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Discussion Starter #1
Has someone ever been too good looking to date for you?

:laughing:

I've have this weird thing where if someone is too physically attractive I can't muster the balls to date them. However, I witness so many people who don't seem to have a problem so I wonder if this is just a me-thing or if others can relate?

I saw this interesting clip on the science of attraction and I thought it would explain why except that the experiment required contestants to go as high as possible whereas I see myself excluding anyone above a certain point:

This is not in regards to someone's personality (which can ultimately change my feelings over time) but I've had few moments in my life where someone I thought was "out of my league" so to speak showed any interest in me and I found myself extremely uncomfortable and doing what I can do avoid them or run away.
 

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Can't date someone out of my league? Not sure I'm capable of that problem. :rolleyes:

I kid, I kid. When I was younger, I talked to girls based off from other characteristics I thought might lead into interesting personalities. This meant they were usually less cookie-cutter attractive. Most of the the "typically" attractive types of girls I've felt more incompatible with from the get go, given the S bent. Now I think it's safe to say when I see a connection I grow hearts for eyes and I'm not deterred from wanting to know them even if they are more attractive than me.
 

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I can relate to this a lot. I think it's because we naturally tend to place value on things that are physically beautiful. I don't know if it's the same for you, but I tend to categorize things based on how it looks. When I was a kid, I exchanged my gold medal for a silver one because it looked better. Haha.

Different types base value based on different things. So, some types will find it difficult to understand why you stammer in front of some people.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
I can relate to this a lot. I think it's because we naturally tend to place value on things that are physically beautiful. I don't know if it's the same for you, but I tend to categorize things based on how it looks. When I was a kid, I exchanged my gold medal for a silver one because it looked better. Haha.
LOL Wow... I've always loved sterling silver. Never been a fan of gold. Crazy because I agree.

Different types base value based on different things. So, some types will find it difficult to understand why you stammer in front of some people.
Yeah, I often wonder if it's a self esteem issue where I don't think I could handle the relationship or any of the challenges it comes with dating someone who garners the attention of every one in the room perhaps?

It could be that I fear rejection so I don't venture there either but it seems backwards if the other person is making the moves - who wouldn't reciprocate? I must be one of the few people who really wouldn't. I find the situation more stressful than anything.

I have the same flight response from people who are extremely wealthy or are celebrities/popular. Although most people may dream of dating their celebrity crush, I seem to relish in the fantasy but if the opportunity ever presented itself I would be mortified.
 
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Has someone ever been too good looking to date for you?

:laughing:

I've have this weird thing where if someone is too physically attractive I can't muster the balls to date them. However, I witness so many people who don't seem to have a problem so I wonder if this is just a me-thing or if others can relate?

I saw this interesting clip on the science of attraction and I thought it would explain why except that the experiment required contestants to go as high as possible whereas I see myself excluding anyone above a certain point:

This is not in regards to someone's personality (which can ultimately change my feelings over time) but I've had few moments in my life where someone I thought was "out of my league" so to speak showed any interest in me and I found myself extremely uncomfortable and doing what I can do avoid them or run away.
YES, I can so relate! When I do cross paths with someone just soooooo attractive, I tend to just observe that person (and appreciate their beauty) shyly from a corner :laughing: Most of the time, I am content with just watching them from a distance since I won't even make the painful mistake of getting my hopes up for a chance with them because they're waaaay up high over there and i'm just here at the bottom. When I get a chance with them though, I become such an awkward-giddy mess and I have to constantly remind myself to not be obvious, take a mental deep breath, and remain composure.
 

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I completely relate. If I see someone that's way too good looking, I can't even look at them. I get so overwhelmed I have to pretend they are not there. Then of course, I say really dumb things if I'm forced to talk to them. I'm getting uncomfortable even thinking about this.
 

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Hmm,
I'm not really sure about this.

If I have to pick about a date based only on looks, I will choose the one who is similar to me or having the same vibe. I also probably choose the one who look like my mother.

But, then again, it's hard for me to find a date.
As INFJ guy, I'm always longing for mental connection. Looks is important, but not as important as mental connection.

Dad : You're surrounded by girls and none of them attract you? Really?
Me : Uh uh.
Dad : What about her? She's beautiful.
Me : ...


-- In fact, I always end up to be their good friend and counselor. It's not what I'm looking for in relationship. I'd prefer someone who is my equal.

Friend : Hey, that girl is hot.
Me : (looking at the girl mentioned, then busy with something else) Um, yes.
Friend : ???
Me : What?
Friend : You don't like woman?
Me : She's pretty, so? It's not nice to stare at someone.
Friend : Spoiler.


