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Discussion Starter #1
So I went to this girl I knows birthday party today. It was more like a get together of about 5 girls and me, and of course I wasn't about to turn down the opportunity to have 5 girls all to myself, and I only knew 2 of the girls. The idea of meeting new girls gave me hope that maybe one of them could be interested in me. Well when one of the new girls came over she was very in your face. Super outgoing. The 4 of us (me, the 2 girls I know, and her) were on a couch and she rested her head in my lap. Well later on we were eating cake, and this was hours later. So she had picked up on how quiet I was. She walked behind me wiped icing on my lips and called me baby cakes, and I didn't do anything or even say anything, and just wiped it off while the other girls laughed, and then later on she took a whole piece of cake walked up behind me and rubbed it in my face, and that was just too much for me. It made me want to cry. Everyone laughing at me, cake all over me. It was just too much, but I still didn't do anything.

Long story short.
Does anyone else have trouble standing up for themselves?
 

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Sometimes I have trouble standing up for myself by not speaking up when some trouble comes up or if I am in some conflict. I usually try to ignore conflict, but if someone puts their hands on me or does something similar like the cake incident with you, I either do the same thing to them, leave before I get violent, or just get violent, depending on how they meant it.
 

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No. I rarely have trouble standing up for myself. I would find what she was doing as playful banter and would have a lot of fun with it....but if i found out there was any "interest" then I'd freeze up and panic.
 

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sounds like she's just being playful.

Except that last part, that's just cruel D:
Though you're lucky, because now you have a reason to smear cake in her face :p
 

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I would have been upset too. Especially since if it was done by someone new to me. It would be different if it was a friend and I knew where he/she was coming from. I don´t find this behaviour playful. Maybe fun for her but not for you. I think SHE has too LITTLE self-control.
 

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Definately to much self control. When you think you cannot react in these kind of situations. I'd go with what nasmoe said. It's playful so just let loose and do what needs to be done. But only you know (feel don't think) in the situation what is appropriate.
Anyway you should have probably reacted earlier if you let small things slip people (girls are people too ;) ) se how far they can go. It's automatic. And it was 5 against one so she was more cocky than if she would have been alone with you.
I know it requires self confidence, but doing almost anything in social situations does. So treat it as a lesson learned and move on.
 

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I used to have trouble standing up for myself but I just got fed up in the end and have now have no trouble at all standing up.

I don't stand up over the smallest things though and I can easily ignore most stuff that happens to bother me, Though when I know someone is now just taking the piss for whatever reason I will bite. I'm playful, kind and caring but can be rough when I need to be. :tongue:
 

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i stand up for myself when needed. alot of it has to do with my communist ideals. they taught me that you should alwasy resist and never give in. especially when i feel like everyone in the room is upset at someone(like when someone is being loud and stupd in class)i will call them out,it really pays off i feel like the voice of the people. i mean i don't get deffensive at the slightest thing i need to be pushed to stand up, like i was talking with my teacher about the correct way to say a word and this guy(a person i already disliked-one of the stupid kids who thinks life is a party-gives extraverts a bad name)told me i was annoying and to shut up-basically telling me to shut up for being smart and i just yelled out" i hate it every time you talk i have no once heard yuo say something useful"andd it felt good.
 

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I've never really been good at standing up for myself except when it comes to the douchebag my mom is with
But I am ALWAYS ALWAYS there to stand up for anyone else.
The only time you'll really see me pissed and screaming is when you fuck with someone I care about
then it's pretty wise for you to step out of my way.
 

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I would have applied cake to face in that situation, but I'm an asshole.

When the situation calls for it i don't have trouble standing up for myself, but jest seemed the primary theme in the scene you described. She was just trying to liven things up.
 

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So I went to this girl I knows birthday party today. It was more like a get together of about 5 girls and me, and of course I wasn't about to turn down the opportunity to have 5 girls all to myself, and I only knew 2 of the girls. The idea of meeting new girls gave me hope that maybe one of them could be interested in me. Well when one of the new girls came over she was very in your face. Super outgoing. The 4 of us (me, the 2 girls I know, and her) were on a couch and she rested her head in my lap. Well later on we were eating cake, and this was hours later. So she had picked up on how quiet I was. She walked behind me wiped icing on my lips and called me baby cakes, and I didn't do anything or even say anything, and just wiped it off while the other girls laughed, and then later on she took a whole piece of cake walked up behind me and rubbed it in my face, and that was just too much for me. It made me want to cry. Everyone laughing at me, cake all over me. It was just too much, but I still didn't do anything.

