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Discussion Starter #1
Okay, so me and my gf have been together a month. In my last relationship I went a whole two years without sex and I never got to have sex with her in that whole relationship anyway. That's the way I am in proper relationships from my experience (though I've only had 2 serious relationships). But, I'm just wondering if that's the best way. I'm young but I have views that say the whole, abstinence makes your heart grow stronger is a load of crap (I would elaborate on why I believe this but I want to make this quick).

The only reason I didn't have sex in my last relationships were that they "weren't ready". This time round nothing's stopping me, my gf said she wanted to. But then I have another problem, I'll feel bad because she's really innocent.

Another problem is she has selective mutism and she's only warming up to talking to me, I don't want sex to be the only way of expressing our feelings.

But I can't sleep by myself, I need someone beside me, and she wants to! This is the first time I've been in a proper relationship were someone wanted to go the full way, everyone else is too insecure with their bodies (that's what not ready means to me) or too slutty to be in relationship for me to consider what we were together as a relationship.

I really don't know what to do in this situation. Follow my head (wait), my heart (do what I like), or my...?
 

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Okay, so me and my gf have been together a month. In my last relationship I went a whole two years without sex and I never got to have sex with her in that whole relationship anyway. That's the way I am in proper relationships from my experience (though I've only had 2 serious relationships). But, I'm just wondering if that's the best way. I'm young but I have views that say the whole, abstinence makes your heart grow stronger is a load of crap (I would elaborate on why I believe this but I want to make this quick).

The only reason I didn't have sex in my last relationships were that they "weren't ready". This time round nothing's stopping me, my gf said she wanted to. But then I have another problem, I'll feel bad because she's really innocent.

Another problem is she has selective mutism and she's only warming up to talking to me, I don't want sex to be the only way of expressing our feelings.

But I can't sleep by myself, I need someone beside me, and she wants to! This is the first time I've been in a proper relationship were someone wanted to go the full way, everyone else is too insecure with their bodies (that's what not ready means to me) or too slutty to be in relationship for me to consider what we were together as a relationship.

I really don't know what to do in this situation. Follow my head (wait), my heart (do what I like), or my...?

lol "innocent girl". So THAT'S why it was funny. I'm just gonna go out on the limb and say do it. I think it's up to everyones value system. Make sure you guys are responsible about it and all... you know.. make sure there are no diseases and all.... make sure you both REALLY want it. So yea...I say go for it.

What does your head say? What does your heart say? What does your .....say?
 

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Discussion Starter #4
My head says this is going to lead to us relying on sex too much.

My heart says this is wrong because she said she loved me but I don't love her back so this would be like using her.

My....well, what my mood on this says.

She's sixteen, she's not experienced, she's never done anything like this before and she never talks about sex or anything, not till yesterday. She's pretty naive alright, so that's in my heart, too.

Gay feelings.
 

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Then perhaps you should wait until you do love her.
If you sleep with her and she doesn't feel your love it might hurt her. Make her become insecure and needy and drive you two apart.
Why not wait then, and get to know each other some more?
I find people jump into bed too fast these days anyway.
 

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My head says this is going to lead to us relying on sex too much.

My heart says this is wrong because she said she loved me but I don't love her back so this would be like using her.

My....well, what my mood on this says.

She's sixteen, she's not experienced, she's never done anything like this before and she never talks about sex or anything, not till yesterday. She's pretty naive alright, so that's in my heart, too.

Gay feelings.
I see nothing wrong in relying on it too much xD

If you don't love her...does she know? I think I'd be fine knowing you don't love me because it's kind of a subjective term. Obviously you care about her.....that would be enough for me.

As for the fact that she is not experienced.....I dunno.... that's hard. In that case I'd say wait awhile. Let your thoughts come to you. You both will find a nice answer.
 
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Discussion Starter #7
I'm scared that she'll stop talking altogether like she did when I first knew her and just relied on sex.

Well, I told her not to come over so it's too late to do it now lol.
 

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I'm scared that she'll stop talking altogether like she did when I first knew her and just relied on sex.

Well, I told her not to come over so it's too late to do it now lol.
ah yea ...hmm.... i guess talk to her about it. Hug her while you do it.
 
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Just tell her you need more time and that you want to take things slow.
 

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I'm gay, so since we're all sluts, I have sex generally after the first week. (If not the first night, but, I don't like to say that in public. :X)
 
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If you don't mind my input, I say you should first consider the Love Attitudes Scale (LAS). It talks about six different styles of love. After some of things you mentioned, wouldn't surprise me if you score high on Eros and Ludus.

I recommend an online test but I'm not sure there are any that are actually trustworthy.

You can however, can out this very detailed study about LAS and Attachment styles. Its a lot to read though. Crisp Volume 7 No 11
 

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There are no hard and fast rules for when to have sex, how long to wait. Having said that...

You are overthinking. You are doubting. Listen to what is going on inside.

If you are doubting, you should probably wait.

Remember there are lots of other things you can savor.
 

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Discussion Starter #15 (Edited)
I hate when people ask me how :angry:

It's pretty obvious if you use that thing on your shoulders.


*pissed off*

Too many things can go wrong? How would you know?

Just because it's not straight forward, for guys you two have no imagination.
 

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Wow, if not for the computer---i would be quite innocent or at least on hold so as to acquire other equally stiumulating things:) though sex will always be the intriguing one. Say assbiscuits, are you more easily angered by personal insults than by anything else? I find it adorable, which is probably an even bigger insult at this time:)

Last note, i find it interesting that even american 12 to 14 yr olds will have sex, though know in all logical terms it's nothing i haven't done on paper a tad earlier than that age. Either case----societal norms are fun in that SP and SJ's must really follow them, whilst NT's and NF's must act as the revolution starters and hopefully stear the rest of the populace in a good direction.

Whatever the case----i shutter to think of 12 yr olds having sex, and proving my mom's insults on americans to be true:0. No offense to assbiscuits, for she's at an age i don't consider offensvie. Hell, i'm just worried about the other persona types-----as much as they would have to worry and be pissed at me for my infp laziness.
 

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I hate when people ask me how :angry:

It's fucking pretty obvious if you use that thing on your shoulders.


*pissed off*

Too many things can go wrong? How would you know?

Just because it's not straight forward, for guys you two have no imagination.
I was just kidding. i realize now you couldn't tell because you couldn't hear my tone.
 
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Okaaaay. GO FOR IT!
 
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Discussion Starter #19
I was just kidding. i realize now you couldn't tell because you couldn't hear my tone.
I can never be angry at you dw :proud:, I was just making a point in case someone asked me again cause it pisses me off. Noisy questions, stupid questions and worst of all inappropriate, off-topic questions.

Cause I'm too innocent for them and all :blushed:

And yes, I do get angry, my words are angry while my face stays stiff, only the inter-webs can experience my craziness, unless someone puts a notebooks in front of me while I'm angry.
 

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I like your posts assbiscuits, you always have something interesting to say and put it across in a way that I laugh at. Not in a mickey take way, just in a 'i'm glad I read that' way.

Pikmen:
Say assbiscuits, are you more easily angered by personal insults than by anything else? I find it adorable, which is probably an even bigger insult at this time:)

I totally agree with this ^^^ Doing this on quick post so I'm not quoting.
 
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