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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I originally made this a blog, but hoped to get more feedback as a thread

I don't know how to put this, or formulate it so it makes sense.. But I've been thinking about this a lot lately.. probably too much.
I will greatly appreciate any kind of response!

I have this annoying tendency to try and respect understand people online more than I probably should. Whenever I get in a row with someone, and I realize how dumb our situation is, I try and apologize in the attempt to clear the air. For both our sakes. I don't always expect the person to accept my apology and become my friend or anything, just at least recognize my attempt for what it is.
It's not because I get in to a lot of rows online (well, at least not as many as I use to, a couple of years back) but whenever I do, I do my best to make things okay again, because I simply can't stand the thick atmosphere between us.
In some cases the person I'm having a conflict with, chooses to piss on my attempts, and insist on staying bitter, making it hard for me to be online on the same site as him/her. I can't really do anything about it, and I guess under normal circumstances people will be like "Fuck it then" and just not care.
But I can't do that. Not even if I tried. I still have some kind of naive hope that I can level with this person one way or another.
Even if this person have been a complete asshole towards me, over and over again, I can't let that hope go. If I decided there is some glipse of hope that we can get along somehow, I can't get myself to disrespect this person enough to be able to let it go.

Of course, there are a few people whom I don't mind thinking less of. In those situations, the biggest challenge is to not talk to them, so not to provoke to anything unnecessary.
But for some weird reason, I can't do this with certain people. And its not really because I think they deserve it, I just can't get my self to deliberately think less of them, just to make it easier for myself.

It would be a million times easier if I could make myself feel superior to anyone I'd like to feel superior to. But it feels wrong, and I feel like a complete asshole for doing so. And I don't like to be that sort of person.
I'd love to be able to be more careless about these sort of things, but at the same time I'm not sure I want to be a disrespectful person. There have to be a middle way that I can't see yet.

Edit: I've been thinking about what the main difference between those people who I allow myself to hate and not care about, and those I keep trying to clean the air with. One way or another, there is something about the person I try getting friendly with, that I feel I can relate to somehow, and that probably give me the idea that this person can also relate to how annoying it must feel always being edgy around one another. And, well, the problem is, thats not always the case.
I don't know how to shake that..
 
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I like to clear the air as much as possible too most of the time. Maybe the trouble with thinking in terms of inferior and superior is that you forget the mature way is to see yourself as equal to others. That way it is easier to take the 'take it or leave it' approach. If they want to make up fine - if they don't it's fine too.

If you see yourself as superior, you'll have to work hard to get others to do what you want - whatever that is. If you feel inferior to others, you'll be crawling on all fours - pleading for them to like you. The master/slave thing can be quite satisfying in sexual play - but you're not doing yourself any favors by adopting this dichotomy as a general approach to life.

Edit: feeling superior can also express itself in worrying about others too much, as if other people cannot cope without your care.
 

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I originally made this a blog, but hoped to get more feedback as a thread

I don't know how to put this, or formulate it so it makes sense.. But I've been thinking about this a lot lately.. probably too much.
I will greatly appreciate any kind of response!

I have this annoying tendency to try and respect understand people online more than I probably should. Whenever I get in a row with someone, and I realize how dumb our situation is, I try and apologize in the attempt to clear the air. For both our sakes. I don't always expect the person to accept my apology and become my friend or anything, just at least recognize my attempt for what it is.
It's not because I get in to a lot of rows online (well, at least not as many as I use to, a couple of years back) but whenever I do, I do my best to make things okay again, because I simply can't stand the thick atmosphere between us.
In some cases the person I'm having a conflict with, chooses to piss on my attempts, and insist on staying bitter, making it hard for me to be online on the same site as him/her. I can't really do anything about it, and I guess under normal circumstances people will be like "Fuck it then" and just not care.
But I can't do that. Not even if I tried. I still have some kind of naive hope that I can level with this person one way or another.
Even if this person have been a complete asshole towards me, over and over again, I can't let that hope go. If I decided there is some glipse of hope that we can get along somehow, I can't get myself to disrespect this person enough to be able to let it go.

Of course, there are a few people whom I don't mind thinking less of. In those situations, the biggest challenge is to not talk to them, so not to provoke to anything unnecessary.
But for some weird reason, I can't do this with certain people. And its not really because I think they deserve it, I just can't get my self to deliberately think less of them, just to make it easier for myself.

It would be a million times easier if I could make myself feel superior to anyone I'd like to feel superior to. But it feels wrong, and I feel like a complete asshole for doing so. And I don't like to be that sort of person.
I'd love to be able to be more careless about these sort of things, but at the same time I'm not sure I want to be a disrespectful person. There have to be a middle way that I can't see yet.

Edit: I've been thinking about what the main difference between those people who I allow myself to hate and not care about, and those I keep trying to clean the air with. One way or another, there is something about the person I try getting friendly with, that I feel I can relate to somehow, and that probably give me the idea that this person can also relate to how annoying it must feel always being edgy around one another. And, well, the problem is, thats not always the case.
I don't know how to shake that..
Ive had the same thing happen to me on this site.
 
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