyfriend. That was 10 years ago.
This is ideal for me, clear-cut and to the point. If you want to be friends, then let's be friends. A few times I've been completely dropped off the radar because I wasn't interested in becoming something more than a buddy. I'll admit I was slightly offended each time, especially when there was potential for a good friendship.

Pretty much exactly what was written above me. I'm terrible at picking up cues from anyone unless it's scarily obvious and even that tends to turn me off a bit as I view it to be cheesy. I have dated two SFs though and both relationships ended up in disaster...

One of my closest friends right now is an INFP guy and we get along just fine, although I do have to watch what I say around him as he is very sensitive but his sensitivity brings out the "big sister" side of me that likes to take care of people. There is absolutely no attraction on my side although recently he has admitted to having a crush on me to which I did say "you were lucky that you didn't act on it". I didn't say it to be cruel but my experiences with F males in the dating realm has always be less than stellar and always ruins the relationship.

I guess right now I'm staying as far away from SF males as possible (probably all F males tbh), just because I get emotionally drained, I'm someone who doesn't really express too much emotion but when I do it's a big one and it's something that always leaves me shocked and super analytical. It's almost as if I go "OMG a personal breakthrough!" *analyze* and with the two SF males I've dated (especially the most recent one) it was so often to the point where I was hating how emotional I was. I cried more times this year than I have my entire life including when my closest friend died, I was kicked out of my house...ect

I tend to be a personality chameleon of sorts and the closer I get with someone the more their personality tends to rub off on me a little, of course I will always be myself, but when everyone around me is emotional I tend to be more emotional as well. The downside to that is when I finally have enough and leave the situation I become pretty aloof and distant to everyone, almost as if all the "progress" I made was deleted.
One of my closest friends is an INFP and I definitely watch what I say around her.. elevated company is what I call it lol. SF males are a trip, quite the roller coaster ride from my own experience. One I dated had very little self-esteem and needed constant validation. He would be the one that ended up crying (poor fellow..).

After that relationship I hooked up with an INTP and things ran much smoother.. I went from dating a dom-Fe to a dom-Ti - I definitely recommend it if you want some autonomy.

I can totally relate to you on your last paragraph, especially about becoming aloof and distant. Dealing with emotional people drains me, especially if I'm personally involved in the situation. Often times I will just "check out" and stop caring because my capacity to deal with irrationality is maxed out.

I'd say the friendships worked pretty well. I'm usually pretty good with any personality type and can mold myself or reserve parts of myself in order to make it easier being around the person (yay developed Fe!) Though this unfortunately usually leads me to preserving my true nature if I feel like it'll cause issues in the friendship which I don't feel like putting up with (ex: no usage of playfully rude sarcasm, morally incorrect statements or trolling... though it does leak out.) I generally do this around individuals with very strong Fi or feeling in general and sensing to avoid having to put up with lectures. Many times said men had grown to love said acting and proceeded to confessing and getting predictable (because, lets admit, the process of most dating relationships are very predictable and uncomfortably corny.) In which case I explain tell them that I am a lesbian (works every time) and then continue being friendly with them. That's usually how it works out with xSFJ's and xSFP. With xNFJ and xNFP, the conversations are usually a lot more different and I remember crushing on a few of them in the past.

NTP and STP, though, are the guys I feel most comfortable being myself around and who I usually have the least amount of worries with and most fun.
^^^ This definitely resonates with me too. dom-Fi kicks my ass, and I usually end up offending individuals at the bar or some random social event.. which I laugh off after giving a weak apology haha. On the other hand, I respect my friends because they have strong principles and values and I will keep certain comments to myself in their company.

What has happened with me in the past is, I get personal with certain folks (let's admit it, F types are easy to open up to, especially as emotionally understanding as they can be), but the entire time I'm staying obliviously objective to just how much I'm affecting them through such personal interaction. This is what eventually causes problems, because by "molding" (and we know it's not actually molding, it's just this easy personal connection we can have with others) my ideas, attention, and even empathy in the direction of a male who ideally desires it in a mate, I'm creating that "what if" possibility.

I've never used the lesbian card lol, awesome.


I know I'm not a girl :)P) darlin, but can I get in on this whole "F" picketing routine. You know how I love giving in to those "F"s who fall for me in spite of my Ne telling me to back the hell off because I've already figured this relationship out to its miserable completion ... and it doesn't end well. But then I do it anyway and wanna kick myself in the teeth for not listening to the one trait I have that almost never steers me wrong. Why do those damn "F"s always fall for me. Why can't I find a nice "TP" girl somewhere (we all know I do the same thing with those "J"s).

