i was thinking about putting down alot of the things you said but made them simpler - totally concur with affection, warm eyes, intellect, and serious and playfulness (although that's my personal strength but it would be awesome if he had them too) <3Ok I'll bite:
Top 5 Characteristics
1. Intellectual. If we can't have long and meaningful conversations, I know I'd eventually get bored of the relationship
2. Optimistic. I'm pessimistic enough for the two of us
3. Knows how to give as well as take. I'm great at giving and terrible at taking. I often end up in relationships where the person takes and taks without giving anything back and I become resentful somewhere along the line.
4. Kind-hearted. That's something I'm really attracted to.
5. Right mix of seriousness and playfulness. I need some playfulness to balance me out but I get frustrated if I can never have a serious conversation with that person.
Top 5 Physical Features
1. A great smile. One that radiates unreservedly from within and warms you with it
2. Dimples. I have a weakness for dimples. It probably has to do with the smile.
3. Eyes with warmth in them. I'm very disturbed by some people whose eyes are always cold. I feel that warm eyes are more capable of love
4. Proportionate body
5. Some amount of neatness and care for appearance. A guy with more skincare products than I do would scare me though.
Top 5 Dislikes
1. Cruelty towards others. I absolutely can't stand it.
2. Dishonesty and cunning. I can't have a relationship with someone I can't trust.
3. Pessismism. It's ironic I don't like something that I am. But I'm working on becoming a more positive person.
5. Violent temper. Yelling at me is the fatest way to ensure you'd be dumped. I'm a peaceful person and I will NOT allow you to treat me this way.
Top 5 Desires
1. Good in bed
2. Affectionate. I live on kisses, hugs and kind words
3. Have some shared hobbies we can do together
4. House-trained I'm tired of always picking after a guy
5. Family-oriented. A guy who wants to do nothing but party party party will exhaust and frustrate me
i really liked your answers too! i thought about putting tall, conformist (dislike), and antisocial (dislike) but thought it would have been too much of an expectation. thanks for breaking the ice! it's so nice to be able to be honest about my likes and dislikes since i'm always afraid of offending someone or coming off as shallow...which i don't intend! *sigh of relief*Top 5 Characteristics:
Top 5 Physical Features
Top 5 Dislikes
Anti social behavior
Top 5 Desires
Shared hobbies (book, tv shows, movies)
Seriously but with playfullness
Not afarid to say whats on their mind.
This is very Ideal to me, not realtic but a girl can dream
Haha, I so know what you mean but everyone has Ideals.i really liked your answers too! i thought about putting tall, conformist (dislike), and antisocial (dislike) but thought it would have been too much of an expectation. thanks for breaking the ice! it's so nice to be able to be honest about my likes and dislikes since i'm always afraid of offending someone or coming off as shallow...which i don't intend! *sigh of relief*
deliciously defined. hehe :laughing: especially "adventurous". wow, we infjs are quite the lovers, yeah?Top 5 Characteristics:
Intelligence. You need to be able to challenge me and I in turn should challenge you. I love a guy who knows what he believes, but if a good argument is made, is willing to concede a gracious defeat. If you cannot see yourself sitting in a coffee shop debating the tenants of Marxism, analyzing post-war America or musing over the similarities in various religions, you may not like me much. I enjoy lots of deep conversations about the world and our place in it.
A quick, witty sense of humor: If you can make me laugh and be playful as well as get a few burns on other people you may be in.
Independent and outgoing: I enjoy someone who knows what they want out of life, and aren't afraid to put themselves out there. I like people who have a wide circle of friends and business associates. Anyone I would consider seriously dating would have to show that he wants to be successful and is capable of taking care of himself. If he has well thought out goals and the drive to achieve them, it doesn't matter if he's in a rut or not. Careful planning and a passion for life easily wins out.
Gentlemanly: Didn't really know how to phrase this... I like a man who is genuinely charming and takes great care with his lady but is also a guy's guy. He should make an effort to be gentle and protective of her, but also be aware she can take care of herself too. Someone who let's me rough house with them one minute but is also concerned if I hurt myself. Someone who can hang out and talk guitars, cars and make dirty jokes, but still help his Grandma around the house when she needs it. I suppose it sounds like I want a chivalrous knight, but not completely. I'm my own knight when I need to be, but it is greatly appreciated and adored to have someone to look out and care for your well being. Opening doors for a lady and pulling out her chair is nice, but really all I want is some deference to the fact that I'm yours. A hand on the small of my back when walking through a crowd, your arm around my waist if we're with friends or at a bar, making sure I'm warm, not putting me in a situation where I"m not comfortable, standing up for me occasionally. No need for an all out barfight on my behalf (I can kick ass on my own, thanks. But much appreciated.) But I'll admit, kissing my hand softly is something I greatly enjoy :blushed:
Genuine Honesty/Loyalty: If you are not straightforward with me, are not worthy of trust there will be no relationship whatsoever. Usually my INFJ spidey senses can tell me when people aren't trustworthy, but they've been known to screw up. I pride myself on my loyalty to my friends and family, he needs to be the same in that department. Open communication is key, and if you can't honestly answer my questions, and I yours, there isn't much hope is there? I would say this is probably the number one characteristic I need from any person I let close to me, friend or potential partner.
