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Discussion Starter #1
taken from personalitypage on INFJ growth.

"There isn't much that can be done once the INFJ has reached the point where they are too upset to care about others, but the INFJ can prevent this problem from occurring by ensuring that they never get to that point."

what in the world does that look like? any stories?
 

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My friendship with my best friend friend started to deteriorate just over a year ago when she got a new boyfriend, as she would focus every ounce of her attention on him and completely ignore me. For a year I tried everything I could to get our friendship back the way it was, giving her gifts based on things she loves that no one else would think of, telling her how I felt about our friendship, attempting to guilt-trip her, trying to hang out with her, etc. but nothing worked. She constantly channeled every tiny little bit of her attention on her boyfriend, and I was nothing to her anymore. A couple months ago I got fed up with it and doorslammed her, and ever since I've never even recognized her existence. Nothing will ever be able to get me to rekindle our friendship. She consciously treated me like absolute shit just for some guy even though I was the only stable and good-natured person in her life (she has a chaotic family.)

I tried my best to keep our friendship from collapsing, but know that it has, there's no way I can bring myself to look back.
 

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taken from personalitypage on INFJ growth.

"There isn't much that can be done once the INFJ has reached the point where they are too upset to care about others, but the INFJ can prevent this problem from occurring by ensuring that they never get to that point."

what in the world does that look like? any stories?
Looks like Tuesday.
 

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I think i have seen this, it looks like a person trying to solve problems, but when its something that cannot simply be fixed when feelings are involved, the ones ive seen just go stern and act like you dont want to take their advice so they are done with the situation, any further communication on the matter is met with the same stern face and unsympathetic comments. Perhaps they are upset that you are not taking their advice?
 

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taken from personalitypage on INFJ growth.

"There isn't much that can be done once the INFJ has reached the point where they are too upset to care about others, but the INFJ can prevent this problem from occurring by ensuring that they never get to that point."

what in the world does that look like? any stories?
I'm not sure whether you're talking about uncaring INFJ's, or not-caring INFJ's.

Uncaring INFJ's, care a LOT about something that's important to them, (mainly themselves but also their grand plan). See Hitler and Kira from Death Note as examples.


An INFJ that has stopped caring would describe me before I became spiritual. Even now, I do not care about most everything that goes on in life. I care about people, and I get emotional when I see sad things on TV... but you know, about everyday life, I don't care.

Now back in the day, I didn't care about other people in a heart-felt way... maybe in a logical way I did, but not emotionally.

It's like being in a depression for so many years that you no longer feel depressed.

Melancholic apathy describes it.

For me it happened as I was leaving the uncaring phase of my life (hitler/kira phase) at age 19. The basis of my previous confidence had been destroyed, and all that was important to me, I realized I no longer valued it. This included myself, because once you define why you value yourself, if you lose that reason, you don't have a basis upon which to be egocentric anymore... granted there's a healthy way to value yourself, but not in the way that I did.

Then you just let go of a lot of things. Laughing off my tragedies became a habit of mine. It's sort of like a person who's watching their house burn down and they lose it... so they grab gasoline tanks from the shed to dump on the flames.

That's precisely the kind of person you become.
 

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taken from personalitypage on INFJ growth.

"There isn't much that can be done once the INFJ has reached the point where they are too upset to care about others, but the INFJ can prevent this problem from occurring by ensuring that they never get to that point."

what in the world does that look like? any stories?
If you are talking about them not caring about everyone/thing in general then I'm not too sure...but if you mean specific things this may help.

I don't know if this is a very good example. Only thing I can think of is when something ends whether it being a relationship, or something enjoyable ect. While the relationship or whatever....is taking place or is still going on I am overly committed to it or really seriously care about it, when it ends I usually no matter how hurt or upset I may be, I completely understand why it ended or why I can no longer take part in what I care for....and so I no longer worry about them anymore and just shut it out of my life because thinking about it only makes me upset and I don't want to be sad -I try to work to maintain inner peace.
 

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“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option” (Unknown).

I've been treated this way as well. It's just the way humans are. And I'm sure I'll encounter this later on, many, many times. My response: shrug.
 