I don't seem to ever be able to maintain a standard platonic relationship with "F"s without them falling for me ... and then me tricking myself into letting something more come of it all. I'm an ASS. So are they.
Oh you pooooor thing :p
My INTJ friend has always hooked up with F chicks, and they always end up being the CRAZIEST emotional vampires. I could never understand this, the instability and drama he is subjected to.. It's like the destruction caused has some kind of stimulating effect, even though it's negative.
I've personally had to cut a few guys off because their interest became obsessive, and it always ended unfortunately.


Oh and btw.. all the TP girls have moved to a secret island.. something about an all-lesbian cult.. :p

Interesting thread.

I have no issues making friends, regardless of their gender and as long as I want to be friends with them. Although, now that I think about it, I currently have very few F guy friends (I think I had more in the past, but they graduated high school and left) I enjoy their company well enough. I do find that they often expect me to be much more receptive, comfortable, sensitive to and understanding of feelings than I am.
If they were to develop a romantic interest in me and I wasn't interested, I probably wouldn't know in the way that I would like to know. I would prefer to know outright as opposed to coming to my own conclusions based off of subtle hints (it's too easier to make a mistake). If I figured it out I would show that I wasn't interested through my actions, if they told me I would tell them then and there that I wasn't interested. And knowing myself, I would probably start thinking "What if?" and "Maybe he would have made a great boyfriend? FOOLISH GIRL! YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID YES!!" Then something would happen and I remember why said no (whatever the reason may be).
This is a good question. I don't know how I do it. My NT and NF friends are just so different, almost stereotypically different that I can just tell.
It seems almost silly to me that any guy who actually considers me their friend could see me as girlfriend material, especially since a lot of my characteristics are androgynous by nature. I seriously question the validity of other's feelings when I understand that the person who I am and the person somebody else "wants" me to be are not the same.
I too ask myself "what if?" - because I certainly don't want to close any doors if there is a chance I might be attracted to a friend (and just haven't realized it yet), but usually that doesn't happen.
I am always much more interested in being somebody's friend rather than a romantic interest.. I see more potential coming from a relationship with better psychological boundaries, low expectations, and little amounts of effort.

Thanks for the replies people, I appreciate the insight!! :D
 

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Oh and btw.. all the TP girls have moved to a secret island.. something about an all-lesbian cult.. :p
***pulls out IP address tracker to find mysterious island, along with some old maps and nautical charts. Heads out the door, but then pokes his head back in real fast to grab a bull whip and Indiana Jones hat along with a ratty old brown flight jacket.***
 

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***pulls out IP address tracker to find mysterious island, along with some old maps and nautical charts. Heads out the door, but then pokes his head back in real fast to grab a bull whip and Indiana Jones hat along with a ratty old brown flight jacket.***
You're gonna need more than just that. This is an ENTP lesbian female island you're talking about
 

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Discussion Starter #11
***pulls out IP address tracker to find mysterious island, along with some old maps and nautical charts. Heads out the door, but then pokes his head back in real fast to grab a bull whip and Indiana Jones hat along with a ratty old brown flight jacket.***
LOL the entertainment has arrived.. dance monkey!!
 

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You're gonna need more than just that. This is an ENTP lesbian female island you're talking about
I got it covered. I'm not just any ENTP guy ... I got some tricks. ;)

LOL the entertainment has arrived.. dance monkey!!
I got outta that field of work a LONG time ago :p .... but if I must ..... I'll play the game for a little while :)
 

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When it comes to being friends with NF and SF males, how well does that work out for you?
Not too well lately. I keep flrting with all of them LOLOLOL!!!

or perhaps they're flirting with me first? OH hell i dont know it all gets tangled..anyway i flirt with them in my balls out (irony) approach, becuse they can see interest coming a mile away, i WACK THEM with my YEAH i'm bold, WUT OF IT? approach. holy cow i once said xxxxx[bold flirtation]xxxxx at a table full of people what was i thinking

and whoops there was that one time we were crammed in a tight car and i made the best of it ;) but they were glad to see me the next time i ran into them

lets just say they find me interesting to some degree at first, though im not sure how much, but i get their attention later, and then they dont forget soon, and it gets them hooked

and i seem to be making frenemy after frenemy of the girls around them. geez. i gotta run and hide

HELP CATTY FEMALES HEEEEEEELLLLPPPPPP die die die im scarlet ohara gone einstein
Why can't I find a nice "TP" girl somewhere
ARe you saying you wouldn't get bored if you found one? what if you found another ENTP? would it be too "similar" for sustained attraction?
 

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@Ann Kane I don't know. Haven't found one yet. I'd imagine they'd have the best chance of keeping my interest though. One thing I've learned through the years is loyalty though. I've NEVER just broken up with anyone over boredom. No matter how miserable I've ever gotten I'm loyal above all things. That aside though, I really just want someone who would help me expand on my "terrible" ideas. I would be MOST likely to stay interested in a gal who takes an off the wall idea and runs with it like her hair's on fire. Someone who could actually keep up with me without breaking. I don't want someone from the other end of the spectrum to temper my bad behavior. I want someone from the same end of the spectrum to encourage my "bad" behavior.
 

