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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
When someone makes fun of themselves (something I do constantly because I am an idiot) do you often not realize what the other person is doing because your first reaction is to be supportive and affirming? Like do you have to consciously try not to be over-sensitive with people you really care about?

I've noticed XNFJ's often don't get irony, sarcasm, self-deprecating humor, etc. because of how kind and sensitive they are by nature. I think once they look back on the situation they realize they misinterpreted it but in the heat of the moment it seems your sensitive instincts often take precedence.

What say you?
 

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When someone makes fun of themselves (something I do constantly because I am an idiot) do you often not realize what the other person is doing because your first reaction is to be supportive and affirming? Like do you have to consciously try not to be over-sensitive with people you really care about?

I've noticed XNFJ's often don't get irony, sarcasm, self-deprecating humor, etc. because of how kind and sensitive they are by nature. I think once they look back on the situation they realize they misinterpreted it but in the heat of the moment it seems your sensitive instincts often take precedence.

What say you?
There is the odd time when I don't get a joke, but usually that is INTJ sarcasm and online too, so no wonder. However, I like, and use every form of humour, including making fun of myself. My dad taught me about sarcasm, he was the king of sarcasm when I was growing up. Some neighbourhood kids were scared of him because they couldn't tell that he was joking and thought he was serious. In fact I had to learn to tone my sarcasm down because I used to upset people with it. Though I think it is more common to get, and use sarcasm among the English, not as much Americans. When I was in America I would make jokes and they didn't seem to get it and my husband would be cracking up.
 
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Kiwigirl-good point! Culture has a part to do with in my mind. Americans are more sensitive. On my trip to Europe I was warned that in Netherlands the culture was really sarcastic and to play along and your time in Amsterdam would be better. It was fun.

I guess also those growing up the runt of the group my social group was very self-deprecating and sarcastic.
 

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Mmmm. Sarcasm is a learned behaviour for me, the youngest in a very sarcastic, large family. That said, I tend not to use it on people who don't know me well enough (i.e. may conceivably take offense). If I'm using sarcasm at someone it means that a) I'm comfortable with them and b) think they can take it.

Not everyone gets sarcasm (hard lesson to learn - in my first year of university, I actually made a boy cry, I felt HORRIBLE). Sometimes I go too far the other way and people think I have no substance. Ha!

i also agree with Jojo in that ENFJs are generally masters of self-depricating humour.
 

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I have to disagree, I think. I have a broad sense of humor, often to the point of being strange since generally I laugh at everything quite easily. I don't mind so much self-deprecating humor as long as it doesn't go off-bounds. I rarely misinterpret jokes, and whenever I do, I try to make amends quickly.

I have to agree with kiwigirl and Jojo about their point in sarcasm though. I'm quite sarcastic, but like fossil2, I only use it now if I know the person well enough or I know they can take it. Or if the situation really calls for it. Two of my friends called me out on my sarcasm before, said it hurt their feelings, so I put a stop into it. I felt really horrible after that that I didn't start using sarcasm again until I got into college, and that was in sophomore year of hs.
 

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I think ENFJs can get jokes, but jokes toward them they can be very sensitive to, has alot to do with ENFJs being use to dishing out criticism instead of receiving it, similar to INTJs
 

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I think ENFJs can get jokes, but jokes toward them they can be very sensitive to, has alot to do with ENFJs being use to dishing out criticism instead of receiving it, similar to INTJs
ENFJ's don't normally criticize as we want to be accepted by everyone. Also go with jokes if it pleases our social we tell jokes and stories. When I get the momma jokes that insulting I play along and insult myself. I don't take it personal.
 

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When someone makes fun of themselves (something I do constantly because I am an idiot) do you often not realize what the other person is doing because your first reaction is to be supportive and affirming? Like do you have to consciously try not to be over-sensitive with people you really care about?

I've noticed XNFJ's often don't get irony, sarcasm, self-deprecating humor, etc. because of how kind and sensitive they are by nature. I think once they look back on the situation they realize they misinterpreted it but in the heat of the moment it seems your sensitive instincts often take precedence.

What say you?
Ok, you put your thread starter in ENFJ forum stating "XFNJ's often don't get irony....." There have been ENFJ answers and rightly so. Since you left it open, I am going to respond with this INFJ does get irony, sarcasm, self-deprecating humor, etc. The home and area I live in shows no mercy. They dish it out, and I give it right back. Oh hell, I dish it out myself. The times that I don't really feel like hearing it I just brush the remarks away with my hands and say "Yeah, yeah, yeah." while rolling my eyes. Sometimes they stop, when I do this. When they don't, I ignore it! :wink:
 

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I totally agree with all of you.. I kinda hang out with lots of xNTJ and they actually use sarcasm and offenses to draw closer.. Like saying "hey if you dont' get hurt from I'm saying is because you trust me".. and you normally need to put this fake smile to please others..
I always hear people saying two things "dude, don't take things seriously" or "relax, it was only a joke".. Could it be because of our extroverted feeling primary function?
 

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Slight change of topic - What sort of humor do ENFJs like? What kind of jokes do ENFJs prefer to make themselves? I have known 4 people in my life of ENFJ preference but I really can't seem to recall what their humor is like.
Telling jokes is definitely not my gift.. I usually tell a joke thinking about the end of it and that makes people don't get it :( not sure why... I do love sending graphic ironic jokes (for example those "motivational" pictures with black backgrounds) with people doing something funny.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Okay I'm sorry but you are all wrong. You guys, and I love you, but you guys, when you really like someone, do not get jokes. INFJ and ENFJ are the worst. This might be rare, and I'd say 99% of the time you get jokes, but the 1% of time someone you really like and admire someone and they are making fun of themselves with irony and sarcasm you don't get it. You are so anxious to please and love and connect you take it literally. I know this might be hard to handle but I just have to give it to you straight :laughing:
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Slight change of topic - What sort of humor do ENFJs like? What kind of jokes do ENFJs prefer to make themselves? I have known 4 people in my life of ENFJ preference but I really can't seem to recall what their humor is like.
Good question let's go there.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Telling jokes is definitely not my gift.. I usually tell a joke thinking about the end of it and that makes people don't get it :( not sure why... I do love sending graphic ironic jokes (for example those "motivational" pictures with black backgrounds) with people doing something funny.
The funniest person I've ever known was an ENFJ. So funny. He physically looked funny which helped. All his facial expressions were hilarious so even dumb things he did were instantly funny, but he was also just legitimately funny. So creative/abstract in the way he did things. I think he grew up wanting to be liked as most ENFJ's do and eventually realized he could do this by being funny and man he got so good at it. So unbelievably funny. I'm sure that's not the whole story but I bet that's part of how it developed.

I must add a caveat most of his humor was not "intelligent." It was more like Chris Farley "I'm a fat idiot" kind of humor I guess you could say, but man really really funny. It never got old. It was abstract but not intellectual. Does that make sense? It was creative and stuff no one would think of but it wasn't especially "clever" I guess you could say. For example when we would get in trouble at school and get sent to the principals office he would find a way to make it look like the plant on the secretaries desk was trying to eat him, making me laugh my head off and causing me to get in even more trouble.

So see what I mean? Creative. Hilarious. Abstract. But not "intelligent" really. (Not that he wasn't intelligent but that just wasn't his style of humor.)
 

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As for my personal experience, irony is fine, since it's generally not harmful and quite funny when applied correctly. Self-deprecating humor is not an issue for me. I tend to do that ocasionally. But sarcasm can be and it tends to be harmful. It's in many ways a form of aggression.
 
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