Then there's K-Pop. Yeah, I admit, the girls are pretty, the guys are hot, and the music is ... cool? I dunno, I never into K-pop. It's just that they're too 'doll-like' for me.
Besides, I hate porcelain dolls.
 

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Discussion Starter #11 (Edited)
I completely relate. If I see someone that's way too good looking, I can't even look at them. I get so overwhelmed I have to pretend they are not there. Then of course, I say really dumb things if I'm forced to talk to them. I'm getting uncomfortable even thinking about this.
:shocked: That's exactly how I am too!

I am literally blind to attractive people.

I just act like they're an alien from another planet and if they talk to me I can't look at them, I have to look somewhere else and think before I speak otherwise I sound stupid.

I usually keep my conversation brief and just turn around and walk away immediately.

There was an INFJ post floating around about "how to know if INFJ likes you?" and some of the posts made sense but one way to know if an INFJ thinks you're attractive is if I'm acting like you don't exist or I can't see you LOL I might not "like" you but if I can't make eye contact it usually means I think you're fairly attractive and I can't look at or be around you.

:kirby::kirby::kirby::kirby::kirby:

When I was in college, I had gotten a chance to introduce myself to everyone but there was one guy I never spoke to. It took until the end of the semester for me to say hi to him because he made me feel so uncomfortable I just pretended he didn't exist. I think he realized I was ignoring him the entire semester and so I finally introduced myself at the end of the semester after I felt bad about it. He was a nice guy but he was too good looking.
 

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:shocked: That's exactly how I am too!

I am literally blind to attractive people.

I just act like they're an alien from another planet and if they talk to me I can't look at them, I have to look somewhere else and think before I speak otherwise I sound stupid.

I usually keep my conversation brief and just turn around and walk away immediately.

There was an INFJ post floating around about "how to know if INFJ likes you?" and some of the posts made sense but one way to know if an INFJ thinks you're attractive is if I'm acting like you don't exist or I can't see you LOL I might may not "like" you but if I can't make eye contact it usually means I think you're fairly attractive and I can't look at or be around you.

:kirby::kirby::kirby::kirby::kirby:

When I was in college, I had gotten a chance to introduce myself to everyone but there was one guy I never spoke to. It took until the end of the semester for me to say hi to him because he made me feel so uncomfortable I just pretended he didn't exist. I think he realized I was ignoring him the entire semester and so I finally introduced myself at the end of the semester after I felt bad about it. He was a nice guy but he was too good looking.
I'm laughing because I completely am the same way! It's almost as if I love the way they look so much that I get frightened. Ultimately, it matters on what is on the inside and I'd never just be with someone based on their looks. If you want to know if an INFJ really likes you? They avoid you.
 

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I completely relate. If I see someone that's way too good looking, I can't even look at them. I get so overwhelmed I have to pretend they are not there. Then of course, I say really dumb things if I'm forced to talk to them. I'm getting uncomfortable even thinking about this.
I dated a woman who was so conventionally attractive I had trouble physically approaching her. Our third date, we met at a book store. I entered the building, saw her from a distance, exited the building, stood for a minute, then reentered the building as if I had just arrived. I'm a grown-ass man! Get it together.

She also worked in counterintelligence for the FBI, and just got back from training new agents in interrogation methods.

Overall an overwhelming experience.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
If you want to know if an INFJ really likes you? They avoid you.
1000% this...

I also avoid guys that are really rich, I ignore them too. Like if I see a guy driving a very nice car, I usually pretend they don't exist. I really don't know how some women find really rich guys datable?

I'm not saying I don't like rich guys but I find them too intimidating. I'd rather date a guy who makes slightly more, just as much, or less than I do versus a guy who is driving around in a Lamborghini (even though it's one of my favorite cars).

.... I entered the building, saw her from a distance, exited the building, stood for a minute, then reentered the building as if I had just arrived. I'm a grown-ass man! Get it together.
Bahahahaha! That's awesome. That's really great :3

I feel like guys are much more ballsy when it comes to that.
 

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This thread reminds me of the gal who is sometimes working at the water jug refill store.. I have figured out which car is hers since the store is usually not busy and they have their own lot. I have on occasion driven to this place with my empty jug in the back seat, saw her car and said fuck it, I'll come back tomorrow.

It hasn't got anything to do with her looks, but, fml her voice sounds exactly like this crazy head gal I was lucky enough to know way back in the day. The one that got away, so to speak.

