[thehigher]

So there is an INFJ girl in my class. Last year I was in a very depressed state and at that point .... I was rather desperate for connection. she was in my class back then too ... this class lasts for 4 years. Anyway. Back then I was like.... ok so shes very introverted... obviously deep.... and seems like she would understand my state. So I mentioned her to a friend .... who oddly and ironically happened to be infj as well.... and he told me to message her on facebook. I suppose he just wanted to have closure on what was going on or something.... my infj friends tend to want me to wrap things up with relationships as soon as possible for some reason.... ANYWAY. So I ended up messaging her on facebook. I felt like i really weirded her out .... and it was rather out of place. So yea... and afterward it was awkward for like year.... we would see each other and sort of shyly ignore each other cause we didn't know how to approach the odd chain of events that i initiated awkwardly.

So recently I decided to try and mend things by sending her another facebook message explaining my actions and just coming clean about a) what happened and b) why it happened.

We seem to be completely fine now. Responding back and forth on facebook for the past 3 days and mostly been me kind of unloading a bunch of answers to questions she has that usually have to do with me. And i completely understand that she takes a lot of time to open up. and that's 100% cool.

K anyway. so yesterday i saw her at this coffee shop. and i said hi for a little bit ... nothing crazy jsut light greetings. then later on she told me " p.s.sorry if it still was a lil awkward when you came over to talk to me, i think that will improve with time though " and before that she had a rather.... at least from her past it was rather smiley and Fe. She seemed rather.... nicer and open than she was but it didn't exactly seem 100 % genuine...... for example.....

I had just stopped talking about mbti and she replied with....

"oh i see! and i see what you meant about saying bye haha wish i had read it sooner. so you took the mbti, and that's what you got? that's pretty cool, wish i could take it just for fun, to find out what i think like

p.s.sorry if it still was a lil awkward when you came over to talk to me, i think that will improve with time though "


Now this seemed kind of more open but at the same time I wasn't sure if she was more open because she felt the need to be since she told me she would eventually open up (she said that ealier in the convo) or if she i dunno.



anyway. basic point of this message is. I'm trying to think of how to respond..... and I can't tell if i am being too nice. I don't want to be like.... coming onto her or anything because 1) i dont know if she still has a boyfriend 2) i dont want to put any pressure on her 3) yea.... i dunno



gosh this is a worthless post. I bet no one can answer this for me xD.


anyway to the above post taht she said ....

"oh i see! and i see what you meant about saying bye haha wish i had read it sooner. so you took the mbti, and that's what you got? that's pretty cool, wish i could take it just for fun, to find out what i think like

p.s.sorry if it still was a lil awkward when you came over to talk to me, i think that will improve with time though "


i was gonna say

mhmm. Yep you kind of seem like an infj to me but yea.. could be wrong.

I didn't think it was awkward really. No need to apologize. Take your time : )




k so is that too nice? She was randomly nice in this post compared to the rest and I find myself not knowing how to respond. I don't know if she really meant the niceness or not .... or if she just felt like she should because I seem like I would like that.... or maybe because i dunno.

I dunno why this is such a problem for me. lol

 

[Orbrial]

So there is an INFJ girl in my class. Last year I was in a very depressed state and at that point .... I was rather desperate for connection. she was in my class back then too ... this class lasts for 4 years. Anyway. Back then I was like.... ok so shes very introverted... obviously deep.... and seems like she would understand my state. So I mentioned her to a friend .... who oddly and ironically happened to be infj as well.... and he told me to message her on facebook. I suppose he just wanted to have closure on what was going on or something.... my infj friends tend to want me to wrap things up with relationships as soon as possible for some reason.... ANYWAY. So I ended up messaging her on facebook. I felt like i really weirded her out .... and it was rather out of place. So yea... and afterward it was awkward for like year.... we would see each other and sort of shyly ignore each other cause we didn't know how to approach the odd chain of events that i initiated awkwardly.

So recently I decided to try and mend things by sending her another facebook message explaining my actions and just coming clean about a) what happened and b) why it happened.

We seem to be completely fine now. Responding back and forth on facebook for the past 3 days and mostly been me kind of unloading a bunch of answers to questions she has that usually have to do with me. And i completely understand that she takes a lot of time to open up. and that's 100% cool.

K anyway. so yesterday i saw her at this coffee shop. and i said hi for a little bit ... nothing crazy jsut light greetings. then later on she told me " p.s.sorry if it still was a lil awkward when you came over to talk to me, i think that will improve with time though " and before that she had a rather.... at least from her past it was rather smiley and Fe. She seemed rather.... nicer and open than she was but it didn't exactly seem 100 % genuine...... for example.....

I had just stopped talking about mbti and she replied with....

"oh i see! and i see what you meant about saying bye haha wish i had read it sooner. so you took the mbti, and that's what you got? that's pretty cool, wish i could take it just for fun, to find out what i think like

p.s.sorry if it still was a lil awkward when you came over to talk to me, i think that will improve with time though "


Now this seemed kind of more open but at the same time I wasn't sure if she was more open because she felt the need to be since she told me she would eventually open up (she said that ealier in the convo) or if she i dunno.



anyway. basic point of this message is. I'm trying to think of how to respond..... and I can't tell if i am being too nice. I don't want to be like.... coming onto her or anything because 1) i dont know if she still has a boyfriend 2) i dont want to put any pressure on her 3) yea.... i dunno



gosh this is a worthless post. I bet no one can answer this for me xD.


anyway to the above post taht she said ....