Top 5 Physical Attributes:
Lean/Fit: I prefer a guy who has an interest in physical activity whether it be martial arts, running, parkour or hiking. He should want to take care of his body for today and the future.
Style: If you look good in a button down white/black business shirt and a pair of nice jeans, you are awesome. Some care with your appearance, even if you aren't that fit makes a huge difference. I like more of a casual style on guys, but if it fits you, that's all that matters.
Scruffies: I call 'em scruffies, ok? I greatly enjoy men who look good with a little stubble on the chin. No full beards please, but a little bit of facial hair can be nice.
Height: If you're taller than me in a pair of heels, that's really all I ask. If you tower above me and make me look really teeny next to you, I'll get irritated if you call me short all the time... (I'm 5' 6" dammit! I'm above the average height for women!!! I"m not short!)
Rugged good looks (?): I don't really know what else to put. I just know what I like when I see it. I have interesting taste in men, or so I'm told. If I were to pick a couple celebrities that I think are attractive I'd say Viggo Mortensen, Adrian Brody, Hugh Laurie, Sean Patrick Flanery, Harrison Ford, Hugh Jackman and Norman Reedus. So yeah... but I think I like most of them because of the characters they play, and the personalities they use on screen. *shrug* I'm more picky about personality qualities...
Top 5 Dislikes:
Rude or Arrogant: You can make dirty jokes, that's fine. I might join you. You can disagree with my values or opinions, but do your research and have a good argument. However, if you lord over me and act like a know-it-all, that pisses me off. I'm a rather intelligent person I like to think, and if you try to dominate me I'll get really pissed off. If you are rude to people unnecessarily, or constantly act like a drama queen or you're too cool for your britches, I'm also going to get pissed off. Jerky behavior in general pisses me off.
Acting like a wuss all the time: If you cannot stand up for yourself more than likely I won't give you a second glance even if you look like Brad Pitt and have his money. If you let people walk all over you, no one will respect you: especially me.
Dishonest/ Lying: I can't trust you, then we aren't going to be doing anything. Lying hurts me, being dishonest or not forthcoming with anything, even things that may hurt my feelings, will hurt me more in the long run. Always be honest, whether it be that my breath smells bad after that lasagna or that you want to end the relationship. It really is the best policy...
Pessimistic about everything: I suppose this is a 'pot calling the kettle black' moment, but life is not a black hole of despair, but neither is it a bed of roses. A balanced attitude helps, but don't worry I won't abandon you if you get depressed if you don't abandon me when I'm depressed.
Just wanting me for Sex: If that's all you've got on your mind, more than likely I'll find out and be hurt/angry that you even considered trying to use me. Don't get me wrong, I love sex, but if I don't love you, you're more than likely not going to get it. So if you want a relationship AND sex, HOORAY you came to the right place. If you JUST want sex, let me give you the address to a porn site I know....
Top 5 Desires:
Highly affectionate: I like lots of physical contact. Hugs, Kisses, light touches, giving and getting massages, goofily dancing to the radio in the kitchen, cuddling, napping together, etc. I am a very affectionate creature. This does not mean constant baby talk or 'sweeties', but it may mean spending a rainy day cuddled up in bed.
Ability to be both serious an playful: I think that is pretty self explanatory.
Adventurous: Sexually and otherwise. I like exploring new places, lots of traveling and camping. I'm also bicurious, so that needs to be something my partner is aware of and ok with. At one point in my last relationship, we toyed with the idea of bringing another couple into the bedroom. Also, I'm darn near insatiable in bed, so no worries about never getting your fill, I promise. roud:
Open-minded: To other points of view, to new ideas and old traditions, to occasionally walking a different path.