Long story short.
Does anyone else have trouble standing up for themselves?


Ugh!!!! If I were you, it would have been verbally ugly or I would have fired back with my own cake. Then again, I have a don't take **** from anyone attitude. She might think it was fun and games, but really, that is unacceptable and immature. I take pride in standing up for myself, too much maybe, but even talking about this is getting me heated so I will stop here.


Geez, I sound so high strung, but that is me.
 

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I think she was being playful and showing interest in you, not trying to hurt your feelings or make fun of you. This situation sounds like 3rd grade more than anything else. I think it was all in good fun. I could understand where you are coming from if she was serious about it, but this sounds more like an outgoing person trying to tease an introvert out of their shell without thinking too much about what they are doing.

Just rememeber: Don't get mad, get even. I would have just done the same back to her and laughed even harder :)
 

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I think she was being playful and showing interest in you, not trying to hurt your feelings or make fun of you. This situation sounds like 3rd grade more than anything else. I think it was all in good fun. I could understand where you are coming from if she was serious about it, but this sounds more like an outgoing person trying to tease an introvert out of their shell without thinking too much about what they are doing.

Just rememeber: Don't get mad, get even. I would have just done the same back to her and laughed even harder :)
This.

She's hardly going to go off her nut if you get even. That'd be hypocritical :p
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Yeah, well throwing cake back at her is so unlike me. It wasn't my house, and I didn't want to make a huge mess, and look like vengeful tool who can't take a joke in front of these other girls, and to the person who said they get defensive about other people. Me too. I won't let anybody give anyone I care about any sort of crap at all.
 

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I would probably reacted the same way when I was younger as well. So don't feel bad. I mean you said she had her head on your lap at one point. She was just trying to get you to break out of your shell and see your crazy side. It's all good though I would never need to work another day in my life if I had a dollar for every advance from a girl that I completely misread.
 

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I have to say, self deprecating humor is one of the greatest tools. So long as it's not a serious confrontation, if you can just make people laugh more, at you because of you it works. Either that or a 'Why thank you, I do love this delicious cake' or a 'Now why would you waste this wonderful cake on my face? A plate works much better.' would have worked rather well. -That's what I would have gone for.

I've found confronting isn't the best option. Just belittle the bad, play up the good, and capitalize on anything that can make anyone laugh. And like said, she was just trying to get you to open up a bit more.
 

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Wow, what a bitch. She may have been just trying to get you to open up more, but that's like the worst way I've ever heard of someone trying. If that happened to me, I would have most likely got pretty pissed...unless it was vanilla cake.. love vanilla.
 

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I have to say, self deprecating humor is one of the greatest tools. So long as it's not a serious confrontation, if you can just make people laugh more, at you because of you it works. Either that or a 'Why thank you, I do love this delicious cake' or a 'Now why would you waste this wonderful cake on my face? A plate works much better.' would have worked rather well.

If I was that girl, which I wouldn't be, unless I knew the guy really well and knew he'd enjoy play like that this response would completely floor me (in a good way). I'd think, this guy is so cool I want to kiss the cake off his face. But then you know, I think that was her original plan when she put the cake on your mouth. I believe she wanted you to request her to remove it with hers. Sounds like her second cake attack was frustrated desire gone wrong.:sad:
 

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I've learned a few things about humor, and one of the main things is that a willing punching-bag is amazing to have. As such, I always take such a role, for the benefit of others. Being able to say and do things to someone and have them take it, roll with it, and then throw it back at themselves again, knowing that they aren't hurt by it, is really, really fun.

If someone did something like that to me, I'd joke back. I know that they weren't trying to be mean in their joking, so I'm ok with it. If they were blatantly making fun of me, I'd defend myself, but really, rarely do people make fun of someone for the sake of being mean after elementary school.
 

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I would probably reacted the same way when I was younger as well. So don't feel bad. I mean you said she had her head on your lap at one point. She was just trying to get you to break out of your shell and see your crazy side. It's all good though I would never need to work another day in my life if I had a dollar for every advance from a girl that I completely misread.
Completely agree. Should've smeared some cake on her hair :3
 
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