"oh i see! and i see what you meant about saying bye haha wish i had read it sooner. so you took the mbti, and that's what you got? that's pretty cool, wish i could take it just for fun, to find out what i think like

p.s.sorry if it still was a lil awkward when you came over to talk to me, i think that will improve with time though "


i was gonna say

mhmm. Yep you kind of seem like an infj to me but yea.. could be wrong.

I didn't think it was awkward really. No need to apologize. Take your time : )




k so is that too nice? She was randomly nice in this post compared to the rest and I find myself not knowing how to respond. I don't know if she really meant the niceness or not .... or if she just felt like she should because I seem like I would like that.... or maybe because i dunno.

I dunno why this is such a problem for me. lol

I don't think people often go wrong with being "nice". I think maybe she was feeling a little awkward.. but that's her.. not you. I think if you're interested in being friends with her.. make more opportunities to interact. You could say something like "let's just get rid of this awkward thing.. wanna hang out some time?"
Personally.. I wouldn't run from being a little direct.
Also.. she seems interested in taking the MBTI.. help her do that! It opens another door for conversation.

 

[balderdash]

Be sincere. Don't try to hide anything, especially without trying to hide it. Also, help her take the MBTI like Orbrial said. Tell her "I think you might be an INFJ. Let me know what you get!".

 

[curious0610]

im actually not sure what just happened or what is going on in your post? so did you facebook message her when you didn't know her at all and approached her? is that the case? o_0

 

[ertertwert]

INFP's crack me up. You always over analyze everything. I'm not trying to dig on you, I literally find it amusing. My older brother is INFP and we are basically best friends so I have a lot of experience. But anyway, back to your issue at hand: just give her time to open up. For me, it usually takes a good 3 months before I start being myself around new people. So just be patient (yes I know, this is something INFP's struggle with). INFJ's find it easier to communicate via text (internet or phone) so that's why she was pretty communicable over that medium and kinda awkward in person. I remember a long time ago I use to talk to a chick I liked and would be super flirtatious over the internet, but when I would see her in person I would be completely silent and didn't know how to proceed. Don't be alarmed or even think two seconds about it. It's just our way...

 

[thehigher]

INFP's crack me up. You always over analyze everything. I'm not trying to dig on you, I literally find it amusing. My older brother is INFP and we are basically best friends so I have a lot of experience. But anyway, back to your issue at hand: just give her time to open up. For me, it usually takes a good 3 months before I start being myself around new people. So just be patient (yes I know, this is something INFP's struggle with). INFJ's find it easier to communicate via text (internet or phone) so that's why she was pretty communicable over that medium and kinda awkward in person. I remember a long time ago I use to talk to a chick I liked and would be super flirtatious over the internet, but when I would see her in person I would be completely silent and didn't know how to proceed. Don't be alarmed or even think two seconds about it. It's just our way...

Ohh yea I know. I mean yea ... my best friend is an INFJ as well. I know it'l take her awhile to open up... which is completely fine and expected and if she chooses not to that's fine as well.

 

[thehigher]

im actually not sure what just happened or what is going on in your post? so did you facebook message her when you didn't know her at all and approached her? is that the case? o_0

I'm actually not completely sure either. :laughing:

But no that's not really what happened... i dunno ... too many facets to explain. i shouldn't of made a post about it.

 

[NotaPrettyGirl]

INFJ's find it easier to communicate via text (internet or phone) so that's why she was pretty communicable over that medium and kinda awkward in person. I remember a long time ago I use to talk to a chick I liked and would be super flirtatious over the internet, but when I would see her in person I would be completely silent and didn't know how to proceed. Don't be alarmed or even think two seconds about it. It's just our way...

I agree....It is very easy for me to communicate when I cannot see the person's face (until I know them well). For me, I prefer someone write me a personal message on FB rather than posting it on my wall. I struggle with telling people what is wrong with me; I find it difficult to open up to someone I don't know.

 

[vel]

i was gonna say

mhmm. Yep you kind of seem like an infj to me but yea.. could be wrong.

I didn't think it was awkward really. No need to apologize. Take your time : )

k so is that too nice? She was randomly nice in this post compared to the rest and I find myself not knowing how to respond. I don't know if she really meant the niceness or not .... or if she just felt like she should because I seem like I would like that.... or maybe because i dunno.

It sounds nice enough but it doesn't sound very genuine to me, because as you have stated that it was awkward. And she knows it too, so why deny it? If it was me I'd just admit that it was awkward behavior on my part as well, then add that there is no need to apologize for it. If you are wondering whether this sounds like you're coming on to her to me it doesn't look like it. It looks more like exchange of friendly messages via facebook. As ertertwert has noted INFJs express themselves better in writing or messaging, so it may seem to you like she is being more open all of a sudden. But it's just standard for us.

 

[thehigher]

It sounds nice enough but it doesn't sound very genuine to me, because as you have stated that it was awkward. And she knows it too, so why deny it? If it was me I'd just admit that it was awkward behavior on my part as well, then add that there is no need to apologize for it. If you are wondering whether this sounds like you're coming on to her to me it doesn't look like it. It looks more like exchange of friendly messages via facebook. As ertertwert has noted INFJs express themselves better in writing or messaging, so it may seem to you like she is being more open all of a sudden. But it's just standard for us.

ahhh yea thats part of the other facets. thats what this facebook thing is all about. it was about not denying that it was awkward and kind of starting off honest and clean.

yes i was worried it seemed like i was coming onto her.

and yea it seemed liek she was being more open compared to her other facebook messages before.... but i just got anotehr one from her and it seems as though the openness went away. I felt as though when she was being rather open.... i felt a certain ingenuineness in it... that made me uncomfortable... cause i didnt know how to act.... i responded the way i would to what she said.... and i think she realized what she said wasnt genuine and put her guard back up.... which is cool.