Anyways, I never really studder or uhm... But, this water chickie asks me how's my day is going, I hear that voice and bbbb bbbb day good mmmm mm me like sunshine bbbb nice weather eh?

It's unbelievably painful that I can't control my mouth. So, I gggget water tttttomorrow.
 

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I also avoid guys that are really rich, I ignore them too. Like if I see a guy driving a very nice car, I usually pretend they don't exist. I really don't know how some women find really rich guys datable?

I'm not saying I don't like rich guys but I find them too intimidating. I'd rather date a guy who makes slightly more, just as much, or less than I do versus a guy who is driving around in a Lamborghini (even though it's one of my favorite cars
^^^^^^
Yes! I don't give any attention to men that think they're going to impress me with expensive items. Im more likely to fall for a good joke or a thoughtful gesture.
 

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Like @zitronentee, my friends/family have had their.. doubts.

One friend: "Look! It's okay if you say you're gay, there's nothing wrong with it... Are you gay??"

Me: laugh uncomfortably- "No, it's-" ... meh.

The thing is the opposite is true. There are people who just talk about outer looks, and nothing else. I definitely care about personality. I've known some very good looking people who have been incredibly over-confident of their abilities (not to over-generalize). But it's sort of the opposite for me.

I'm also a huge (and somewhat shy) introvert and it doesn't help that some people are like looking at a strobe light... While jumping out of a plane... above an erupting volcano. Overstimulation = deer in the headlights, "wut do i does nao?" For example:

"HAI"

"Uh, hi."

"I LIKE PHOTOGRAPHY DO YOU LIKE PHOTOGRAPHY. LET'S BE ACQUAINTANCES."

"Um, it's nice to meet you, uh, what was your na-"

"CHAD! DO YOU HAVE A CAMERA TO TAKE PHOTOS WITH- ON- WITH... WITH?"

"Okay. It's great that you like photography. I have a phone?"

Mid conversation- "OKAY, BYE!"

*Looks of bewilderment*

*Realize how stupid I've acted and ignore them for the rest of life.*


But to be honest, a lot of it is internal. Like who cares how you acted when you first met, a genuine person sees through it all and likes you perhaps because you're flustered- you have faults, but you obviously care, and, hopefully, they see it as endearing. At the end of the day, that's all that should matter.
 

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I dated a woman who was so conventionally attractive I had trouble physically approaching her. Our third date, we met at a book store. I entered the building, saw her from a distance, exited the building, stood for a minute, then reentered the building as if I had just arrived. I'm a grown-ass man! Get it together.

She also worked in counterintelligence for the FBI, and just got back from training new agents in interrogation methods.

Overall an overwhelming experience.
In retrospect, can you determine her type?

I also avoid guys that are really rich, I ignore them too. Like if I see a guy driving a very nice car, I usually pretend they don't exist. I really don't know how some women find really rich guys datable?

I'm not saying I don't like rich guys but I find them too intimidating. I'd rather date a guy who makes slightly more, just as much, or less than I do versus a guy who is driving around in a Lamborghini (even though it's one of my favorite cars
^^^^^^
Yes! I don't give any attention to men that think they're going to impress me with expensive items. Im more likely to fall for a good joke or a thoughtful gesture.
Yeahhh, that's in a whole other world from me. I'm trailer trash, lol. Don't even know how I would feel about that sort of situation. Such social hindrances are way more inhibiting than physical attractiveness, imo. I have contact with no one prominent or rich ever, besides occasionally seeing Kirstie Alley at the hipster donut/coffee shop I used to work at.



 

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If I'm attracted to/crushing on some gal, I immediately operate on the assumption that they are out of my league and want nothing to do with me. Doesn't matter if that's really the case or not. I'm just my own worst critic and all that, I think. It's always been quite surprising when they've shown interest in me.

I wonder if anyone's ever thought something similar about me? Have you ever wondered if someone thought you were out of their league? :laughing:
 

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I was intimidated by superficially beautiful women until I had been around enough of them to realize that it's really rare to find one that is able to keep her feet on the ground and her head out of the clouds.

Some of the ugliest inner worlds I've encountered have belonged to extraordinarily 'beautiful' women.

It felt like a severe and jarring disunion in myself when I first realized a woman can have perfect proportions and excellent posture and great skin and perfect teeth and lustrous hair and flawless facial symmetry and a pleasing voice and a smile that could light up a room and at the same time she can be horribly grotesque on the inside.

The living embodiment of cruelty and greed and mean-spirited carelessness can take the most heavenly forms.
 
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