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wow. I know most wont except this from an ENTJ but i have experienced this aswell when i decided to break the contact with one of my closest friends. We had been great friends since childhood but as we got to know different people we both changed, to make a long story short he became a backstabbing jerk, i did try hard to maintain the friendship for a long time only becuase we used to be really good friends but i later came to think that it no longer mattered.
I dont feel sorry at all since i already stopped caring some time ago in a similar way like the INFJ. Any thoughts?
 

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Here is my story:

We seem to go through bosses in the Rehab services really quickly. I have worked at my current job for 9 years and had over 9 bosses. I finally got a nice boss that I really liked, enough to consider keeping him as a friend should anything happen at work and he moved on. He was very protective of us all and we could go to him for many things. I felt very protective towards him and he was some type of NT, which others thought he was really weird and he often asked me to explain their emotions, thought processes, etc to him, as he identified me as the feeler of the group.

Well after about a year, he started to get really stressed out, and nutted out all over. He started to play people against each other, back stab others, lie to some people on my team and I saw him doing this, but of course in INFJ fashion, kept my mouth closed and my ears open. I attempted to warn him(and save him) this was not the way to proceed. It got to the point that the others on my team(members that I have worked with for all 9 years) were being targeted by him and such, not just in the privacy of his office. They were crying and scared to go to work even! Several of us reported it(and so corporate came in and interviewed us.(secondary to abuse of the employees).

Well, when it was my turn to talk, I told everything I knew, said in private or not, because I had decided that he was a loss cause. He looked at me in the middle of all the hoopla and asked if I was going to defend him. I just shook my head saying to him 'I tried to save you, you didn't listen, there is not much I can do now'. He was let go of course and things got back to normal.

Once an INFJ gives up on you it is all over with. There is no changing their minds.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
I'm not sure whether you're talking about uncaring INFJ's, or not-caring INFJ's.

Uncaring INFJ's, care a LOT about something that's important to them, (mainly themselves but also their grand plan). See Hitler and Kira from Death Note as examples.


An INFJ that has stopped caring would describe me before I became spiritual. Even now, I do not care about most everything that goes on in life. I care about people, and I get emotional when I see sad things on TV... but you know, about everyday life, I don't care.

Now back in the day, I didn't care about other people in a heart-felt way... maybe in a logical way I did, but not emotionally.

It's like being in a depression for so many years that you no longer feel depressed.

Melancholic apathy describes it.

For me it happened as I was leaving the uncaring phase of my life (hitler/kira phase) at age 19. The basis of my previous confidence had been destroyed, and all that was important to me, I realized I no longer valued it. This included myself, because once you define why you value yourself, if you lose that reason, you don't have a basis upon which to be egocentric anymore... granted there's a healthy way to value yourself, but not in the way that I did.

Then you just let go of a lot of things. Laughing off my tragedies became a habit of mine. It's sort of like a person who's watching their house burn down and they lose it... so they grab gasoline tanks from the shed to dump on the flames.

That's precisely the kind of person you become.

that's how i've felt lately, how did you get out? For everyone else, i was referring to the uncaring INFJ (in general).
 