Ok, so there's mine. Likelihood of me finding someone whom I love and loves me back: about 0. Likelihood of someone finding my ideas unrealistic: 100
after reading all the Men's Top 5 and their willingness to help someone struggling...I can say the same for wanting an INFJ boyfriend. :wink: In most of the relationships I've heard of, not one really spoke of being there for someone low. many favored the immediate characteristics but withdrew when it came to difficulties...as if it was ruining their fun. I love how an INFJs love leans more toward selflessness.After reading all this, it makes me really want an INFJ girlfriend now :laughing:
Hmmm, I just got an idea: you're a girl and I'm a guy....we're both INFJ's....are you thinking what I'm thinking?roud:after reading all the Men's Top 5 and their willingness to help someone struggling...I can say the same for wanting an INFJ boyfriend. :wink:.
That's why I don't get into relationships that often, I actually care...a bit too much I'm afraid.In most of the relationships I've heard of, not one really spoke of being there for someone low. many favored the immediate characteristics but withdrew when it came to difficulties...as if it was ruining their fun. I love how an INFJs love leans more toward selflessness.
oh, i think i've got an idea of what you're thinkingHmmm, I just got an idea: you're a girl and I'm a guy....we're both INFJ's....are you thinking what I'm thinking?roud:
That's why I don't get into relationships that often, I actually care...a bit too much I'm afraid.
Yeah, I'm also very prone to strong feelings of affection, but because I'm a guy I'm not suppose to act them out, so I instinctively turn those feelings into a cold distance because they are so intense. In other words, the more I like someone, the more distant I will appear.oh, i think i've got an idea of what you're thinking
but i'm not quite sure...my intuition is a little off today (lol) :tongue:
touche. it stings oh so very hard when your affection and depth isn't reciprocated or misunderstood. andd the irony is that one day the ones we gave our hearts to (and maybe some more) will understand that depth in the most needed times of their live's. *sigh* i've been known to be super affectionate...it's not something i can help... it just..happens..y'know?
does this apply to every guy? i got into a bit of a tiff with someone. complicated situations, won't dwelve into it, but now he's ignoring me. sits right next to me in class (im in college by the way), and i notice he gets sort of tense every now and then, especially when i talk to the classmate next to me. right now we're on spring break and i haven't heard from him since nor have i texted/called him. not sure what's going on but i hope this break will help us relax and hopefully freshen out the ...err..whatever it is we have right now..perhaps nothing at all..golly i'm so confused but i think its best just not to think about it anymore.. i'll update as things unveal...Yeah, I'm also very prone to strong feelings of affection, but because I'm a guy I'm not suppose to act them out, so I instinctively turn those feelings into a cold distance because they are so intense. In other words, the more I like someone, the more distant I will appear.
It sucks I know:sad:
Yeah, I think you're over thinking too much about the situation. You should definitely let the events unfold themselves but also be a little bit proactive about it.does this apply to every guy? i got into a bit of a tiff with someone. complicated situations, won't dwelve into it, but now he's ignoring me. sits right next to me in class (im in college by the way), and i notice he gets sort of tense every now and then, especially when i talk to the classmate next to me. right now we're on spring break and i haven't heard from him since nor have i texted/called him. not sure what's going on but i hope this break will help us relax and hopefully freshen out the ...err..whatever it is we have right now..perhaps nothing at all..golly i'm so confused but i think its best just not to think about it anymore.. i'll update as things unveal...
edit: oh btw, i meant to say...im sure if you're with another infj... you could unleash those affections comfortably ;D and who knows...it might not stop. hahaha.
edit: and he's got a ton of friends...always busy.. so i get the impression that he doesn't give a damn. who knows...maybe he doesn't... sigh* but i'm definately regaining ground in terms of my own tranquil little world...
well, i think he's angry with me or tired for that matter. there was alot of exchanges in the beginning via text most of which were misunderstandings and it's gotten pretty bad since...and due to some past complications still biting at our tails we agreed to be friends but i knew he still had feelings for me and vice versa. after many more texts and misunderstandings, it got to a point where he was stressed as i was already stressed and things just berserked. :mellow: now we're kind of at a loss for what's going on, whose mad etc.etc. but i just called him and apologized. it all depends on how he receives it now...otherwise, this might very well be the end of it. which i'm okay with. it's been rough.Yeah, I think you're over thinking too much about the situation. You should definitely let the events unfold themselves but also be a little bit proactive about it.
Why aren't you texting him back? I'm sure he'll be flattered for him to receive an unexpected text from you, or some kind of message that lets him know you're still interested. Just don't do the same mistakes I do and pretend I'm not interested lol
Please keep us update, I'll be more than happy to hear a successful INFJ relationship story