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@Ann Kane I don't know. Haven't found one yet. I'd imagine they'd have the best chance of keeping my interest though. One thing I've learned through the years is loyalty though. I've NEVER just broken up with anyone over boredom. No matter how miserable I've ever gotten I'm loyal above all things. That aside though, I really just want someone who would help me expand on my "terrible" ideas. I would be MOST likely to stay interested in a gal who takes an off the wall idea and runs with it like her hair's on fire. Someone who could actually keep up with me without breaking. I don't want someone from the other end of the spectrum to temper my bad behavior. I want someone from the same end of the spectrum to encourage my "bad" behavior.
sounds like someone i know quite well
 

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When it comes to Fs at all im like an elephant in a china shop... they get offended so easily so for me its kinda a mission impossible, and they irritating me as well with their emotional bullshit i really cant stand al the "sweet" and "cute" thing they say. And also being in an eny kinds of relationship with them its always ending with me pushing them away... and when they say "i love you" like a 100 times i just have to say: stop it!! because i get agressive i dont know why, but then i really want to hit them :S maybe this is the antisocial side of me... feelings... uff, im bad with them :p so thats why i dont deal with Fs i had a few strange relationship with them... I have some F "friends" now too but i keep them a bit further, and i meet with them just for a short time, ohetwise its too mutch for both of us, they keep saying me: whatch your language and dont be rude, i dont like your voice tone...blabla but thats the normal me.
NT-ST people are ok, they gets the sarcasm thing... :p
 

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When it comes to being friends with NF and SF males, how well does that work out for you?
It works out great most times. Guys are pretty easy to communicate with generally, for me anyway.

Have you ever had difficulties establishing strictly platonic relationships with these types?
Difficulties? Define difficulties.

What happens if they develop a romantic interest in you, but you do not share that same interest?
Is this the "difficulties part"? If I was friends with the guy first, and he started thinking bigger on it, and I wasn't really into him, and he directly told me his thoughts, I always would tell him privately, kindly and directly that I just wanted to be friends, or in some cases if I thought there was serious potential, that I needed time to get to know him better one on one. If he didn't ask directly, I might not realize it. This has probably happened a lot with me. I have so many stories about my cluelessness in this department. In fact, in the past, I had to have my guy friends, tell me about other guy friends that liked me, I was pretty stunned :shocked:about it and still am I would think. If I even told my GFs which only happened occasionally, I never listened to my GFs because they read into all kinds of stuff, that I thought was pretty hokey. Problem was, sometimes they were right. I trusted my guy friends more on this though. They were guys after all... Sadly, I don't have a lot of guy friends anymore, so I'm on my own:crying:

PS. GFs stands for Girlfriends:laughing:
 

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oh my NF and SFJ platonic relationship experiences have been the most awkward; in those cases I made a strong impression by being wildly Ne and it got them hooked like a drug; then having to be around them after that was making sure they didn't get the wrong idea (sort of cleaning up after myself either by facing it or running from it, depends how much i like them, lol)
 
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One of my closest friends right now is an INFP guy and we get along just fine, although I do have to watch what I say around him as he is very sensitive but his sensitivity brings out the "big sister" side of me that likes to take care of people. There is absolutely no attraction on my side although recently he has admitted to having a crush on me to which I did say "you were lucky that you didn't act on it". I didn't say it to be cruel but my experiences with F males in the dating realm has always be less than stellar and always ruins the relationship.
I like ENTP girls. They're usually up for some sort of adventure and they're quite easy to please. They do have astoundingly poor self-awareness at times, which does extend to the classic ENTP "saying the wrong thing at the wrong time". I do like how laid-back they are, particularly with their own "girliness". They're totally okay if you accidentally touch their boob or pinch their bum for fun because they will just do the same back to you anyway; they don't freak out and make a big deal out of it. I like that - no pretensions.

They're fun to have around and I find their linguistic clumsiness quite funny. They're confusion is also hilarious once they've realised they've said something that has totally derailed the conversation. They do tend to waffle a lot, though. ENxPs also have a tendency to talk over people when they think they may have missed part of a story in order to pick up the narrative.

With xNFJ and xNFP, the conversations are usually a lot more different and I remember crushing on a few of them in the past.
Warning: Fi+Ne can make girls hot and bothered in a totally sincere way.
 

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1) it works well until they start rambling about their feelings. then..... i go into my own world, while trying to play "sympathetic friend" but my mind is elsewhere, where it's raining gumballs and chocolate.

2) yes, usually the dudes want to be more than friends. sometimes it works out ok but other times i have lost friends due to this.

3)i usually try to have a convo with them, tell them how it is, and either agree to be friends or not. sometimes, like i said, they leave because its too "painful to be around" or w/e, or they stick around and we remain friends.
 
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