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I feel sometimes the Shadow may sneak up on you when there's very little going on, for instance emotional stagnation as a result of plans being put on hold because of indecision, financial difficulty, etc.
I think one of the biggest ways to fall into apathy, self-loathing and a swollen sense of pride as a way of counteracting feeling low and thus, losing a sense of connection with people, is when one is overwhelmed with day to day life and struggling with the task of finding both friends, a career and a comfortable position in the world that suits their personality but also satisfies their soul. It will not keep quiet if the essential self has been compromised in any way. Therefore, no matter how difficult things get, you have to listen carefully inwardly.
That sense of darkness that creeps up over a sustained amount of time (in which depression, loneliness and frustration are ever present) tends to reduce me to cinders first and it's only after I can no longer contain the fire (though I've known of its existence for some time, because my sense of creativity or ability to conjure up solutions momentarily atrophies) it starts to look for others to feed on, to blame.
This is when you have to use the time spent mulling over details that, in that moment, cannot be changed and abandon thought entirely. You have to recognize the influence of those raw traits: self-righteousness, arrogance, indifference to others, a desire to dominate, etc. and use the power they provide to get you out of the hole. These parts are compensating for a person who has momentarily lost his/her way. That does not mean they get to drive you; you navigate, no matter what.
Nothing will clear up overnight, but it's certainly worth it to abandon being a wing-man to a reckless driver, or as Dexter put it: the dark passenger.
Ask yourself, "Wait a minute, who the hell is driving?"
Then, take a moment to look up and see that while you were eager to get moving, you had been careening down a path cloaked in darkness, with no visible destination. In other words, when you're in a black mood or unhealthy state, it serves to empower you only for the day, with no adherence to tomorrow.
If you allow it to progress, there will be no trace of your true self for tomorrow. You would have lent it entirely to the dark.
Why do you think most villains are portrayed as inducting themselves into their Doomsday plans? They've no choice.
With nothing to lose, there is nothing truly to fight for: in a sense, all you understand is that you, having once been a person of potential, eager to take part in all that life has to offer, have morphed yourself into a self-destruct button.
Is that an enviable position?
It's really no position.
So begin again, and accept all that makes you up; you are the sum of all of your parts, but you ultimately drive.

EDIT POST: Welcome to the forum! :kitteh:
 
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I think it's like how we stop registering a smell when the place we're in is inundated with it. Like a tire shop: you smell the tires on walking in, but after an hour or two in the shop, you stop smelling it.

But instead of smells, feelings....
 

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I used to do this a lot as a teenager..."doorslamming" people after being hurt so badly.

There was one point, at about sixteen, that I recognized this ability in myself to literally shut down my feelings. And so, when I found myself in a position where I cared what I considered to be "too much," I shut down.
I did it several times after being dumped in highschool, and then a couple other times in relationships in my adult life.
It's a self-defense mechanism, and it's not healthy. But it definitely works.

It's basically that you care so much and hurt so badly that you retreat into yourself and say, "forget it."
At which point it is very easy to walk away from relationships, tell people what you really think, and become emotionally unreachable. Numb, I used to say. I couldn't feel the bad, but I couldn't feel the good either. All guards up and gates locked. Nobody in or out.

I recognize this now as an attribute of my ESTP shadow...
Shadows are a weird thing. It's like a second personality living in you.
 
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that's how i've felt lately, how did you get out? For everyone else, i was referring to the uncaring INFJ (in general).
You have to stay in touch with your heart. For me, I became non-caring because I was no longer egotistical and super-ambitious. I had let go of those things, but because I had lost contact with my feeling-side, there was nothing left.

It's important to recognize the things that move your heart. Then even sometimes when I'm in a bad mood, I remind myself that I do care, I just can't "feel" like I care at present... so I logically argue to myself I should act as though I care because I know that I do and the feeling will come back to me another time.


As for the hitler-type INFJ's and how to escape that...

I think the most potent thing those INFJ's can be exposed to is their extroverted sensing function.

INFJ's develop in their childhoods solely upon mostly illogical beliefs that they inherit or decide upon, for whatever reason. It's not until their sensing function triggers that they can begin to more objectively analyze their beliefs based upon stable criteria (the external world) rather than internal criteria (Ni & Ti) and the whimsical criteria Fe might contribute.

As I see it, the hitler-type INFJ is really just an undeveloped INFJ with misguided beliefs. Those beliefs can't be corrected because they shut-out and deny any legitimate input. Often it's the case that their only external criteria are Fe-based interactions with others... which just tends to mirror what they already believe because they'll be charismatic and convincing when they propose their "brilliant" viewpoints. If someone disagrees, they're just ruled-out as an individual worthy of listening to.

Such an INFJ can't listen... if they did seriously listen, they'd have to reconsider everything they already believe, rebuilding their internal viewpoints. Then they'd have to realize what an idiot they had been all along. Their ego would crumble.

The ego, to protect itself would rather blind itself from the truth.

External sensing is great because it's very practical interaction with the world. If you're balanced in your cognitive functions, then your beliefs should have to align with the truths present in the world around you, rather than imposing your view of truth onto the world.
 
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